The Santa Question...

[jpklehm]

My husband wants to tell our 11 year old son the truth about Santa. He doesn't want our son to learn about it from a particular friend, who is two years older, at a sleepover tomorrow night. My husband is also afraid of our son being teased at upcoming Boy Scout camp-outs as Easter comes up (Easter Bunny).

 

I want to keep him believing a little bit longer, but my husband says most kids his age don't really believe any longer. How old are your kids that still believe? Did you tell them or did they find out from friends, when they did learn the truth?

 

My husband's mother told him when he was in second grade, so the fact that our son still believes now (in 5th grade) surprises him. Our son is a very logical kid, though, and he is showing signs of questioning, although he hasn't actually asked about it.

 

Thanks for whatever input you all can provide!

 

PAM

[charlotteb]

I wonder if your son really does believe at that age? Or if he's just letting you think he does? :)

 

DS has two friends who are 12 and 10. If you talk to their mother, she says they still believe in Santa. But ds says that the boys have told him they don't. They just play along with their mom!

 

Of course, this couldn't be the situation in your son's case. I remember losing my belief at around 10 years old.

[GailV]

Our 13yo has never expressed disbelief, yet we can tell that she knows that things are different than she thought they were at an earlier age.

 

As for 9yo, she believes in a different way than 13yo does. And she also knows that others have some beliefs we consider ... different than ours. Some people believe the earth is much younger than we do, for example. For some reason my mind is blank on other examples, but dd knows people believe things we think are probably incorrect, and other people may talk lots about those beliefs but that doesn't mean the other people are necessarily right.

 

It helps that I don't think Santa is a lie. What exactly do you really consider the truth about Santa? That it's all a big fat lie, and that we adults are snickering at gullible little kids? Or, do you think that Santa exists, but that you are responsible for doing the presents in your house, and also for helping out with presents for other children? My kids have helped out Santa for years and years by helping me shop for kids who otherwise wouldn't get presents for Christmas. They totally get that we can all help out Santa at Christmas time; it makes it easier to segue into the notion that dh and I assume most of the responsibility for the Santa-ness happening in our own home. The magic is still there; as they mature, though, the means of making the magic is seen to be different than originally thought.

Edited December 26, 2008 by GailV

[Tree House Academy]

My oldest son told me when he was 8 and I confirmed. My 5 y/o still believes.

[dangermom]

I do think 11 is pretty old. This year we let our 8yo know, and she was half and half. Now she's really enjoying being in on the game. (I'm not actually a big Santa fan, am ambivalent about the whole thing, so I got a couple of true believers for children!)

[Prairie~Phlox]

We've always told our children the truth and they know that there is no "real" Santa. We still pretend, but they know it's just a game. Good luck in what you decide.

[5Youngs]

Our 12 and 10yo sons believe.

Even when they see someone dressed up, they'll say 'that's not the real santa.'

We decided that they'll find out eventually, but I am not going to be the one who does it.

Now, if he's 15 and still believing, we'll HAVE to have a chat~;)

I think it's awesome and he has as much faith as I do when it comes to God.

Santa spends >$20 on each kid and it's always their favorite present(s) of the year.

Just decide as a couple and do what you think it best.

I still remember being told in 2nd grade ps that santa wasn't real.

I cried all day!

When my mom confirmed it, I was devastated!

And we were dirt-poor.

It wasn't about $$ presents.

We never had any of those.

It was about the 'wonder' of it all......

[Tracey in TX]

I'm *shocked* that DS(12) still believes in Santa. I was a cynical kid who told other kids the truth in 2nd grade. It just never happened for my kiddos. Only our 11y/o knows the truth. It's not as if he's pacifying me. Heard a conversation w/ sibs and he whole-heartedly believes in jolly Old Saint Nick. It's too sweet. However, I will probably be telling him the truth this week. Haven't decided how yet, but will be special. I want my kids to believe in their heart of all the things Santa represents, even when they know the truth.

 

It's a slippery slope in our home. Kids are so close in age that this was our last holiday for Santa. Not sure if I should tell the triplets also, or let the information trickle down.

 

fwiw, regarding the Easter Bunny: we told our DC from the beginning that EB is just a story. It's totally pagan, but a fun little holiday. Maybe you could segway into the Santa truth by reminding DS of what Easter really means instead of explaining both Santa and Easter Bunny fallacy.

[Parrothead]

My 9-year old still believes. I by passed the story of St. Nick the first time we went through the middle ages in history. I'm thinking of going ahead and doing it for 6th grade the year after next and telling her what we believe, which is pretty much what Gail believes.

[G5052]

I'd be very gentle about it though. He's probably figured it out, but is playing along because he wants to. My oldest acted like he believed until his younger sister figured it out because he didn't want to hurt her feelings. They were 7 and 10. He later told me that he pretty much knew at 9.

 

I've noted that peers can be pretty brutal at 11 y.o. if the boy holds on to some childish things, so I'd help him manage that if you can. My 11 y.o. still sleeps with a stuffed animal (which is fine with me BTW), and I've helped him understand that he probably shouldn't share that fact with peers to avoid teasing, even if there are members of the NFL who do the same thing:001_smile:.

[The Girls' Mom]

All three of mine killed Santa this year :001_huh: They cornered me and DRILLED me with he's not real is he? questions. So they all three found out the truth this year at 12 and 8. My oldest said she kind of knew already.

 

Good luck. I think it's ok for him to still believe...but it probably won't last much longer.

[bettyandbob]

We've done the Santa thing, but we never pushed it hard. Our kids visited Santa and generally got some of the things they asked for. For the most part the presents they asked for came from Mom and Dad or Grandma, etc., not Santa. Santa only puts a couple small things in the stockings.

 

My ds figured it out at 6 or 7. He really showed signs of figuring it out at 5. He was looking at all the toys I'd bought for the shelter in our town. In typical little boy fashion he was upset I was giving all those toys away and I didn't handle it well and told him he was ungrateful and that each child would probably get only one toy and that would be all they got for Christmas. His response "but what about Santa?" and then he had an expression of sudden realization.

 

I'm frankly surprised an 11 year old hasn't figured it out. Why would Santa give very expensive things to rich families and very little to poor families. If there really were a Santa wouldn't the gift giving be just the opposite. This might be a good opportunity to talk about charity and being Santa for someone else.

 

I think your dh is right. Believing in Santa at this age makes your ds a target for teasing--if the fact of his belief gets out and it easily could.

[jpklehm]

Yes, he probably has his doubts but is deciding to believe anyway. I think that's a good point, though, about the economic factor of Santa...will keep that in mind when discussing this with ds. He's a very responsible kid and has been reminding us lately that he's growing up (wanting to order off the adult menu, crossing over in to Boy Scouts, etc.), so my dh and I think that he will like being in on the secret from his younger brother.

 

We don't stress Santa too much, we want to keep the true meaning of Christmas in the forefront, but it's fun and I do love thinking he still believes. Oh well, perhaps it's time... :glare:

 

Thanks, everyone!

PAM

[Catherine]

Of my three, he believed the longest, until he was 11. He was in ps through third grade, and I heard with my own ears kids telling him there was no santa-he just smiled and said nothing. He's that certain of himself, and I love so much that he is so sure of himself. His closest friend is exactly the same. They figured it out for themselves last year, then came to us for confirmation.

 

So I think how you handle it partly depends on how your son would handle hearing this from another kid.