I need something fun to do with Grandparents on Thanksgiving

[frogpond1]

that will bring the kids (4) and Grandma and Grandpa together. The reason is, my parents don't make steps to get on the kids' level, and I've trained the kids to keep a distance from Grandma and Grandpa because when they were younger my parents just couldn't handle the kids. I know that sounds terrible of me, but the "children are seen and not heard" model seemed to keep the most peace with G-ma and G-pa. Now I want to build more of a relationship. The problem is G-ma and G-pa aren't game players. They are both artists and complete perfectionists. We also have very old Great Grandma too on Thanksgiving. My Dad is slightly Altzheimers so anything that takes a lot of directions would frazzle him too. Maybe there is something my children could make ahead of time to do with G-ma and G-pa. I'm at a total loss, but I really want the holiday to focus on family and not just the food. I'm not sure how the food will go because we have Opera with dd all that week and the big production Sat. and Sun. after Thanksgiving. Thanksgiving is sandwiched in between dress rehearsals. My house is not ready, my food is not bought, but I have to be loving and calm at Thanksgiving because my parents are so uptight. I pick up on their uptightness and the holiday gets destroyed. I told my mom that I wanted it to be a relaxed holiday and just a time to enjoy our family and she replied, "With four kids how can it be relaxed?" (My children are ages 7, 9, 11 and 14- so we are not talking toddlers here.) I want to show my parents how much fun my children are. They are very creative like their grandparents and they are very sweet, but they are wisely afraid of G-ma and G-pa. That is completely my fault too. I have to say I'm still afraid of them :confused: afraid of disappointing them that is.

[Remudamom]

I'm sending some of my special eggnogg over for you to serve them. It'll loosen em right up. Problem solv-ed.

[KatieJ]

My kids would play games with Grandma like Chinese checkers, simple card games like Kings in, the Corner.

Do you have a video of a performance?? Can they put on a play they write? Stay out of that one, let them do the whole thing. My kids used to do magic and card tricks and act out little dramas they wrote.

 

Can they share some school work?

Can they set up an interview session with them, like they were interviewing Them for a paper and ask questions about where they were born..things they kids don't necessarily know. Sorry, I am not coming up with fun questions at the moment.

 

I would do as much of the meal prep I could ahead of time.

Mashed potatoe casserole done ahead and just has to be popped into the oven. I get the stuffing celery and onions prepped ahead of time, so it's nothing to throw it together.

You can set the table the night before.

 

Your kids are old enough to be responsible for say, making sure the bathroom is ready, clean towels, extra roll of paper on the back of the toilet.

Another would be in charge of the table..another the living room.

 

Try to do what you can ahead and then the day will flow better.

 

:grouphug::grouphug:

[Jean in Newcastle]

Quietly look at photo albums with them?

[lllll]

Maybe you could take (slow?) walks with them, if they're able. There's something about the outdoors that sometimes takes the 'sting' out of tense relationships. And it can reduce the tension, too.

 

No need to feel guilty about how you've had to handle the parents. There are many of us in the same boat, for one reason or another, often nothing whatsoever to do with us.

 

If you could find a single verse to focus on, that might help. Once, my mil was in route to our house and we were having a lot, lot, lot of problems with her. I was so downright scared, I couldn't concentrate on anything. But I did gather enough of myself together to pick up my Bible and flip through it. I landed on 2 Tim. 2:7: "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind." It brought instant calm to my scattered brain and soul, and I was able to cope with the whole visit with a wonderful peace.

 

HTH.

[AuntieM]

Have the kids plan a performance for them. It can be a drama, a reader's theater, something about history... it won't be perfect, but it will give everyone some entertainment and something to talk about in common afterwards.

 

Also, when my husband's grandmother was older and less able to get around, she loved to sit and tell us about the old photos in her album. The kids (of three generations) were all fascinated. Your kids are old enough to be interested in that. If you don't have any old family photos, perhaps you could ask them to bring some of theirs to show.

 

And I vote for the spicy nog, too : )

[Harriet Vane]

Please, please stop beating yourself up about whose fault this is. If your parents want to be rude, alienating, and uptight, that is THEIR fault, not yours for trying to give your children some protection from that.

[JFSinIL]

Have them come prepared to tell stories of how their kids were at that age ("Your mom used to sleep with a stuffed wombat named Percy" sort of thing) and tales of life before tv, etc. Little kids can become fascinated in the ancient times of our past. ;)

[plansrme]

It's not your fault. You've done what you have to protect your children from wanting relationships with people who don't want to have relationships with them. That's your job. It's the grandparents' loss.

 

That said, how about making Christmas ornaments together?

 

Terri

[Shawneinfl]

We have always found this a great draw for all ages. You can set it up in a corner and everyone can join in (or not) as they feel like it. This was the thing that would get the most interaction from my fil when he started having memory issues.

