lauraw4321 Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 My oldest daughter (approaching 9) has had a horrible attitude recently. She reacts really strongly to finding out things with a dramatic "but you didn't tell me___" when it's the first opportunity for us to tell her something. Tonight DH made something for dinner she didn't like. Normally the rule is, sorry you don't like it, but that's dinner. She was so overly upset that I made a deal that if she tried one bite, without complaining, if she didn't like it she could make an alternative dinner (which is a fairly generous offering in our house). Well, she tried a bite, hated it and wanted to make eggs. There were no eggs so she threw a fit that we hadn't told her there were no eggs. Of course we didn't know. I made several other suggestions - sandwiches, cheese,etc. She continued to complain because we "wouldn't help her." I sent her to her room and she said "Good! I'm glad you're sending me to my room!" I'm just not used to this level of sass and back talk. Is thai what I have to look forward to for the next 10 years? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Ali in OR Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 It doesn't last 10 years. For our middle dd, early puberty (and yes, she was 9) was the roughest time. The emotions smoothed out by the time she was 12. Maybe earlier. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
maize Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 Could absolutely be hormones at that age. Honestly, hormonal mood stuff can be worst when it is just getting started and bodies and brains are changing and adjusting. It is even more frustrating and confusing to the kids than to the parents. Someone labeled these "feeling storms" and that description seems to fit: the kid is caught in a storm of unfamiliar feelings and doesn't know what to do. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lauraw4321 Posted March 31, 2017 Author Share Posted March 31, 2017 My 10 year comment is because I have 2 daughters coming up next. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 Sounds fairly typical for that age to me - especially if she's hungry! From what you described, you handled this fairly adequately. I would suggest that you don't make so many helpful suggestions in the future - for my kids, that just riles them up, but if you leave them alone they eventually feed themselves. This is hard to do, though. I would also suggest, when she's calm, that the two of you brainstorm some snacks you can have that she can ALWAYS feed herself - yogurt, cottage cheese, fruit, cut vegetables, hardboiled eggs - things that are healthy, so you don't worry. And you just make sure they're always in stock. Kids in this age range get hungry fast, and it happens suddenly, and then all of a sudden they're monsters. Hunger + hormones = horrible children. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tanaqui Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 Someone labeled these "feeling storms" and that description seems to fit: the kid is caught in a storm of unfamiliar feelings and doesn't know what to do. Our older kiddo was really upset by the fact that she was having random crying and screaming jags over *nothing*. She would sob and sob, and sob some more going "I don't know why I'm crying!" It's because you're 13, kiddo. And you're in the middle of a growth spurt. I hate to break it to you, but this is normal. (Well, I didn't say it like that, but....) Thankfully, that seems to be dying down, along with her migraines. Thank goodness for that last one. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
alisoncooks Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 Our older kiddo was really upset by the fact that she was having random crying and screaming jags over *nothing*. She would sob and sob, and sob some more going "I don't know why I'm crying!" Oh my, yes. This was my daughter, exactly. Now, a year later, she's more even keeled...but we still have some emotional spikes. I'm hoping we've already had the worst of it (I can hope, right?) 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Starr Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 It's hard. The dragging it out seems to make it worse. You might suggest she go to her room until she can calm down and then you would be happy to help her. Or lose your mind. We've all done both. :D 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
2ndGenHomeschooler Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 (edited) My 12 year old spent most of lunch time crying because she didn't know the answers for her science test. Of course, she hadn't studied for the test. But even that doesn't matter because I had told her she could do it open book. My DH, bless him, took over at this point and tried to diffuse the situation by offering suggestions of ways to study and again pointing out that it was an open book test. She insisted that even open book didn't help because the answers weren't there. By this point she was full on sobbing and insisting that she has a magic science textbook and the words containing the answers only appear if I am looking at it. Clearly, this is very dark magic... She'll be 13 in 2 months. I'm hoping 12 was our rough year and things will start calming down from here. Edited March 31, 2017 by 2ndgenhomeschooler Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne in ABQ Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 Nine year old girls are just crazy. (at least mine were). I was really concerned with our first dd that it would last throughout her teen years, but really, things settled down within the year. Dd2 had similar raging emotions when she was 9. They just get out of control, emotionally. I think they even scare themselves because they feel so out of whack. But, the hormones seem to settle down. They still get emotional at times, but they recognize what's going on, and control it a lot better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Suzanne in ABQ Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 Nine year old girls are just crazy. (at least mine were). I was really concerned with our first dd that it would last throughout her teen years, but really, things settled down within the year. Dd2 had similar raging emotions when she was 9. They just get out of control, emotionally. I think they even scare themselves because they feel so out of whack. But, the hormones seem to settle down. They still get emotional at times, but they recognize what's going on, and control it a lot better. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Bluegoat Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 Agh! THis is why my nine year old is nutty lately! I had forgotten it in the face of my 12 year olds insane crying jags. Dd9 just always seems so little, I didn't think of hormones. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted March 31, 2017 Share Posted March 31, 2017 It doesn't last 10 years. For our middle dd, early puberty (and yes, she was 9) was the roughest time. The emotions smoothed out by the time she was 12. Maybe earlier. I'm jealous. My 13 year old DD is amping up the crazy, and she was a challenging 9 year old. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 1, 2017 Share Posted April 1, 2017 Thank you! This so explains my dd lately. She isn't even 9 yet! My boys go through the same thing at this age. Sent from my iPhone using Tapatalk Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SebastianCat Posted April 2, 2017 Share Posted April 2, 2017 So far, around here, we get a year of whining at 9yo, and then a reprieve until about 11.5 or 12yo when the body starts cycling but not yet making it to menarche. Once they actually get their period, at least it becomes predictable. We have lots of discussions about taking care of ourselves as women, and asking for what we need, and realizing that if everyone around is being awful, it's probably not them, even if it feels like it. This was our experience as well. My DD is almost 13, and I have to say that 11 was BY FAR her hardest year (so far....I realize it's not over). Now that she has regular, predictable cycles, she can *handle* the emotional ups and downs SO much better. But from 9-11 it was a roller coaster of emotions that got more and more intense. I think she has better coping mechanisms now. She can verbalize her emotions and recognize when she's ramping up before she gets out of control. I agree with others that food, sleep, and exercise are REALLY important at this age. Food more often than I would naturally think to offer it, MUCH MORE sleep than they think they need, and exercise EVERY day. OP, I probably would have handled your dinner situation exactly like you did. My ideal response would be to stay calm and offer a boring "standard" alternative, like, "You can eat what I serve or you can make yourself a PB&J, but only if you speak respectfully." Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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