Kerileanne99 Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 I have decided this should be a real THING. Chronic asynchronous child fatigue or some such. We are only in the first few months of official homeschooling! I should still be floating on the impetus of initiation, right? Dd5 is just SO MUCH! Even with (or including!) a PANDAS diagnosis with all sorts of craziness including OCD and severe ADHD and a 6-mo-old baby brother that is threatening to follow in her footprints, she just doesn't rest. Today she corrected the cashier on how much I should pay after calculating both 15%off and adding (approx) 8% sales tax...yet I had to scoop her off the ground and bodily carry her to the car because her coloring page ended up with a bent corner. Total hysterics. Does it get better? Or do kids just learn to hide the asynchronousity a bit better? 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EndOfOrdinary Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 It gets better, but that might just be because as parents we learn to handle it better. I will say, after much work and direct intervention, Ds11 handles both obsessions and OCD as well as his emotions much better. They are still there, but by working through them in positive ways (most of the time) he has fewer melt downs. I tend to have more meltdowns now :) . Mine are due to getting frustrated that his sphere of influence is larger. If he drops the ball now, the implications require a whole lot more of me. We are far passed scooping up in the parking lot. So he is still asynchronous as ever. He often forgets to wear pants, but is an active player in non profit organizing for our region. He loves to snuggle up and do read alouds, but is actively looking at colleges based on their major programs. It does get better. The younger years are definitely much more tiring. Not only do they need you as mom, they need you to take care of ev.er.y.thing! 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 :grouphug: They learn to accomodate better with age. My DS10 had terrible twos and threes, then peaceful until terrible eights and nines. Now it is mild for DS10, but DS9 is still at the terrible round 2 stage. I expect a round 3 stage when DS10 is a teen. My mom and MIL are OCD about cleanliness if they are idle. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quark Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 I wish I knew. I was ready to burst into tears a few days ago over something that happened re absent mindedness and asynchronous behavior. I could feel my blood pressure hitting boiling point. I've been downing ibuprofen in very unhealthy levels this and last week. It has to stop some time soon right? My solution right now is to just lay off worrying about academics. Instead I am focusing on adding fun-together time. This last week, after said asynchronous incidents, we have been unwinding every night by playing board games. It has brought much soothing to my soul. All this to repeat that I wish I knew (mine is now a very newly-minted teen). ETA: I think the teen years might bring some form of regression. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself now. :crying: 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackie Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 I just posted a thread because DD's intensity just skyrocketed again. She wants mental stimulation *all the time*, wants it to primarily come directly from me, wants it always to be of high interest to her, and wants it always to be at precisely the right level of not too hard and not too easy. It's exhausting. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EndOfOrdinary Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 I wish I knew. I was ready to burst into tears a few days ago over something that happened re absent mindedness and asynchronous behavior. I could feel my blood pressure hitting boiling point. I've been downing ibuprofen in very unhealthy levels this and last week. It has to stop some time soon right? My solution right now is to just lay off worrying about academics. Instead I am focusing on adding fun-together time. This last week, after said asynchronous incidents, we have been unwinding every night by playing board games. It has brought much soothing to my soul. All this to repeat that I wish I knew (mine is now a very newly-minted teen). ETA: I think the teen years might bring some form of regression. I'm trying to mentally prepare myself now. :crying: It is so interesting that you wrote about this. This morning I had a total temper tantrum due to asynchronous behavior. After getting a bit more perspective this afternoon, I realized my anger/hurt/frustration was due to wanting fun-together time we had planned, but had to be reworked due to behavior (totally age appropriate behavior, but still a major glitch). I was expecting mini adult, but got tween. I am considering outsourcing a bit more and really trying to shift to much more fun-together, bonding time that looks age appropriate rather than the constant, stressful academic time. The academic stuff is obviously going to happen, but the need for the opposite is becoming very important for *me*. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Lang Syne Boardie Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 It gets better but you might still have your moments. You wouldn't believe what I've seen in a 17-19 year old. It gets better, but that's not the only difference -- they do learn some coping mechanisms, and how to make amends and learn from it when they've worn you to a frazzle. After they come back down, I mean. Your child will learn to thank you for always being there. And they learn tremendous empathy and compassion for others in society who don't seem to have it all together at every moment. This is one of the gifts, seeing your child grow to love people through their awful-est moments without judgment. 