MamaBearTeacher Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 (edited) Nm Edited November 20, 2015 by MamaBearTeacher Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Okra Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 Hugs to you. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
IfIOnly Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 Big, big hugs, MamaBear. :grouphug: I'm sorry things are so hard right now. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
regentrude Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 Hugs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tsuga Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 Oh MamaBear. I'm sorry. I don't have answers for you. I'm thinking of you though. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 Drop that guilt, Girlfriend. And take your vitamin B tablets. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 I find I have to beat stress out of me. The way Ive done that for years is hard sweaty exercise. I have to it before everyone is awake, so I get up at 4:45. I was gifted a gym membership, but I used to put on a head lamp and reflective clothing in as many layers as the weather called for and just run. I slept less,but I found I handle stress worse and got more sleep and no exercise. Often I wasn't sleeping anyway because of the anxiety from the stress. That's something you can try now. For long term you need respite. Do your boys qualify as developmental disabled. Can you apply through local social services for assistance? You need to put a major effort into finding out what you can get. If you can qualify for a few hours of a home aid, that is time you can use for yourself and possibly to be alone with your dh to reconnect (I'm assuming your dh is showing signs of stress too. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Cammie Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 Oh, I am so sorry - that does sound so incredibly difficult. In my opinion (and it may be worthless) you do need to find some help. I get that their issues make that a huge challenge but you need and you deserve to have some help. If you don't take care of you - who will? Your family needs you to be healthy and strong and happy and recharged. Is there any way for you to do a week away? Can your DH step in with the kids for one week? You don't have to go far. Check into a local hotel. Order room service. Watch bad movies on tv. Just decompress. Hugs. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lllll Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 :grouphug: Hugs, Mama Bear :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bettyandbob Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 Adding do not ever feel guilty about doing something for yourself to recharge. I did the guilt for years. It made the whole situation worse. I was emotionally drained so I couldn't provide the best emotional response . I snapped at the kids when I could not exercise. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 I don't doubt you that you can't leave them now, but I hope you have a long term plan for moving toward less dependence on you specifically. :grouphug: I second the advice to think about physical activity. Maybe that's something you can even do together with the kids that would be good for them and you. Maybe something really physical like hiking or rock climbing together or just sports and games or maybe something like yoga - some places you can find someone who does yoga for the whole family and there are even yoga teachers who focus on helping with special needs kids and you might be able to join in together. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JumpyTheFrog Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 I'm sorry you are having such a rough time. If you haven't already tried this, at least get some earplugs (or better yet, noise canceling headphones) so you don't have to listen to all the meltdowns at full volume. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurie4b Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mergath Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 Have you looked into respite care so that you could have a weekend off here and there? It might take some time to find a good group home, but it would be worth it. And you'd be surprised at what caring, qualified people can handle. Back when I worked, I used to care for teen and preteen boys with severe ASD, and I've had boys that would scream for up to twelve hours at a time while smearing feces on the walls, carpet, and furniture over and over. So don't rule out respite care because you think no one could handle your kids, but definitely do ample research to make sure you find a good place. Talk to the people who would actually be caring for your kids, NOT the person running the administrative stuff. Because you deserve a break. Anyone would feel drained and depressed having to do all that you do without a break. Also, I don't think you said, but if your boys do have autism I can't recommend enough that you read "The Reason I Jump" by Naoki Higashida. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Plink Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 Do you know of anyone IRL who has children in a similar situation? I've found it so relieving to chat with a friend who understands (really understands) the horrors of severe melt-downs. Someone who can laugh with me at the insanity of the triggers and at the same time cry with me over my fears for the future. Someone who can jump in and give me a day to go shoe shopping and not be completely horrified if a child draws their own blood. In fact, they can tell me how "normal" that situation can be, and make me feel okay about taking care of myself. They are fine with being dropped for months at a time because life is too crazy, and happy to talk again whenever we can. I'm wishing and praying for that kind of friend for you. You can not be perfect enough to fix this situation. You can do your best, and that is all. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chiguirre Posted November 20, 2015 Share Posted November 20, 2015 OP, you can't make someone else happy. You can't fix your kids. You CAN run yourself ragged trying and make the situation worse for everyone. (BTDT) And what will happen if you make yourself sick from the non-stop stress? You need to find resources that will make your life manageable. They're not easy to find but the sooner you start the sooner you will all be happier. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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