urban_mom Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 How/When did you tell your child about hell? My daughter is almost 6 and I know that I knew this concept at this point in my life (I was a pastor's daughter) but it totally scarred me for life. I honestly feel like I've had anxiety issues since the moment I heard about hell. I also started just panicking about if God was good and all that. I get it all now (not that it's my fave topic or anything) but I guess the hurdle I'm afraid to jump is telling my daughter about it. How do you bring that up? She's really sensitive too, so I know she'll just freak out. We also have TONS of non-Christian friends (we live in the city and that's just how life has gone) and I'm afraid she'll be always asking me: "you mean ___ is going to go to hell?" and stuff like that. Can anyone help me with this? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peek a Boo Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 a lot of it depends on how you interpret Hell. For little kids, we have been content to let them know that some people won't spend eternity w/ God. They get the sad part, w/o the scarred part ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ChristusG Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 My daughter is 4, she'll be turning 5 in three months. I havent exactly told her about hell. I dont feel she's ready. I have simply explained to her that if you love Jesus and try to do the things that He wants you to do, you will go to Heaven one day. I have also told her that there are people who do not love Jesus and that they will not be going to Heaven. I havent told her about the alternative. If she asks, of course I will explain to her in kid-terms for now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beansprouts Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 (edited) Urbanmom, has she asked? If not, I would focus on "God loves you" at this age. If so, I am with Peek. Edited January 23, 2009 by beansprouts Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
urban_mom Posted January 23, 2009 Author Share Posted January 23, 2009 ...but I guess I just don't know when to do stuff. I feel like I found out that stuff so young. I went to Christian school, and I can still remember the "heaven" flashcard for the Bible story (thank you Abeka) and, although I don't remember a "hell" flashcard, I remember not thinking heaven looked that inviting. It had, like, condos by a golden street with a weird fruit tree next to it. Why do we try to make pictures of things like that for kids? Anyway, I'm trying to focus on "God loves you" but I was just afraid that since I feel like I was so scared about it, that I might sorta NEVER tell her about it and be a bad Christian mommy. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
1bassoon Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 Anyway, I'm trying to focus on "God loves you" but I was just afraid that since I feel like I was so scared about it, that I might sorta NEVER tell her about it and be a bad Christian mommy. Aw - bless your heart, sweetie! You're fine. You just have issues (as do we all! just ask my kids ;)) Yes. Work on the God loves you part. Trust Him to give you the grace to tell her what she needs to know. When she asks, if she asks, you can share that the other option is an eternity away from God. When she's older, she'll absorb it in her own way. As to "where people are going"? I tend to take the tact of: sweetie, we don't know people's hearts. Only God knows for sure. We can look at the fruit we see in other's lives, but it's best for us to trust God that He knows perfectly. Our job is to be concerned about our own hearts. HTH - :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
urban_mom Posted January 23, 2009 Author Share Posted January 23, 2009 that's for sure. And thanks for the encouragement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 (edited) :grouphug: I feel so bad for you as a scared little girl. I certainly don't want my daughter to go through that, I can see why you wouldn't want to tell your daughter. Revelation 20:14 (New International Version) "Then death and Hades were thrown into the lake of fire. The lake of fire is the second death." DD knows that one day God will remove everything that causes any suffering. She does not know about the Hellfire doctrine. (Unless she is picking it up from cartoons, etc., I am not sure.) It isn't a major issue for her, because we believe that the teaching of hellfire does not agree with what the Bible has to say on the matter. I personally do not find heaven inviting, which is why I am glad that my hope is to be one of those that Jesus spoke about when he said, "Blessed are the meek, for they shall inherit the earth."-- Matthew 5:5. Edited January 23, 2009 by Lovedtodeath Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 As for those who choose not to serve God, I tell DD that they can always change their mind, and that we do not know for certain that they will be punished, for God "does not want any to be destroyed but desires all to attain to repentance." 2 Pet 3:9 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coffeefreak Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 From one scarred mommy to another :grouphug: I make sure my kids know that no one but God can KNOW who will be in heaven and who will be in hell. I have a 6 year old who started asking if everyone from Elvis to the grocery store clerk was going/in heaven or hell. I also assure them that God loves EVERYONE and wants EVERYONE to live with Him. You're the Mom God wanted them to have, you're doing a good job:001_smile: Blessings! Dorinda Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aubrey Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 First, I think your gut instinct is right. The concept of hell, the way its usually taught (in the churches I've been in) is terrifying & can be scarring. My DAD was going to hell, I was told, & so was I if I wasn't baptized. But my mom wouldn't let me be baptized until I was "older." She said I woke up w/ nightmares for years. (Duh?) Being a good Christian mommy means knowing your child's needs & sensitivity, as you've described. It means teaching the core issues (according to Jesus: Love the Lord your God & Love your neighbor as yourself. ALL the law & prophets rest on this.) Jesus told us to go & spread the GOOD NEWS. Hell is not good news. Personally, I don't think it needs to be central to very much *at all.