N/M

[DawnM]

N/M.   I got enough of an answer and I don't need to be told how to respond or feel right now, so I am deleting.   It isn't worth more stress right now.

 

And thank you to those who answered the question that was asked.

Edited December 17, 2020 by DawnM

[SKL]

If the attorney is just advising her, I don't know of any rules that would require her to tell anyone else about it.

If the attorney is going to represent her in a case, I assume there are rules and procedures that would include listing the attorney on communications that the other attorneys in the case would receive.

I don't think there's anything illegal about having multiple attorneys working on a case, and people are allowed to fire their court-appointed attorneys.

Considering how loud your "someone" is being on the internet, it is fairly likely she will blab about all this to the court-appointed attorney sooner rather than later.  And then said attorney would have some obligations to properly transition the case if that is what she decides to do.  After which CAA would probably heave a huge sigh of relief.  😛

[catz]

Do you have an attorney you could ask?  I'd be printing and keeping records of all this just in case.  

[Scarlett]

Consider all of that social media vomiting a gift to your case.  Yes, print it all off and save it because eventually she might listen to her attorney and delete it.

[DawnM]

N/M

Edited December 17, 2020 by DawnM

[Scarlett]

21 minutes ago, DawnM said:

I have a full running Google doc with her posts and texts that I think are important.   I have even more saved as screen shots on my computer.   She is a train wreck.

I also contacted a person representing "the other side" this morning with some screen shots about her.   They were nasty.   UGH.

She is just insuring that she will never have contact when her parental rights are terminated.  Ugh.  

Edited December 17, 2020 by Scarlett

[DawnM]

1 minute ago, Scarlett said:

She is just insuring that she will never have contact have her parental rights are terminated.  Ugh.  

Honestly, it is hard to watch.   I cringe a lot.

[MooCow]

I am so sorry Dawn, that most be so stressful even though odds are she’s making her case that much worse. 

[Pawz4me]

It's perfectly legit to have multiple attorneys representing someone. But they do it in cooperation/coordination with each other, not operating totally separately and independently. That . . won't work.  At least not for long.

[DawnM]

53 minutes ago, Pawz4me said:

It's perfectly legit to have multiple attorneys representing someone. But they do it in cooperation/coordination with each other, not operating totally separately and independently. That . . won't work.  At least not for long.

Yeah, that is what I figured.

 

Edited December 17, 2020 by DawnM

[SKL]

One thing that might be an issue - how is she entitled to a CAA if she can afford an "attorney" on her own?  In the unlikely event that $17 is actually providing her true legal representation in the case, it may be against the rules for her to have a CAA.

I suspect this is a moot point, but it would modify my earlier statement that people are allowed to have multiple attorneys working on a case.

[DawnM]

28 minutes ago, SKL said:

One thing that might be an issue - how is she entitled to a CAA if she can afford an "attorney" on her own?  In the unlikely event that $17 is actually providing her true legal representation in the case, it may be against the rules for her to have a CAA.

I suspect this is a moot point, but it would modify my earlier statement that people are allowed to have multiple attorneys working on a case.

That is what I am wondering.   

Edited December 17, 2020 by DawnM

[hippymamato3]

Wow. It's not your place to be in touch with her attorney. Also, try to find some compassion for this mom. Though she may never be your friend or even someone you actually respect, she is your child's mother. She will forever be a part of him. Loving her is part of loving him. 

 

Edited December 17, 2020 by hippymamato3
had more to say

[DawnM]

4 minutes ago, hippymamato3 said:

Wow. It's not your place to be in touch with her attorney. Also, try to find some compassion for this mom. Though she may never be your friend or even someone you actually respect, she is your child's mother. She will forever be a part of him. Loving her is part of loving him. 

 

 

I didn't say I would be in touch with her attorney.   As far as the other part of this, there is so much more I am not saying, but this is a family member, so it isn't some random stranger, there is a huge history here.  My loyalties right now are to the child and protecting him.   

[hippymamato3]

Just now, DawnM said:

 

I didn't say I would be in touch with her attorney.   As far as the other part of this, there is so much more I am not saying, but this is a family member, so it isn't some random stranger, there is a huge history here.  My loyalties right now are to the child and protecting him.   

There is always so much more. Your situation is played out everywhere all the time. But you should try to figure out how you're going to explain things to your (her) child one day. And you want to make sure you're ready to talk about it with love. Trust me. I know. 

[Amy in NH]

36 minutes ago, SKL said:

One thing that might be an issue - how is she entitled to a CAA if she can afford an "attorney" on her own?  In the unlikely event that $17 is actually providing her true legal representation in the case, it may be against the rules for her to have a CAA.

