Janeway Posted March 10, 2023 Share Posted March 10, 2023 My daughter is 11 yrs old and has ASD. She has been taking theater classes this year. This spring, she decided to audition for a musical and had been excited about it. But, when the call backs came out, she was not on any list. She will still get a part because everyone gets a part. At first she said she still wanted to do it. But then a little bit later she was weepy and said that she no longer wanted to do it. She said the judge is didn’t or look at her while she was auditioning. I told her that she is brand new to the theater so even if she did great, they would probably still want to put her doing a small part so they can get to know her before they give her a bigger part. I told her that I’m pretty certain that bigger parts typically go to kids have been there longer. And that if she does this for a while, she might get bigger parts in the future. Today, we had to go back for a second audition. This was not for a speaking role. She was happy to go, but once we got there, and she was seated, and tons of other kids came in, and they were really loud and obviously knew each other, and having fun, she started to get tears in her eyes and slink down in her seat. And then she asked me very quietly in a quiet voice if we could please leave. I think she was having an anxiety attack. Then she told me she no longer wants to do this. I saw this previously with Scouts when a girl joined that she didn’t know and she climbed up and froze and could not talk for a long time. There’s also happen when she was in kindergarten, and she went to a birthday party with her friends and then a child showed up that she didn’t know and she climbed up and was upset and didn’t wanna be near anyone. My question is, should I push her into participating anyway anise her in or should I let it go? I know the people there so I can talk to them and I know they would work with her. I actually know very well. One of the main people running it in her own child had special needs and he grew up going to this theater. Or should I just drop it? she swears that it is not about not getting the role and I think it’s very possible that it actually is about her anxiety and not about not getting a roll. But I really don’t know for sure what’s going on other than that she has this history of anxiety when there’s new people Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 10, 2023 Share Posted March 10, 2023 Let it go. She's only 11, they don't need her and she can't do a good job if she's that uncomfortable. What's she doing about desensitising? It's still a skill she needs to work on even if this isn't the place to do it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janeway Posted March 10, 2023 Author Share Posted March 10, 2023 11 minutes ago, Rosie_0801 said: Let it go. She's only 11, they don't need her and she can't do a good job if she's that uncomfortable. What's she doing about desensitising? It's still a skill she needs to work on even if this isn't the place to do it. She has taken a long time to come around and deal with being in church activities. She is also taking some various classes, including a theater one. Is this what you are referencing? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 10, 2023 Share Posted March 10, 2023 25 minutes ago, Janeway said: She has taken a long time to come around and deal with being in church activities. She is also taking some various classes, including a theater one. Is this what you are referencing? She sounds busy enough then. What I meant was working on the anxiety. It takes time to learn how much credence to give our feelings. Sometimes anxiety says "Woah, get out of here" and we should or must before we have a grand, old meltdown. Sometimes it says that and we should tell it to wait a while to see if we can get some stuff done before we leave. We can't always negotiate with our feelings, but sometimes we can. Sometimes anxiety is a brain chemistry thing, and that's pretty hard to negotiate with. Sometimes anxiety is because our IQ points have gone off and made up nonsense, and while that's still hard to negotiate with, it's possible to learn to win against it more often. It's not very empowering for your dd if she thinks she can't get a say on these matters in her own head ever, kwim? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted March 10, 2023 Share Posted March 10, 2023 (edited) My kids' experience in theatre has been that ensemble roles are the very best for making friends. Ensemble is more of a group effort than main roles, and those kids have opportunities to work and hang out together in ways that leads are less likely to enjoy. Two years ago my then-13-year-old daughter was in the ensemble for a production of Little Mermaid Jr. She was a seagull, along with a bunch of other girls. Those girls had so much fun together that they still get together every few months for "seagull parties." They share lots of inside jokes and have developed little group traditions. My kids have been doing theatre for four years, and most of them are ensemble in any given show. The youth programs we have participated in do try hard to give lots of kids a chance at bigger roles, but very rarely do those roles come in the first or second show they participate in. My autistic 17 year old son has a lead role for the first time this year and is doing great. The noise and chaos can absolutely be overwhelming for him--I watched him holding his hands over his ears during rehearsal a couple of weeks ago when the singing got extra loud. But he knows from experience how much he does enjoy being part of a production; he'll be able to pull himself together for the performances and play his role. And because he's been working with this group for years the directors and the other kids know they sometimes need to give him some space and time during rehearsal but that he will show up and play his role when it counts. Which isn't to try to tell you what decision you and your daughter should make; I'm just sharing my family's experience (with ASD and lots of anxiety in the mix) which has been that sticking it out in theatre when things might be a bit rocky or chaotic or disappointing at times has been worthwhile. My oldest daughter was too uncertain and anxious to even audition for the first show her siblings did, but after watching how much fun they had she jumped in feet-first for the next show, and theatre became her driving passion for her last two years of high school. Edited March 10, 2023 by maize 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Nm. Posted March 10, 2023 Share Posted March 10, 2023 1 hour ago, Rosie_0801 said: Sometimes anxiety is because our IQ points have gone off and made up nonsense, and while that's still hard to negotiate with, it's possible to learn to win against it more often. High IQ = anxiety? I’d love to know more. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted March 10, 2023 Share Posted March 10, 2023 7 minutes ago, Lovinglife123 said: High IQ = anxiety? I’d love to know more. Hi IQ + Autism often = anxiety. But not necessarily. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lawyer&Mom Posted March 12, 2023 Share Posted March 12, 2023 I’m autistic and I really enjoyed theater as a tween/teenager. It’s a chance to have a communal social experience without having to be in charge of any of the social logistics. (All I had to do was show up for rehearsals and other kids would be there!) I did a lot of different theater experiences, some through school, some through camps. Are there perhaps smaller theater opportunities that would be a better first experience? Some camps I went to gave every kid a speaking role of some sort. These were not giant productions, one camp was 15 kids doing outdoor Shakespeare. Definitely more sensory friendly than indoors with orchestra! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
