vonfirmath Posted July 30, 2019 Share Posted July 30, 2019 (edited) 3 hours ago, fairfarmhand said: That doesn't necessarily have to be a professional DJ though. Search through your mental list of people and I bet there's someone who can manage this. You can offer to pay them a small stipend, and if the venue doesn't have a set up for microphones and such, you can get one to plug into a speaker system. There are some really really good speaker systems for very little money that have great sound and will fill a large space. We had a friend who did all that announcing. The fellowship hall was small enough no microphone was necessary. (after all when the church had pot lucks, the pastor stood up to pray and greet people and it was not necessary) People gathered around and listened as the speakers spoke. Edited July 30, 2019 by vonfirmath Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted July 30, 2019 Share Posted July 30, 2019 3 hours ago, Faith-manor said: Right. At the time, she was not making a huge amount. Her fiance was, but apparently she didn't want to ask him. Her dad was loaded, like seriously, 30,000 was a drop in the bucket to him. I think he'd have paid for the second dress if she would have asked. But her parents are divorced, and its not amicable, so I think she wanted to avoid more drama. The thing was, the other dress was $8000...I mean, just wear it. Good grief. What a prima dona thing! It was absolutely gorgeous, but she decided it wasn't her "look". So far outside the realm of my "normal" for sure. I can't figure out why you can't return an 8K gown? Was it already altered, or perhaps designed specifically for her? 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JustEm Posted July 30, 2019 Share Posted July 30, 2019 21 minutes ago, Ktgrok said: I can't figure out why you can't return an 8K gown? Was it already altered, or perhaps designed specifically for her? many bridal shops have very strict return policies or short return windows. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted July 30, 2019 Share Posted July 30, 2019 The conference my husband puts on uses students from the college, who are in the sound design program (or whatever you call it..maybe music engineering or something). If you have a college like that you might be able to hire someone there for DJ duty. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith-manor Posted July 30, 2019 Share Posted July 30, 2019 1 hour ago, Ktgrok said: I can't figure out why you can't return an 8K gown? Was it already altered, or perhaps designed specifically for her? Katie, I think it was because she had had it for a couple of months. It was an end of season sale. Vera Wangs start at $7500 and go upwards of $25,000 so I'm pretty certain she got it on sale, and then had in her possession for a while. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted July 30, 2019 Share Posted July 30, 2019 4 minutes ago, Faith-manor said: Katie, I think it was because she had had it for a couple of months. It was an end of season sale. Vera Wangs start at $7500 and go upwards of $25,000 so I'm pretty certain she got it on sale, and then had in her possession for a while. Ah. Man, so she bought an 8K dress without even being sure she liked it, then took months to figure it all out. Man. I get that obviously her lived experience is different than mine, but wow. Im' more fascinated than anything, lol. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith-manor Posted July 30, 2019 Share Posted July 30, 2019 Just now, Ktgrok said: Ah. Man, so she bought an 8K dress without even being sure she liked it, then took months to figure it all out. Man. I get that obviously her lived experience is different than mine, but wow. Im' more fascinated than anything, lol. I know! Right! Just not the same world. I felt like I wasn't really on the same planet with her, LOL. It went something like this. Put it on, loved it, absolutely loved it. Best friend oohed and aahed. It was "the one". It fit really well and only needed a minor alteration. Great price. Get it. Then narcissistic, always down on her kid always mother came to town, and poohed the dress. She didn't think it was "all that." Then niece freaked out. Calmer, saner minds tried to reason with her because take out a loan to buy another ungodly priced dress just didn't seem practical or smart, but alas. So another designer dress was purchased. And frankly, she looked a million times better in the first one. DD 's response was, "Sheesh mom, I'm actually quite glad you and dad and I don't have that kind of money. It kind of simplifies my life choices a good bit." 4 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted July 30, 2019 Share Posted July 30, 2019 I'm so grateful for this thread! My dd is probably getting engaged within the next few months and I know she wants to get married next fall. We are going to be sitting down to discuss *priorities*. For example, I had NO idea that my dd doesn't even care about having real flowers. WHAT?! That was one of my MUSTS when I got married! LOL Etsy has some amazing options (have you see these amazing WOOD flowers?? https://www.etsy.com/search?q=sola flower bouquet ) and we will probably do our own centerpieces with mismatched china teacups and greenery, etc. So really, communication is going to be key for finding out which things we can pare down a bit. Another example is venue. We have a lot of local parks that rent out pavilions and lodges. One goes for $300 and can fit about 120 people! There are a lot of creative options for