* I'm in the minority there, though, so let me add this. The concept of hell that we get in church is advanced theology. If you read the passages that discuss it, it's not quite as cut & dry as it's preached. Yes, it's separation from God. But some people believe that only the demons burn forever, that people are only punished for a time. Some people believe that hell is not literal burning flames for *anyone* but the devil, that people are just separated from Truth, from God, from joy & fulfillment until they find the Lord. Then there's the worst-case-scenario hellfire & brimstone that most of us are taught. I've read the passages that support ea of these POVs, &... I don't know. I see how all of them are supported, so I'm not 100% sure which one I believe. If you teach your children to love the Lord, though, does it matter? We can end up getting obsessed w/ hell, w/ who's going there & who's not, when the real point of all this is a relationship w/ the Lord. It's like a newlywed talking about divorce statistics. Too much of that might be off-putting to her young husband, kwim? I don't think a concept like hell should be boiled down to something neat & tidy, black & white for 6yo Sunday school. If God had wanted to scare us all into Heaven, I think He'd have gone a different route from the free gift of salvation laid out in the Gospels, you know? My goal is to teach my dc how much God loves them & to replicate that to the best of their abilities w/ those around them. I want them to *choose* God out of gratitude & love, not fear. When we get around to talking about hell, I think I'll teach them the prevailing protestant doctrines as well as my own take on the whole thing & let them decide what they think. But I do plan to wait until I don't think it will scare them, & even then, I plan to be careful in my presentation, kwim? Then, of course, I also want to be sure they won't point at someone & blurt out, "You mean SHE'S going to HELL????" You know how kids are. ;) :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 Excellent thoughts Aubrey! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MBH Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 Since you are already sensitive to the topic of presenting hell to your dc, I think through prayer the Lord will guide you. He will impress on your heart the right way to talk to her. The main thing to point out for that age group is the verses that point out how much the Lord loves them. He doesn't want anyone to perish. Personally I like the definition: Hell is eternal separation from the Lord. It is good enough for young children who insist what hell is. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frogpond1 Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 sin and separation from God. http://www.soundcommunication.org/images/bracelet_gospel_SC.PDF They are easy to use at a child's level to explain how God made us and loves us and wants to be with us, but because of sin we cannot be with God. I've known Jesus as my savior as a little child myself and never lived in fear of going to hell. 1 John 4:19 is a great verse. We love Him because He first loved us. It isn't all about sending people to hell, but about God loving and wanting that relationship with us so we can be with him eternally. I think children can be taught a lot about grace on a daily basis. Amazing Grace is a great thing for minds of all ages to dwell on. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sweetpeach Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 I don't think a 6 year old needs to be privy to the "Hell Fire and Brimstones" speech . . . I frame heaven as our destination when we receive God's gift of unconditional love towards us. For our friends who don't know God *yet* I explain that God will do all manner of things to woo and pursue them and sometimes, we even get to partner with God to help show His Love to them. By 10, a child is old enough to understand that God will never stop loving us but we can choose His Love, or not. At our house (and for now), hell is forever separated from God's Love. We don't get into the nitty-gritty of what hell is with our children. I don't think it's necessary - I much prefer them operating out of a place of love, instead of fear. I believe when the time is right, our children will have a deep revelation of "Godly Fear" and understand the depths of a person's decision to reject God's love. But that time isn't now. Love, T Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pamela H in Texas Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 Well, I assume you hold the belief that hell is a place of torment that our loving creator sends people? Honestly, that IS a problem. *I* wouldn't tell a 6yo that. I definitely wouldn't want her thinking her loved ones, friends, neighbors, etc are going to be "burned in hell." The scriptures actually give us other information about hell that is much more in line with God and his qualities. It also isn't contradictory to other information the Bible gives. For example, why does the Bible say that the wages of sin are death if they are really being tormented for all eternity? Like Carmen said, there is a punishment for not choosing God and his way. The way to life is narrow and cramped. Very few, in reality, choose GOD's way though God is giving us each the chance to decide otherwise. But God is the ultimate parent. Just as you wouldn't hold your daughter's hand on the stove for even 10 seconds, God is NOT going to have people tormented for 10 minutes, much less FOREVER. God told Adam that he would die. THAT was the consequence of his sin (and passing sin to all of us). God's justice is perfect. The truth will set you free from your worry. And it won't cause anguish to your kiddo. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 We've always just talked about it with our kids. They seem to accept it without fear. I know it was hard for you as a child but I think you are in a good position because of it. You will be very sensitive to your child and understand the fear should she have it. Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
G5052 Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 I'm one who respects different family's values, and particularly don't cross other's "mommy instincts." Ultimately you know your convictions and child best. That said, we have always taught "the whole counsel of God" and read through the whole Bible every year as a family. Doing that means that we do indeed touch on that subject at a very young age. There's a balance in talking about God's mercy and heaven, and God's justice and hell. IMHO you shouldn't talk about one without the other. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Soph the vet Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 I'm one who respects different family's values, and particularly don't cross other's "mommy instincts." Ultimately you know your convictions and child best. That said, we have always taught "the whole counsel of God" and read through the whole Bible every year as a family. Doing that means that we do indeed touch on that subject at a very young age. There's a balance in talking about God's mercy and heaven, and God's justice and hell. IMHO you shouldn't talk about one without the other. :iagree:We discuss these things no matter our dc's age. We don't dwell on hell but we do not avoid it either (taken out of context that could be a rather funny sentence). I want my dc to understand the holiness of God and the exceedingly sinfulness of sin so they can begin to grasp why hell even exists. God is perfectly good and perfectly just and in His mercy, even though we deserved eternal punishment for offending a Holy God, He alone has provided a Savior, Jesus Christ the Righteous and we have eternal life in heaven if we repent and trust His blood to cover our sins and not our own good works. So hell is just part of the discussion, but we focus on the Gospel and that is the good news. Our dc have a biblical picture of who God is and what His plans are for creation and they do not have issues or nightmares over this. Instead they expect us to be candid with them in all things. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 One thing I would caution against is sugar coating Hell. It is a scary place and sad that some people will go there. I think people like to sugar coat it so it isn't so scary but then we are less likely to share our faith. Kelly Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
beansprouts Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 One thing I would caution against is sugar coating Hell. It is a scary place and sad that some people will go there. I think people like to sugar coat it so it isn't so scary but then we are less likely to share our faith. Kelly I don't share my faith because of Hell. I believe more people are won over by God's Love. My two older children have come to their faith without a complete understanding of hell. It was God's Love that drew them. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
urban_mom Posted January 23, 2009 Author Share Posted January 23, 2009 I never knew so many people didn't really believe in Hell as I grew up learning about it. I guess I never really wanted to do a whole big Bible study on the subject, so maybe I don't even really know what I believe about it. But eternal separation isn't exactly a good concept either: "you mean we'll never see great grandma again mom? For all eternity??" Ugh. I'm also just generally not confident in my Bible teaching with them anyway. We've done some Bible story books, but Bible stories don't teach as much about the things Jesus taught as they do about miracles and old testament stuff, you know? Anyone have a good Bible reading plan with their little ones? Mine are 5 and 3... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lovedtodeath Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 I have an out of print book called "Listening To the Great Teacher" that is specifically showing our children what Jesus taught. Chapters include: Jesus, the Great Teacher, The One who Made all Things, The Great Teacher Served Other People, The Blessing of Work, "Your Sins are Forgiven", The Man Who Forgot God, "Happy are the Peaceable", Jesus Gave His Life for Us, "You will be with me in Paradise". There are 46 chapters and all have scriptural references at the end that you can read through as well. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebecca in VA Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 We always called it "The Bad Place." And I didn't start out giving too many details. It was enough for them to know that it was the place where icky Satan and his followers were punished forever. