Does anyone else have a hard time making decisions? Any tips for improvement?

[sassenach]

This is a hard area for me, especially in things that shouldn't matter as much as I end up making them. Example, we're replacing dh's recliner. He gave me free reign on the fabric choice. After about 45 min I finally made a decision. For the next several days, I thought about that fabric. I looked at it online, thought about what other choices I could have made, until finally I called the place and asked if it was too late to change. They said that I could still make a change so I drove 30 min back to the store. I took home 4 swatches, including the original. Now that I'm home, I think I like the original best. So now I have to have them put the order back in and I have to drive back to return the swatches.

Why do I do this to myself?

[Carol in Cal.]

See, I don't think that's necessarily bad.  What it means is that you made a good decision, and then you confirmed it.  That makes it really solid.

Haste makes waste sometimes.

I mean, if you did this about what veggie to have for dinner every single night, that would be different.  But this decision you will live with for a long time, so it's important to get it right.

[SKL]

I am not good at making decisions, but I'm fairly good at not making life complicated enough to require a lot of decisions.  😛

I have a friend who second-guesses everything nine thousand times after she has already decided.  And you have to discuss it with her until she is over it.  That drives me nuts.  "Make a decision and move on!"

In your case, it's fine that you double-checked and now you have solidified your choice.  Now stop thinking about it, LOL.

[klmama]

So, altogether this decision about something you will be looking at daily for many years is taking you less than one week from start to finish?  I think you are doing fine!  It was smart of you to get swatches to take home and mull over for a few days.  You had the chance to see them in different lighting and to get a feel for what it would be like to live with them.  If you hadn't done that and you ended up hating your choice, you'd be kicking yourself for years for rushing the decision.  This way, you know you'll be okay with it.  Good job!

 

[Carrie12345]

No actual advice, but I’m terrible with making decisions about home stuff like that. And we just did a WHOLE bunch of house projects, so I’ve been a basket case.  In the end, I have to remind myself that these are not life and death decisions. I often lean on neutrals to play it safe. If I want to try something more exciting, I do it with the cheap stuff. And then I just embrace the mishmosh look as truly representative of who I am inside, lol.

[Spryte]

I don’t think you did too badly!  You’ll be seeing that fabric for a long time.  Hopefully you’re happy with the choice now?
 

I’m not too bad with most decisions.  DH, on the other hand, researches everything into the ground.  So for tech gear or anything like that - I’m good.  
 

House stuff is harder, it takes me a little while.  But I tell myself over and over that nothing is permanent.  I think that helps.  Paint can be changed, chairs can be reupholstered, anything can be replaced.  I just make the best choice I can, and know that if we hate it, eventually  we will replace it.

Hope the new chair is beautiful!

 

 

 

Oh!  I almost forgot!  My first thought on reading your thread title ... Have you watched The Good Place on Netflix?  There’s a character who can’t make up his mind.  🙂

Edited December 11, 2019 by Spryte

[alisoncooks]

12 hours ago, WendyAndMilo said:

1. Lower your standards.  Very low.

2. Make decisions impulsively or without much thinking at all.

3. Be happy with whatever happens because you had no standards to begin with.

I think the above was tongue-in-cheek...but as a chronic second guesser, I think there's merit to it. You spent a lot of time making this decision and then rethinking it (and rethinking it again). For me, I have to say "Meh, it's just a chair" and make a pretty quick decision. Otherwise I find myself doing what you did, but never being happy/content with my choice. 

[fairfarmhand]

Is it just about house stuff or everything?

for house stuff, I get a picture of what I want the WHOLE ROOM to look like. I spend time on Pinterest. 

Then choosing the individual accessories is easy. 

[Carol in Cal.]

I find for furniture that I need to get an idea, picture the idea, then see swatches or samples in situ, then pace out how big something will actually be (sometimes with an actual big paper model), and only then make a purchase.  

For instance, when I was decorating my office I was planning on having two desks facing each other, so that I would literally turn around from the ‘working desk’ behind me to the ‘meeting desk’ in front.  When I actually laid out paper on the floor in the sizes that the desks would be, and imagined walking around the room, I realized that that plan was unworkable with the odd room shape (room has a diagonal wall on one side, which makes it challenging to decorate.).  I honestly would not have realized this without doing that.  So it kind of felt like a waste of time to pick out the desks and then have to start over, but it let me take my planning to a whole mother level, and I ended up with a computer credenza on the diagonal wall and the meeting desk in the middle of the room with my back to the wall of windows—way better use of the space, the special features of the room, and the lighting; plus a more professional appearance and functional layout.

I could give you other examples, but in general, furniture is (for me) a very long term purchase, and getting it right is pretty crucial since I’m going to live with it for years.

[sassenach]

16 hours ago, SKL said:

I am not good at making decisions, but I'm fairly good at not making life complicated enough to require a lot of decisions.  😛

I have a friend who second-guesses everything nine thousand times after she has already decided.  And you have to discuss it with her until she is over it.  That drives me nuts.  "Make a decision and move on!"

In your case, it's fine that you double-checked and now you have solidified your choice.  Now stop thinking about it, LOL.

I do this internally. I don't like that I thought about that chair nearly non-stop for 3 days before I called and went back for the swatches. It also drives my husband crazy. 

15 hours ago, WendyAndMilo said:

1. Lower your standards.  Very low.

2. Make decisions impulsively or without much thinking at all.

3. Be happy with whatever happens because you had no standards to begin with.

Goals. 

5 hours ago, Carrie12345 said:

No actual advice, but I’m terrible with making decisions about home stuff like that. And we just did a WHOLE bunch of house projects, so I’ve been a basket case.  In the end, I have to remind myself that these are not life and death decisions. I often lean on neutrals to play it safe. If I want to try something more exciting, I do it with the cheap stuff. And then I just embrace the mishmosh look as truly representative of who I am inside, lol.

We've made a few really big life decisions lately, one that I wrestled with quite a bit. Somehow, it's he chair that pushed me over the edge this time. I do think that house stuff (I'm just as bad with paint color) is hard for me. I'm not good at visualizing. I'm bad with scale and color. I want my house to look a certain way, but it's hard for me to translate it into real life.

3 hours ago, Spryte said:

I don’t think you did too badly!  You’ll be seeing that fabric for a long time.  Hopefully you’re happy with the choice now?
 

I’m not too bad with most decisions.  DH, on the other hand, researches everything into the ground.  So for tech gear or anything like that - I’m good.  
 

House stuff is harder, it takes me a little while.  But I tell myself over and over that nothing is permanent.  I think that helps.  Paint can be changed, chairs can be reupholstered, anything can be replaced.  I just make the best choice I can, and know that if we hate it, eventually  we will replace it.

Hope the new chair is beautiful!

 

 

 

Oh!  I almost forgot!  My first thought on reading your thread title ... Have you watched The Good Place on Netflix?  There’s a character who can’t make up his mind.  🙂

Chidi! Yes, I thought of him, too. I'm not quite at that level, but if you just dialed me up a little, I could get there!

3 hours ago, fairfarmhand said:

Is it just about house stuff or everything?

for house stuff, I get a picture of what I want the WHOLE ROOM to look like. I spend time on Pinterest. 

Then choosing the individual accessories is easy. 

House stuff is definitely harder for me. It's a combo of my lack of skill in visualizing and the expense of it. I hate to waste time or money.