HSP personality types: Ditto/ Heartlikealion

[heartlikealion]

14 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said:

The wedding was at 5:00. They requested the groomsmen to be there at the same time as the bridesmaids, but the groomsmen just ended up sitting around for a long time. 
 

I would have been a bit frustrated, too. 

I didn't have bridesmaids, but I wouldn't expect ANYONE to be there at 9am for a 5pm wedding. What the heck were they doing haha. My wedding people showed up like a half hour, an hour ? early at most?? We did photos and some people got restless probably waiting for us in the reception hall but that's it. There wasn't like this several hour, all day long thing. Maybe they decorated at 9am? We decorated the night before when we got the key. 

[Indigo Blue]

1 minute ago, heartlikealion said:

I didn't have bridesmaids, but I wouldn't expect ANYONE to be there at 9am for a 5pm wedding. What the heck were they doing haha. My wedding people showed up like a half hour, an hour ? early at most?? We did photos and some people got restless probably waiting for us in the reception hall but that's it. There wasn't like this several hour, all day long thing. Maybe they decorated at 9am? We decorated the night before when we got the key. 

This sounds like the familiar way weddings are done. Things have changed so much, I just assumed it was just how things go nowadays. I really don’t know what on earth they were doing all that time. It just seems things could have been so much more simplified. This goes against every fiber of ds’ being, lol. He just has little patience for anything unnecessary, time wasting, poorly planned, etc.

[heartlikealion]

2 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said:

I’m reading Healing the Adult Children of Narcissists. It outlines some behaviors that are indicative of having been exposed to trauma. They all resonate with me, and some of them seem to  overlap with HSP traits. So I guess this is why I feel HSP is a byproduct of that. But it makes more sense now. It is a mixed bag, with introversion thrown in, too. 

For me HSP doesn't seem to have a connection with any trauma I have, at least, I don't think so. I feel like I was always seen as sensitive as a child. But I do think trauma or certain experiences, can shape us as far as wanting to be a person that doesn't want others to experience similar circumstances or pain. I don't know if my children are HSPs, but there's a chance that ds is. He's very sensitive to certain things. But also, my kids are less upset by violence and such on TV than I am. I will watch things like The Walking Dead and if it's just a zombie being hurt, it doesn't bother me much. But if I see a human character being hurt, it's much more upsetting. There were some things I fast forwarded. I haven't seen the latest season of Stranger Things and not sure if I can handle it as it's supposed to be more violent/gory? I actually thought about getting some streaming network where they edit some of the shows to be less harsh Lol. Breaking Bad was one of my favorite shows, but there were a couple scenes that were very hard to watch. I say a hard pass to most horror movies. I will watch thrillers. I have seen maybe a couple movies that might be classified as horror, but they were probably mild (The Grudge and one of the Halloween movies). 

[Pawz4me]

2 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said:

This sounds like the familiar way weddings are done. Things have changed so much, I just assumed it was just how things go nowadays. I really don’t know what on earth they were doing all that time. It just seems things could have been so much more simplified. This goes against every fiber of ds’ being, lol. He just has little patience for anything unnecessary, time wasting, poorly planned, etc.

I think it is the way things are often done now. Someone comes in to do the bridesmaids' hair and makeup (and maybe nails, too) so that takes a while. Then the wedding party has lunch and (maybe) does some fun pictures, and then it's time to get dressed and (maybe) do some more pictures, and . . the day goes by. I'm sure it was incredibly exhausting for your DS.

[heartlikealion]

1 minute ago, Pawz4me said:

I think it is the way things are often done now. Someone comes in to do the bridesmaids' hair and makeup (and maybe nails, too) so that takes a while. Then the wedding party has lunch and (maybe) does some fun pictures, and then it's time to get dressed and (maybe) do some more pictures, and . . the day goes by. I'm sure it was incredibly exhausting for your DS.

