I need wise counsel

[Clarita]

I feel like you are saying both jobs are stressful or can be stressful. The lesser paying job might be more flexible. I'd go with higher paying.

I'd take a less money only if it significantly reduces my stress. I have taken a pay cut before but that's going from 12-14 hour days and 1.5 hour commute to a job that is 8hr days and 15 minute commute.

I'm saying this as a person who has had a paying job that I was good at and fulfilling. I felt I belonged and, even though it was a corporate job, I still felt like I was making positive differences in the world all that good stuff. So passionate about the job, totally miss it now that I'm not doing it. A job is still a job. There are still a lot of other meh stuff and stuff I'd rather not do that I had to do. Even though technically I was doing what I always wanted to do, I probably got to do that stuff 50-60% of the time. Some of it's just paperwork stuff that's of every business, there's always clients you don't like or people you are not fond of working with (this is a job that I can tell my boss I'm feeling peopled out and would like to work by myself for the day), tasks that need to be done that are meh. 

[bookbard]

I would always advise saying goodbye to a job that's stressful and is not fulfilling. Your job is what you do day after day. Definitely look at the new job, if it's a possibility. I never realised how stressed I was until I quit the job which was physically and emotionally damaging. And 42 is a good age to make a change, to really build up a different kind of life. 

On the other hand, I have no money sense at all - not one bit. So, ask someone who knows about finances, esp in the USA where you don't seem to have a safety net. 

[Bootsie]

A major consideration for me was the 13-year age difference between DH and me.  I was in a job that was stressful and unrewarding, which paid moderately well, but far below what was competitive, which made the stress even less tolerable.  I had to decide that I could hold out for a few more years, until DH could retire or I needed to find something else.  Finding something else added a bit more stress and complicated our lives for a couple of years, but now I am very glad I did it.  DH has retired, we have relocated, I enjoy my job, and I am paid well--although no job is perfect and there are still days that it is stressful.  I do have a job that has great flexibility at times and NO flexibility at others, so I can relate to that part of your situation.  I try to plan ahead for the times that I will have no flexibility and lots of stress; DH tries to help at more at those times and I do less housework, cooking volunteer work, hobbies during those times.  But, I know that there will be some months of the year I will have much more flexibility; I take advantage of those times and encourage myself to spend money that I am making to enjoy things I like doing.  It is also nice to have health insurance for us with my job and to be placing a significant amount into retirement savings (although DH is having to withdraw from his at this point).  

Looking back on the career decisions/money, stress, time tradeoffs we have made over the years, one that I would change is that I had a job for a while that had a commute that drove me crazy--it wasn't that long in miles, but I found the drive stressful; accidents and backups were common and construction seemed to be the norm.  I didn't have to drive at peak rush hour but it still was bad.  Some was just traffic flow in the town we lived in.  Our family life would have been much easier if we had found a solution to that more quickly.  

[KungFuPanda]

I'd choose the money over the fulfillment until the kids are out of college and you are an empty nester.  Once your kids are self supporting you'll have more financial freedom and can switch to the more rewarding career path.  Would you enjoy the more desirable job if it comes packaged with extra shopping, cooking, and cleaning that you don't do now?  

 

[madteaparty]

Well, I left that career and had some fun and homeschooled a kid and am right back to it. I have a ton of flexibility but also not (just like the way you describe: I worked a bit every single day of vacation this summer. I also drive my daughter to school and back and to tennis  everyday and barely need to go to the office. I work some most weekends, etc.but I grocery shop middle of the day too 🤷‍♀️

mine is probably not as lucrative as yours as I’m not (and don’t want to be) partner. It’s lucrative enough. I’ve decided i have an obligation to my kids to live in decent areas for the schools and to pay in full for at least their undergrad. So I am going to stick to this, my nervous system permitting:) until DD heads to college. Then I’m immediately moving to Paris 😉 (I mean we have a Paris office so maybe I will do that a while. Can’t think that far. Generally I feel a responsibility that if someone is willing to pay me that sort of money, I need to stick to it. This is a little bit of an immigrant mentality but here we are. 