venues and since, for us at least, we have options between $300 and $4000, we have wiggle room in that part of the budget. Photography can easily have a huge range in price. We have many really good amateur photographers among our friends who tend to take photos wherever they go, so we're just going to ask that if they were bringing their camera anyway, to be intentional about getting photos of the venue, decor, friends, etc. and sharing them with us. My dd has done the same for others and it works out well! My dh's and my favorite wedding picture is from a family friend! (And the camera of the friend we *hired* for the ceremony BROKE so we have very few good wedding pictures...and also why we would never have a friend do the ceremony. LOL!!) We are doing a small, 2-tier cake for the couple and sheet cake from Costco brought out already sliced for everyone else. (Plus a donut wall. lol) My dd loves Christmas but wants a fall wedding so we're going to go a little crazy with white string lights and draped tulle at the venue. Then she will have lights to decorate their first tree AND their house. 🙂 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
6packofun Posted July 30, 2019 Share Posted July 30, 2019 OK, I'm popping back in to say that this thread inspired me so much that I started looking at venues again and found...a barn at a **Christmas tree farm**!! This may be the one! LOL 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted July 30, 2019 Share Posted July 30, 2019 (edited) 36 minutes ago, 6packofun said: OK, I'm popping back in to say that this thread inspired me so much that I started looking at venues again and found...a barn at a **Christmas tree farm**!! This may be the one! LOL I always wanted a Christmas themed wedding! It didn't happen, despite being married twice, simply due to logistics. Maybe I should start now on convincing my DDs they need to get married at a Christmas Tree farm! (I had this planned down to the menu - carved turkey and ham stations- and how instead of a table for gifts they would go under a Christmas tree. I also wanted a surprise showing of Santa Clause, maybe to get his dance on during Jingle Bell Rock or something, lol) Edited July 30, 2019 by Ktgrok 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted July 30, 2019 Share Posted July 30, 2019 We actually got married the weekend after thanksgiving. We saved both on having a Friday wedding. And a November wedding. AND holiday decorations were up at our venue! We did no decorating. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted July 30, 2019 Share Posted July 30, 2019 (edited) 2 minutes ago, FuzzyCatz said: We actually got married the weekend after thanksgiving. We saved both on having a Friday wedding. And a November wedding. AND holiday decorations were up at our venue! We did no decorating. Yes! I did get married in a church (both times) and so that was my thought, already decorated! (although my tradition doesn't do full decorations until AFTER Christmas...but the Advent decorations are gorgeous and elegant). Edited July 30, 2019 by Ktgrok 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonhawk Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 Coincidentally, I was browsing reddit and there is a subreddit for "Weddings Under $10K". Lots of brides and ideas about what they are doing to keep costs down. A lot seems to be focused around flowers, dresses, and decoration, but also some people include their entire budgets (or planned budgets), so it can be a good resource for ideas. Since these brides are in the thick of it, they'll have pretty up-to-date ideas on what is normal and what can be done with today's dollar. https://www.reddit.com/r/Weddingsunder10k/ 1 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frogger Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 (edited) Realized I wasn't answering the question. Edited July 31, 2019 by frogger Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mumto2 Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 (edited) 12 hours ago, Ktgrok said: Yes! I did get married in a church (both times) and so that was my thought, already decorated! (although my tradition doesn't do full decorations until AFTER Christmas...but the Advent decorations are gorgeous and elegant). Just greens at your church? That’s what we did I think before Christmas when Dd was doing the arranging. What they could do with just green was incredible! Most brides just use the church’s flowers.......many tussles over trying to make the arrangements match their colors without paying the fee which was reasonable... under 200. One bride got married Remembrance Day weekend and made us remove the poppy’s.......we originally thought she wanted the poppy’s(because she picked that weekend rather intentionally we had been told) so tried to do things up nicer than normal! This is my first post on this thread although I have been reading! So some thoughts that this thread has prompted. For us the first question probably will be the size of the family my kids marry in to and the country they decide they want to have the ceremony in. Our side is low on surviving family who can travel and I doubt that either of my kids would want to marry in my midwestern home town which would create the biggest our side attendance. So I think for us we will try and limit the guest list......to just dear friends that my Dd or Ds truly know well. If I am being honest the list who can travel is small. My kids have been very active in our UK village church’s wedding business (and other