My son has a zit! What do I do?

[PeterPan]

I know one zit doesn't mean a lot, haha, but I take it as the definite sign of puberty. He has ASD and needs extra instruction, extra structure. Honestly, he'd bathe less than once a month if we let him. Sometimes I pay the hairdresser to wash his hair, because at least he allows that.

What is the norm for a boy turning 11 for hygiene practices? How often should he shower, wash his hair, whatever whatever?

What do I have him do so he doesn't get severe acne? Is there a kind of normal face routine for pubescent males? When do you know to begin that? 

With my dd, she pretty much handled it, seeking out her solutions, keeping clean, etc. I don't know what boys do, lol. He doesn't *seem* to me to smell overall, but his head smells yucky a day after he washes his hair and doesn't smell all sweet like his shampoo, more kind of grungy. 

I was kind of assuming at some point I'd tell him he has to shower daily, but is turning 11 a little too soon? How would you know? Maybe every other day? But what about his face routine to help prevent acne?

You know, some to think of it, bonus for things that are guy-friendly, routine-friendly. Like if it's a box of cool masculine face wipes that are just cleaning, he might actually comply with that once a day. He's willing to brush daily, so he could do something like that. I don't think he needs something strong, just a hygiene routine at this point.

Edited September 21, 2019 by PeterPan

[wendyroo]

I switched Peter to daily morning showers when he turned 10.  He didn't desperately need them at that point, but I knew it would not be an easy transition and I wanted to capitalize on that big-old, double-digit line in the sand.  That was over 6 months ago, and he still grumbles about it a bit, but he has more or less accepted the routine.  He still has to present himself to me every morning after getting dressed so that I can smell that he actually shampooed his hair (don't expect what you don't inspect 🙄), but I'm guessing that may be the case for a LONG time since I still have to inspect his teeth every morning and evening or he will majorly slack off on brushing or skip it entirely.

For now I expect thorough shampooing and rinsing of hair and body.  He adamantly refuses to wash his face in any way, but he wears goggles in the shower and is willing to at least splash/rinse his face a little.  In the last couple months he has also started using deodorant.  He hasn't minded that at all.

I am not looking forward at all to dragging him through teenage hygiene needs.

[kbutton]

Tea tree oil soap is my entire beauty routine, though I swear priobiotics help. When TJ's discontinued their wonderful tea tree bar soap, I started getting Desert Essence tea tree oil soap online. A local store also sells a less expensive tea tree soap, but it's not quite as good. I alternate bars between brands, lol!

The smelly hair can be sweat, but it's probably just hair oil, or it could be that he's not scrubbing his scalp thoroughly if he doesn't like washing his hair.

It's not too early for deodorant, and some kids are taking daily showers at that age. Being consistent about face washing might be all he needs at this point, honestly.

My older DS likes Grandpa's pine tar soap, and it does tend to help with acne. It has a strong, smokey smell. 

[kbutton]

P.S. I think severe acne is something you often have or don't, and isn't usually hygiene-related. I mean, you can have bad acne from not washing, but the awful acne (cystic, etc.) seems to be something that hygiene doesn't prevent totally, KWIM? 

[Farrar]

I think every other day is okay unless he's an athlete. I don't think most people, even smelly teens, really need to take a shower daily. That's so American of us.

Deodorant every day though. Wash his face every day.

As for the zits... unless it becomes severe, just get a basic acne wash. There are products galore, but I don't think you need to bother unless a) it gets so bad that you're concerned about scarring or b) he himself begins to feel self-conscious about it. In which case, get things, definitely.

[alisoncooks]

My 11 is plagued by blackheads, no matter what we do. (Also, no matter what the dermatologist has done.) So I'd say, don't attach too much personal responsibility to acne. (I know you're not, just a gentle advanced warning. 😉)  I recommend something to wash the face with in the shower and something easy to wipe on the face afterwards (or at bedtime). There are as many recs as there are people, lol, but we like Cerave cleansers and Paula's Choice for face wipe-y stuff. 

[PeterPan]

34 minutes ago, wendyroo said:

I switched Peter to daily morning showers when he turned 10.

I wonder about the logic on morning vs. night? To me ds seems dirty at night, after a day in the woods. But in the morning would be kind of a relaxing way to wake up, hmm.

41 minutes ago, CuriousMomof3 said:

I have him soap up his face in the shower with the regular soap that's in there, and then use something like this in the a.m..  

https://www.amazon.com/Burts-Bees-Sensitive-Towelettes-Grapefruit/dp/B00NUJQG7Y?ref_=fsclp_pl_dp_8&th=1

See that's perfect, just about the amount of routine he can handle.

34 minutes ago, kbutton said:

Tea tree oil soap

I had completely forgotten about this! Like the others, I'm not sure he'll be willing to soap his face. I think he might use a damp rag if compelled. He currently uses zero soap. 

