How important is it to you to be a member of the community?

[SKL]

I remember when I was 12 and we moved from a big city to a rural town with a population around 2-3,000.  In the city, sure people looked out for their neighbors, but beyond the homes of your kids' nearby friends, most people were rather distant.

 

The rural town was so different.  They had many free community events around the holidays and around different interests.  Kids were recruited to participate in clubs, sports, etc. (nothing elite, no charge - local businesses sponsored all of it).  People seemed genuinely interested in us as a new family.  We fell in love with that town very quickly.

 

I used to think I'd like to live out my years in a place like that.  However, I like my current home too - it's close to cultural things that didn't exist out there.  I can't say I really miss the warm community.  My parents do still live there though, as do half of my siblings.

 

It probably helped that there was only one school for all the kids to attend.  In my younger childhood, the kids in the 6 houses closest to me went to 6 different elementary schools.  :p

Edited May 16, 2017 by SKL

[HS Mom in NC]

  In my younger childhood, the kids in the 6 houses closest to me went to 6 different elementary schools.  :p

 

It's not that unusual here for the siblings in the same household to attend different schools. In our last neighborhood there was a family of 4 kids preschool-Jr. High.  The oldest attended a charter prep school, the next one down attended the local elementary ps in walking distance, the next one attended an elementary charter school and the youngest attended preschool.

 

[laundrycrisis]

I feel that community connections are for the most part very superficial acquaintances.  It's good to know a few nice people well enough to help each other out when needed.  Beyond that, it's not something that has ever worked for me.  Activities or schedules change, and the connections dissolve. When people say a town is home, and they have a large number of close friends - I don't get it. 

[KungFuPanda]

I'm a grow-where-I'm-planted girl. I can build a community anywhere. My energy level for starting over is lower, but I'd do it. I've never lived anywhere where I couldn't find a group. My DH DOES NOT CARE. He'd be a happy hermit if he hadn't ended up with a family. I make him socialize quarterly. He's nice and all, but he's humoring me and our guests. I maintain my friendships. His few friends are people willing to do that work and happy with seeing each other once or twice a year. He works from home and still thinks he sees his colleagues too much. We just have very different needs.

[Carrie12345]

I'm not a people person. I crave alone time.  I'm cynical and reflexively critical (mostly in my head. If I had less control over my mouth I'd be a social pariah.)  I'm also a control freak.  Basically, I was born to be a hermit!

 

Even though I'm not a fan of most individual people, I believe strongly in community service.  Since I'm not in a position to hide behind giant checks, I have to actively participate in the community in order to help.  I have to admit, it does me and my family good, too!

 

I did drop out of the whole "community" thing for a few years. At first, I didn't think I'd stay here. Then I was busy. Tired. Broke. Had health issues.  At the time, I thought I was fine with it.  Now that I'm back in it, looking back makes me sad.

 

All to say, I guess it's very important to me, but I don't like admitting it, lol.

[itsheresomewhere]

Living in a small town has cured me of wanting to be part of a community.

 

I prefer close friends and my family.

[Bluegoat]

About this idea of being "safe".

 

I mentioned my dad's really active community upthread.

 

I don't know about him, but I feel more safe having him there.  He's in some ways a difficult person, bi-polar and maybe BPD. Now that he is getting older he has other issues - diabetes being the worst.  His relationship to many family members can be uneven.  He had lived in that general area years ago, but when he moved back about 12 years ago, he was coming out of a very unstable period.

 

For a while I thought it would be better for him to move closer to the city where I am, but I'm sure that isn't ideal now.  Pretty much everyone there knows him and his issues.  They can keep an eye on him.  He's involved in lots of things but they are ok with it if he backs off for a while.  He's in a few bands that play at a lot of events and such, which he wouldn't be in the city.  He works in the summer a bit as a caretaker for the theatre for an honourarium.  He walks down to the coffee shop every morning as soon as it opens and talks with the old guys.  People make sure his furnace runs.

 

In a different kind of community he'd have a hard time getting by, but he's actually an important citizen there who helps others.  And I don't worry about keeping tabs on him because everyone already does.

[LucyStoner]

I feel much safer in densely populated areas than I do in small towns or rural areas. It's not a community thing. It's a numbers game. I find safety in numbers. And knowing that our emergency services are literally down the block.

[Pen]

Wow.

 

I don't have good feeling of being in a community and wish I did. What you describe (OP) sounds wonderful other than the issue about the restaurant not making money enough to be able to retire.

 

Could you perhaps get a manager or some such instead of sell, and go away for awhile for money making reasons and then come back to your community? Or close during the non-money making season and go elsewhere for those months for a while?

 

If I had the community feeling you describe, it would be a lot to give up. Not something that money could buy.

[foxbridgeacademy]

Not important.  We move every couple years (lived in 6 states in the last 12 years) and I prefer a solitary (if it includes my family) life.  Community means people rely on you and want to know your personal business  :glare: .  I wouldn't mind helping out at community events or community outreach type stuff.  But I don't want people to "rely" on me or expect it of me.  I really don't want people to wonder or be "concerned" about me and how I raise my children/keep my house etc...

 

[winterbaby]

About this idea of being "safe".

 

I mentioned my dad's really active community upthread.

 

I don't know about him, but I feel more safe having him there.  He's in some ways a difficult person, bi-polar and maybe BPD. Now that he is getting older he has other issues - diabetes being the worst.  His relationship to many family members can be uneven.  He had lived in that general area years ago, but when he moved back about 12 years ago, he was coming out of a very unstable period.

 

For a while I thought it would be better for him to move closer to the city where I am, but I'm sure that isn't ideal now.  Pretty much everyone there knows him and his issues.  They can keep an eye on him.  He's involved in lots of things but they are ok with it if he backs off for a while.  He's in a few bands that play at a lot of events and such, which he wouldn't be in the city.  He works in the summer a bit as a caretaker for the theatre for an honourarium.  He walks down to the coffee shop every morning as soon as it opens and talks with the old guys.  People make sure his furnace runs.

 

In a different kind of community he'd have a hard time getting by, but he's actually an important citizen there who helps others.  And I don't worry about keeping tabs on him because everyone already does.

 

This brings another aspect of it to mind for me. It takes a certain kind of strength and resiliency to thrive in the move wherever, mind your own business, all relationships strictly personal and voluntary, type of life typical of contemporary America - a sort of rugged individualism. It is not so easy on people who may be vulnerable or a bit different.