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SapphireStitch Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 :iagree:We discuss these things no matter our dc's age. We don't dwell on hell but we do not avoid it either (taken out of context that could be a rather funny sentence). I want my dc to understand the holiness of God and the exceedingly sinfulness of sin so they can begin to grasp why hell even exists. God is perfectly good and perfectly just and in His mercy, even though we deserved eternal punishment for offending a Holy God, He alone has provided a Savior, Jesus Christ the Righteous and we have eternal life in heaven if we repent and trust His blood to cover our sins and not our own good works. So hell is just part of the discussion, but we focus on the Gospel and that is the good news. Our dc have a biblical picture of who God is and what His plans are for creation and they do not have issues or nightmares over this. Instead they expect us to be candid with them in all things. :iagree: I know one reason I was afraid of hell when I was a child was because I knew I was a sinner. This sounds contradictory, but I've found with my children that teaching them the Biblical truth about sin and the depths of sinfulness of the human heart is actually comforting. They are not unusual, they are sons of Adam and daughters of Eve and they sin and they need the Savior. Kids are capable of understanding the reason hell exists and the glorious riches of God's grace if it's all presented to them truthfully from the Scriptures. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SquirrellyMama Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 (edited) I don't share my faith because of Hell. I believe more people are won over by God's Love. My two older children have come to their faith without a complete understanding of hell. It was God's Love that drew them. I'm not saying to walk around the streets telling people they are going to Hell. I'm just saying that when people think Hell doesn't exist or it's not that bad we are less likely to share our faith. I'm not saying everyone will be less likely. Yes, God loves us but people still go to Hell. To really understand the depth of God's love we need to know first that we are sinners and we deserve only Hell but because God loved us so much he sent our salvation. Kelly Edited January 23, 2009 by kwiech Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
coffeefreak Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 (edited) I'm also just generally not confident in my Bible teaching with them anyway. We've done some Bible story books, but Bible stories don't teach as much about the things Jesus taught as they do about miracles and old testament stuff, you know? Anyone have a good Bible reading plan with their little ones? Mine are 5 and 3... When mine were 5 and 2, I felt the same way you do (no rhyme intended :) ) I started seeking the Lord's wisdom, and seeking out curriculum to help me. Rod and Staff, and Doorposts were what I used with my oldest to get my feet wet. Now, I'm a little more grounded in my own faith and I can answer some of the tougher questions my oldest asks (Oh yes, there are tougher questions than, "Is Grandma going to Hell?"). With my younger I'm using, Leading Little Ones to God. I highly recommend it. It is clear, concise and gentle. Very, very gentle. It's also helps me to see what she understands and doesn't understand so I can discuss it further with her. For example, when she was 3 or 4, I told her Jesus was with us, in her bedroom, thinking it would comfort her (she was scared of monsters under her bed). She burst into tears and started yelling! She didn't want Jesus in her room, she wanted him to go away! Jesus was probably the one hiding under her bed! So anyway, I like Leading Little Ones to God :) Blessings! Dorinda Edited January 23, 2009 by coffeefreak Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AndyJoy Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 I know one reason I was afraid of hell when I was a child was because I knew I was a sinner. This sounds contradictory, but I've found with my children that teaching them the Biblical truth about sin and the depths of sinfulness of the human heart is actually comforting. They are not unusual, they are sons of Adam and daughters of Eve and they sin and they need the Savior. Kids are capable of understanding the reason hell exists and the glorious riches of God's grace if it's all presented to them truthfully from the Scriptures. :iagree: Same here! I knew about Hell from a young age, and it was at age 7 that I became a Christian. What an amazing relief it was to realize that I COULDN'T save myself from my sin by my good works, only God had that power. I was the kind of kid who wanted to please my parents and thought I could achieve perfection if I just worked hard enough. Each night I would to to bed resolving to do better the next day, and each day I would (obviously) blow it! One night, I was laying in bed pondering the enormity of my sin, and the fact that I couldn't really start fresh each morning--it was cumulative! Everything I'd been taught about sin, its penalty of death, and Christ's sacrifice clicked! I prayed to God that night and asked him to forgive me and save me since I couldn't do it myself. If I had been protected from the concept of Hell, I wouldn't have known what I needed. I believe that in order to understand "God loves you" and have that change your life and your relationship with Him, you need to know what He will save you from. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OH Kim Posted January 23, 2009 Share Posted January 23, 2009 Any Easter should do it. Christ harrowed Hell when He died. If you put Hell in context of Christ's work of redemption. then you're already giving your child good theology. I think a child who is old enough to hear the Easter story is ready to hear about Hell. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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