How do you resolve (justify?) this food issue?

[lionfamily1999]

If I went to the trouble to make a meal for someone and they were 'offended' by it, I would have to wonder if they were as offended as I would be.

[The Governess]

This is an interesting conversation. We are definitely not a purely organic household, although we are slowly working towards it. I have been buying a lot of my produce at the farmer's market lately. And I just finished reading Barbara Kingsolver's new book: Animal, Vegetable, Miracle. Reading it has made me doubt I can buy conventionally-raised meat or poultry ever again.

 

My dh is Italian and grew up on home-grown goat meat and milk, chickens and eggs, etc. He's always had homemade bread, chicken soup, even pasta. I grew up eating hot pockets and tv dinners (the kind with the fake mashed potatoes and cubed carrots). I had NEVER had food like my dh's family made. I was instantly converted. I didn't know that healthy food could taste GOOD.

 

Now, when we have people over, we serve a lot of vegetables. Friends and family that normal don't touch them with a 10 foot pole will actually have seconds because they taste so good. We also serve huge salads, with different combinations of fruit, cheese, etc. and people are always amazed at how much they enjoy them. Most of the credit goes to my dh, who is the main cook in our household. I'm still learning. :D

 

All that to say, if I was bringing dinner to someone, I would try to make something they would enjoy, BUT I would probably also add in some healthy options, because I have seen so many people converted when they realize that vegetables can be the yummiest part of the meal. Maybe this would qualify as being preachy about food, but hey, it worked on me. :001_smile:

 

As for the cost of providing higher quality food to a large group, if it is church/service related it would come out of my charitable giving budget, and I would try to make a high-quality meal that everyone would enjoy. With parties we put on in our home, if we are inviting people over for dinner, we don't skimp. If we don't have much money to spend, we will make the party an appetizer or dessert party instead.

[Mamagistra]

But do you buy organic meat for the chili, if that's what you would eat? Do you buy organic chicken, if that's what you would eat? Knowing that organic chicken especially is near bank-breaking, and knowing that they could care less whether the chicken was organic or not, but *you* wouldn't eat it otherwise, would you still do it?

 

Yes, because we purchase our meat and poultry in bulk so that is what we have on-hand. If I have to purchase items specifically for a gifted meal, then I just try to purchase the best quality I can afford...be it natural, organic, kosher, local, etc. :001_smile:

Edited January 29, 2009 by Mamagistra

[fivetails]

Okay people, quit knockin' the hamburger helper! RAWR. :tongue_smilie:

[Aubrey]

Janna, I've been thinking about this all morning. I don't eat organic. We can't afford to, so I haven't researched it because...I guess I'm afraid of what the conclusion would be.

 

If you were to bring us a meal made from organic food, I'd be so touched that you'd put so much into it, that you were treating us like your own family.

 

If you were to bring us a meal made from non-organic food, I'd be so touched that you'd put so much into it, going to the extra effort to make something that you wouldn't make for yourself. It would be like me trying to make Chinese food for somebody. That would take a lot of love.

 

So I think you're ok either way. I think the people you feed will feel loved either way. So keep doing good & don't let yourself get slowed down by worrying about details.

[bettyandbob]

someone takes the time to prepare a meal --a gift of time and money and the recipient would be offended that the meal this person spent time one didn't have meat (or some other ingredient or a dessert or whatever).

 

WOW!

 

My feeling is the recipient should just starve then. I know Miss Manners would tell me to be gracious even if the recipient was not.

 

Many years ago my family got a series a of meals from our church. They were needed. We had no food restrictions at the time. I was happy for anything to feed my dc. It didn't matter what people brought. I was grateful. No way would I have been offended by a vegan meal or some other thing that is not typical in my house.

[LibraryLover]

I agree. If one is choosing to give the gift of food, it's not impossible to find something that will suit both parties. It's just not that hard.

 

 

. . . their eating preferences AND your convictions, budget, and habits.

 

Who doesn't eat spaghetti? Spaghetti can be healthy, homemade, wholesome, organic, even vegetarian, AND considered tasty even by someone who buys Hamburger Helper. And you can make it for under four dollars, even if you buy all organic, healthy ingredients. Or homemade pizza! Sure, that locally-made organic mozzarella is a little expensive, but I'm skimpy with the cheese anyway, and I've never EVER had a complaint about my pizza. (Except from my BCR, but we don't have to talk about that.)

