Janie Grace Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 You post a baby pic of a teenaged child. Your mom posts "did you ask permission?" My mom is NPD or something like that and she really pushes my buttons. I'm just wondering if this would bug most people, or if I'm just triggered because of our history. It's actually making me almost crazy with irritation. It feels so micromanaging and guilt-inducing. I did ask him permission but if I hadn't, who is she to call me out in public? It just feels so intrusive and inappropriate. GAH! But like I said. My reaction could be due to our long and checkered history. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Amy in NH Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 I'd delete her comment. If she asked about that I'd just say "FB glitch". 15 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 (edited) I'd delete her comment. If she asked about that I'd just say "FB glitch".Ditto ETA and yes, it would bother me. Edited February 7, 2017 by Seasider 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 (edited) If my relatives want to know if I had asked for permission to post, they would have private message me. So a public post like your mom's would have annoyed me. Edited February 7, 2017 by Arcadia 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted February 7, 2017 Author Share Posted February 7, 2017 Sigh of relief. I'm not crazy. Deleted. Thank you for helping me. Now I want to know WHAT THE HECK MOTIVATES SOMEONE TO POST SOMETHING LIKE THAT?!?!? 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
catz Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 Are we talking about facebook? I'd just block her from seeing my posts. I might even unfriend her. I am all about zero drama on my social media. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paige Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 It would annoy me, and my mom would definitely do the same thing. I've never considered her NPD or anything- she just likes to find 2 cents to put in on everything! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 NPD mother? Create a restricted list. She gets only kitten memes. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted February 7, 2017 Author Share Posted February 7, 2017 My mom LOVES to criticize me. I bet she was hoping I hadn't so that I'd have to sheepishly admit my error to all of Facebook. 🙄 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 (edited) Yes. Delete her post. Edited February 7, 2017 by Diana P. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 My mother pushes my buttons too but thankfully, she can't figure out how to use the computer! :lol: 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 You post a baby pic of a teenaged child. Your mom posts "did you ask permission?" My mom is NPD or something like that and she really pushes my buttons. I'm just wondering if this would bug most people, or if I'm just triggered because of our history. It's actually making me almost crazy with irritation. It feels so micromanaging and guilt-inducing. I did ask him permission but if I hadn't, who is she to call me out in public? It just feels so intrusive and inappropriate. GAH! But like I said. My reaction could be due to our long and checkered history. Yes it would bother me. Good job on deleting her post. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seasider Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 My mom LOVES to criticize me. I bet she was hoping I hadn't so that I'd have to sheepishly admit my error to all of Facebook. 🙄 Why in the world are you fb friends? It's like a buffet for aggressive and passive-aggressive people. How can you enjoy posting anything if you're holding your breath over how she will respond? Back to emails for gramma, I say. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 (edited) You post a baby pic of a teenaged child. Your mom posts "did you ask permission?" My mom is NPD or something like that and she really pushes my buttons. I'm just wondering if this would bug most people, or if I'm just triggered because of our history. It's actually making me almost crazy with irritation. It feels so micromanaging and guilt-inducing. I did ask him permission but if I hadn't, who is she to call me out in public? It just feels so intrusive and inappropriate. GAH! But like I said. My reaction could be due to our long and checkered history. It is inappropriate to call you out publicly. Just tell her that. I'd email her (not respond on Facebook) and say something like, "Mom, I understand you are concerned about privacy and so am I. You really don't have to worry about me getting permission from my kids before posting about them, because I always do that. If you do have a concern, I'd rather you bring it to me privately than post on Facebook about it, because it kind of looks like you are scolding me, even if that isn't your intention. So if you don't mind, I'd appreciate that. Thanks so much...How is (new subject) going?" Deleting her post is fine, but don't just delete and not address it. Edited February 7, 2017 by TranquilMind 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rebel Yell Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 Yes, it would bother me, even if we had a fabulous relationship. You can set your post privacy so that she cannot see your posts... it will say something like: who can see this? Friends, except (name) I believe you can also do that with Who can post on my wall? She will not be notified that you did this. You can also individually set posts so she can see them, like the above-mentioned kitten memes. Especially if she's allergic to cats ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted February 7, 2017 Author Share Posted February 7, 2017 It is inappropriate to call you out publicly. Just tell her that. I'd email her (not respond on Facebook) and say something like, "Mom, I understand you are concerned about privacy and so am I. You really don't have to worry about me getting permission from my kids before posting about them, because I always do that. If you do have a concern, I'd rather you bring it to me privately than post on Facebook about it, because it kind of looks like you are scolding me, even if that isn't your intention. So if you don't mind, I'd appreciate that. Thanks so much...How is (new subject) going?" Deleting her post is fine, but don't just delete and not address it. You're right. I know you are right. In fact, I came really close to copying and pasting this into an email (you talk the way I do and this is exactly what I need to say). HOWEVER... I have spoken to my mom before about FB, asking her not to post links on my page (post them on her page and tag me if she wants me to see them); she kept posting weird religious and political links and asking "what do you think of this???". And there have been other issues about how she uses FB that I must be blocking right now (similarly inappropriate stuff). Looking back through our messaging history, it is RIFE with difficult exchanges... "no, I will not broker a relationship with your ex-husband for you," "no, I will not deliver XYZ message to your estranged daughter," "I'm sorry I didn't respond to that one-sentence email you sent two days ago," etc. It just exhausts me to enter into more drama with her. But I can't unfriend her! She would never forgive me. And I don't post kitten memes. I share articles (occasionally) and photos of our family. I recently saw that she had commented on someone else's page who posted a viral blog post about "why she's sad on Sundays" or something like that -- it was a very emotional article about exhausted SAHMs who don't ever get a break, as opposed to dads who leave work at work. My mom commented, "And then there are the single moms who do both. Just sayin." I was simultaneously mortified and comforted that I'm not the only recipient of her FB crazy. So... am I being a wimp if I just say "FB glitch"?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted February 7, 2017 Author Share Posted February 7, 2017 Why in the world are you fb friends? It's like a buffet for aggressive and passive-aggressive people. How can you enjoy posting anything if you're holding your breath over how she will respond? Back to emails for gramma, I say. I really and truly wish I could do this. But it would cause way too much drama. It's easier to delete her crap. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Scarlett Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 I really and truly wish I could do this. But it would cause way too much drama. It's easier to delete her crap. Don't feel bad for not addressing the fact that you deleted her comment. My mom does this weird thing where she interjects herself into threads of my friends she has never met. And we know A LOT of the same people....but she made a friend of mine furious one time with her comments about camping. The friend totally misunderstood my mom's off the wall comment but man just stick to posting to people you actually KNOW mom! Sorry for the threadjack....LOL.. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
DawnM Posted February 7, 2017 Share Posted February 7, 2017 I really and truly wish I could do this. But it would cause way too much drama. It's easier to delete her crap. And just so you know, even though my mother can't use the computer, she sends me hand written letters telling me how horrible I am. And she writes hand written letters to my kids telling them what is "wrong" with them. Then she gets upset that my kids don't text or call her and they aren't "close" but it is all MY fault. I try my darnedest to protect my kids from her. i would rather she yell and belittle me than have them deal with her. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted February 7, 2017 Author Share Posted February 7, 2017 Don't feel bad for not addressing the fact that you deleted her comment. My mom does this weird thing where she interjects herself into threads of my friends she has never met. And we know A LOT of the same people....but she made a friend of mine furious one time with her comments about camping. The friend totally misunderstood my mom's off the wall comment but man just stick to posting to people you actually KNOW mom! Sorry for the threadjack....LOL.. Oh, no need to apologize. It is nice to know other people have crazy moms. My mom would totally do this! She lives three states away and met my neighbor once when she was visiting and FB friended the neighbor; now she comments on every single post neighbor makes. :willy_nilly: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Janie Grace Posted February 7, 2017 Author Share Posted February 7, 2017 And just so you know, even though my mother can't use the computer, she sends me hand written letters telling me how horrible I am. And she writes hand written letters to my kids telling them what is "wrong" with them. Then she gets upset that my kids don't text or call her and they aren't "close" but it is all MY fault. I try my darnedest to protect my kids from her. i would rather she yell and belittle me than have them deal with her. Oh gosh. I'm so sorry. Is she NPD or just a jerk? I can't really tell if that label is right for my mom... she doesn't seem to have a big ego or delusions of grandeur but pretty much everything else fits. At first it was hard when my kids started realizing she's crazy. I think I wanted to maintain a delusion of normalcy for their sake. But then I realized that it was important to affirm their crazy-meters going off, because they need to be able to trust their instincts about people. Sometimes it really hurts (like when she refused to clap for my ds after he played her some of his piano songs because he just has "average talent"). Sometimes we can laugh (like when she went off on ds15 for "not inviting her to play pool" while she was here). The second ds was not hurt, just completely bemused by her craziness. He also witnessed her yelling at me for not taking her to a certain part of town that I "should have known she would love" before the most recent visit. He is very sweet and says stuff like "I am sorry you had to grow up with that, Mom." I wish they didn't have a crazy Grandma, but at least it's harder to gaslight me with all these witnesses! My mom is upset she's not close with my kids either (like it's their fault). She calls and just monologues about her life. On their birthdays, she calls and sings the birthday song and hangs up. She wanted to take oldest dd on a 10-day trip and dd was like "h*ll no." It is getting worse was she ages. I am anxious about how she'll be in ten and twenty years... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.