I just don't think I'd be involved in anything like that. It sounds so $$$ and time consuming! Xh was invited to be involved in all these expensive things for an upcoming wedding but he declined. They have an expensive bachelor party planned, for example. A couple hundred dollars is required for each attendee!! I'd be like oh my gosh no way, we're going bowling LOL 

[Indigo Blue]

1 minute ago, Pawz4me said:

I think it is the way things are often done now. Someone comes in to do the bridesmaids' hair and makeup (and maybe nails, too) so that takes a while. Then the wedding party has lunch and (maybe) does some fun pictures, and then it's time to get dressed and (maybe) do some more pictures, and . . the day goes by. I'm sure it was incredibly exhausting for your DS.

Thank you. He’s really good at describing the absurdity of it all (from his point of view) with a great deal of humor, so I was laughing so hard this morning. 😄

[Indigo Blue]

1 minute ago, heartlikealion said:

I just don't think I'd be involved in anything like that. It sounds so $$$ and time consuming! Xh was invited to be involved in all these expensive things for an upcoming wedding but he declined. They have an expensive bachelor party planned, for example. A couple hundred dollars is required for each attendee!! I'd be like oh my gosh no way, we're going bowling LOL 

It makes me all tizzy just thinking about it. 
 

Ds did say to me he’d be declining any more of this, unless it was his own brother’s wedding.

[heartlikealion]

Anyone else in this thread cringe at the idea of those family vacations where more than one family gets together and shares a resort? I have no desire to vacation with another family LOL. 

[Pawz4me]

8 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

They have an expensive bachelor party planned, for example. A couple hundred dollars is required for each attendee!! I'd be like oh my gosh no way, we're going bowling LOL 

It seems that many brides and grooms nowadays have a trip instead of a bachelor/bachelorette party. The bride and bridesmaids go somewhere, the groom and groomsmen go somewhere. That means hotel and meal costs and often airfare. It seems crazy to me, but I'm an old fuddy duddy.

[Indigo Blue]

7 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

Anyone else in this thread cringe at the idea of those family vacations where more than one family gets together and shares a resort? I have no desire to vacation with another family LOL. 

Well, we’re staying a weekend in the mountains soon, and me, two sons, and Dh are sharing one room. I asked the boys. It was their choice. We’ll see how it goes, lol. We haven’t been on vacation as a family since they were younger. 

[heartlikealion]

3 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

It seems that many brides and grooms nowadays have a trip instead of a bachelor/bachelorette party. The bride and bridesmaids go somewhere, the groom and groomsmen go somewhere. That means hotel and meal costs and often airfare. It seems crazy to me, but I'm an old fuddy duddy.

It's crazy to me. I can't even afford that for myself on my own time/my own plans let alone based on someone else's choice of locale

[heartlikealion]

Just now, Indigo Blue said:

Well, we’re staying a weekend in the mountains soon, and me, two sons, and Dh are sharing one room. I asked the boys. It was their choice. We’ll see how it goes, lol. We haven’t been on vacation as a family since they were younger. 

I'm talking about two households, like your family plus a whole other family, sharing one space. No thank you. Lol

[Indigo Blue]

7 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

It seems crazy to me, but I'm an old fuddy duddy

Nah, you’re not. We’re introverts, remember? This is the way we think. 😂

[Indigo Blue]

3 minutes ago, heartlikealion said:

I'm talking about two households, like your family plus a whole other family, sharing one space. No thank you. Lol

We’ve done that with close friends. I remember being very uncomfortable about the bathroom being in a not so private location. I don’t do well with that….

I much prefer to be by ourselves. 

[heartlikealion]

6 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said:

We’ve done that with close friends. I remember being very uncomfortable about the bathroom being in a not so private location. I don’t do well with that….

I much prefer to be by ourselves. 

If I was super close I could maybe do it. But at this time in my life I am not "vacation together" close to any family lol. 

[Indigo Blue]

Just imagine us on a vacation together. What would that look like? 😂

Pawz in one corner, me in another, and Heart upstairs cringing in the closet……

We’d have to come to some understanding and just go have some HSP/introvert fun on the beach…..go at sunset when everyone else has gone out to eat. 

