How do you make friends?

[caitlinsmom]

Really. I have a lot of close aquaintances but other than my sis no real, true, bear your heart to friends. I have always had trouble with friends but it seems as an adult its harder. Probably because everyone is busy with life that it is a lot more work. I dont know. I feel like I spend a lot of time online reading about other peoples lives because I can relate to so much of it, but in real life I cant find anyone I relate to and feel like I can trust.

How do I make friends? :) lol that sounds so pathetic. lol Any tips though?

[RoughCollie]

These are the places I met my friends here:

 

#1 & #2 Fellow students in law school

#3 Lawyer DH met while working on a case

#4 Wife of the man I hired to replace me at my job

#5 Neighbor I met through her nanny's friendship with our nanny

#6 Answered ad I placed in paper for part-time nanny

#7 Kids' Sunday school teacher

#8 Fellow church member

 

Five of these friends moved out of state due the cost of living here and the weather, so we maintain our friendships via email and some visits. Unfortunately, these are my closest "heart friends".

 

Basically, I've met my friends through school, work and church. If I had time to do volunteer work, I'd do that in hopes of meeting some potential friends who have similar interests and are in my age group.

 

The lady who runs the school lunch program in our town is a potential friend. She and I have a lot common, we are in the same age group, and we get along great. I may not have time to pursue a friendship with her, though.

 

RC

Edited September 26, 2008 by RoughCollie

[Lovedtodeath]

Probably because everyone is busy with life that it is a lot more work.

 

That's me. My best friend moved out of state and stopped writing me back.:glare: My other good friend, I don't see that often and phone calls have gotten down to once every 3 weeks or so now that school started.

 

I have two good friends who are infertile and cannot stand to be around me b/c I have a baby. My hormone treatment worked easy-peasy, but not theirs.:confused:

 

Basically, I have DH and sometimes my mom. Everyone else is too busy (and so am I).

[klmama]

The friends I spend the most time with are friends from church, either my current one or my previous one. Most of them have children near in age to mine, and the majority of them either homeschool or have tried it at one time or other. Sharing a similar lifestyle and belief system helps tremendously! I do find, though, that just attending a church doesn't help a person get connected. It takes getting involved, either in Bible studies or in service opportunities. I was acquainted with most of these women for years before we finally were in a close-enough setting to really connect and develop a good friendship. For a few, helping them get started in homeschooling was what finally brought us close enough to develop a real friendship.

[Academy of Jedi Arts]

I have friends from the old days- school and people I used to work with. I have friends from activities of mine and friends I have met through dd's activities. There are my neighborhood friends, people I've met through dh's work, friends that are my MIL's friends kids.

 

Sometimes it can be hard to make that first invite, but it is always worth it IMO. I would suggest picking up the phone and going from there. Not everyone has to be a best friend that you totally relate to on every level and some of my very best friends are very different from me.

[Peela]

I am not exactly brilliant at making friends but i do have quite a few and many I can pour my heart out to- not all in the same way though. And maybe I just pour my heart out rather easily?

 

Anyway, what i was going to say is, my friends are because of common interests. I have some homeschooling friends IRL and obviously homeschooling is our common interest- and our kids are friends. Then there is my spiritual community- often I dont see those friends for long periods, but then when we have gatherings I just love them so much.

At other times I have made friends in various groups I have been part of, and often those friendships drift apart once our common interests dissolve, but that doesnt mean it wasnt a good friendship while it lasted, and there's no ill feeling. Just that life gets busy in other directions.

I don't really "expect" a lot from friends though. I just tend to let things evolve and go where they naturally do, without putting anything on the other person to be a certain way if they are my friend. I am quite a loner, always have been, so if a friendship is too hard or just doesn't feed me in some way, I withdraw my energy from it and it's ok.

[BMW]

I heard that at the end of our lives, we can count our true friends on one hand. So far, that is holding true, as I approach 40's.

 

I have one friend from college that corresponds with me a few times a year and we share photos. We live several states away from each other. We care about each other's lives and talk a few times a year, but that sums it up.

 

Another friend is such a blessing, she is my mom's age and we've known each other for 7 years. I can tell her anything, in any mood and she'll still be right there. God bless her.

 

Another friend and I don't correspond often, but she remembers birthdays and we talk once or twice a year and she has traveled to visit us a few times. We know we care and appreciate each other, but we don't connect often.

 

And... that sums it up. I could count my mom as a friend. We talk a few times a month and laugh together over lots of stuff.

 

Bee

[Sweetpeach]

I go fishing!

 

I invite people home all the time . . . and visit, smile, share, be open and just see what happens. I think the key is transparency . . . here's ME with all my success and warts.

 

I have a few "near and dears" with whom I download regularly . . . I enjoy people so much and I feel very enriched with acquaintances who transform into treasured friends.

 

Good Luck!

[Danestress]

between "close aquaintance" and "true friend?" I tend to think I have really nice friends, and I am very grateful for them. But it's possible that they are really close aquaintances. Sometimes I think I am shallow or just have low expectations, but I tend to think of the lovely women in my life as "friends" but they (or you) might see it differently. People say that you find out who your real friends are in a crisis. I haven't had a crisis.

 

I do have women in my life from church, the neighbhood, my homeschool community and my book club whom I really like, really enjoy being with, and consider "friends." None of them rivals my sisters in terms of knowing they would walk to the end of the earth for me. But I have the company and pleasure that I need - the joy of friendship untested.

