Brilliant Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 We moved 6 months ago. Since then we have had several conversations with our neighbor - all of them revolving around his complaints about something we have done. We've had a construction project going on for months, so I do feel sympathy for his complaints (mostly noise & dust related). But we have bent over backwards to accommodate him - our tile cutters moved from the driveway into the garage to keep any dust from going onto his property; we asked contractors not to come until an hour past the legally allowed start time, etc. But I started to lose sympathy for the guy when he told my husband we can't walk our dog in front of his house. (we have to go past his house to get to our mailbox). He instructed us to take the dog across the street and then head up, instead of heading up the street in front of his house. When my husband, flabbergasted, said, "But we always pick up after our dog," the neighbor said, "But he pees." Let me point out that this wasn't a daily occurrence, and my dog didn't have a "favorite" spot that was causing any damage to grass or other plants. It was at this point I decided the guy is just a neurotic freak who likes to complain about everything. But my hubby, wanting to live in peace with our neighbors, agreed we wouldn't walk the dog on "his" sidewalk. Now our construction is about done and we are ready to use our pool. Guess what? The pool/spa pump is too loud for him. I just spent the morning on the phone with different city departments making sure I understand all the noise ordinances. Yes, our pump is fine or it wouldn't have passed inspection. Quiet hours are after 10PM so unless we have something really raucous going on in the backyard before then, the cops won't address a complaint. We are about done trying to accommodate him. Am I unreasonable? Next time he comes over about the pump, can we tell him we'd love to be at peace with him, but we don't want to hear any more complaints? Honestly, I'd rather have him call the city and let the city come talk to me...since I have already been told we're fine! I'm afraid to answer my door because nobody ever comes to the door except him with a complaint. The most ironic (and discouraging) thing is that we are pretty quiet people, and one of the reasons we moved to this house is the house we were renting was too loud, near a major street, very close neighbors, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kaylk in tx Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 when he comes over about the pumps, simply tell him that you were so concerned that you double-checked with the city and that the city says your pump is just fine.... :D anything else, use a line i learned from a former colleague (about children tattling, which he sounds a lot like). smile, nod and say thank you for letting me know about that. then simply walk away without saying whether or not you'll do as he wants. of course, i'd be tempted to throw a REALLY loud party.... that ended promptly at 9:59! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mommaduck Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I think I would tell him next time that you called the city about all ordinances and you are within your rights and the law. I'd also tell him that you're sorry that he is so sensitive. I have a friend with an OCD neighbour and it's trying at times. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I don't know much about pool pumps because none of our immediate neighbors have pools, but even if something doesn't violate and ordinance, it would make me NUTS to hear noise all day from a neighbor's home. I don't know if this is something that has to run all the time and if it makes noise he can hear or not. And I guess it doesn't matter because if you have a pool, I assume you are going to use the pump whether it bothers him or not - I mean, at this point I assume you have to. I wouldn't say anything to the neighbor because I assume it wouldn't make a difference and I like peace more than I like quiet, even though I *really* like quiet. So it doesn't surprise me that he's annoyed about noise, though that doesn't mean you have to do anything about it. I just think there is a wide gap between what violate the law and what violates a persons sense of peace. And maybe when we move into neighborhoods, we have to accept a certain noise level - if one can't tolerate it, maybe one needs to live in a piece of land in the country. That said, my neighborhood is very quite, and I would be sad to have that change. As for the dog, I have a dog. Almost all my neighbors have dogs. They do pee. I always wonder if people who don't own dogs are outraged by this. I mean it is PEE in someone else's yard. But no one ever says anything. I do think it's polite to "curb" the dog before you go out, and most dogs can be trained to pee in a certain spot, but I'll admit mine is a persistent pee machine! We moved 6 months ago. Since then we have had several conversations with our neighbor - all of them revolving around his complaints about something we have done. We've had a construction project going on for months, so I do feel sympathy for his complaints (mostly noise & dust related). But we have