[mominco]

On 9/22/2023 at 12:01 PM, lauraw4321 said:

When I have transactions closing, I hate my job. That only happens (for significant transactions) about 6 times a year. Between, it's just not fulfilling.

I protect wealthy people's money. I went to law school to be Atticus Finch and I'm about as far from that as you can get and still be a lawyer. 

I don't know much about your industry nor if you work for yourself or a company but have you thought of hiring an intern to help you with parts of your job?I know a few people who do this in other industries. 

I would also evaluate your retirement goals and work towards them while keeping your current job,Maybe with a goal in place you might be able to retire from your high paying job sooner than you might think That way you can always do something more fulfilling.

[madteaparty]

Can’t seem to quote—I certainly did not go to law school to be Atticus Finch but I will say this job makes me more useful to my little nonprofit because I can donate more $ and can also connect them with pro bono legal advice etc. As for the moral utility of jobs like ours, I subscribe to Singer’s philosophy. https://www.reuters.com/article/us-global-charities-altruism-idUSKCN0Q10M220150727

Edited September 24, 2023 by madteaparty

[lauraw4321]

Updates: DH agreed to financial planner. We looked at some numbers. 
I’m going to try to hang on to teaching my 2 high school classes, even though I don’t really have any business doing that with everything else happening in my life. But it makes me so happy. 
 

Im going to turn down the college teaching position for next year. It would be asynchronous and online. 
 

Im going to keep leaning in to work for now and see about increasing investments. Right now we just max out 401ks and have spent a lot on home repairs ($32K this year). I’d like to save and invest on top of 401K and hold off on some home stuff we were thinking about. 

[lauraw4321]

1 hour ago, madteaparty said:

Can’t seem to quote—I certainly did not go to law school to be Atticus Finch but I will say this job makes me more useful to my little nonprofit that is tiny but has a massive impact on food insecurity and food waste. Both because I can donate more $ and can also connect them with pro bono legal advice etc. As for the moral utility of jobs like ours, I subscribe to Singer’s philosophy. https://www.reuters.com/article/us-global-charities-altruism-idUSKCN0Q10M220150727

Peter Singer is the last ethicist I would listen to. 

[SKL]

17 hours ago, madteaparty said:

Can’t seem to quote—I certainly did not go to law school to be Atticus Finch but I will say this job makes me more useful to my little nonprofit because I can donate more $ and can also connect them with pro bono legal advice etc.

That's a good point.  It's always been important to me that I help those in need, and before kids, I used to donate hundreds of hours per year to community service.  But being able to donate money to good causes is also really important.  For example, my donations have helped to enable a number of girls and handicapped kids in low-income countries to get an education.

In fact, perhaps this is funny, but my original reason for doing my law/MBA was so that I could make money and use it to start a school, where I would pursue my main goal of improving literacy.  It didn't exactly work out that way, but I like to think I've done some things that make some difference (and I'm not done yet).

[Scarlett]

On 9/22/2023 at 5:39 PM, Ausmumof3 said:

I think you have other external stressors going on as well from memory and have hated your job for a while?

DH finally left his high stress job to follow his dream career in 2020. Even with the rocky road financially that decision plus inflation plus teen kids has been, I’m so glad he did it. He’s a different person and happier than he’s been since I first met him. 
 

Agree.  
 

My overall thinking on family vs money was shaped firmly when I was pregnant at age 34.  I had worked full time since was was 17.   I had a good job that I loved and had room for advancement.  
 

In the simplest terms my baby was a for real human….what would happen in the future (death or divorce, major sickness, failed economy etc) was all largely unknown. So I chose the known. 
 

It sounds like you have already made your decision but I wanted to weigh in on the side of happiness and less stress.  It is sad to think you are unhappy at your job where you spend so much of your day.  

Edited September 25, 2023 by Scarlett

[Janeway]

If you do not dislike your job (as in, don't dislike it, but just don't like it) but want the money, then stay with it. If you do not need the money and are just doing this to have a thing to do, then start looking for something more fulfilling. 

[lauraw4321]

A third possibility seems to be presenting itself. There's a federal position that I'm being soft-recruited for. It would be a pay cut, but not a severe one. It would mean less flexibility (you have to be in the office) but fewer hours overall. I'm going to at least apply...