[Pawz4me]

I don't really like vacationing (traveling) under any circumstances. I do it because DH likes to, and it seems to be occasionally expected of normal people. 😉 

But at home I've got all my comfy things, a quiet environment I can control, etc. Why would I want to leave that????

[Indigo Blue]

@Pawz4meAwwww. Okay. I get it. But an empty beach…..such a dream. All the prep, planning, being tired after. It’s exhausting. 

Edited September 3, 2022 by Indigo Blue

[heartlikealion]

10 min into Stranger Things season 4 and it was pretty gory ugh. I was worried about disturbing the dogs I’m pet sitting lol hopefully they don’t pay attention. 

[fairfarmhand]

On 9/3/2022 at 1:30 PM, heartlikealion said:

Anyone else in this thread cringe at the idea of those family vacations where more than one family gets together and shares a resort? I have no desire to vacation with another family LOL. 

I scored a 24 on that quiz so....hmph.

Yes, I cringe at the family vacations stuff. I have a hard time with just my own kids and my dh on long trips. We went with my dhs family one time where we all shared a condo. Everyone's kids were small, I had the oldest ones like at 13 and 11 and it was not great. There were 4 families and 10 kids under 13.

I've just learned to deal with things. I know my limits and try to stick to them.

 

[Ditto]

On 9/3/2022 at 3:14 PM, Pawz4me said:

I don't really like vacationing (traveling) under any circumstances. I do it because DH likes to, and it seems to be occasionally expected of normal people. 😉 

But at home I've got all my comfy things, a quiet environment I can control, etc. Why would I want to leave that????

I am this way too.  For all the same reasons you have.   I truly never dreamed anyone else felt the same way.   It is very validating for me.  I'm so glad you shared your feelings.    

[Ditto]

On 9/3/2022 at 3:12 PM, Indigo Blue said:

Just imagine us on a vacation together. What would that look like? 😂

Pawz in one corner, me in another, and Heart upstairs cringing in the closet……

We’d have to come to some understanding and just go have some HSP/introvert fun on the beach…..go at sunset when everyone else has gone out to eat. 

Originally, I said I would be hiding in a closet too.  But by the time I pressed "send"  I was already regretting even typing that!  No way would I want to be away from my home, quiet, and comfy things.  So I am bowing out,  someone else can have my closet!

Edited September 5, 2022 by Ditto

[Indigo Blue]

1 minute ago, Ditto said:

I would also be hiding in a closet too, surely there would be one for me, right?

Yes, of course. I do love sitting on the beach, though. Weirdly, I want to go to Venice Beach. Not a place for an introvert. I’m just so curious about it. Probably never will go, though. 
 

But, yes, we could all have our quiet place to retreat!😁

[Indigo Blue]

5 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

10 min into Stranger Things season 4 and it was pretty gory ugh. I was worried about disturbing the dogs I’m pet sitting lol hopefully they don’t pay attention. 

Dh is watching Hacksaw Ridge. I don’t think I’ll be watching that. 😳Watched a few minutes of Stranger Things and realized it wasn’t for me. I did love Virgin River. 

[Pawz4me]

15 minutes ago, Ditto said:

I am this way too.  For all the same reasons you have.   I truly never dreamed anyone else felt the same way.   It is very validating for me.  I'm so glad you shared your feelings.    

I was thinking about this more today. What I'd like is to be able to wake up at home in my own bed, get up and have my quiet, unrushed coffee time (no problem with caffeine here!), and then be teleported to some interesting spot where I could roam around and see the sights until late afternoon/early evening. Then I'd get teleported back to my house so I could wind down a couple of hours before bedtime and then go to sleep in my own bed. 🙂 

ETA: I've been reading a bit about HSPs online, and I just started the book last night (got it much sooner from the library than I thought I would). And I've already seen several references to HSPs not liking to travel.