 

I would start from there--start keeping a mental list of widely accessible meals that don't break the bank but can still keep to your convictions. Whenever you're in a position to provide food, try to figure out which of the meals on that list will be most likely to be eaten by that family. You can certainly ask, "I was planning to make blah blah blah. Is that ok? I know people have all kinds of allergies and stuff these days . . . "

 

I'm not in a financial position to buy ONLY from the organic, free range, farmer's market crowd. So I'd feel comfortable sending someone an apple pie made with conventionally grown apples, because I buy organic apples for myself only rarely. But for things that I do always buy for myself, I would use those ingredients for others--free range eggs, hormone-free milk, whatever.

 

Finances are always a consideration, and I don't think it dishonors anyone to try to keep the cost of a donated meal reasonable. I wouldn't, say, go out and buy caged-hen eggs just to make the quiche I'm making a little cheaper; if the cost of the quiche were bothering me, I'd make . . . I don't know, stir-fry or something instead. I certainly wouldn't make anyone a roasted organic chicken, because I can't afford to make that for MY family. And I wouldn't feel bad about NOT making chicken--even if I knew it were their favorite meal--because it's just not one of the options. There's lots of other good options, and I'm not going to worry about the ones that are bad options, for whatever reason they happen to be bad options.

 

I'm not trying to be difficult about it, but I just don't think it has to be as much of a dilemma as you're making it. Make what you can afford to make, what you like to make, what you're able to make, taking into account their tastes as best you are able. You don't have to take into account every. possible. detail. of the meal. You do your best, and you move on.

[LibraryLover]

To those folks you say "Hey, can I run to the dry cleaners for you? Can I take the kids for the morning while you rest?" etc

 

This is not to say I wouldn't eat it if someone made it for me. But you would be amazed at what people find objectionable.

[Audrey]

If you are someone who buys mainly organic food, who eats as much "real" or "whole" food as possible because you are convicted by it and want to feed yourself and your family what you believe to be the "best", I have a question for you.

 

If you are asked, or even if you volunteer, to make a meal for another family, or if you are preparing food for a crowd, do you buy and prepare the same food you eat, for them? Or do you buy what you think they will eat/want, which means you're buying processed or boxed food, or meat that you would never consider eating etc.?

 

If you are of the latter choice, how do you justify it? Does it seem hypocritical to you, or not?

 

I really struggle with this. I make meals once a month for families in my church in need. I will also be making a meal(s?) for a family in my neighborhood who's husband/daddy has just been deployed for a year to Afghanistan. I am also hosting a Super Bowl party on Sunday. None of these people have the same convictions about food as I do. Since food has gone up in price, and organic was already a high price to begin with, I have struggled to buy what I would buy for my family, for another family. Mainly because I think that if they don't eat that way anyway, if they're not convicted by it, then they won't care that it's "healthy(ier)" and even more realistically, they won't like it. So to me, it feels like a waste - like I'm throwing money away that I don't have. Because of the higher price in foods these days, even what I'm feeding my family isn't something I'd be happy to share, because I know it most likely wouldn't be received well - lots of beans, vegetables and brown rice.

 

But if I'm convicted that there are some things that are just really, really bad for you - even toxic, then why would I prepare meals containing those things, just because the people on the receiving end are either uninformed or apathetic to it? It feels like I'm saying that my own self, as well as my family, is more important than they are. That maybe they aren't "good enough" for organic or something. Like I'm a snob. And I don't want to give that impression in the least.

 

But if they themselves don't eat that way, if chances are very high that they won't care for the taste, then should I still prepare it?

 

I'm torn. What do you do?

 

 

I would feed other people the same as I would feed my family, but I would consider their tastes. I wouldn't use lesser quality ingredients, but I might season things differently or re-think what I was going to make and use a more familiar recipe to suit their tastes. First, I would ask them what they like, and work from that input.

 

For example, if I'm going to make chili for my family, I'm going to use the beef from our brother's farm -- excellent quality, grass-fed, if not entirely organic beef. And I'm going to use the beans I grew and dried myself this past summer, along with the tomatoes I canned. I'm going to use seasonings I bought or made conscientiously, and plenty of my canned hot peppers.

 

If I'm going to make that chili for another family, I'll use all the same ingredients, but I might leave out the hot peppers if that family likes their chili bland, or adjust the seasonings, or even use another type of beans. I use pintos, but maybe they prefer red beans or kidney beans or something like that.