35 minutes ago, kbutton said:

The smelly hair can be sweat, but it's probably just hair oil, or it could be that he's not scrubbing his scalp thoroughly if he doesn't like washing his hair.

THAT is an insightful point. I had been sniffing, but you're right if he's getting some later but not scrubbing his scalp then that's why he smells again. Ugh. More instruction might help that. He may just be rushing and I probably made assumptions like that he was actually scrubbing, lol.

36 minutes ago, kbutton said:

Grandpa's pine tar soap

That is hilarious. Who knows with ds, he actually might too, lol.

36 minutes ago, kbutton said:

Being consistent about face washing might be all he needs at this point, honestly.

Yup, I think you're right that a light solution is sufficient, something I can actually enforce.

29 minutes ago, Farrar said:

I think every other day is okay unless he's an athlete. I don't think most people, even smelly teens, really need to take a shower daily. That's so American of us.

Deodorant every day though. Wash his face every day.

Well that's a good point that I could split them. 

25 minutes ago, CuriousMomof3 said:

I am sure you have tons of experience building a routine, so this might be too basic, but our routine is that you come home from school/after school activities, shower, and change your clothes before you do anything else.  So no TV, or video games, or snacks, (or homework, but my kids usually do that after dinner) or whatever until you're showered and changed.  

We do it for other reasons, but it's also been a pretty effective routine for us, because they come home hungry and ready to chill out, so they're motivated to hit the shower.  

So here's the irony. His FATHER does that and grandfather did that, but he disappears to his room. So you're right, if I got dh to tie returning from outdoors time with showering for ds, like he does for himself, the showering would be done, boom. That's really SMART.

25 minutes ago, alisoncooks said:

So I'd say, don't attach too much personal responsibility to acne.

Absolutely! I took it more as the realization that I wasn't requiring ANYTHING and that I probably needed to start SOMETHING, lol.

26 minutes ago, alisoncooks said:

I recommend something to wash the face with in the shower and something easy to wipe on the face afterwards

Yup, I like this. A rag in the shower and a wipe in the morning or when brushing teeth. That could get done.

[PeterPan]

1 hour ago, CuriousMomof3 said:

then use something like this in the a.m..  

https://www.amazon.com/Burts-Bees-Sensitive-Towelettes-Grapefruit/dp/B00NUJQG7Y?ref_=fsclp_pl_dp_8&th=1

Can you clarify, are you getting the white package that just cleans or the pink package with grapefruit?

[wendyroo]

We implemented morning showers because we are teaching necessary hygiene as both a health issue and a social courtesy issue. Health-wise I doubt it makes any difference when showers are taken.  But Peter gets very sweaty at night (just like DH) so when he was showering before bed he would then be sweaty and stinky again when he headed off to art/Spanish/therapy...right when he was going to be in close quarters with a group of people. 

Now he takes a shower first thing in the morning 5 days a week. On the other two days he has a morning gym class, so he showers immediately after that class instead. 

[KungFuPanda]

I wouldn’t resort to anything special right away. My son’s skin stays clear if he just cleans it with soap and water every day. There’s no sense in doing anything extra if clean works. 

[PeterPan]

21 minutes ago, KungFuPanda said:

I wouldn’t resort to anything special right away. My son’s skin stays clear if he just cleans it with soap and water every day. There’s no sense in doing anything extra if clean works. 

LOL I love this. I don't think we're actually quite to clean, so that's why I thought a *little* structure might be good, lol. I mean, he's literally trying to wash his hair once a month. We could go a lot further in the clean department just to hit normal, lol.

[PeterPan]

Just now, CuriousMomof3 said:

 

If he’s only gotten one zit, and doesn’t smell (like my kid at 11) then you must be doing OK and could probably introduce things one step at a time.  

So introduce daily showers or daily deodorant at 11, the other at 12 and acne wipes at 13.  Or one new thing a season or something.

Well that would be a more conservative path, lol. You're right, I was trying to make several changes at once, which will be overwhelming. One change, later another change, that would probably work.

[Storygirl]

I thought that having too many steps would backfire, so I just bought baby wipes for my boys to use for cleansing. I get ones that don't have a babyish pattern on the package; sometimes I have found Disney themed ones.  They use them once a day, at night, as part of the bedtime routine, but they won't do it if we don't remind them. Also, we have some acne cream for breakouts. The boys share a tube but use q-tips for application. DS14 has tried a few other products occasionally -- a moisturizer and a toner -- out of his own interest.

With four teens, I just couldn't bring myself to buy the wipes that are specially designed for faces, because they are much more expensive than baby wipes. My boys have occasional breakouts; if they had constant zits, I would probably spring for something more powerful. I have gotten the Stridex pads sometimes when they've had some more stubborn spots.