Edited September 5, 2022 by Pawz4me

[Indigo Blue]

13 minutes ago, Ditto said:

Originally, I said I would be hiding in a closet too.  But by the time I pressed "send"  I was already regretting even typing that!  No way would I want to be away from my home, quiet, and comfy things.  So I am bowing out,  someone else can have my closet!

That’s fine. We understand. It’s just an imaginary WTM introvert vacation. 

[Pawz4me]

2 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said:

That’s fine. We understand. It’s just an imaginary WTM introvert vacation. 

If I had a bedroom of my own with a coffee maker and a balcony and my own bathroom I'd be okay. 😉 

[Indigo Blue]

5 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

I was thinking about this more today. What I'd like is to be able to wake up at home in my own bed, get up and have my quiet, unrushed coffee time (no problem with caffeine here!), and then be teleported to some interesting spot where I could roam around and see the sights until late afternoon/early evening. Then I'd get teleported back to my house so I could wind down a couple of hours before bedtime and then go to sleep in my own bed. 🙂 

Sounds perfect.
 

We’re going to the mountains this weekend. I’m tired just thinking about it.  I do want to give our sons these memories, and I want them, too, so I’ll do it and recover later. 

[Pawz4me]

1 minute ago, Indigo Blue said:

Sounds perfect.
 

We’re going to the mountains this weekend. I’m tired just thinking about it.  I do want to give our sons these memories, and I want them, too, so I’ll do it and recover later. 

I totally understand doing it for the family and the memories. We did a lot of that when the boys were younger, and even though I can't say I truly enjoyed it I'm glad we did it.

I hope you have a good time (and have plenty of recovery time afterwards).

[Indigo Blue]

3 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

If I had a bedroom of my own with a coffee maker and a balcony and my own bathroom I'd be okay. 😉 

We all can have that. You can bring your dogs! 

[Indigo Blue]

19 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

ETA: I've been reading a bit about HSPs online, and I just started the book last night (got it much sooner from the library than I thought I would). And I've already seen several references to HSPs not liking to travel.

Pawz, what book is this? Sorry if you already named the title. I can’t remember if you did.

[Ditto]

33 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

I was thinking about this more today. What I'd like is to be able to wake up at home in my own bed, get up and have my quiet, unrushed coffee time (no problem with caffeine here!), and then be teleported to some interesting spot where I could roam around and see the sights until late afternoon/early evening. Then I'd get teleported back to my house so I could wind down a couple of hours before bedtime and then go to sleep in my own bed. 🙂 

ETA: I've been reading a bit about HSPs online, and I just started the book last night (got it much sooner from the library than I thought I would). And I've already seen several references to HSPs not liking to travel.

Oh this sounds lovely!  But I always need to have my sweet dog with me (which I am positive everyone here understands and agrees with me).

Which book?  I requested one from the library (name escapes me at the moment) and need to pick it up this week.   How very interesting that HSPs don't like to travel.  Again, I really thought it was just me.   

28 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said:

That’s fine. We understand. It’s just an imaginary WTM introvert vacation. 

🤗   I have found my people for sure!

13 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said:

Pawz, what book is this? Sorry if you already named the title. I can’t remember if you did.

 I would like to know too.  I really wonder if it the same one I requested from the library.

[Pawz4me]

27 minutes ago, Indigo Blue said:

Pawz, what book is this? Sorry if you already named the title. I can’t remember if you did.

The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron. I sort of had the impression it was “the” book about HSPs, but maybe that’s not the case?

[Scarlett]

On 9/2/2022 at 7:13 PM, Pawz4me said:

I think I'm kinda liking having a new label. 😉 Reading more about it does explain some things about myself that (probably) go beyond introversion.

So could someone be a HSP and not be an introvert? I'm thinking no, or at least it would be quite rare? 

(Sorry, @Indigo Blue, for kind of sidetracking your thread. I will back away now and go learn some more.)

I wonder this too. I am fine being around people….until I am not.  

[Indigo Blue]

31 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron. I sort of had the impression it was “the” book about HSPs, but maybe that’s not the case?