kbutton Posted March 19, 2023 Share Posted March 19, 2023 Would it help for her to try something with new kids if she has a friend along that would not leave her in a social lurch? I don't have ASD, but I wanted to always be assured I would have a friend with me. A lot of kids are also overwhelmed by the process of these things getting sorted (tryouts, etc.) but are fine with the actual activity later. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MagistraKennedy Posted April 23, 2023 Share Posted April 23, 2023 On 3/9/2023 at 9:45 PM, maize said: My kids have been doing theatre for four years, and most of them are ensemble in any given show. The youth programs we have participated in do try hard to give lots of kids a chance at bigger roles, but very rarely do those roles come in the first or second show they participate in. My oldest daughter was too uncertain and anxious to even audition for the first show her siblings did, but after watching how much fun they had she jumped in feet-first for the next show, and theatre became her driving passion for her last two years of high school. This is what happened to us as well --- my daughter had a friend who was working in the drama troupe in costumes and BEGGED my daughter to come and help her. She worked in costumes for Midsummer Nights' Dream, then Fiddler on the Roof. As soon as Fiddler wrapped, she came home, exhausted, and declared, "I'm auditioning next year." Even though she'll tell you it was the hardest thing she ever did -- she DID audition -- twice, even. (play and then musical) She had an ensemble part in Our Town, and then a choir ensemble in Tuck Everlasting. She has had SO MUCH FUN, learned so much, and has goals of earning a bigger role as a senior. Her younger siblings are seeing her love for the theater and want to get involved as well -- her younger brothers are planning on working for the set crew next season. For us, it's been a wonderful experience --- created deep friendships, learned tools to help manage anxiety, encouraged stretching yourself (she danced during the carnival scene in Tuck and loved it -- although it's been many, many years since preschool dance!). If you can help her over that first hurdle, it could be a very rewarding experience. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Renai Posted April 24, 2023 Share Posted April 24, 2023 (edited) On 3/9/2023 at 7:06 PM, Janeway said: My daughter is 11 yrs old and has ASD. She has been taking theater classes this year. This spring, she decided to audition for a musical and had been excited about it. But, when the call backs came out, she was not on any list. She will still get a part because everyone gets a part. At first she said she still wanted to do it. But then a little bit later she was weepy and said that she no longer wanted to do it. She said the judge is didn’t or look at her while she was auditioning. I told her that she is brand new to the theater so even if she did great, they would probably still want to put her doing a small part so they can get to know her before they give her a bigger part. I told her that I’m pretty certain that bigger parts typically go to kids have been there longer. And that if she does this for a while, she might get bigger parts in the future. Today, we had to go back for a second audition. This was not for a speaking role. She was happy to go, but once we got there, and she was seated, and tons of other kids came in, and they were really loud and obviously knew each other, and having fun, she started to get tears in her eyes and slink down in her seat. And then she asked me very quietly in a quiet voice if we could please leave. I think she was having an anxiety attack. Then she told me she no longer wants to do this. I saw this previously with Scouts when a girl joined that she didn’t know and she climbed up and froze and could not talk for a long time. There’s also happen when she was in kindergarten, and she went to a birthday party with her friends and then a child showed up that she didn’t know and she climbed up and was upset and didn’t wanna be near anyone. My question is, should I push her into participating anyway anise her in or should I let it go? I know the people there so I can talk to them and I know they would work with her. I actually know very well. One of the main people running it in her own child had special needs and he grew up going to this theater. Or should I just drop it? she swears that it is not about not getting the role and I think it’s very possible that it actually is about her anxiety and not about not getting a roll. But I really don’t know for sure what’s going on other than that she has this history of anxiety when there’s new people What did she decide to do? Edited April 24, 2023 by Renai 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janeway Posted April 25, 2023 Author Share Posted April 25, 2023 20 hours ago, Renai said: What did she decide to do? I made her stay in and now, she is loving it. It was rough and she still hated it until Easter. But then, someone invited her to a birthday party and ever since, she has been excited and happy to be there. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted April 25, 2023 Share Posted April 25, 2023 12 minutes ago, Janeway said: I made her stay in and now, she is loving it. It was rough and she still hated it until Easter. But then, someone invited her to a birthday party and ever since, she has been excited and happy to be there. Friends make all the difference. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
klmama Posted April 28, 2023 Share Posted April 28, 2023 I'm happy for her! Good job, Mom, for making the right call! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MagistraKennedy Posted May 21, 2023 Share Posted May 21, 2023 Any updates? how did the performance go? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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