HTH

[JennW in SoCal]

You know what? Your life is nuts next week so give yourself a break and forget about planning a joint activity. Let it go and you won't have to worry about whether the activity is appropriate, if it is working out, and you won't be upset if it falls absolutely flat.

 

The situation is not your fault at all. Your parents sound so much like my mother, so I know all too well how it is to have someone coming over who brings tension into the house, who thinks children should be nothing more than window dressing, how it is to want desperately to make things happy, to have something positive happen. You're making it harder on yourself by hoping you can prove to them what wonderful children you have. Your parents either get it or they don't, and nothing you do will change how they behave. Focus on YOUR holiday and your kids, do things they will enjoy, and learn to laugh at the absurdity of the situation. My mother's behavior became one of the family stories, as in "do you remember how Granny would (fill in the blank)".

 

Perhaps your older children can chat with grandma and grandpa like the articulate and lovely young adults they are. Perhaps the one in the opera will suddenly be interesting to them! I like the idea of having some old photo albums out, the idea of a short walk if the weather is nice. I also think having almost every food item made in advance will lighten your load! But if they never open an album, say nothing but "hello", "pass the peas", and "good bye" to your kids, the day will still be a success. Your kids will remember how you smiled and were loving to a couple of tense grouches in the middle of a very stressful week.

 

And, as a theater mom and musician, I can't believe you are dealing with tech week and opening night during Thanksgiving week!!! Yowza but that is brutal! Take care of yourself so you can be healthy and sane to enjoy opening night!

[frogpond1]

My mom loved puzzles when I was young.

[frogpond1]

we have a river we walk along. Thanks!

[frogpond1]

they just are nervous kind of people. I don't think they want to be rude, they just are not very socially adept people. They have always been very quiet, afraid of social situations and any hubbub. They have never gotten along with their neighbors well either. If I can get them relaxed though, they have a great sense of humor and are quite funny and fun to be around. It is really a matter of removing tension. The walk and a puzzle table may be the ticket to opening them up.

[skimerinkydo]

You said the grandparents are artists? How about having them give the children an art lesson? My fil is an artist and the couple of times we have convinced him to do a little art lesson with our children, it was enjoyed on both sides. One year he showed them how to draw a bird, another year they did watercolors.

[Halftime Hope]

You said the grandparents are artists? How about having them give the children an art lesson? My fil is an artist and the couple of times we have convinced him to do a little art lesson with our children, it was enjoyed on both sides. One year he showed them how to draw a bird, another year they did watercolors.

 

You know, my heart is *so* with you on this, but given the OP's mention that they were perfectionists, I don't know if it would fly. I wanted so badly for my family to pass on some of the family hobbies, but it only worked for one of my children. I actually had to wait for one of the GPs to pass on to draw the children into that hobby, because the GP was so domineering and perfectionistic. Ironically, his passion for the hobby *kept* him from passing it onto his Gkids. Go figure. We were able to connect the GPs and kids in other ways, and after that GP had passed, we tackled his hobby with great enthusiasm, often commenting that GP would have really loved xxx.

 

Sigh! I love your idea though...in most families I think it would work!

[Tina]

Decorate gingerbread houses?

 

Holiday art work? :)

[YJ in AL]

Maybe your kids could "interview" your mom and dad about how things were for them as they were growing up. My kids always make a point to ask my dad if he remembers any funny or silly things I did when I was younger. They get a kick out of hearing what Mom did and my dad loves sharing my most embarassing moments. :001_huh:

 

Yvonne in Alabama

[frogpond1]

glass of wine before they arrive! Then I'll do the photo albums, puzzle table, and possibly a walk with everyone if the weather gets nice. Someone put up a nice webhouse that has a Victorian town you can create. That would be a fun thing the Gparents could help the kids with, so I might print those out and then get some pretend snow etc. and let them make a Christmas scene. I'll get some little miniature garlands or something so they could decorate it all up. We'll take a lot of photos and make a special Thanksgiving collage later to send Grandma and Grandpa. If they don't want to do any of these activities, at least they'll see their darling grandchildren being artistic and creative in an organized manner and they should enjoy that. I'll just set up the stations in different rooms and see what happens. I might get a fun movie we could all watch later in the evening if they stay later. Thanks for all the help. I feel much better about Thanksgiving now. My littlest guy just wrote a fable about Grandma and Grandpa and asked them to email him some pictures, they emailed pictures and we sent the story to them and then Grandpa made a silly photoshop picture for ds's story so it looks like some fun is starting to happen. Last Thanksgiving my Dad was very ill with Colon Cancer and undergoing Chemo. He really wants to change his focus in life after surviving Cancer. My mom has been under a lot of pressure herself with his Cancer and now his Altzheimers symptoms so I really want them to feel at home and relaxed. I think they were pleased to be the subjects of the little guy's story.