I just got it. It’s free right now if you have Amazon Prime. I just put it on my Kindle. If you really like it, you could get a copy to keep. I’ll read it with you! 
 

ETA: In case @heartlikealion or @Dittowould like to know….

Edited September 6, 2022 by Indigo Blue

[heartlikealion]

That's the book I own (and the reason I was able to reference a page number is because there's a glossary in the back -- but the glossary isn't very efficient. I had to skip over a few pages to find what I wanted). 

I also own the workbook that goes with it, but it didn't feel like the type of workbook I was expecting and I didn't make it very far into it. 

Sweet low maintenance dogs don't bother me. It's the big ones, that jump on you, jump on counters etc. that make me less comfortable. I just dog sat this weekend and the dogs were large and a little rowdy but I can handle it in small doses. They were sweet dogs, though. 

[Ditto]

11 hours ago, Pawz4me said:

The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron. I sort of had the impression it was “the” book about HSPs, but maybe that’s not the case?

That is the one I requested from the library.  How do you like it?

10 hours ago, Indigo Blue said:

I just got it. It’s free right now if you have Amazon Prime. I just put it on my Kindle. If you really like it, you could get a copy to keep. I’ll read it with you! 
 

ETA: In case @heartlikealion or @Dittowould like to know….

Thank you!   How do you like it?   If I end up liking it a lot I will get my own copy too.

10 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

That's the book I own (and the reason I was able to reference a page number is because there's a glossary in the back -- but the glossary isn't very efficient. I had to skip over a few pages to find what I wanted). 

I also own the workbook that goes with it, but it didn't feel like the type of workbook I was expecting and I didn't make it very far into it. 

Sweet low maintenance dogs don't bother me. It's the big ones, that jump on you, jump on counters etc. that make me less comfortable. I just dog sat this weekend and the dogs were large and a little rowdy but I can handle it in small doses. They were sweet dogs, though. 

Do you like it (outside of the glossary not being very efficient)?   Thanks for the heads up on the workbook.  

My dog is small and low maintenance for sure.  

[heartlikealion]

29 minutes ago, Ditto said:

That is the one I requested from the library.  How do you like it?

Thank you!   How do you like it?   If I end up liking it a lot I will get my own copy too.

Do you like it (outside of the glossary not being very efficient)?   Thanks for the heads up on the workbook.  

My dog is small and low maintenance for sure.  

Yes and no. The author states that we’re sensitive and then included upsetting stories. It’s been a long time since I read it but I remember some stories of different HSPs and I believe one dealt with abuse. I was mad the author didn’t edit that part differently or omit it. I remember it being hard for me to read. 

Edited September 6, 2022 by heartlikealion

[Pawz4me]

11 hours ago, heartlikealion said:

Sweet low maintenance dogs don't bother me. 

You'd love Avatar Dog. He's low maintenance in everything except grooming, and he's so calm for that it's a relaxing thing for both of us. He takes his job as a lap dog very, very seriously. 😉 

 

1 hour ago, Ditto said:

That is the one I requested from the library.  How do you like it?

 

So far I'm finding it very interesting. I think the one I have (from the library) is an updated version. There's an introductory part with lots of study info, and I really like that. When I first heard about HSPs I guess I was thinking it would be some sort of "woo" thing, but she cites lots of brain studies (different parts of the brain being more active in people who qualify as HSPs, etc.) and I really like evidence based stuff. I'm just getting started with the first chapter. One thing I read last night that really stood out is that everyone gets more sensitive as they age. And I say a resounding "yes" to that!

[Indigo Blue]

@DittoI should be starting the book very soon. 
 

Avatar dog sounds wonderful. He is adorable. You all would have loved my little chihuahua baby who lived to be 18, a rescue who rescued himself by jumping into my car in the library parking lot. He had been standing in the middle of the street in town. He had the personality of  a golden retriever in the body of a chihuahua. He was so chill, my son called him “do nothing dog.” 