I suspect this is a moot point, but it would modify my earlier statement that people are allowed to have multiple attorneys working on a case.

Imma go out on a limb and guess that $17 isn't buying her an actual attorney.  Moreover, her ability to pay $17 for an "attorney" wouldn't necessarily indicate that she could afford the fees for a real attorney, and the court would look over her finances to determine her eligibility for a CAA based on her income and expenses.

[DawnM]

9 minutes ago, hippymamato3 said:

There is always so much more. Your situation is played out everywhere all the time. But you should try to figure out how you're going to explain things to your (her) child one day. And you want to make sure you're ready to talk about it with love. Trust me. I know. 

I am well aware.  But I am allowed to be concerned and frustrated.

[prairiewindmomma]

Drama re: court appointed counsel is a not-uncommon dynamic. Look, “normal, healthy” parents wouldn’t be in this situation. You are seeing some of her illness play out. 
 

You can privately be frustrated and angry. But when that moment passes, try to find some compassion.  No one wins in this situation....

With re: to her finding her own counsel. Everybody else at the table knows $17 barely buys an attorney lunch....if that. Most reimbursement rates for court appointed run $80-100/hr, and a good attorney is going to start at $200/hr. She can choose to self-represent, but there may be a capacity question at play. Let her handle her end of things and if you are represented at this point, you handle your end. You didn’t cause this mess, you can’t control it, nor are you in the position to correct it. 

[HS Mom in NC]

I'm sure any evidence that's important to this case and protecting your child you can save and send directly to your caseworker and/or attorney. They'll know how best to use that information so the judge gets a clear understand of what's happening. If the other side is self-destructing with her own legal staff, they already know, or at least have a strong sense of it.   People like her, with obvious mental health issues, reveal themselves for what they are very quickly. No need to contact them and let them know she's unstable and volatile. No need to show them her social media posts about them. 

I have 2 step-brothers I was raised with from the time I was 3 (they were 11 and 10) who had a mentally ill bio mom. (She died a few months ago.)  They're in their late 50s now.  They're still very sensitive about how that bio-parent is spoken about, even when well meaning loved ones, including their spouses, are taking their side in righteous anger against the evil and cruel things the parent did to them as children in the 5 and 7 years they were around her . Even though they have no memories of the evil parent doing anything loving toward them. The take away is, don't speak negatively of the bio parent.  Ever. You can just focus talking about how terrible mental illness is.  We siblings and the parent and step-parent who raised us stuck with sympathetic facial expressions, non-word sympathetic sounds,  and hugs as appropriate when those subjected to the cruelty talked to us about the abuse unprompted.  We always let them bring it up. We listened closely and sympathetically.

I personally had to rescue a step-brother from a conversation his wife had in front of us about his bio mom.  Every word then (now ex) SIL said about his bio-mom's latest cruelty to him was absolutely true. The anger was perfectly righteous.  And it was causing call kinds of unnecessary turmoil in my step-brother who was sitting there with jaw clenched trying to control himself.  I pretended to be a  clueless conversationalist by playing rapid rounds of "pass the bean dip" for about 20 minutes until she finally got exasperated and left because I wouldn't agree that she was right. I told him I was so sorry he'd been put in that position and that as an adoptive mom I understand it's never anyone's place to talk about someone else's difficult background and bio-parents.  Birth parents are sacred-even the terrible ones.  He was choked up while thanking me for it.

And that step-brother's wife in the above scenario had mental health issues herself that resulted in cruelty and abuse to their own children. All traumatized children need quality therapy for it in order to avoid it in the future.  Their red flag systems are not fully functional. One of their daughters has mental health issues and I ended up convincing her to give me temporary care of her toddler because the mom's mental illness was a risk to the child. My adopted child was 12 at the time.  I was very careful to talk about the toddler's mom in terms of "That's what mental illness does, it causes people to do things they would never do if they were mentally healthy.  We're helping her with the toddler because it's not fair to expect mentally unhealthy people to handle parenting.  Hopefully toddler's mom will take the offers of mental health treatment because everyone deserves mental healthcare. It's not her fault she's mentally ill. Step-uncle [my other step-brother who was also subjected to cruelty in the above paragraphs] is offering to pay all her out of pocket expenses for her mental healthcare because it's the compassionate thing to do."

Later my bio-brother raised with us and his wife adopted the toddler and she's doing well.  Toddler's mom didn't take the mental health care, but she does visit her daughter on holidays at family gatherings according to her agreement with my bio-brother and his wife. She prefers the title of aunt, so that's what she's called.  The child knows aunt is her birth mom and her aunt at the same time.