How do you feel about people taking your picture?

[Seasider]

I don't like posed photos but I will do it when necessary. Candid shots drive me nuts. My FIL has a habit of just taking photos randomly. I am not photogenic and have a bad case of BRF so there are some horrid pictures of me out there. If the camera comes out when we are eating, I just put my fork down and wait till the camera gets put away because there will be one of me putting food in my mouth if I don't. (And yes, everyone including my husband tells him to stop. He's not going to. He's not doing it to be mean. He just doesn't get it why people don't want it. He's inconsiderate, true, but not nasty. He does not have fb or anything else so they don't show up anywhere online.)

 

I do think there should be photos of everyone. I read a thing once by a woman whose mother would not be photographed. There were no photos when the woman died, and the daughter (writer of the piece) was so sad about it. I love having photos of my mom. So I would never say "no photos."

I find myself in the same boat. I don't mind posing for a snapshot or two, but to have someone lurking over an entire meal/get together just makes me crazy. It bothers me more these days knowing that there's no telling how the "photographer" might use my image in social media.

[Guest]

I hate it when it is sereptitious. Just ask me so I'm not chewing or in a half-blink or some other weird thing. My mom does this a lot and so does DH. I will happily be in a photo, but I want to have an intentional posture and expression.

[OnTheBrink]

I abhor it. I feel it's a violation of my person and I have lost friends over this, because they felt their right to take pictures of me and post them on FB superseded my right to privacy. 

[Garga]

I'm sure many of you will disagree with what I'm going to say and you'll say, "But I really AM the ugly one..." but...you're not ugly.

 

You're just not.

 

I started photography 5 years ago as a hobby. I have taken lovely pictures of people and 90% of the time women will look at them and say, "Oh, I look so fat," "Oh, look at that double chin!" "Oh, my nose is so big!"

 

The teenaged girls are the worst. They look at themselves and say, "Oh, I'm so gross." Sigh.

 

I sit there a little bemused because no one is looking at your fat or chin or nose. You're the only one who manages to find those things and zero in on them. The rest of us are looking at your eyes and expression. We might notice the other things and then move on, but you alone are the one fixated on them.

 

I got a gorgeous shot of a woman and her husband. I was taking professionally lighted pictures with a big backdrop at an event where everyone was dressed up. It was one of my all-time best pictures ever. The woman and her husband are a couple in their 60s. She was posed sideways with her hands on his shoulders and he's turned his head and is looking at her and laughing and she has the happiest smile on her face you ever saw, looking back at him. The lighting made her blonde hair glow and it was flowing down her back in soft curls. Everyone who saw the picture gave a little gasp and said, "They look SO GOOD! You can just feel the love they have for each other. This is a great picture."

 

And all she had to say was, "My nose looks big." GRRRRR.

 

Just stop it.

 

Here's the speech I give:

 

There are some humans that are breathtakingly beautiful. There just are. And no, you're probably not one of them. And you know what? Even though you're not beautiful, you're not ugly. What you are is interesting. You're fascinating and you're tantalizing. Humans like looking at other humans. We enjoy checking each other out. And even if we're not all beautiful, we still enjoy looking at each other. We are attracted to each other, beautiful or not.

 

So, stop hiding and stop nitpicking yourself apart. You're human and you're fascinating and we all like to see you.

 

With all that said, I will not post a picture online if someone is against it. I won't even ask to post an unflattering picture; I delete those right away. But even if you look great to the rest of us, if you have hangups and don't want a nice picture posted, I won't.

 

Stop talking yourself down. When I see a picture of myself that truly is unflattering, I don't say a word. It's a hard habit to break, but very freeing. Just let it go. Don't say, "Oh, I look so bad!" Stop saying that about yourself. It's so unoriginal. Know that other people are not as picky about your picture as you are. They really don't care and they probably don't even notice the flaws that you see.

[PeacefulChaos]

I abhor it. I feel it's a violation of my person and I have lost friends over this, because they felt their right to take pictures of me and post them on FB superseded my right to privacy. 

 

This is so bizarre to me - not on your part.  Who just snaps pictures of people and posts them online?  Did you know it was going to be online?  Did they ask and then ignore that you said no?  

 

I mean, yeah, I've got pictures on FB of friends and family but I usually tell them when I post them.  If they'd say no, I wouldn't do it.  It's just not that big of a deal to not post the picture.  The only time that I'd be like :blink: is if it were a huge group picture and one person says after the fact that they wouldn't want it on FB.  

[OnTheBrink]

This is so bizarre to me - not on your part.  Who just snaps pictures of people and posts them online?  Did you know it was going to be online?  Did they ask and then ignore that you said no?  

 

I mean, yeah, I've got pictures on FB of friends and family but I usually tell them when I post them.  If they'd say no, I wouldn't do it.  It's just not that big of a deal to not post the picture.  The only time that I'd be like :blink: is if it were a huge group picture and one person says after the fact that they wouldn't want it on FB.  