bent over backwards to accommodate him - our tile cutters moved from the driveway into the garage to keep any dust from going onto his property; we asked contractors not to come until an hour past the legally allowed start time, etc. But I started to lose sympathy for the guy when he told my husband we can't walk our dog in front of his house. (we have to go past his house to get to our mailbox). He instructed us to take the dog across the street and then head up, instead of heading up the street in front of his house. When my husband, flabbergasted, said, "But we always pick up after our dog," the neighbor said, "But he pees." Let me point out that this wasn't a daily occurrence, and my dog didn't have a "favorite" spot that was causing any damage to grass or other plants. It was at this point I decided the guy is just a neurotic freak who likes to complain about everything. But my hubby, wanting to live in peace with our neighbors, agreed we wouldn't walk the dog on "his" sidewalk. Now our construction is about done and we are ready to use our pool. Guess what? The pool/spa pump is too loud for him. I just spent the morning on the phone with different city departments making sure I understand all the noise ordinances. Yes, our pump is fine or it wouldn't have passed inspection. Quiet hours are after 10PM so unless we have something really raucous going on in the backyard before then, the cops won't address a complaint. We are about done trying to accommodate him. Am I unreasonable? Next time he comes over about the pump, can we tell him we'd love to be at peace with him, but we don't want to hear any more complaints? Honestly, I'd rather have him call the city and let the city come talk to me...since I have already been told we're fine! I'm afraid to answer my door because nobody ever comes to the door except him with a complaint. The most ironic (and discouraging) thing is that we are pretty quiet people, and one of the reasons we moved to this house is the house we were renting was too loud, near a major street, very close neighbors, etc. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brilliant Posted January 7, 2009 Author Share Posted January 7, 2009 when he comes over about the pumps, simply tell him that you were so concerned that you double-checked with the city and that the city says your pump is just fine.... :D anything else, use a line i learned from a former colleague (about children tattling, which he sounds a lot like). smile, nod and say thank you for letting me know about that. then simply walk away without saying whether or not you'll do as he wants. of course, i'd be tempted to throw a REALLY loud party.... that ended promptly at 9:59! Great idea; I think I can pull off the conversation re: the pump. Tonight dh and I will practice saying, "Thanks for letting us know!" if anything else comes up. But I'm not sure that would end it. The conversation about the dog was bizarre - dh said that the guy asked him, "Don't you think that's reasonable?" and my husband answered, "It doesn't matter if I think it's reasonable." At which point he wanted to argue with dh to get him to admit that it's wrong for our dog to pee in his yard, even after dh had already agreed not to do it in the future. Bizarre. As for the party...yes, I've already thought of that. The trick is to get it loud enough to annoy him but not so that the cops would actually think it a disturbance. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
OnTheBrink Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 As for the dog, I have a dog. Almost all my neighbors have dogs. They do pee. I always wonder if people who don't own dogs are outraged by this. I mean it is PEE in someone else's yard. But no one ever says anything. I do think it's polite to "curb" the dog before you go out, and most dogs can be trained to pee in a certain spot, but I'll admit mine is a persistent pee machine! I have a dog, too, and I've never given a thought to a dog peeing on someone's yard. I figure, we have raccoons, rabbits, squirrels and free-roaming cats in this neighborhood and they all have to pee somewhere. I'm thinking my dog isn't going to upset many. LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brilliant Posted January 7, 2009 Author Share Posted January 7, 2009 I don't know much about pool pumps because none of our immediate neighbors have pools, but even if something doesn't violate and ordinance, it would make me NUTS to hear noise all day from a neighbor's home. It's not constant...it's about 2 hours a day on the "high" setting which I pray is the only one they can hear. We had it set from 9AM-11AM (because the neighbor had helpfully told my husband when we first moved in that he often sleeps until 9). But apparently his wife's work schedule changed, and she sleeps until noon. OK...we agreed to start it at noon. But it also must run on high when we heat up and are using the spa. So I imagine that will be for an hour or two, 2 or 3 nights a week. That's what I think the next complaint will be. Although I can't imagine somebody who insists we not make noise until noon would also complain about noise between 8-9:30 PM. But he's amazed us before. And I'm also worried that he'll complain when we have friends over. Not wild parties with loud music, just teenagers splashing & playing. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brilliant Posted January 7, 2009 Author Share Posted January 7, 2009 I have a dog, too, and I've never given a thought to a dog peeing on someone's yard. I figure, we have raccoons, rabbits, squirrels and free-roaming cats in this neighborhood and they all have to pee somewhere. I'm thinking my dog isn't going to upset many. LOL We have all those and more in our neighborhood...coyote and deer. So I don't think a little dog pee is a big deal. This neighbor has a dog. I don't know where it pees; perhaps it's toilet-trained. I never see them walking it, and I never see it in their backyard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brilliant Posted January 7, 2009 Author Share Posted January 7, 2009 I think I would tell him next time that you called the city about all ordinances and you are within your rights and the law. I might even keep some phone numbers handy for him to call & verify. Although I suspect he already has those; he seems to be the type to know his rights, and I imagine if he thought we were outside the law his language would be stronger. I guess my main problem with this guy is he didn't pick his battles. He complained about everything, and now we are going to write him off as a complainer and ignore him. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Highereducation Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 We live next door to a professional building. As a matter of fact, our doctor is located in the building (how's that for convenience). I thought we had a fairly reasonable relationship with the guy who owns the building (also a doctor), especially when a driver ran into our shared fence and we fixed it without him needing to do a thing. Then one morning I got an early visit from a police officer. It seems that "someone" was dumping things in the dumpster located at the back of the doctor's parking lot. He "assumed" we were doing construction on our home, therefore he felt comfortable telling the police that we must have been making use of his dumpster as well. I was flabbergasted, especially since at least a few times a week we would see cars and trucks pulling into the parking lot late at night. The guy was probably getting the whole town's construction garbage, and he pointed the finger at us. My response to the officer (who was pretty cool about the whole thing) was to suggest that the doctor install a camera in his parking lot if he wanted to know who was dumping stuff. Inside I was steamed. A few months later, he was having some work done on the office and the machinery being used was burning oil something fierce and sending smelly plumes of smoke in our direction. Normally I would have closed the windows and let it go, but the Scorpio in me just couldn't. I called the police and had them pay him a visit. The job ended up being shut down. Yeah, I hid behind the curtains and did a little Irish jig... We haven't had any issues with him since then. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I think you know why the previous owner of your house moved. I'm make copies of all records related to inspections and any future contact with the county regarding your pool or noise. I'd keep it all in a notebook handy for when the neighbor decides he needs to call the police. I'd get the county record regarding the easement/driveway you have to the mailbox and have that in there too. I wouldn't bother crossing the street the way he wants, but I would not let the dog get off my driveway to pee on his lawn at all. It's your dog, he can tell you not to let the dog pee on his property. After I had all these ducks in a row, I'd inform my neighbor he was not welcome to come on my property again for any reason. If he has a problem he can call the police, but he may not come on my property to harass me or anyone in my family. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mari Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I'm just wondering if maybe he's lonely and finding wrong in everything and everybody. What do your other neighbors think? Do they agree with your neighbor or do they have a problem with him as well? Sometimes I think you need to kill attitudes like this with kindness. Smile apologetically as you tell him all you have done to remedy the situations he has had issue with. Apologize for not being able to do more short of degrading the quality of life you want for your family. Then invite him over for dinner and a pool party. ;) --Mari Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Harriet Vane Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I would absolutely NOT make any declarations about refusing to hear any further complaints. Yes, the guy is a freak, but making a declaration will escalate this situation. As another poster suggested, keep a notebook handy with inspections and information just in case things do get ugly. Otherwise, listen to the neighbor's complaints, thank him for letting you know, and move on. Keep all conversations with him BRIEF. Do not attempt to debate what's reasonable or not--he will not let go and you will find the conversation incredibly spiraling out of control. If you can accommodate any reasonable requests, do so. Otherwise, do what you would normally do, but make sure you are legally within your rights to do so. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiCO Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 The conversation about the dog was bizarre - dh said that the guy asked him, "Don't you think that's reasonable?" and my husband answered, "It doesn't matter if I think it's reasonable." At which point he wanted to argue with dh to get him to admit that it's wrong for our dog to pee in his yard, even after dh had already agreed not to do it in the future. Bizarre. Your dh should ask him- is it reasonable for your dog to pee on the sidewalk across the street, but not on the sidewalk in front of his house? Maybe you can get your dog to pee just outside both corners of his yard... ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tess in the Burbs Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 I say this b/c we have often been the complaining neighbors. the gals next to us years ago had a great speaker system....but bass sounds travel farther and so our mirror on the wall literally shook. I went over to ask them to turn it down and it was literally normal volume in their townhome. I looked crazy to them asking! but in our home it was horrible! then the guys next door who complained about the baby crying at night....who beat on the walls to stop him...only making him madder. so I complained a lot about their noise ;-) we had teens who were loud one townhome...sigh....I always seem to find these kind of LOUD places to live. there is nothing you can do. if he complains about the pump sound just shrug and tell him it's legal limits and you hope he will want to come socialize and enjoy it ;-) as for dog pee.....my dh HATES when people walk by and let the dog pee in our yard. we are trying to grow better grass and our kids play in the yard, even up to the road edge, so to us, it's not a nice thing at all!!!!!!! if you have public areas stick to that. it's polite. b/c not everyone wants dog pee in their yard. we don't. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laura K (NC) Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 The 6 feet or so closest to our road doesn't belong to us, even though we mow it, have planted on it, put a mailbox on it, etc. Unless it's a really odd neighborhood/lot, chances are the OP's dog is peeing on government property. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kris Posted January 7, 2009 Share Posted January 7, 2009 anything else, use a line i learned from a former colleague (about children tattling, which he sounds a lot like). smile, nod and say thank you for letting me know about that. then simply walk away without saying whether or not you'll do as he wants. of course, i'd be tempted to throw a REALLY loud party.... that ended promptly at 9:59! I really like this. The "answer answerless." I remember now why we live out in the middle of nowhere. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MrsMe Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Oh my. That's probably why the old owners moved. There are no pleasing some and nothing else you can do. Pretty soon the police and everyone else who he calls won't show up anymore. Sorry you have to deal with this. Sounds like he has nothing else to do. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Remudamom Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 Ugh. Tell him to show up in his bathing suit and go swimming or stuff it and move. I'd be tempted to have more than the dog pee in his yard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Brilliant Posted January 8, 2009 Author Share Posted January 8, 2009 He is not elderly...he and his wife are both late 30s, no kids. He works at home which I'm sure adds to the problem...if he went to an office everyday, the construction work wouldn't have bothered him. Did I mention the profanity-laced sign tacked to a tree in the planter strip in front of his house when we first moved in? Apparently another neighbor had been letting their dog poop in his yard and not picking it up. So he tacked up a cardboard sign threatening owners of any errant dogs. It included the "s" word among other unpleasant language. I hadn't met the guy yet (he hadn't had time to develop any complaints against us) but I knew he wasn't going to be a great neighbor. It was so embarrassing because we had houseguests right after we moved in who noticed his sign. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 The 6 feet or so closest to our road doesn't belong to us, even though we mow it, have planted on it, put a mailbox on it, etc. Unless it's a really odd neighborhood/lot, chances are the OP's dog is peeing on government property. :) An easement doesn't mean the property doesn't belong to you. It means that certain other parties have rights to enter for various reasons. The existence of an easment would not mean that the owner can't control what happens on the land, apart from the specific right the easement grants. So while the government might maintain a right to enter for various reasons, the land owner would still have a right to tell kids, dogs, bikers etc to take a hike. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Danestress Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I might not like hearing your pump run, but you might hate my windchimes, and of course we all dislike the dog barking at the mailman. But to me, that's part of living in a neighborhood. He's probably going to have to cope with it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ria Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I'd let him know, in no uncertain terms, that you've spoken to the police, authorities, whoever, and that you are within your rights. The longer you listen to him and try to please him, the more he's going to complain. Ria Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SonshineLearner Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I'd read the book about peacemaking. I'd try to go at is as a win-win situation. Love and Logic with an adult...might work...."Bummer, what can we do to both be happy?" and then don't talk until after he says something....which technically means he's basically going to lose...cuz first person to break the silence...kinda loses...EXCEPT if he's actually willing to offer a solution. It's kinda turning the situation back on him...SO, either the Peacemaker's book...or try doing the "Bummer" and quiet thing is what I'd try. Carrie:-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CalicoKat Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 We moved 6 months ago. Since then we have had several conversations with our neighbor - all of them revolving around his complaints about something we have done. We've had a construction project going on for months, so I do feel sympathy for his complaints (mostly noise & dust related). But we have bent over backwards to accommodate him - our tile cutters moved from the driveway into the garage to keep any dust from going onto his property; we asked contractors not to come until an hour past the legally allowed start time, etc. But I started to lose sympathy for the guy when he told my husband we can't walk our dog in front of his house. (we have to go past his house to get to our mailbox). He instructed us to take the dog across the street and then head up, instead of heading up the street in front of his house. When my husband, flabbergasted, said, "But we always pick up after our dog," the neighbor said, "But he pees." Let me point out that this wasn't a daily occurrence, and my dog didn't have a "favorite" spot that was causing any damage to grass or other plants. It was at this point I decided the guy is just a neurotic freak who likes to complain about everything. But my hubby, wanting to live in peace with our neighbors, agreed we wouldn't walk the dog on "his" sidewalk. Now our construction is about done and we are ready to use our pool. Guess what? The pool/spa pump is too loud for him. I just spent the morning on the phone with different city departments making sure I understand all the noise ordinances. Yes, our pump is fine or it wouldn't have passed inspection. Quiet hours are after 10PM so unless we have something really raucous going on in the backyard before then, the cops won't address a complaint. We are about done trying to accommodate him. Am I unreasonable? Next time he comes over about the pump, can we tell him we'd love to be at peace with him, but we don't want to hear any more complaints? Honestly, I'd rather have him call the city and let the city come talk to me...since I have already been told we're fine! I'm afraid to answer my door because nobody ever comes to the door except him with a complaint. The most ironic (and discouraging) thing is that we are pretty quiet people, and one of the reasons we moved to this house is the house we were renting was too loud, near a major street, very close neighbors, etc. Oh man, one of my cul-de-sac neighbors had the same complaint about my dog this summer. I decided that he couldn't face the fact that his two mini pins were killing his new sod. :D My pooch only peed once or twice there, not daily. We now have the fence we originally intended so it's no longer an issue. His sod is still dead. :lol: Neighbors. . . . they can make life miserable. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MelanieMac Posted January 8, 2009 Share Posted January 8, 2009 I don't know much about pool pumps because none of our immediate neighbors have pools, As for the dog, I have a dog. Almost all my neighbors have dogs. I do have a pool, but not a dog. I can tell you that our pool pump is almost silent, but I know where every dog in the neighborhood lives- not by his pee, but by his bark. When one neighbor gets a new dog, the whole neighborhood gets a new dog...but, Dog noise & pool pumps are not nearly as annoying as self-righteous neighbors, so the next time he comes over ask him to please not knock on the door between 10:00 and 10:15 (assuming he arrives at 10:10, let's say) because that is your "quiet time" and you find it EXTREMELY annoying that people would be so rude as to not respect a person's quiet time. "Isn't it unreasonable" to have someone knocking on other people's doors during quiet time?!?;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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