Military service

[JWSJ]

Recently, we've met a few parents that said they're discouraging their children from military service. They are not pacificists, but did not have a favorable opinion of service in general.

 

If your child showed an interest in military service, would you encourage or discourage it?

 

If you'd discourage it, why?

[eternalknot]

I'd encourage my child to research the decision (ANY decision, for that matter) fully and wholly before making anything official or signing any contracts. I'd assist in any and all ways possible. And then I'd have to pray that all of the hard work I put into raising them to be independent, thoughtful young people would pay off as they grow old enough to make their own adult decisions :)

 

My kids are a soldier's kids. It's been a hardship on some fronts, and a blessing on others. I'd want them to have a realistic idea of what to expect from a military life (because it IS a lifestyle, not just a career) so I'd strongly urge them to talk to anyone and everyone they could (soldiers, spouses, parents, kids) as part of their research. If prompted, I'd share with the child my own opinion ... but at that point, I'd feel my primary responsibility as a parent would be to aid my child's decision-making process and support his or her final decision (rather than to steer them to my own way of thinking).

[Parrothead]

I wouldn't discourage it at all.

[bettyandbob]

First, I want to do if military interest is as a career itself or a chance to get skills for another career. I think it can be a great career itself, but I think using the military as a path to another career has some problems. I'd want to know more about why my child was attracted to serving. In a way, military service is a calling.

 

As for military as a path to another career, I'd want to know exactly what the recruiter was promising and why my child thought it was a good thing for him/her. For a while recruiters have promised service as a way to fund education. However, the GI is not what it was and men and women leaving the service today are finding that a University education will not be be funded as promised. I think that's criminal. When a bill came up last year in Congress that would guarantee funding education for service men and women, it was killed. One of the reasons was that having education available would discourage enlisted personnel from re enlisting.

 

If my child was seeking training in a certain skill, I'd want him to make sure he could get that before he signed up. There have been people enlisting in hopes of becoming mechanics or working in air traffic control, who find out after they've signed they can't get into those programs.

 

In the last few years recruitment has been down. It is up now. While recruitment was down, recruiters were under a huge amount of pressure and I think promises made to enlistees were over inflated.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

IF my kids showed an interest in the military, I'd spend a lot of time making sure that it was something that THEY really wanted to do. At our house, with a Naval Academy mom and a career Navy dad, it would be easy to fall into military service as sort of a family buisiness.

 

Over the last two years, we were blessed to be surrounded by some great military families of a couple different services and a variety of ranks. I think that my kids have definitely gotten the idea that many military members are incredible people, true professionals - with great hearts for their country, their job and their families. (There are of course exceptions - I served with some of those too.)

 

My kids have seen the doors that military service can open up to you (education, travel, an adventurous job). Right now, I'm working on pointing out to them that it is a job that also comes with hardship (long hours and family separation is part of our daily existence right now), high levels of accountability and a potential for personal danger. I'm pointing out to them that there rank has its privileges and its responsibilities.

 

If my kids wanted to join the military, and I thought that it was an informed choice, I'd support them 100%. And then I'd probably spend the next 30 years in prayer for them.

[elegantlion]

I'd encourage my child to research the decision (ANY decision, for that matter) fully and wholly before making anything official or signing any contracts. I'd assist in any and all ways possible. And then I'd have to pray that all of the hard work I put into raising them to be independent, thoughtful young people would pay off as they grow old enough to make their own adult decisions :)

.

 

 

If my kids wanted to join the military, and I thought that it was an informed choice, I'd support them 100%. And then I'd probably spend the next 30 years in prayer for them.