 

Who does this? a 50 year old woman who thinks she's still 17. Ugh. We were at a party and she took a bunch of pictures of me from odd angles--behind, the side, etc. I'd had a particularly bad day that day--I was still working at the hospital and I stayed past my shift to help find the chart and infant demise documentation for a still born baby, because the mortician was waiting for them, so I wasn't feeling particularly perky at the time. She knew of my bad day because staying late made me late for the party, and I explained to everyone why I was late when I got there. Anyway, I didn't know she took them. She posted them on FB then tagged me. When I saw them, I asked her to take them down. At first, she refused, but because I have a gaze that will level the Hulk if I'm p*ssed, she relented. Then she unfriended me, blocked me, had her dh unfriend me, and hasn't spoken to me in a year and a half. And, I've known this woman for 15 years and she KNEW how I felt about pictures. 

 

Insane. People are just...insane.

[PeacefulChaos]

Who does this? a 50 year old woman who thinks she's still 17. Ugh. We were at a party and she took a bunch of pictures of me from odd angles--behind, the side, etc. I'd had a particularly bad day that day--I was still working at the hospital and I stayed past my shift to help find the chart and infant demise documentation for a still born baby, because the mortician was waiting for them, so I wasn't feeling particularly perky at the time. She knew of my bad day because staying late made me late for the party, and I explained to everyone why I was late when I got there. Anyway, I didn't know she took them. She posted them on FB then tagged me. When I saw them, I asked her to take them down. At first, she refused, but because I have a gaze that will level the Hulk if I'm p*ssed, she relented. Then she unfriended me, blocked me, had her dh unfriend me, and hasn't spoken to me in a year and a half. And, I've known this woman for 15 years and she KNEW how I felt about pictures. 

 

Insane. People are just...insane.

 

:svengo:

 

#facepalm

[rebcoola]

I hate staged planned photos but I love candid photo's and never mind if my picture is taken.   I don't worry about my photo's being posted online like at all it just doesn't bother me.

Edited December 23, 2015 by rebcoola

[athomeontheprairie]

That's practically me, and I have never been involved in human trafficking.

I'm glad ! Please don't scare people like me who arent actually taking *your* picture by running screaming out of the frame like a mad woman :-)

[DesertBlossom]

I hate it when it is sereptitious. Just ask me so I'm not chewing or in a half-blink or some other weird thing. My mom does this a lot and so does DH. I will happily be in a photo, but I want to have an intentional posture and expression.

This is what it comes down to for me. I'm sure that a good photographer manages to get good candid photos of people, or at least knows enough to delete the unflattering ones. But I don't want random people taking candid photos that are gross and unflattering. And I reserve the right to say no to staged pictures when I'm not ready for them.

[GinaPagnato]

I'm okay with photos if I'm really posing, but I am NOT photogenic at all. What's up with that?

 

I have a relative who looks unbelievably gorgeous in every photo...much more so than in real life. I mean, she's an attractive woman irl, but her photos are the BOMB! And she readily admits this incongruity. We get a kick out of it.

[Guest]

In general, I don't like it. But I suck it up. I like it better when certain people (that know how to photograph people) take them.

 

My mother hated photos of herself. She even destroyed them on occasion. (Like burning her wedding photos of her and my dad after they got a divorce) Now I'm sad because she passed away at 41 and I have very few photos of her. For that reason, I don't get too upset about bad pics of me.

I have heard others say the same and took it to heart. I am not photogenic at all compared to myself on film or in person, but I don't want my kids not having any photos of me if I die. I just put on a big smile and go for it.

[mamakelly]

I don't mind it at all. I mean, a photo is me, I want me kids to remember me no matter how I look or think that I look.

[Guest]

I'm okay with photos if I'm really posing, but I am NOT photogenic at all. What's up with that?

 

I have a relative who looks unbelievably gorgeous in every photo...much more so than in real life. I mean, she's an attractive woman irl, but her photos are the BOMB! And she readily admits this incongruity. We get a kick out of it.

My neice is like this, too. She's a cute girl, but she looks amazing in photos. Once, she was playing with some puppies at my SIL's house and I snapped a bunch of candids on B&W film. (Yes, this was *that* long ago!) Those photos were amazing! She looked so naturally beautiful and joyous with those puppies tumbling all over her. It looked like a Hallmark commercial.

[Guest]

I have heard others say the same and took it to heart. I am not photogenic at all compared to myself on film or in person, but I don't want my kids not having any photos of me if I die. I just put on a big smile and go for it.

This was a catalyst for me making more of a point to be in photos with my family. (i was usually the one behind the lens.) A family friend died at 42. Her funeral was filled with posters of photos of her doing things - with her kids, with her friends, with her co-workers. It was so lovely. It did make me think it was worth being intentional to be *in* a photograph, and not just always taking the photos. I used to think, "Well, I don't want to seem too hammy by asking someone else to take a picture..." But I don't think that anymore.

[laundrycrisis]

I hate it. 

[IsabelC]

I don't like having my picture taken, and I think it's very rude when people snap away without asking or even warning. But on the other hand, I think it's a bit rude and selfish to never let anyone take photos. I don't think I should put my personal vanity (which is what it is 99% of the time) ahead of your relative/friend's desire to get a memento of a special occasion.