Scarlett Posted April 24, 2017 Author Share Posted April 24, 2017 This is the first (and only) reason that comes to mind as to why he would want to do this. Well, I don't think that is it. Pretty sure they just want me to have a father. Because I never really did. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted April 24, 2017 Author Share Posted April 24, 2017 Mom finally responded. She just said. Good night. We love you too. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 :grouphug: Waiting for a text back is agony. I'm glad you let them know what you feel. Your feelings and best interests need to come first in this situation, no matter what. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eternalsummer Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 Ah, but you do have a father. He wasn't great at it (okay, tbh it sounds like he really royally sucked at it), but he was your father. You don't need a different one if you don't want one. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be legally who you are to yourself in reality- a woman who has a father who was kind of crap and a stepfather who was kind and supportive. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janeway Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 For example... if your mom passes away before her husband, should she will all of her estate to him (so that he doesn't lose his home) and none-or-little to you? If so, it becomes his, and if he has no legal relationship to you, his descendants would certainly not expect to split his assets with you when he passes -- even though some of "his" assets were from your mother. This effectively leaves you with in a scenario of no inheritance from her. She probably doesn't want that. Then, maybe (they think) to avoid that scenario they should decide that you get some of your mom's estate directly (if she passes first). That sounds fair, but would result in her husband losing his whole life immediately upon losing his beloved wife (because the assets (house) would have to be liquified and divided). So that's not great either... I can see why a legal adoption of you by him would clear things up a little, without there being any sentiment involved. (And that's just one of many possibilities and hiccups.) legally, anyone can leave anything to anyone. My MIL tells me that she has left all her money to an exgirlfriend of my husbands because she prefers her. That is perfectly legal. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
StephanieZ Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 You express your complicated emotions so eloquently and clearly in post 9. I think if you could just put that into a letter into your parents, they'd likely be able to understand. What you wrote is sad and beautiful and strong. Save it somewhere. (((hugs))) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Melissa in Australia Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 :grouphug: My step dad adopted me - but I was 6 ..... age makes a HUGE difference 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 I'm glad it was resolved. I was younger when I lost my mum but was fiercely resentful if anyone tried to take her role. So I kind of understand your response a bit. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted April 24, 2017 Author Share Posted April 24, 2017 I'm glad it was resolved. I was younger when I lost my mum but was fiercely resentful if anyone tried to take her role. So I kind of understand your response a bit. Oh I don't think it is resolved. *I* am resolved but I dread how hurt my step dad is and I think my mom will be a little mad. She always gets mad when step dad is hurt. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted April 24, 2017 Author Share Posted April 24, 2017 (edited) You express your complicated emotions so eloquently and clearly in post 9. I think if you could just put that into a letter into your parents, they'd likely be able to understand. What you wrote is sad and beautiful and strong. Save it somewhere. (((hugs))) Thank you that means a lot. Edited April 24, 2017 by Scarlett 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ausmumof3 Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 Oh I don't think it is resolved. *I* am resolved but I dread how hurt my step dad is and I think my mom will be a little mad. She always gets mad when step dad is hurt. Oh sorry I misunderstood. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bolt. Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 legally, anyone can leave anything to anyone. My MIL tells me that she has left all her money to an exgirlfriend of my husbands because she prefers her. That is perfectly legal.Yes, it's legal -- but if a blood relation challenges the will, it's very likely to take years to go through the court system, and could cost more than anyone would have inherited anyways. I don't mean that it's impossible or illegal, just that it's complex and often hurtful in the end. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted April 24, 2017 Author Share Posted April 24, 2017 No worries there. My step sister and I are very close. Neither of us would ever challenge their will. In fact I watched her deal with her maternal aunts who tried to steal a bit of inheritance. She woukd never fight over anything material. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 24, 2017 Share Posted April 24, 2017 legally, anyone can leave anything to anyone. My MIL tells me that she has left all her money to an exgirlfriend of my husbands because she prefers her. That is perfectly legal. Dang, she sounds horrid. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
luuknam Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 Probably not an issue in this case, but in NL the inheritance tax rate is different depending on your relationship to the deceased. So, when my parents updated their will, they even put in some sort of clause where after they die my brother and I get about half each, and if my brother dies while he's still unmarried/without kids, whatever money is left from his part of the inheritance reverts back to my parents and then gets passed on to me that way, because the parent/child inheritance tax rate is lower than the sibling inheritance tax rate. It sounded really weird to me, but w/e... My point is that sometimes inheritance tax law is wacky. (I'm surprised they decided to set up something like that since they don't have much money, but I think my dad was kind of pissed off at the Dutch version of the IRS at the time, so...) 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
heartlikealion Posted April 25, 2017 Share Posted April 25, 2017 Mom finally responded. She just said. Good night. We love you too. was that passive aggressive? I don't know how I'd take that. But maybe they just didn't want to talk about it so just wrote that to acknowledge you had messaged them. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted April 25, 2017 Author Share Posted April 25, 2017 was that passive aggressive? I don't know how I'd take that. But maybe they just didn't want to talk about it so just wrote that to acknowledge you had messaged them. It took over an hour to respond....a long time for mom. But I think it was just an acknowledgment. The next morning she texted hi to me and a couple of lines of chit chat. So it is probably fine. In a few weeks I am going to spend a week with them while she recovers from surgery.. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.