[Indigo Blue]

Excitable, large dogs would be an HSP thing? That explains it. I’ve always felt soooo bad that I found myself keyed up around hyper dogs when I really think of myself as a dog person. I really do like quiet dogs better. 

[Indigo Blue]

23 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

When I first heard about HSPs I guess I was thinking it would be some sort of "woo" thing, but she cites lots of brain studies (different parts of the brain being more active in people who qualify as HSPs, etc.) 

I admit I’ve been skeptical. That’s why I wanted to read the book. I mentioned it to my son. He doesn’t buy into it, but he could be convinced if there is science to back it up. There’s probably lots of people who would be skeptical.

It’s also interesting that, according to online sources), girls who were traumatized in childhood often present, when seeking treatment, very similar to girls who are on the spectrum. I’ve come across that several times in different places, and wish I’d made note of it. I say girls because girls presentation of ASD and boys are so different, so this doesn’t really apply to boys, for the most part. 
 

 

[fairfarmhand]

3 hours ago, Pawz4me said:

. One thing I read last night that really stood out is that everyone gets more sensitive as they age. And I say a resounding "yes" to that!

oh yes. My dh has gotten harder of hearing as he;s gotten older and I've gotten to where noise drives me nuts. So football season is not my favorite time when he has the television on.

[Indigo Blue]

Just found this video by someone I watch a lot on YouTube. He talks a good bit about the book we’re talking about in this thread, and more specifically about HSP and childhood trauma. One thing I noticed is that he discussed a bit what @Dittosaid about feeling so different from the rest of the family. Even if you didn’t have emotional trauma in your life, IMO, you can still get a lot from it. I do really like this guy. 

@Pawz4meand @heartlikealion….in case you’re interested. 

I haven’t started the book yet, but he does make it clear that HSP is a nature thing and not a nurture thing.

 

[Indigo Blue]

7 hours ago, fairfarmhand said:

oh yes. My dh has gotten harder of hearing as he;s gotten older and I've gotten to where noise drives me nuts. So football season is not my favorite time when he has the television on.

We’re going through this, too. 

[fairfarmhand]

2 hours ago, Indigo Blue said:

We’re going through this, too. 

I’m super grateful that he doesn’t get offended when I ask him to turn it down and I have a big enough house that I can escape from the racket.

i will watch baseball with him because I find that so soothing. But basketball is bad too, all the whistles and squeaky shoes.

[scholastica]

25 minutes ago, fairfarmhand said:

I’m super grateful that he doesn’t get offended when I ask him to turn it down and I have a big enough house that I can escape from the racket.

i will watch baseball with him because I find that so soothing. But basketball is bad too, all the whistles and squeaky shoes.

I cannot listen to sports on the radio. The background crowd noise is unbearable. I can watch baseball on tv, but not really other sports.

[heartlikealion]

16 hours ago, Indigo Blue said:

Excitable, large dogs would be an HSP thing? That explains it. I’ve always felt soooo bad that I found myself keyed up around hyper dogs when I really think of myself as a dog person. I really do like quiet dogs better. 

Oh I have no idea. I just think they overwhelm me and stress me out… same goes for small, yappy, bitey dogs. 

If a dog of either type doesn’t jump on me, get in face, or try to hump my leg, I’m usually ok. I don’t like dogs trying to lick my face and it kinda goes with the territory I think. 

Edited September 7, 2022 by heartlikealion
Yappy not happy

[heartlikealion]

Not really into sports watching in general. The actual voices/inflections of several YouTube stars dd has watched drive me bonkers. I don’t know how it doesn’t grate on my kids, too. Like they scream a lot or do high pitched things that are totally unnecessary. 

I’m always relieved when she watches Yammy or someone with a pretty calm demeanor. 

[KeriJ]

On 9/2/2022 at 8:19 PM, scholastica said:

I think one can be an introvert without being HSP, but I don’t think you can be an HSP and not an introvert. 

Actually, I am pretty sure my oldest is an HSP and an extrovert, or at least an ambivert.