Same Sex Twin Moms: Giving Each the Same Gift?

[MrsWeasley]

I am thinking about giving each identical twin the same gift. I don't know either well, so I just picked something my kid that age would like. Is it rude to pick the same thing for both of them? It's the kind of toy that isn't conducive for sharing but I think would be fun to do together.

Edited June 26, 2016 by MrsWeasley

[trulycrabby]

If tpossible, I would ask the mother of the twins what she thinks. It could be very good or not good at all, depending on the twins and their preferences.

[Carrie12345]

My daughters are 13 months apart, so people often give them gifts at the same time.  Duplicates (even from me and dh) are normal, but we all usually aim for some sort of variation.  Two different colors, two different models, two different *something.  Then they clearly know whose is whose.

[mlktwins]

I have 11 year old fraternal boys. They would be fine either way.

 

Sometimes they have received (from either us, family, or friends) one bigger gift to share, or 2 of the same thing (usually different colors or some small difference), or 2 Lego sets for example (similar price, but different set). We will give them totally different gifts now, but I keep the dollar amount the same or really close. They have also received the same exact gift. As their parent, it doesn't bother me either way. We have lots of twin and triplet friends. I just add a gift receipt for each gift so the parents can handle things how they see fit :-).

[zoobie]

It's not rude. Throw the gift receipt in the bag and don't worry about it. :) (I'm not a twin mom, but that's from one of my best friends who is.)

Edited June 26, 2016 by zoobie

[school17777]

I am thinking about giving each identical twin the same gift. I don't know either well, so I just picked something my kid that age would like. Is it rude to pick the same thing for both of them? It's the kind of toy that isn't conducive for sharing but I think would be fun to do together.

It sounds like what you picked out would work out well to use together, so I'd say go with your plan!

 

With my identical twin nephews, I preferred giving a bigger gift that they could share. My dsil was fine with this and I think preferred this over getting the same little things, although it was helpful to have two of some toys that they both would have wanted to play with at the same time.

[Guest]

Identical twin boys here.

 

I've always been very intentional in making sure they each have their own identity and try very hard to overcome their twinness. I would prefer not to have identical gifts, but similar is fine if in a different color or different character or whatever.

[Kassia]

I have 11 year old fraternal boys. They would be fine either way.

 

Sometimes they have received (from either us, family, or friends) one bigger gift to share, or 2 of the same thing (usually different colors or some small difference), or 2 Lego sets for example (similar price, but different set). We will give them totally different gifts now, but I keep the dollar amount the same or really close. They have also received the same exact gift. As their parent, it doesn't bother me either way. We have lots of twin and triplet friends. I just add a gift receipt for each gift so the parents can handle things how they see fit :-).

 

 

I have fraternal twins who are almost 22 and I agree that either way would be fine.  

[SKL]

I agree with asking the mom.

 

That said, I think it's fine to give close-in-age kids the same general kind of gift.  I have two daughters who are 3mos apart, and they frequently get the same or similar stuff, which has never bothered them.  Stuff is stuff.  :)

[Guest]

Ask mom, definitely. Sometimes twins have completely different taste and if possible consider that. I don't think it's some crazy faux pas to get them the same gift, especially if they'd both like it, but I'd ask first :)

[The Girls' Mom]

My girls wouldn't have been upset by it, but probably would make some comment to me later.  They don't really like being thought of as twins though.  It would also depend on the gift.  Something like a nail polish set?  Fine.  Identical baby dolls or shirts?  Not so fine.

[Guest]

I'm such an idiot. I thought the title meant you wanted to give the same gift to each parent in a same-sex marriage when twins were born. :D I kept wondering why it would matter that it was a lesbian couple.

[Farrar]

I'd lean against it, but it depends what it is. I mean, please don't get them the same book. Or the same puzzle. Or the same board game. (Yes, these are all things that have actually been given to my twin boys by my in-laws - the board game thing is extra bizarre - how can we use two copies of the same game?!?). And really, even something they're going to play with individually mostly - toy cars, toy figures, etc. is just not fun to have the same exact one of (again, looking at my in-laws). Even the same video game is sort of like... meh, it'd be better to have two different ones for them to trade off. Or the same Lego set - again, my kids would have more fun having two different ones they could trade. Or the same T-shirt would just make them annoyed (that's been done by both sides of the family here and it really sort of impinges on their individuality). And things that can be easily shared may be okay to get two of, but is sort of annoying to me as the mom - like, we don't need two art sets or something like that.

 

Some things kids want to have two of that are the same - I'd just say think about the clutter and whether it's something they'd actually want two of for more than a couple of days.

 

I think it's nice that you're considering getting them each a gift... but my boys are genuinely okay with getting a joint gift that's a little bigger, like things to play with outside or a board game to share.

[Paige]

I have same sex twins- they wouldn't care generally. Specifically, sometimes they'd prefer the same or different gifts, but they are used to it and don't care much.  I think the younger the twins, the more likely I'd pick the same thing. With older twins, I'd trend towards having something different- different color, style, etc- doesn't have to be totally different. 

[Guest]

I'd like to gently point out that fraternal twins don't face the same twinness issue (or, at least not to the same degree) that identical twins face, that of being treated as one unit instead of as individuals. Parents of identical twins work VERY HARD at helping their children learn who they are apart from their twin. It works against the parents' training when same gifts are bestowed without much thought to who they each are as individuals.

 

OP, it would help if you gave a description of the gift. If my twins each received a tennis racquet, for example, that they could use together, that's fine. If they each received identical t-shirts (as mentioned upthread), that's a big no-no.

 

ETA: Sorry, this is one of my soapboxes. I've worked very hard for over 20 years to help my identical twins know who they are. Did you know they were over two years old before they looked into a mirror and realized it was themselves they saw? Or that they were four years old when they finally learned they didn't have to respond when someone called their twin's name?

 

I've been very diligent about helping them create a sense of self. They don't have twinny names, I've never dressed them the same, always let them pick their own eye glasses and haircuts, etc. And now that they are 20 years old, I'm proud to say they attend different colleges of their own choosing, and have majors of their own choosing, have their own peer groups, etc. It's been a long road that parents of singletons, or even most fraternals, don't have to walk.

Edited June 27, 2016 by Kinsa

[Jaybee]

Grown identical twin girls here. Usually either way is fine. I tended to go with similar but not exactly the same when it was something I knew they would both like. If it is too different, you get into the other problem of their both liking the same gift and someone is left with the "bummer" gift. So if you don't know them well enough to know their personal preferences, something they would enjoy playing together or that is similar is how I would go.

[vonfirmath]

I agree with asking the mom.

 

That said, I think it's fine to give close-in-age kids the same general kind of gift.  I have two daughters who are 3mos apart, and they frequently get the same or similar stuff, which has never bothered them.  Stuff is stuff.  :)

 

My sister and I are 21 months apart, and often got the same gift. We both got bikes the same time (twice). We both got Mandy dolls with two copies of all the clothes my mom made and the purchased clothes divided between us. We both got GInny dolls at the same time (Again, purchased clothes divided).  Twice. We got our dollhouses at the same time, and shopping carts with food.  When we got older, the gifts started diverging and I'm sure, even when young, we had some individual gifts. But the things I remember are the things we both got at the same time -- because we played together with them all the time!