 

:iagree: We are not a military family but at age 7 my ds announced to me quite enthusiastically that he wanted to fly jets and land on aircraft carriers. He's grown and some of his interests have changed but the military is still a real possibility for him. Like the others I would make sure he makes an informed choice and then I'd be on my knees praying.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

You make some good points about knowing what you're really signing up for. It is easy to say that a transfer to a certain specialty is possible. It is something very different to discuss that actual manning status of that specialty, how many people are accepted for transfer or training into that specialty, what the advancement rates are within the specialty and if that specialty is being merged with something else (for example, radiomen and computer folks merged into a comms specialty or photographers, journalists, lithographers and drafters being merged into one media specialty).

 

Sometimes waiting will make a difference, as a new year or quarter might affect availability of certain jobs. Or maybe a year in community college will change what a recruiter is willing to offer.

 

There are some fantastic opportunities to get training in the military. Perhaps the best training being the daily self-discipline and the rapid promotion into a position of leadership (even as a junior enlisted, one is often put in charge of training or supervising someone junior).

 

As for the educational opportunities, there are a lot out there. Some of them mean taking advantage of classes offered at night (using tuition assistance) or doing coursework in off hours. DH completed both his war college and his master's degree on his own time, but with the Navy paying a significant portion of tuition. He was even able to use tuition assistance to help pay for EMT certification.

 

The situation with the GI Bill is a little confusing right now, because there is now more than one GI Bill (The old Montgomery GI Bill and the new Post 9/11 GI Bill. There's also a Selected Reserve GI Bill, also an older program.). Some people are finding that one or the other is a better benefit for them (for example, the Montgomery GI Bill can be used for certificate programs and apprenticeship programs).

 

Military.com has a lot of information on education for vets. One of the most exciting provisions is that there is some form of transferability in the Post 9/11 GI Bill. After a certain amount of service, the benefits will be transferable to a spouse or child. And it looks like the program won't exclude officers who had their college tuition paid for before commissioning through other programs like ROTC or service academies. This is a huge retention tool.

[Sebastian (a lady)]

:iagree: We are not a military family but at age 7 my ds announced to me quite enthusiastically that he wanted to fly jets and land on aircraft carriers. He's grown and some of his interests have changed but the military is still a real possibility for him. Like the others I would make sure he makes an informed choice and then I'd be on my knees praying.

 

Well, I have a wannabe Marine pilot and another one who wants to be a Surface Warfare Officer and be the CO of a ship like a friend of ours (who is a huge role model for my kids). I got a great response this morning during a school assignment when I pointed out that it wasn't dissimilar to how a Combat Systems Officer would put together an underway operations schedule. (Inside, part of me was saying, "Finally, he's paying attention to this" and another part of me was thinking, "You've got to be kidding me, right? Getting excited about scheduling the underway period.)

[elegantlion]

Well, I have a wannabe Marine pilot and another one who wants to be a Surface Warfare Officer and be the CO of a ship like a friend of ours (who is a huge role model for my kids). I got a great response this morning during a school assignment when I pointed out that it wasn't dissimilar to how a Combat Systems Officer would put together an underway operations schedule. (Inside, part of me was saying, "Finally, he's paying attention to this" and another part of me was thinking, "You've got to be kidding me, right? Getting excited about scheduling the underway period.)

 

:001_huh::D I find myself saying, "If you want to be in the military do you think that type of behavior will fly with them?" :tongue_smilie:

[LaxMom]

I am raising my children with my values (obviously, we all do). I AM a pacifist. I do not believe that violence will end in the world until it is taken off the table as an option completely.

 

I am raising my children to understand that there are myriad ways for them to serve the world and greater good without taking up arms.

 

That said, if they decide that the best way for them, personally, to serve the world is through military service, I will accept and respect their decision, and support them. I have nothing against our troops; the vast majority, I believe, serve because of their desire to work for the greater good and feel that this is the best venue for them to do so.

 

Of course, even if I wasn't a pacifist, I would have qualms about military service as it stands now because our government does not seem to support our military personnel appropriately. I mean that in the functional sense of poor wages, substandard medical care, etc... do not even get me started on the lack of proper tools for actual combat.