 

If I said, "Oh heck... I'll save the good stuff and go buy some cheap burger, beans, tomatoes of unknown origin from the sale bin and a cheap packet of seasoning mix for that family's chili" ... well, then I think I'd feel that was very wrong of me. It would feel like a back-handed gesture. Hey, here's your chili! Aren't I so generous, but by the way, I made it with the cheapest stuff I could find instead of what I'd normally use for my own family.

 

You said that's exactly what you don't want to do, so don't do it.

 

I feel like, if you're going to volunteer your time, you should give it as whole-heartedly as you'd give it to your own family. Likewise, if you're going to volunteer your cooking, your crafts, or your other talents, you should do it as whole-heartedly as you'd give it to your family.

 

And, if you don't think you can give to others as whole-heartedly as you give to your family, then you might want to ask yourself if you've overextended your promises beyond your ethics.

Edited January 29, 2009 by Audrey

[PeterPan]

Janna, I'll read the other replies, but the reality is it can cost $30-50 to make an organic meal for a family! No one expects you to pay that much when you are taking food to people. No one expects to receive organic when being brought a meal or when eating at your home. So financially, I do the thing that is most expedient. If it's a lot of food or ingredients, I buy conventional for the guests or recipients. If it's a small dab of something and wouldn't save me any money to buy conventional, I use what I already have (dab of butter vs. a pound). When I take food to meals, I take organic of anything I intend to eat, because *I* eat organic, as in *need* to eat organic. Almost invariably, I end up eating what I take and just a dab of what other people have brought. So yes, it costs me a ton of money. If I don't intend to eat it, but it's something I'm taking for the pleasure of others, I buy conventional and make no bones about it. When I have guests, I serve them in the way that is most sensible. They might not even LIKE my healthy foods, so sometimes I will make two options (my healthy/organic and one more typical/inexpensive). That way they have what they're used to and I can stay at a sensible price point. With guests, your goal is always to make them comfortable. You want to do the thing that makes them most comfortable. That means serving them something that crosses over into the realm of familiar to them or just ditching your health stuff entirely and making something they'll recognize (hamburgers).

 

I would make no bones about this. Save your money and don't feel compelled to use expensive food on people. If they eat frito's and whatnot all week, your expensive organic meal once a week makes no difference. You can ethically serve them conventional (half the price) of healthy foods and rest your soul at ease. Make something they recognize and add on a healthy option or two. Don't change the world, just make them comfortable and let them die happy in their donuts, kwim? :)

[PiCO]

OK. I need to think on this. If I understand correctly, are you saying that essentially I need to say that X is the way I cook. So if you are OK with receiving X, then I am more than happy to provide a meal for you. But if you are not OK with X, then I need to bow out or do something else? That way it's known up front what I will and won't do?

 

No. What I am saying is- if you feel strongly- i.e. evangelical about how you eat, and you want to convert others to the way you eat, then you should cook a gift of food the way you would cook for your family. And then just tell them how great and healthy the meal you cooked for them is. I would personally be ecstatic to receive such a gift!

 

However, to people who eat the standard processed food fare, this might come off as being a food snob. So if you care about that, just ask people what kind of food they prefer to eat, and make it.

 

Otherwise, it's the hypocrisy I'm talking about. It would be no different than saying that I'm of a particular religious belief, no one else around me is of that same belief, so therefore I would go ahead and join in on the other religious groups when I'm out, but when I'm in my home, I practice my own religious conviction, correct?

 

No, I don't think it's hypocrisy. To use your religion analogy, it would be like visiting a Jewish friend who needs emotional support, and reading to her from the New Testament. If she have no interest in converting to Christianity, that's just rude. Better to ask what they want for a spiritual reading, and provide that.

 

BTW- I really don't think comparing food choice to religion is a good analogy for most people. Health food fanatics can be rather militant, but most people are middle of the road.

 

 

Yes. That's my point. And besides, if I'm preparing food one way for others and not for myself, and the others don't know my convictions because they are strangers, it would look hypocritical to them once they found out. They'd probably wonder why I brought them what I did when I wouldn't eat it myself. Either that, or they would assume I eat that way and bring me that kind of stuff when I'm in need..

 

I think they would appreciate your effort. Fix something reasonably healthy, but fix something they will enjoy- whatever their usual style of food is.

 

But.

 

At the same time this seems so snobby to me. And I just want to help others, kwim? Where is that balance? That's what I'm wrestling with.

 

I think you're way overthinking this, Janna. It's nice that you want to help people out by bringing food, but I'm sure they don't want you tearing yourself apart deciding what to bring!