My girls have been more independent in using facial products than the boys. DD17 has had the most acne and gets it along her hairline and on her back. She has just used various over-the-counter stuff so far. I thought we might need to try something more powerful, but it seems to be less of a problem than it used to be. Just beware that some things can bleach fabric -- it has ruined some towels and pillow cases.

[SKL]

If possible, I would try to establish daily showers, as there is less to negotiate.

I would agree that acne is not something you control mainly by washing.  Of course washing is a good thing to do, but you can be the cleanest person in town and still get bad acne.  The idea that washing is the issue can lead to unhealthy habits that make the skin worse, not better.

One of my kids has pimples.  I don't mention it.  If she asks about it, I advise her to do what I did for many years (my acne didn't subside until perimenopause).  Wash my face with a cleanser that includes salicylic acid, and apply a benzoyl peroxide on a spot basis as needed.  I also advise her not to over-do the prevention/treatment, and to look forward to the time when her hormones stop producing pimples.

Diet can also affect acne, but that varies from person to person.  I know that for me, eating fried foods and chocolate made a difference.  However, it is up to the individual to decide whether they care more about chocolate or their complexion.  🙂

[Ottakee]

One thought is that teaching daily showering as part of a daily routine might be easier than trying to remember if it is shower day or not....or arguing over whether it is shower day or not.

I work with young adults, ages 18-26, many of which are on the spectrum and during our hygiene lesson the other day several mentioned that daily was better as otherwise they couldn't keep track.  

 

[PinkTulip]

One of the many things I have learned from this board over the years is taking zinc for acne. I have 4 boys and can tell when they haven’t been taking zinc because their skin breaks out significantly more. 

[PeterPan]

19 hours ago, Storygirl said:

I just bought baby wipes for my boys to use for cleansing.

Ok, you're blowing my mind. I have some Huggies free blah blah from our camping trip. You can use those on your face?!?! I got them for smores and sticky fingers, lol. So yeah, if it's that easy, that's fine. Or it's an easy way to see if that *modality* works for him. I don't mind the little special ones because it's only $4, not X4 kids, lol. But yeah, I'll definitely start there, since I have them and since they're not PINK, lol.

14 hours ago, Ottakee said:

One thought is that teaching daily showering as part of a daily routine might be easier than trying to remember if it is shower day or not....or arguing over whether it is shower day or not.

I work with young adults, ages 18-26, many of which are on the spectrum and during our hygiene lesson the other day several mentioned that daily was better as otherwise they couldn't keep track.  

 

Yup, I had a talk with his father last night about us moving him over to a "shower when you get back from working with Daddy" type routine. Work, smell, shower, relax. 

7 hours ago, Danae said:

I bought them the grapefruit wipes

Are yours coming in the pink package or something different? 

6 hours ago, CuriousMomof3 said:

think of the zit more as a sign that his body is changing, and that you need to prepare for the changes that come with that

Yup, that's what I had in my mind. Not that he's headed for cystic acne, lol. I just didn't know how to know when puberty was hitting on a male (yes, you can laugh), so to me the zit was an obvious indicator. 

Thanks ladies!!

Edited September 22, 2019 by PeterPan

[Storygirl]

I agree with others who have suggested getting into a daily routine for showering. Although 10 might seem a little young for that to be required, knowing that it may take a long time to establish the routine, I think younger is better. You don't want to still be working on daily hygiene when he's 15 (ask me how I know), so getting a solid daily routine in place while he is still young is a plus.

He may need some more explicit instruction, and he may still willing for a parent to be in the bathroom with him or nearby, whereas in a few years, this becomes trickier. DS has also needed to be taught/reminded that cleaning hair means scrubbing his scalp and not just washing the tips. You may need to explicitly teach that armpits, feet, groin, etc., need to be scrubbed thoroughly with soap. Daily deodorant, clean underwear daily, clean socks daily -- these may need to be taught or put on a checklist.

I've also found it helpful to have my boys use a 3-in-1 product that they can use on both body and hair. That way DS does not need to figure out which bottle has the shampoo and which has the body wash. V05 makes an inexpensive one and has been fine for my boys so far (DH uses 3-in-1 product as well, but he uses a more expensive men's version).

Oh, last season I bought each of my boys a bag with a variety of Axe brand products -- deodorant, body spray, body wash, etc. -- because I was getting some bath products for my girls. I don't recommend this!! Very strong scents, and there were just too many choices, and it was hard for my boys to understand that the deodorizing body spray was not the same as antiperspirant. It might seem fun to present these kind of options in order to encourage their use, but I found out the hard way that it's better to keep it simple.

Oh, and when we needed to add shaving to the routine (more a periodic necessity than a regular routine, so far), we decided that an electric shaver was easier than teaching the boys to use shaving cream and a safety razor (even though that is what DH uses himself).

My boys are also doing better tooth care with a Sonicare power toothbrush. Still not great, but better than a manual toothbrush.