[MamaT]

My son also starting talking about the military when he was very young. He was an excellent student, very bright. He could have gone to college and done very well.

 

When he graduated from high school, he announced he was joining the Marine Corp. We asked him to wait through the summer, pray about it, think about it, etc. He joined on September 18th. A few months later he was off to Iraq - the hardest 7 months of my life.

 

We are not a military family and I would have to say we discouraged him, but he told us he felt "called" to join the Marine Corp. He has excelled there. He received a medal in Iraq for basically reorganizing the way they do supply. He found a much more efficient way. He is up for Sgt. at 21 and in on a general's staff now. He is also taking college classes while in Japan, and in the process of writing at book at his English professor's urging.

 

He gets out in 18 months, and I have to say I will be SO glad when that day comes. I would not have chosen this for him - but once he joined, his dad and I have supported him completely and we are very proud of him.

[Tracey in TX]

I would strongly encourage any child to dig deeply into their souls to discover why they're interested in the military. I was in the USAF, but entered on a whim. It was time to grow up and leave home. Really not a great reason to join the military. While I had a blast, it was not a good fit for either me or the military. Thank heavens we weren't in a war then.

DH was a pilot in the USAF. He joined ROTC to pay for college. He had a 4 year commitment, but added 4 years due to pilot training. Then reality hit as he flew into Panama for the first time. There were 13 planes and were told to anticipate 50% to be shot down. (Think these numbers are right. It's been 20 yrs.) It was terrifying, but just the beginning. Then came the Gulf War.

 

If a child feels called to military service, I would definitely encourage him/her to follow their heart. If a child is using the military as a way to get away or find employment, I would suggest lots of prayer and reconsideration.

I am NOT a pacifist, so this isn't coming from an anti-military stance. Just one of a mother who has BTDT.

 

fwiw, DH & I have suggested that DS#1 consider the USAF Academy b/c he would thrive in that environment. But he's seen it, knows about it, and has access to those who've attended. The choice is entirely his. Our job as parents is to raise them with our values, and expose them to avenues of life that they might enjoy as the grow.

[Kari C in SC]

I just lived through this last year. My oldest told me last winter that he was going to join the Marines. He had never really talked about it that much before. I was pretty shocked. My first concern was that we had just moved from where he grew up to SC. I knew he was hating it and I didn't want him to make a bad decision because he didn't like his new place to live. I made him spend some time really thinking about what he wanted. I also asked him to go to all the different recruiters. He spent several months talking to them. He had a friend that knew a recruiter that wasn't from our area. This recruiter drove down from NC to SC to talk with us 3 different times. I still was not completely supportive. It is just HARD to think your "baby" is probably going to go to war. That is not because I don't support our military. It is because I have so much fear for my child. Over time, I came to think he was making a good choice. It was a hard choice, but a good one. He enlisted in the Army in August. It has been a huge growing experience for all of us. I missed him so much while he was in training. I literally had times where I just cried because I missed him so much. He just got out of training a 3 weeks ago. He has been home here for that time and now he will go to Alaska on Friday. I have been having mini panic attacks thinking about him leaving for probably 9 months. My heart is so sad, but I am proud of him. I think it has all been a good choice for him. I do understand parents not wanting their kids to join though. It is all very scary and it is a tough thing when they get sent far away and you have nothing to say about it. I am just thankful for phones and the internet to stay in touch. It is going to be a really hard 9 months for all of us.

[MamaT]

Kari, I know what you're going through and I will keep you in my thoughts and prayers - both you and your son.:grouphug:

[Kari C in SC]

 

In the last few years recruitment has been down. It is up now. While recruitment was down, recruiters were under a huge amount of pressure and I think promises made to enlistees were over inflated.