nearby churches) and know weddings inside and out in England. No matter which country, many casual friends who would normally be invited will not make the journey to the other side of the pond no matter where the other side is. Much is going to depend on the other family.........if we have a village wedding it is normal for casual friends to come and watch the ceremony but not the reception. The wedding is the event......if you know the audience will be large sometimes nibbles and a toast at the back of the church or.......See below on what my kids will pick! Because the guest list will be sparse my choice would probably be to go for a nicer meal and maybe not the typical location. I really really don’t want to be too involved with the food. I am willing to spend not to be so that is my splurge, catered definitely ! I dislike wedding favors so unless my brides have their hearts set......I think spending a great deal on a dress is silly and know Dd does too. I bought a really nice veil for myself and have hopes of it becoming an heirloom (Dd loves it). It requires a rather plain gown which is good for cost I hope, because after the wedding dress thread here I truly no longer think dresses get reused except by sisters occasionally! 😂 Dd loved the Steampunk wedding she rang for a few years ago so I wouldn’t be surprised if she doesn’t go for theme which could be the big surprise in terms of unusual expenses.....they had an ice cream truck outside the church to give everyone ice cream cones after the ceremony once which both kids thought was cool and a true celebration. Yes, they got ice cream too! Everyone (even passerby’s) were offered an ice cream in celebration. They definitely would both have that! I can’t imagine Dd and I not doing the flowers in either country for both kids. She is a very experienced amateur who has done many weddings and I am the faithful assistant who is great at planning......lol. We played around with artificial for a friend’s wedding in the states last fall because hydrangeas were completely out of season for the wedding and thus super expensive. Bride decided she had to have fresh flowers and went cheaper varieties. We came up with some attractive ideas so I wouldn’t say never to artificial. I think doing your own fresh flowers as the bride is going to require a good known storage area to keep things nice for a couple of days so that is sort of to be determined. I spent a lot on my flowers so I do value the floral aspect! Edited July 31, 2019 by mumto2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
ktgrok Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 Yes, greens only for advent, and it is beautiful! Would be easy to say, add some pew bows in one of the wedding colors and be done! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 15 hours ago, Ktgrok said: I always wanted a Christmas themed wedding! It didn't happen, despite being married twice, simply due to logistics. Maybe I should start now on convincing my DDs they need to get married at a Christmas Tree farm! (I had this planned down to the menu - carved turkey and ham stations- and how instead of a table for gifts they would go under a Christmas tree. I also wanted a surprise showing of Santa Clause, maybe to get his dance on during Jingle Bell Rock or something, lol) Don't get too wedded to this idea.... I can't imagine allowing Santa Claus to show up at my wedding. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 1 hour ago, Ktgrok said: Yes, greens only for advent, and it is beautiful! Would be easy to say, add some pew bows in one of the wedding colors and be done! We didn't get married at Christmas and only had pew bows for decoration. The church did have stained glass windows though. But really -- the ceremony doesn't need much deoration. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
shawthorne44 Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 On 7/28/2019 at 4:38 PM, Storygirl said: An idea for flowers -- I was a bridesmaid in a wedding, where we each carried one silk calla lily. While I wouldn't recommend that, exactly, it made me think. Calla lilies are very elegant. If your daughter likes them, she could have each bridesmaid carry a small bouquet of three lilies (real, not faux) tied with ribbon. Inexpensive, yet elegant. And then the bride's bouquet can be more elaborate, with roses, etc., but also have some lilies in it. Picking smaller bouquets will definitely be a way to reduce the price, and the flowers can still be beautiful. We had real flowers everywhere except my bouquet. I wanted a giant cascade bouquet in white flowers. I was quite particular on how I wanted it to look, and I was able to make it a long time in advance. It now looks quite elegant on top of a bookcase. I gave the mothers the option of real or silk corsages. They both chose silk wrist corsages that are displayed now in their china cabinets. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith-manor Posted July 31, 2019 Share Posted July 31, 2019 4 hours ago, seekinghim45 said: As I was researching and seeing what my 2,000 wedding would cost, I found this article. Funny because my wedding was in 1990. According to regular inflation my wedding would cost like 3,800 in today's dollars. However, according to this article, probably much, much more: https://www.buzzfeed.com/megkeene/heres-what-my-parents-1974-wedding-would-cost-in-2017 That's a very interesting article. I have witnessed some of this myself. One thing that the local florist told me is that her bread and butter used to be funerals, holidays such as Valentine's, Mother's Day, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Weddings were a side business, too infrequent and not enough money spent to be a big contributor to her business. But, funerals have really fallen off. So many people are getting way more practical about funeral costs, and often in lieu of flowers, asking for donations to worthy causes. She's lost 75% of her funeral income in the past three years. While Valentine's Day and Mother's Day remain strong, fewer families are ordering greens at Christmas or centerpieces at Thanksgiving with many church's falling off hugely in the what they order at Christmas and Easter. So one way she has tried to make up for the scale back in revenue is triple what she used to charge for wedding flowers. Mostly, people have just sighed at the bill and paid it because...wedding fever. On top of that, the whole fall off of folks spending lavishly for flowers for any occasion, churches as well, has caused four of the six florists in the county to close up shop. Yes, I live in a county of 56,000 people and only two flower shops. We are 60 miles from the nearest Costco, Walmart keeps almost nothing for flowers, so it isn't big retailers causing this. Oh, and there isn't a single cake decorator in the county now either. The bakeries in the city have picked up all the work in the rural areas and with delivery, charge upwards of $5.00 per slice. The last wedding I did silk flower arrangements for had a rather simple cake...white and pale pink fondant, decorated with silk flowers, very simple buttercream icing borders. It was a cake for 175, and cost $750.00. I think the boom of DIY'ers, and potentially more and more people scaling back on specific kinds of spending has caused businesses to drop out of these services, and lack of competition drives prices up. In a five county area, there are two David Bridals, and two private bridal stores. That's it. This lack of competition I am sure has driven the cost of gowns up, and likely driven customer service down. I can honestly say that the DB in the nearest city has about the same attitude towards customer service as the local Walmart. It's not good. Rural areas likely have more issues with this than urban. So many of my sons' friends and acquaintances in college are super, duper practical people. As they are getting married off, their choices really aren't pinterest, high society. Some of them have simply had the religious studies professor meet them in the school garden, and marry them with a few friends and family present while wearing dress pants/dress shirt, and sundress or something similar for bride, people coming and going on their way to class. Someone snaps a couple of photos, and off they go. There is a lot of that going around. I was talking with eldest ds the other day. he is going to be the best man in a wedding in November. The bride's family and traditional church are insisting on a traditional wedding. Bride and groom are seriously not into this and holding their ground. The compromise seems to be getting married at their alma mater's chapel for a low fee, and since groom is going into the Army chaplaincy program, they have a military chaplain coming to do it for free as well. She bought a white suit, her bridesmaids are wearing whatever best dress they own, DS - who owns a tux because of some music performance groups he is in - was asked to NOT wear his tux because no one else was going to rent one. So he's on deck with his black pants and loafers, white button down, and navy blue tie. They made their parents limits the guest list to 50, and they are sharing the bill for that reception meal to be at a local barbecue restaurant. Absolutely no fuss. I am seeing and hearing more and more of that. I think times may be changing. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Faith-manor Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 55 minutes ago, Patty Joanna said: Yeah. Back to the 60s. In 25 years, it will be the poofy Princess Di dress again. 😏😎 Oh please no, just no. And I don't care what comes back in style, I am NOT going to have those thick, curled, poofy bangs again. It's not happening! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mum Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 Here’s a few ideas from DS wedding two years ago. We borrowed table cloths from a friend who had recently married and bought the table cloths on Amazon for cheaper than she could rent them . She did not want payment to borrow them We borrowed miscellaneous candlesticks that another recently married friend had collected from thrift stores and spray-painted them silver. She offered them and did not want payment for the loan. We used these with candles and eucalyptus picked from nearby trees as the centerpieces, Along with scattered white flowers bought at Costco. They had a small cake to cut, made by family, and for dessert for everyone They had an ice cream sundae bar. This was a huge hit. They did not do favors, it seems the opinion of the age group that these are a waste of money and no one wants them anyway. Groomsmen and dad’s bought suits at Macy’s. Our daughter was the coordinator on the day, gathering people for pictures, putting food out at the right time, directing preparation, etc. we have good memories Of all of the cousins setting the tables the day before and decorating the day of. Everyone pitched in to set up tables And generally get the work done. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 Instead of spending money on favors, I'd set money aside for stamps and write heartfelt thank yous to everyone that comes or sends a gift. That will be much more meaningful. Maybe enclose a picture of the wedded couple or from the honeymoon or something if you wanted them to have something to keep. 3 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vonfirmath Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 Any ideas for making sure the wedded couple have the addresses of everyone? My husband and I spent our first two weeks after the honeymoon writing thank you notes. But I know there were a few people that never got thank yous because I couldn't figure out how to get the thank you to them. (And one because I didn't know who the gift was from! They'd given them to a mutual friend and I didn't catch the name well enough when it was passed on to me And was too embarassed to ask by the time I realized I couldn't remember). Our wedding was announced to the church I used to go to (and where we were getting married) So I didn't necessarily have addresses for everyone. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonhawk Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 2 minutes ago, Patty Joanna said: Adding to this idea: young friends of mine got a postcard made of a wedding picture, and wrote their thank you note on the back. Win-Win-Win: We got a wedding photo, they got to write SHORT thank you notes, and it was postcard postage. I also loved that the photo was one of them when they were just a little giddy (not stuffy, but also not silly with their tongues sticking out). :0) Also, this doesn't have to be a all or nothing scenario, right? My grandmothers would have had heart attacks if I sent a postcard thank you for their wedding gifts. My mother would have gone into hermitage from shame. My father would have shaken his head EMPHATICALLY. But that would be cute and cool with friends and sisters and a few others. So the couple can save money and give a cute memento to the group of people who would enjoy that, and still do a more formal option for the people who appreciate that instead. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 14 minutes ago, Moonhawk said: Also, this doesn't have to be a all or nothing scenario, right? My grandmothers would have had heart attacks if I sent a postcard thank you for their wedding gifts. My mother would have gone into hermitage from shame. My father would have shaken his head EMPHATICALLY. But that would be cute and cool with friends and sisters and a few others. So the couple can save money and give a cute memento to the group of people who would enjoy that, and still do a more formal option for the people who appreciate that instead. A hand written post card thank you? We went to Nepal for our honeymoon, bought a boat load of post cards and sent all our thank yous on post cards of the Himalayas. Never heard any complaints. And this was MANY years ago. I find it weird that would cause outrage from anyone. It's one of those cases where I wouldn't care anyway. It's one thing to skip thank yous. Or use auto generated thank yous. Or putting your registry info in your wedding invite (which plenty of people do). Some people just look for stuff to be outraged about. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Moonhawk Posted August 1, 2019 Share Posted August 1, 2019 (edited) 1 hour ago, FuzzyCatz said: A hand written post card thank you? We went to Nepal for our honeymoon, bought a boat load of post cards and sent all our thank yous on post cards of the Himalayas. Never heard any complaints. And this was MANY years ago. I find it weird that would cause outrage from anyone. It's one of those cases where I wouldn't care anyway. It's one thing to skip thank yous. Or use auto generated thank yous. Or putting your registry info in your wedding invite (which plenty of people do). Some people just look for stuff to be outraged about. Well a postcard from Nepal would be pretty cool and would get a pass from most. But a postcard from Albuquerque doesn't quite have the same ring to it (no offense to Albuquerque, after all it was part of our honeymoon LOL). 🙂 It probably depends on how "traditional" (eta: formal is probably a better word) your family is. They would have loved a postcard from the honeymoon, no question, but it would not suffice as a thank you for a wedding gift. Edited August 1, 2019 by Moonhawk 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
May Posted August 2, 2019 Share Posted August 2, 2019 19 hours ago, vonfirmath said: Any ideas for making sure the wedded couple have the addresses of everyone? My husband and I spent our first two weeks after the honeymoon writing thank you notes. But I know there were a few people that never got thank yous because I couldn't figure out how to get the thank you to them. (And one because I didn't know who the gift was from! They'd given them to a mutual friend and I didn't catch the name well enough when it was passed on to me And was too embarassed to ask by the time I realized I couldn't remember). Our wedding was announced to the church I used to go to (and where we were getting married) So I didn't necessarily have addresses for everyone. In that case, I would have called the church office and asked for the address. If they didn’t want to give them to you, I would have dropped it at the church office and asked if they could give it to them. Of course, if the church is large, this probably is t realistic. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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