Tarheel Heather Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 What do you say? He has already had some episodes where he still thinks he is there (Iraq). What do you offer? He goes back in another week and a half. What do you tell your ds when his uncle doesn't want to talk to him? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I think this is one of those "I'm here if you need me" kind of situations. If you are doing something fun like a field trip or even a trip to the library, tell him and invite him along but leave it open for him to say no. With your ds it is harder but there will be times when "Uncle isn't able to talk to you right now". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
elegantlion Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I'm sure you brother loves you ds very much. He probably doesn't want your ds to see/hear him this way. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarheel Heather Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 I think you call the VA and tell them he is manifesting signs of PTSD. He needs help. You give your boy a hug and (if you pray) you pray with him for his uncle and the others involved in this war. I'm not anywhere close to where they live. And this is his mid tour leave, he still has 9 months left. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 Oh, Heather. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: to you and your brother and your ds. I pray for your brother regularly. He might need your help when he returns from this tour with getting the help he needs. From what I understand, the place where he is stationed doesn't necessarily have a good system for helping the returning soliders. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarheel Heather Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 Oh, Heather. :grouphug::grouphug::grouphug: to you and your brother and your ds. I pray for your brother regularly. He might need your help when he returns from this tour with getting the help he needs. From what I understand, the place where he is stationed doesn't necessarily have a good system for helping the returning soliders. He wasn't debriefed. He is not the same person. We kinda had an idea of things he has gone through. But they are much, much worse. He has talked with my dad some and that seems to help somewhat. But he is not doing too good being back in civilian life all of a sudden. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TXMomof4 Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 My brother had a hard time the first time he came home on R&R also. All you can do is keep things as close to normal as possible. Try to include him on everyday activities like cooking dinner, playing board games....just *normal* things. I know it helped a lot to avoid really crowded areas like restaurants and malls. Keeping it all very low key and low pressure seemed to be the most helpful thing. Making a point of how differently he is behaving only seemed to make it worse. I'll pray for your brother. If it is any comfort, my brother finished his first tour and has just completed a second and is almost back to the way he was. There is certainly a difference - he has seen and done things I can't even imagine. But he has grown and learned to live with and accept the things that can't be changed. My heart is hurting for you and for him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tammyla Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 :grouphug:Transitioning in and back on leave is often very hard on them. You love them, listen and if you feel the need call for help. I'm not sure how old your ds is, but I'd explain that his uncle is unwell right now and still loves him, but just needs some time. I'm not sure how helpful the following link is, but here it is. Prayers for your family. https://www.militarymentalhealth.org/welcome.asp Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I remember when my brother came home, he slept with his gun by him. I didn't like that, as he was on the couch...It's like you announced your entrance, because I was a bit nervous.... He took quite a while before he seemed like he was ok doing things without a set time. I'm not sure you're ever normal after you've shot people. The other day I said something about, "Have you ever killed anything?" Meaning....animals, because I'm thinking of raising rabbits for my dog, and as soon as the question left my lips, I had to say..."I mean animals." There was kinda a weird silence, because he has in fact killed people. You have to get use to the fact that kids asking for candy, might be trying to kill you. He had pictures on his laptop, that no one wants to look at....Entering a normal job, doesn't pay what his branch did, so that's tough, too. You come back to $10 an hour jobs....if that's what you're level of job pays in civilian life...and that's not very good. I think my brother is his normal now, after a while. BUT, I'm not sure that you can ever get rid of the effects. I mean, someone that has been in war, views life differently. I'm not sure what my brother thinks about most things....he's always been a little bit of an introvert about what he thinks.... My brother was only in for about 5 years, I can't imagine a life time of it. Carrie.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 He wasn't debriefed. He is not the same person. We kinda had an idea of things he has gone through. But they are much, much worse. He has talked with my dad some and that seems to help somewhat. But he is not doing too good being back in civilian life all of a sudden. I'm glad he's talking to your dad. I will continue to pray for your whole family. This makes me so sad; I can only imagine how you must feel as his sister. If there is anything I can do, let me know, okay? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tarheel Heather Posted January 12, 2009 Author Share Posted January 12, 2009 (edited) I remember when my brother came home, he slept with his gun by him. I didn't like that, as he was on the couch...It's like you announced your entrance, because I was a bit nervous.... He took quite a while before he seemed like he was ok doing things without a set time. I'm not sure you're ever normal after you've shot people. The other day I said something about, "Have you ever killed anything?" Meaning....animals, because I'm thinking of raising rabbits for my dog, and as soon as the question left my lips, I had to say..."I mean animals." There was kinda a weird silence, because he has in fact killed people.You have to get use to the fact that kids asking for candy, might be trying to kill you. He had pictures on his laptop, that no one wants to look at....Entering a normal job, doesn't pay what his branch did, so that's tough, too. You come back to $10 an hour jobs....if that's what you're level of job pays in civilian life...and that's not very good. I think my brother is his normal now, after a while. BUT, I'm not sure that you can ever get rid of the effects. I mean, someone that has been in war, views life differently. I'm not sure what my brother thinks about most things....he's always been a little bit of an introvert about what he thinks.... My brother was only in for about 5 years, I can't imagine a life time of it. Carrie.... He said he has had kids duct tape ied's to his hummer. My dad is a vet, so if we walked in my parents room while he was sleeping we had to announce ourselves. He also slept with a gun on the table. Edited January 12, 2009 by Tarheel Heather Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 I'm so sorry. My brother is also career Army. We have a neighbor that is a psychiatrist and he says the repeat deployments are really hurting these guys. Keep loving, encourage help, visit if you can. It's great he's talking to your dad. You might have to give your son the simple truth. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LunaLee Posted January 12, 2009 Share Posted January 12, 2009 My dad is a vet, so if we walked in my parents room while he was sleeping we had to announce ourselves. He also slept with a gun on the table. Mine, too. We learned at an early age not to wake him up otherwise you'd find yourself flat on your butt on the other side of the room. It's good your dad has been there and done that, so at least he has someone he can talk to. I wish I had more to offer, but I'll pray him and your family. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Claire in NM Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 (edited) and my heart goes out to all of you. I didn't know PTSD could be so difficult. Stepping into a hell like war is something one would not forget. Forgive my ignorance. Just thinking about what your brother is going through makes me very, very sad for him. And compells me to be praying for him all the more. Would they (branch of military not specified) deploy him after showing these symptoms? Claire in NM Edited January 13, 2009 by Claire in NM Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura in VA Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I think you call the VA and tell them he is manifesting signs of PTSD. He needs help. You give your boy a hug and (if you pray) you pray with him for his uncle and the others involved in this war. I would not call the VA. I don't know what signs your db is exhibiting, but unless you think he is a danger to himself or others, I would not contact anyone. Praying for you and your db! :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura in VA Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 He wasn't debriefed. He is not the same person. We kinda had an idea of things he has gone through. But they are much, much worse. He has talked with my dad some and that seems to help somewhat. But he is not doing too good being back in civilian life all of a sudden. I can't imagine how hard the transition must be. I'm glad your dad can talk with him and has some insight as to what he may be experiencing. I'm sorry, Heather. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nakia Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 I am so sorry. My brother spent 14 months in Iraq in 2003/04. I know what you are going through. My brother had a very hard time. His best friend was killed over there. He is a lot better, but I know he won't ever be the same. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
King Alfred Academy Posted January 13, 2009 Share Posted January 13, 2009 :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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