 

When my ds enlisted in August, he spent a great deal of time at MEPS hammering out his bonus and GI Bill. His recruiter told us to make sure he got it all in clear writing. As long as it was in writing, it would be honored. In the end, he ended up with a $40,000 bonus and $63,000 in a GI bill. We have heard good things about them being honored because it is writing and is a binding contract. My ds actually did choose to join in large part for the GI bill. I would say that was a big percentage of his choice to join.

[Kari C in SC]

He gets out in 18 months, and I have to say I will be SO glad when that day comes. I would not have chosen this for him - but once he joined, his dad and I have supported him completely and we are very proud of him.

 

:iagree:

 

This is how my dh and I feel completely. I am a wreck thinking about my ds going to Alaska and then most likely onto Iraq. I am proud of him and I know he is doing the right thing. It is just hard as his mom.

[swellmomma]

DS has expressed an interest in joining the military for 2 years now. This year I registered him for cadets as a first step. I figure after 8 years of cadets he will know if the military lifestyle is for him or not with a better understanding. He initially wanted to join straight after high school, but I am leaning towards having him go to the military college first and join as an officer if that is still the route he wants to go. I am proud that he has dreams of joining, but maybe it is in the blood, both my grandfathers were military, so was ds's dad, paternal grandpa, paternal great-grandpa etc.

[Peek a Boo]

Discourage them from joining.

 

I have several family members that have military experience.

I also have the wonderful seemingly-at-odds position of being very proud of them even while disagreeing w/ their decision.

 

I'm sure that the methods our military employs "work."

I'm not so sure that the ends justify the means for the military, just as I'm not so sure the ends justify the means for socialism. [not to start a political debate, just explain the why of the OP].

i also see scriptural issues that come into play.

 

dh would be supportive of them joining, but he's also supportive of them NOT joining. he'd back my play and help present a united front, but be way more enthusiastic about them joining than i would ;)

 

It's not about them "getting hurt"--i do think there are SO MANY options that are just as great for serving one's country that don't require training to kill someone. there are plenty of people who give their lives in service to their country and community, and they aren't all military. i am actively encouraging them to SERVE --even in a life-threatening capacity--, just not in a military capacity.

 

I am raising my children to understand that there are myriad ways for them to serve the world and greater good without taking up arms.

 

That said, if they decide that the best way for them, personally, to serve the world is through military service, I will accept and respect their decision, and support them. I have nothing against our troops; the vast majority, I believe, serve because of their desire to work for the greater good and feel that this is the best venue for them to do so.

 

Like WindyK, I wouldn't be happy about their decision to join. I don't know that i could RESPECT their decision, but I would try to be as gracious and non-confrontational as possible.

Edited February 15, 2009 by Peek a Boo

[Cheryl in NM]

I believe that military service is an obligation to be served willingly by our young men. I believe the men should protect the country and the women. I also believe, that in light of our very rapidly declining civilization, the military is a good place for all young men to learn about honor and valor. We will not make our son commit to the military, but he knows how we feel. At 12, he's not sure if he wants to join the Marines or go straight into the FBI. He already has feelings of civic responsibility.

 

BTW, neither my dh or I have been in the military. My step-son was set to ship out for boot camp in May when he passed away in October. We are a VERY military proud family.

[Soph the vet]

My ds8 is talking military all the time. There are presently 500 small plastic army men spread out in battle array on my living room floor. He knows more about the types of tanks and planes used in WWII than most adults. I don't know if this is a passing phase or something that he will want to pursue when he is older. I believe he can serve God in or out of the military. So it is really up to Him where my ds ends up. I will proudly support him in any profession as long as it is not criminal;).

[Ria]

I firmly believe that we have freedom in this country in large part because of our military forces at home and around the world. Kudos to all of them. I'm the daughter of a USNA grad...he's a retired admiral (engineering duty officer, surface warfare/weapons, for those who are interested). My kids have a good idea of what military service entails. The funny thing is that the one child I never thought would go into the military is considering it: dd. She's in a nursing program at college and is considering joining the Navy upon graduation.

 

Ria