quark Posted August 28, 2017 Share Posted August 28, 2017 (edited) This might be long. I just wanted to share and pay all the lovely guidance and advice I have received forward. My young teen is now a freshman at our flagship university. A has worked so hard to get here and I am so proud and my heart feels very full. Throughout our journey I hit so many roadblocks...curriculum that just did not seem to fit A, classes that were too watered down, teachers who did not get A's learning style, people who judged our choices and stopped being our friends, and life events that made me want to give up and stay in my pajamas all day. Add to this, all the anxiety, perfectionism, struggles with simple things because of A's asynchronous development. So many tears and frustrations. Just an example from recent events and I'll choose a simple thing like where I keep the kitchen trash can. All this while it was on our counter top because that was the only place that was easy enough for A to navigate without dropping trash everywhere and risking our sensitive-gut dog eating the trash and being sick. I hated having the trash can on the countertop (because we have little countertop real estate and to my OCD eyes, it looked so ugly, lol). These last few weeks, the trash can has been sitting neatly in a cabinet with no trash stuck on the cabinet floor. Everything is clean. It just hit me that I could not have done this earlier and also stayed happy and sane enough to parent this child. I would have been scolding A every day about it (I can be Type A about silly things like that). And today A finally managed to knot the trash bag (more quickly than before) to throw it away. Yes, it took 14 years for A to learn to throw trash neatly. But also almost finish a math degree (A only has a few required classes left). THIS. This is the asynchronicity that most people don't get. They don't understand that not everything comes easily to a child who can understand complex math in a heartbeat but takes years, no decades, to master simple skills. The key was to follow the ability and scaffold the difficulties. With as much patience as I could muster. To have faith and trust and a will to take the risk and do what brings joy. To take paths not knowing what could happen but to be able to back track or side track quickly enough that not much damage is done. To be present. In the last 6 months, I've seen amazing development. Independence. Sense of self. Determination to help mom with finances. While remaining the gentle, sweet soul that A is. Spring semester of senior year was brutal on the two of us. But we survived. We grew and we had each other through it all. And A is finally, finally, developing the street smarts that I had hoped would come. Yesterday, someone asked if I would help teach writing to their kid and all of my insecurities and imposter issues came flooding back. A asked why I felt that way. I said I hadn't done it in so long, that all I did the last few years was to facilitate things for A and find classes. I had done little of the actual teaching. And A told me that none of this could have happened without me. Without my coaching, mentoring, scaffolding. Without the little notes I would write for A and the constant question "did you put it on Google calendar?". Without the movie nights and ice cream and silly jokes and friendship that we built discussing audiobooks in the car. I felt so thankful. That we could homeschool...what a gift! It was worth all the anxiety and worry. Well, it wasn't always anxiety and worry. We had a lot of fun too. We laughed so much whenever we could. But you guys know what I mean. I wish you all as much if not more joy. It feels like I have just almost met my purpose in life. To help this kid. It feels good to know that whatever may come, we at least did this much together. And I could not have done it without the support from here. Thank you all! And the best to all of you! Edited August 28, 2017 by quark 38 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chocolate-chip chooky Posted August 28, 2017 Share Posted August 28, 2017 Oh my, Quark. You've got me all teary. Your support in the time I've been here has been so, so valuable. Thank you so much for all you've shared. I've always felt like you 'got' me and my journey with my A. *thank you* xx 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quark Posted August 28, 2017 Author Share Posted August 28, 2017 Oh my, Quark. You've got me all teary. Your support in the time I've been here has been so, so valuable. Thank you so much for all you've shared. I've always felt like you 'got' me and my journey with my A. *thank you* xx Different kids (but with names starting with A), different moms, different shores, but a similar journey nevertheless. It has been such a pleasure walking it with you CCC! When I first started this journey with A and at a lot of other times, it has felt very lonely. But there have been many precious moments when I stumbled upon other families with similar challenges. Slowly, we've become a community of families living similar experiences. Part of my reason for posting was to encourage families with younger kids...it can feel so lonely sometimes can't it? Especially when other parents near you have no idea what you are talking about. But it can also get better as they grow older and we figure it out. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pegs Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 Thanks for posting, Quark. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
4KookieKids Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 Part of my reason for posting was to encourage families with younger kids...it can feel so lonely sometimes can't it? Especially when other parents near you have no idea what you are talking about. But it can also get better as they grow older and we figure it out. And this is a major reason we're on this board. My oldest only just turned 8, and I've finally figured out not to talk about our struggles with friends, and instead take most of my questions to you all or our trusted psychologist we've seen for the last four years, though most of my friends are either unaware that we see her or think I'm making a mountain out of a molehill to continue seeing her. Oh well! lol. :) 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quark Posted August 29, 2017 Author Share Posted August 29, 2017 And this is a major reason we're on this board. My oldest only just turned 8, and I've finally figured out not to talk about our struggles with friends, and instead take most of my questions to you all or our trusted psychologist we've seen for the last four years, though most of my friends are either unaware that we see her or think I'm making a mountain out of a molehill to continue seeing her. Oh well! lol. :) Grab any help you can. :thumbup: 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Runningmom80 Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 Thank you so much for sharing. You have no idea how much I needed to read this. Actually, you probably do. :) 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rush Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 O, Quark, you are like the light at the end of the tunnel :w00t: Thank you for cheering me up :001_smile: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
madteaparty Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 (edited) â¤ï¸ Yes, if all fails, count the audiobooks...they should put that on my gravestone. Edited August 29, 2017 by madteaparty 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pegs Posted August 29, 2017 Share Posted August 29, 2017 â¤ï¸ Yes, if all fails, count the audiobooks...they should put that on my gravestone. This is now my motto. Count the audiobooks. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quark Posted August 30, 2017 Author Share Posted August 30, 2017 â¤ï¸ Yes, if all fails, count the audiobooks...they should put that on my gravestone. Trust me, I do count them. Whenever imposter syndrome hits (Did *I* do this? Did *I* help this kid? Me?!!!), that's the first place I look. One section of my Hemnes bookshelf has now broken under the weight of them. So glad to be of service, you guys. You have all held me up so many times. So many, many times. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
daijobu Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 Bravo! I'm also the "I hate the trash can on the counter" person. But I have many other "trash cans" in my life. I only wish I could go back in time and tell myself to relax and be less controlling. It was a hard lesson I gradually learned. I only wish I had learned it sooner. Congratulations on your journey: homeschooling is the Appalachian Trail of parenting. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lilaclady Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 Thanks for sharing that Quark. It has been so great to follow you guys on here. All the very best to you both. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Black-eyed Suzan Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 All the best to you, Quark! I have gleaned so much over the years from your honest accounts of struggles, great advice, and lovely book and resource lists. 😊 Thank you! I'm so glad your son is thriving! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MCLRunner Posted August 30, 2017 Share Posted August 30, 2017 Thank you so much for the encouragement. You're absolutely right that this can be a very lonely and isolating journey, but finding others has helped tremendously. And congratulations on A almost finishing his degree, … and on the trash can. There's hope for us in that!! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Kerileanne99 Posted September 1, 2017 Share Posted September 1, 2017 Just stopped by after a break-my kiddo is really challenging right now. Such a timely post. Truly. i seem to be struggling with a balance between her age/emotional level and the rest of her. I am glad to hear it gets better... 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
visitor Posted September 4, 2017 Share Posted September 4, 2017 Thanks quark so happy for you ... It s really nice to read your experience. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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