 

When people brought me food I did not want, I passed the meal on to a single guy friend of dh who really appreciated it. I sent a thank-you card and the people who made the meal never knew I wasn't the one who enjoyed it.

 

Keep doing the good deed, however you decide to cook.

[Colleen]

I tend to just buy whatever I normally buy because my convictions go beyond the health of my own family. When I support (or don't support) a particular kind of farming, a particular company, I'm casting my vote, so to speak. Those convictions, that vote, isn't dependent upon who consumes the food. At the same time, we all have to use common sense as to what our budget allows us to do. Generally, I do find that I can stick to my convictions without breaking the bank. Best to you, Janna.

[KristenS]

So here's a question (and I'm truly asking!) ... if you made a meal for the person, and assuming they took it graciously and tried it, would you want to know if they didn't like it? Like, for future reference?

 

I've got one friend of the meal-bringing variety (meaning we would cook for each other if a need arose, and have occasionally done so). We have pretty different tastes and cooking styles. I would NOT want her to think that I didn't appreciate her effort, but I wonder if she'd want to know if something was enjoyed or not. And I'd want to know, too, so that we can adjust in future. Because we wouldn't want to serve something the other truly didn't enjoy.

 

But I'd be at a loss how to convey such things without it coming across wrong.

 

(Actually, I tend to think of her as a better cook, so I'd be hesitant to offer too many meals anyway. LOL.)

 

I am about to need to start a notebook, because I have vegetarian friends, friends with allergies, friends with intolerances ... and I'd want to graciously accomodate what needs I could, but I just can't juggle it all in my head anymore! And I've got food issues of my own, besides.

 

Sigh.

 

I guess I'm making this too complicated.

[katemary63]

I had posted that I would be "annoyed" if a person who was a vegaterian brought us a vegaterian meal. I never used the word "offended" and I did not mean to indicate that I would not be grateful for the help and kindness. I do agree that that is how it sounded.

 

I guess I was thinking of some vegetarian meals I have tasted in the past and some of the recipes I have seen that I KNOW that my family and I would not enjoy. After thinking about it - a homemade pasta dish with marinara sauce that did not include meat would be welcomed and delicious! I am not ungrateful or judgemental. Sorry it came across that way.

 

(However, I would probably cook up some ground beef to go along.)

[Lovedtodeath]

(However, I would probably cook up some ground beef to go along.)

:lol: me too! That or buffalo.

 

I can't have marinara, and I keep trying to make speghetti and lasagna dishes with red meat (one of my old favorites), it is really gross without the tomato sauce.

[FlockOfSillies]

OK. I need to think on this. If I understand correctly, are you saying that essentially I need to say that X is the way I cook. So if you are OK with receiving X, then I am more than happy to provide a meal for you. But if you are not OK with X, then I need to bow out or do something else? That way it's known up front what I will and won't do?

 

Otherwise, it's the hypocrisy I'm talking about. It would be no different than saying that I'm of a particular religious belief, no one else around me is of that same belief, so therefore I would go ahead and join in on the other religious groups when I'm out, but when I'm in my home, I practice my own religious conviction, correct?

 

If your food choices are on the level of religious conviction for you, then I think it's better to be up front with people about it. In the most gracious way possible, of course. Whether your food choices should be on the level of religious conviction is a separate question. (I vote no. :D)

[FlockOfSillies]

Ummm, OK. I'm sorry. I didn't read your previous post until just now. I wasn't responding to anything you said.

[FlockOfSillies]

Okay people, quit knockin' the hamburger helper! RAWR. :tongue_smilie:

 

Shhh. Don't tell anyone, but I'm just fine with Hamburger Helper. It's just a symbol for other people about the eeeevils of processed box food. How do you feel about Spam (the meat)? I could edit my post accordingly... LOL.

[melissel]

I can't really add anything to this thread, because Janna's already been given lots of great advice. I just wanted to respond to this:

 

Shhh. Don't tell anyone, but I'm just fine with Hamburger Helper. It's just a symbol for other people about the eeeevils of processed box food. How do you feel about Spam (the meat)? I could edit my post accordingly... LOL.

 

We eat as organic as we possibly can, and buy raw milk, free range, grass-fed from a local co-op, etc., but my dirty little secret is that some days, I just really wish I didn't know what I know about Tuna Helper. Oh, how I love that stuff!!! I haven't had it in many, many years :crying:

 

:lol: