When should kids use a public restroom alone?

[Carrie12345]

I started sending my 5yo by himself at co-op last year.  I would have the year before, but he wasn't strong enough to open the main door himself!

 

So far, I haven't had to deal much in REALLY public places because my 5 and 9yos are pretty much always together, so they use the men's room together.  Same with my girls when they were younger, and I didn't want to be dragging 3 or 4 kids in with me.  I can't for the life of me remember how I handled it when my "odd man out" 18yo was little.

[gstharr]

My son is 11. He is never allowed to go to a restroom completely alone. I'll either go in, or stand guard outside the door.  But, I live in Los Angeles are, and my work involve the sickness of society.

[pinkmint]

Thank you for the input. It seems wise to evaluate individual situations and I do err on the side of caution with stuff like this.

 

I don't feel it's being paranoid to acknowledge that while most people would not, there are in fact disturbed individuals in the world who seek opportunities to harm children.

[Bluegoat]

I'm surprised there are so many young kids(4-6) going in alone. I have four myself and they come with me until about 8 in busy public places. Even then I like them to buddy up. I am from a big city and many things happened in restrooms so I def. don't think the paranoia comment is that funny. If it's a changing room situation like the pool we just come dressed and our gym has multiple family rooms. The other day at the pool my husband went in w boys to use br and a man was Shaving butt naked at the middle sink. ok be naked, change, no biggy but shaving? At a pool? And the middle sink? Just didnt sit right w me at all but some of us know all to well the type of people that are in this world and unfortunately it is not just paranoia to us. 

 

I've always had the impression that being naked while doing stuff like shaving or walking around in men's changing rooms was pretty common.  And for that matter, it was common in the women's when I was a kid, too, people were very casual about that kind of nudity.

 

It seems less so now, people even try and cover up when they are actually changing, but I don't think that is better or more healthy.

[Bluegoat]

Definitely for me it's later than most people I think. Let's see, a few months back we were meeting up with people at a fast food place. Ds informed me on the way there that he had to use the restroom. He had just turned 8. I told him to go ahead and then after a min. or so of visiting I went to check on him. I normally take him into the women's room with me, but we needed to order food and greet people so I felt kind of torn. So I walk to where the line should be and see a man standing there waiting. I holler asking ds if everything is okay. I notice the door isn't completely closed (like not where you can see in, but not shut properly, either). It was one of those one person bathrooms. I thought oh crap, I leave the kid alone and the door isn't even shut. This man turns to me and informs me that he had walked in on my son. I didn't know what to say. I figured since he was admitting this to me, maybe it was a harmless accident. I later spoke to ds and I don't know if it's because I asked so he exaggerated or because it really happened, but he said that man opened the door on him and stared at him for a few seconds before closing the door. I was so upset at myself for worrying too much about what society thinks about when kids can be left alone and not listening to my gut which is that ds is not mature enough for lots of things. I felt awful. The worst part is the man asked if anyone was in there and ds said, "no" (lol) and then the man opened the door, anyway. So what if ds accidentally answered incorrectly, you don't open the door when someone is in there!!

 

So, just go with your gut. In a co-op situation you might feel more comfortable, depending on the company there. I went to the movies with ds recently and I made him go into the restroom with me because I had to go. It wasn't crowded in the bathroom, but the area has human trafficking issues so I don't care what people think. I'm taking my kid.

 

Are you sure the man actually heard your son answer?  If he asked, and bothered to tell you about it, I would be very surprised if there was anything nefarious.  It sounds like your son forgot to lock the door, which is common for small kids, but then people will sometimes walk in.

[heartlikealion]

Are you sure the man actually heard your son answer?  If he asked, and bothered to tell you about it, I would be very surprised if there was anything nefarious.  It sounds like your son forgot to lock the door, which is common for small kids, but then people will sometimes walk in.

 

I wasn't close enough to know how loudly ds answered, etc. I ran the thing through my head a number of times and couldn't tell if his admitting he walked in was strategic in seeming innocent or just an honest mistake he wanted to admit. I couldn't tell if I liked the guy's demeanor, either and I had just taken a protection of children class about molesters so I was extra sensitive to the whole situation. And before anyone jumps in, I know that the odds are probably low of someone choosing that situation for that kind of behavior. Anyway, for us, I have decided it's probably best to do a little more coaching and/or bring my kids inside the restroom with me. I agree that locations/situations/specific children can all affect a person's answer and comfort level.

[Mergath]

Dd started going alone into public restrooms (single and multi-stall) when she was six or so. We've never had any issues.

[Mergath]

I'm surprised there are so many young kids(4-6) going in alone. I have four myself and they come with me until about 8 in busy public places. Even then I like them to buddy up. I am from a big city and many things happened in restrooms so I def. don't think the paranoia comment is that funny. If it's a changing room situation like the pool we just come dressed and our gym has multiple family rooms. The other day at the pool my husband went in w boys to use br and a man was Shaving butt naked at the middle sink. ok be naked, change, no biggy but shaving? At a pool? And the middle sink? Just didnt sit right w me at all but some of us know all to well the type of people that are in this world and unfortunately it is not just paranoia to us. 

 

I don't understand why someone shaving in a locker room is a big deal.  :confused1:  It's no different than a woman putting on makeup or curling her hair or something, and I saw women doing that stuff all the time at the gym. 

[Bluegoat]

I don't understand why someone shaving in a locker room is a big deal.  :confused1:  It's no different than a woman putting on makeup or curling her hair or something, and I saw women doing that stuff all the time at the gym. 

 

I don't think it was the shaving, I think it was that he was butt naked while he was standing at the mirror shaving.

 

Which still wouldn't bother me in a changing room, but it is probably less usual than doing it dressed or with a towel on, and least these days.

Edited September 7, 2016 by Bluegoat

[lanalouwho]

I would be comfortable with my 5.5 year old going into the men's room by himself, but he's not ready yet.

We also live in a small, relatively close-knit community. If we lived somewhere else, I think I might make him stay with me until 8 or 9.

 

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[StartingOver]

Where do you live that supposedly has issues with human trafficking that would involve children abducted from theaters or restrooms?

South Texas, it happens here.

[heartlikealion]

I don't understand why someone shaving in a locker room is a big deal.  :confused1:  It's no different than a woman putting on makeup or curling her hair or something, and I saw women doing that stuff all the time at the gym. 

 

I don't think it was the shaving, I think it was that he was butt naked while he was standing at the mirror shaving.

 

Which still wouldn't bother me in a changing room, but it is probably less usual than doing it dressed or with a towel on, and least these days.

 

Exactly. I would hope the women at the gym were not butt naked while they applied makeup, either lol.

[heartlikealion]

Oddly, this showed up in my feed today: http://www.kidspot.com.au/parenting/real-life/in-the-news/two-boys-avoid-potential-abduction-because-of-tricky-people-lesson

[Bluegoat]

Oddly, this showed up in my feed today: http://www.kidspot.com.au/parenting/real-life/in-the-news/two-boys-avoid-potential-abduction-because-of-tricky-people-lesson

 

That is a really strange story.

[Momling]

I let kids go into restrooms when they are ready... When they can take care of wiping and remembering to flush and when they are tall enough to reach the faucet to wash hands. That's usually somewhere around 5-6 years old. When we have little boys (we do foster care), I do wait outside the restroom door to make sure they're safe and behaving.

[Rachel]

Ironically after this thread, where I posted that my son uses the bathroom alone, a man was arrested at our local library. He was filming people in the men's bathroom with a cellphone camera. This is a library we visit frequently and my son uses that bathroom on his own.

 

Ok, so that man has been banned from the local libraries (I'm not sure how they enforce it) so I'm no concerned about him specifically. What would you coach your son to do if someone was trying to film him using the bathroom? I guess technically this would apply to girls as well. I'm not sure what I would have done, maybe yelled the person to stop.

 

Eta I started a s/o thread

Edited September 11, 2016 by Rach

[Rachel]

DP

Edited September 9, 2016 by Rach

[DawnM]

Another reason I really prefer those individual bathrooms, where the child can lock the door, you can stand just outside, and you know he is by himself in there.

 

We let our kids go into bathrooms alone around age 7 or 8 in places like Target or Disney, etc....

 

But in places like the beach or the mall, we were more careful.

 

Co-op or church wouldn't phase me at a much younger age.

[heartlikealion]

Ironically after this thread, where I posted that my son uses the bathroom alone, a man was arrested at our local library. He was filming people in the men's bathroom with a cellphone camera. This is a library we visit frequently and my son uses that bathroom on his own.

 

Ok, so that man has been banned from the local libraries (I'm not sure how they enforce it) so I'm no concerned about him specifically. What would you coach your son to do if someone was trying to film him using the bathroom? I guess technically this would apply to girls as well. I'm not sure what I would have done, maybe yelled the person to stop.

 

I don't know. That is crazy. Ds told us that kids think he's weird because he uses the stall rather than the urinal at school usually. I just said, well, do whatever makes you comfortable. So, in your example, I might suggest the stall vs. the urinal?

 

[heartlikealion]

Rach, he was banned from the library, but do you know if the activity was reported to police? I guess if I knew the activity was happening in a place where the person could be identified, I could press for info and/or have the staff call the police. In a place where a person is less likely to be known as a regular, maybe the staff could still report it/show video cameras to police to identify the person. I wouldn't be surprised if the person doing it was going around town trying to do the same thing in other locations. I have heard of weird activity in libraries, not quite the same, but also alarming. Like there was a guy on my college campus that was flashing people and they posted warnings.

[Rachel]

Rach, he was banned from the library, but do you know if the activity was reported to police? I guess if I knew the activity was happening in a place where the person could be identified, I could press for info and/or have the staff call the police. In a place where a person is less likely to be known as a regular, maybe the staff could still report it/show video cameras to police to identify the person. I wouldn't be surprised if the person doing it was going around town trying to do the same thing in other locations. I have heard of weird activity in libraries, not quite the same, but also alarming. Like there was a guy on my college campus that was flashing people and they posted warnings.

Yes. The police arrested the guy. It's been on the news for a few days but they didn't release the location where it had happened until Friday. I've not been worried about my son using the bathroom on his own until this. I'm still not super worried, that just isn't my nature. However I've never really thought about what I would teach him to do if someone was acting weird in the bathroom.

 

ETA I started a s/o thread.

Edited September 11, 2016 by Rach

[Xahm]

I would tell him to get out quickly and tell another adult. Preferably an authority figure, like you or a librarian, but a random adult would do. A child doesn't need to confront an adult taking pictures.