[Jean in Newcastle]

You know that old adage about "You have to be a friend to get one" is true. I have started to invite ladies to tea. My kids love to set the table extra nice with the tea things. They join us for luncheon (you have to call it 'luncheon' if it is at noon!). Then they know to clear out afterward so the ladies can talk. If there are kids involved, they invite the kids outside to play or to their rooms.

Yes, it is work to maintain friendships although the work load varies from person to person. I'm starting to pursue the friendships more if the person shares the work load by calling me and inviting me from time to time!

 

Be transparent (but you don't have to bare your soul). And give it time. Some of these people will turn into life-long friends. Some won't. Some friends will surprise you. You will have counted them only as acquaintances but when the chips are down they will not desert you and will show themselves as true friends.

[Guest janainaz]

Big disappointment in my life. I always feel alone, I'm a loner - completely. But, I did meet a wonderful friend on this board and although she is 2000 miles away, I'm grateful for her. An answered prayer from God and trying not to complain that she's so far away.

 

I have never ever found it easy to make those kind of friends and I can't do surface, it's not who I am. I sure understand.

[Rosie_0801]

Aquaintences are people you go out and find. The "real" friends just seem to happen. One of my really good buddies came through my register when I was working one day. She was unemployed, saw my little note advertising gumnut guides (Daisies) and decided to join up because she had nothing else to do. Another I met through the SCA. You know someone is a true friend when they come to visit you when you are pregnant, miserable and live over two hours away! It was weird, but the first time I met this person I knew we were going to become friends.

A common myth we all seem to fall prey to: "We must all be social butterflies." Not true.

:)

Rosie

[Jenny in Atl]

Aquaintences are people you go out and find. The "real" friends just seem to happen. One of my really good buddies came through my register when I was working one day. She was unemployed, saw my little note advertising gumnut guides (Daisies) and decided to join up because she had nothing else to do. Another I met through the SCA. You know someone is a true friend when they come to visit you when you are pregnant, miserable and live over two hours away! It was weird, but the first time I met this person I knew we were going to become friends.

A common myth we all seem to fall prey to: "We must all be social butterflies." Not true.

:)

Rosie

 

I guess I'm still waiting for that "happening". Lots of acquaintances, but no bosom buddies. :confused: I'm thankfully my dh is my best friend though. :001_smile:

[lwilliams1922]

Really. I have a lot of close aquaintances but other than my sis no real, true, bear your heart to friends. I have always had trouble with friends but it seems as an adult its harder. Probably because everyone is busy with life that it is a lot more work. I dont know. I feel like I spend a lot of time online reading about other peoples lives because I can relate to so much of it, but in real life I cant find anyone I relate to and feel like I can trust.

How do I make friends? :) lol that sounds so pathetic. lol Any tips though?

 

 

hang out on chat boards :)

really.

I have 3 kids (one of which is ALWAYS climbing on the table). I just dont have the time to get out unless it's shopping or taking the kids to the library.

 

So I've been sitting here for an hour or so making 'friends'

in between reading stories to my littles ones.

 

I guess i find it easier to be open and transparent over the net.

perhaps that makes me a social misfit.

In real life I feel like people are always judging me and I have to prove something.

 

People here aren't likely to raise an eye brow when they find out I home school or home birth.

[gandpsmommy]

I guess I'm still waiting for that "happening". Lots of acquaintances, but no bosom buddies. :confused: I'm thankfully my dh is my best friend though. :001_smile:

 

This is me as well.

[Mom2legomaniacs]

I have met my friends from various places. Grad school gave me my bff S. She's in for life!

 

Here (locally IRL), I have met folks through dh's work picnic, mom's of friends of my kids, church, knitting groups, and now some folks on here are becoming IRL friends too.

I have met quite a few that came in and went out again.

 

I try to not force a friendship. I feel it out, and if it seems like a match, look for opportunities to foster it.

 

Hobbies and interests can help you meet folks too. I started going to a local knitting group and made some new friends that way.

[3lilreds in NC]

I stalk them at GoodWill. Just ask Frelle. :D I always worry that people will think I'm crazy - she says she knows I'm crazy and loves me anyway.

 

I have also gone to a neighbor's house and said, "Hey, I hear we had babies at the same time. Want to be friends?" And, to her credit, she didn't call the police or the loony bin. :lol:

 

I met my BFF at a small church we both used to attend. We just connected and became best friends. I have three other friends from college like that - the kind of people who are always friends no matter how long it's been.

 

I just spent the day scrapbooking with a dear friend I met through scrapbooking. Also I stitch with a group of ladies every Thursday night, and have pretty much since I moved to NC, and they are my good friends, too.

 

Honestly, I don't have a ton of friends. I do count them as the people you can bare your soul and trust with it. I am at a stage in my life when I don't like to spend with other people very often... it seems I'm becoming more introverted and I'm not sure that's a good thing.

 

You do have to be a friend to make a friend. it does take some time and some intentional effort. I've been blessed to meet some folks who want to "do life" together, and they are who I hang out with. I am going to try, perhaps next year, to do MOPS with Schmooey. We don't have many friends with kids his age and the girls are so much older. I would like to make some friends for him, too.

 

I keep editing this message. I think I'm feeling lonely tonight.

Edited September 27, 2008 by 3lilreds in NC