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Anxiety? Stress? General overwhelm? How would you approach this?


ILiveInFlipFlops
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I just don't want to drive anymore. I'm OK with errand-type trips around town--probably anything under 20 minutes or so--but the idea of driving or even being in the car much past that just makes me want to go lay down in my bed and sleep for the rest of the day. 

 

I don't think it's anxiety. I've had some panic attacks while driving in the past, but those have been under control for awhile now, and this doesn't feel like that. I even drove over the Chesapeake Bay Bridge-Tunnel last summer successfully! So I don't think it's related to my panic. It's more that I just resent the time that feels wasted in the car. A lot. 

 

Except that I have a teenager who has social engagements (and needs to get out more to combat he down anxiety) and a very extroverted middle schooler who is also starting to be out and about more in addition to her weekly programs, and there are a lot of things we need/want to do that are enriching to our lives and homeschooling that I'm finding myself saying no to because I just can't deal with the drive, even though the thing itself is something I want to do. 

 

What do I do about this? Assuming it's not anxiety--and I don't think it is, but I could be wrong--how do I find a way to just do what needs to be done? Life IS very stressful right now. I work part time in a job that has grown from 4-5 hours a week to probably 15-16, DH is rarely home, I'm homeschooling one "spirited" kid and one about-to-be-high schooler, and we're dealing with a host of smallish, but still significant, issues educationally and mental health-wise. I really cannot slow down without dropping the ball on something important, but in the meantime, I feel like I'm short-changing us in this way, since we obviously just need to go places sometimes!

 

I'd love to hear thoughts on how people deal with this or might suggest one deal with this. Or if you happen to know where I could get a reliable teleporter, that would also be great. Thanks!

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I agree.  Anxiety doesn't have to manifest as a panic attack.  Actually, mostly when I am suffering from anxiety I feel as you feel, I want to lie down.  An avoidance mechanism gets triggered.  Lying down and sleeping keeps you from having to deal with the anxiety triggering event so your body starts trying to get you to go lie down.  Anxiety triggering experience averted.  All is well.  Except it isn't because the things you need and want to do are not getting done.  Hard place to be.  

 

Are you seeing anyone that deals with this type of issue?

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Hmm...really? Does it have to be anxiety? I mean, I'm open to that, but it couldn't just be that I spend every minute of the day doing stuff for other people, and this is where my brain has drawn the line? I never really liked to drive--it always felt like a chore, though I was more willing to do it than I am now. And it's not just the driving; I also don't want to be a passenger for long trips in the car. It almost makes me kind of angry to feel like I'm being forced to do something I don't want to do when I would so much rather be home doing things that actually matter and that I need and want to get done so they're off my plate. 

 

Thinking more about this, I think I'm feeling pretty burned out overall, but I can't figure out where to cut anything back. My job can't be scaled back. In fact, it's slowly increasing, and there's nothing I can do about that. Homeschooling is ramping up as the kids get older, as are their social and emotional needs. DH is working his tail off to be successful in his own job (they're finding reasons to fire people). And one kids has an LD and the other has anxiety, depression, and possible PCOS that we're trying to sort out.

 

So I kind of feel like, when it comes to driving a group of kids 45 minutes to the amusement park (a place I REALLY don't enjoy, but where at least I'll get to sit in a booth reading for hours while they have fun, and anyway, who else is going to do it?), or driving to a Japanese festival I would really like to go to but I'll have to spend two hours in the car in city traffic to get there, and then two hours back...I just can't bring myself to deal with the drive.

 

Does this still sound like anxiety? I admit I'm only personally familiar with the panic form. On the surface, to me, this feels more like exhaustion, but I guess either way I'd probably benefit from talking to someone.  

 

I will say that I'm not all stressed about the drive to our annual beach vacation in a few weeks. That drive is always fun and the destination is totally worth the 12 hours in the car!  :thumbup1:

 

Thanks for helping me think this through. DH is rarely here for me to talk to, I can't talk to my mom (she's my boss and actually takes on a bunch of my work for me without pay), and I hate that this is impacting my kids. Bleh.

Edited by ILiveInFlipFlops
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I'm with you.  I'm not sure that it's anxiety, either.  I think I fought those drives for 3-4 years.  Somehow, this year, I can just do them.  I don't know why.  I know that is no help.

 

I grew up in a city and driving that far just feels like a waste of time, you are right.  It is maddening.

 

Audio books help me with long drives.  I also do deep breathing which helps me with my general stress level.  (I don't do it b/c I am stressed, but to lower general stress and use the time.)

 

I also admit to myself that I hate it, but tell myself that I can do it.  I think things like--it's not forever, just the next x years.  Or--I am glad my dc have this opportunity.  I can do this for them.

 

 

 

 

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I think it sounds like a stress response, possibly a form of anxiety. But more about being maxed out in what you already have to do and having to add something else is just the breaking point. I really empathize with you. My dc are around the same age, I work 15-20 hrs/week, trying to homeschool, etc. I often feel like I'd just like to lay down and have everyone leave me alone. My kids complain I never want to do anything fun or go anywhere. I wish I had a solution for you, but you aren't alone in how you feel. For me, it's stress and feeling overwhelmed causing anxiety.

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I think it sounds like a stress response, possibly a form of anxiety. But more about being maxed out in what you already have to do and having to add something else is just the breaking point. I really empathize with you. My dc are around the same age, I work 15-20 hrs/week, trying to homeschool, etc. I often feel like I'd just like to lay down and have everyone leave me alone. My kids complain I never want to do anything fun or go anywhere. I wish I had a solution for you, but you aren't alone in how you feel. For me, it's stress and feeling overwhelmed causing anxiety.

 

Yes, I had a counselor tell me that the reason I was having anxiety was that I was overwhelmed by all my responsibilities.

 

Ok. .. . . so. . . . .

 

I guess get rid of what you can, lower expectations when reasonable, positive messages about what you need to do, sleep as much as you can, exercise, get out and do something you love and know you are not alone.

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If it's just the car, well, stay home ... it's really OK. Don't go. Sometimes the dread of doing something you don't want to do is as bad as actually doing it, know what I mean?

 

If you are overall feeling hopeless, or like it's all pointless, or you experience DREAD for much of the day..... I think I'd seek treatment.

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With your additional post it sounds to me like a combination of exhaustion, burn out and anxiety combined. Is there someone you could hire to drive upon occasion? Is there a day each week you could block out where you try never to schedule anything outside the home on that particular day every week so you can count on that day to stay home and detox a bit?

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