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quark Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 I was expecting mini adult, but got tween. [...] The academic stuff is obviously going to happen, but the need for the opposite is becoming very important for *me*. Yes! Yes! This is us too. I'm so sorry you had a tantrumy day...but you also made me laugh with the expected mini adult, got the tween bit. It sounds so familiar. :laugh: Something else that occurred to me...there is definitely a change from the tween years. Something has definitely clicked but some areas have also regressed. I realized that I need to focus on the positives too, one of them being his ability to pre-plan now and have his things all ready to go so that we are not rushing like mad hens driving to outside classes anymore. He actually packs his things the night before now, without any urging from me, including charging his phone, topping up water bottle etc. He somehow realized that on his own (although he doesn't have early morning classes this semester). I only have to make sure that we have snacks or a sandwich to eat in the car (hoping that eventually he will do that too). So I think I need to be more mindful about praising the things he does so that I encourage that behavior. I do thank and praise him but sometimes I forget and allow the asynchronous setbacks to take importance instead. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 I'm so glad to know that others are seeing it, too! I'm to the point that the idea of finding a school, any school, that will take her is looking good. I'm hoping it gets better once the SAT is over (and there's also an upcoming birthday, which usually seems to correspond with a regression and a stressed out kid for a bit), although she goes from that straight into the National Classical Etymology Exam. Not only did I get asynchronous tween, I apparently got asynchronous moody emo-esque tween. I'm remembering why I became an early childhood specialist to start with. I can handle toddler tantrums, but tween tantrums? Or having a kid who's wish list includes a better cell phone, realistic cutaway animal anatomy and skeletal models, clothes..,and a bigger swing set? Aargh!!! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quark Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 I will admit to school looking very tempting almost every single year here too. And then I remember his personality and how easily bullied / neglected he will be and how much more easy the older classmates environment is for him now at the CC. He is SO confident socially (even as the sudden introvert he has become), so in tune with his needs and so motivated to take on leadership projects now with older students and this really steers me away from finding out about same-age, structured, B&M opportunities. There is NO pressure, only encouragement and support. It seems like a good social fit for him... ...and then asynchronous things happen...and I freak out...but everyone else seems to take it in their stride. So yeah, I would love a school (like Proof School) for him...but I think he needs what he has now for his own self esteem. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jackie Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 We live directly across the street from an elementary school. Do you have any idea how tempting that can be? 8 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quark Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 We live directly across the street from an elementary school. Do you have any idea how tempting that can be? :) Oh yes! We lived just 5 mins away from one before we moved. We passed it each time walking the dog. Poor kiddo was threatened with it several times too. Good times. :D 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Arcadia Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 :) Oh yes! We lived just 5 mins away from one before we moved. We passed it each time walking the dog. Poor kiddo was threatened with it several times too. Good times. :DDS10 went to the one opposite our home for two years. Can't threaten him with school :lol: The german-english IB private high school is tempting though. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dmmetler Posted October 22, 2015 Share Posted October 22, 2015 We live directly across the street from an elementary school. Do you have any idea how tempting that can be? We do, too. Sigh...We bought this house specifically so that she could walk to school, be easily involved, etc. Then, by the time she was 3, it was painfully obvious that it wasn't going to work. So far, the one school that seems like it might is in Nevada. We live in TN. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
nobeatenpath Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 Same things happening here. We have the added stress of an only child in a country where there are very, very few other homeschoolers, we don't really speak the language, and there are exactly SIX children within a five year age range of our son that he knows. So I have become both the source of entertainment much of the time as well as intellectual stimulation. It is exhausting :( And then as others have already pointed out I don't know if I am going to get the proto-adult, the emo-teen or the childish 11 year old. It flips from day to day, hour to hour. My husband and I have agreed that if he can't go to classes one day a week I am going to hire a tutor/childminder to just come and spend time with him so I can go out and we can be out of each other's hair for a day. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Luckymama Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 Does it get better? Or do kids just learn to hide the asynchronousity a bit better? Both :) The path, for us, has been full of regression bumps but has, in general, been smoothing out. We are treating dd like the college student she has been (almost) acting like. It helps that's she's finally over 5' so she looks more the part now. Stangers/acquaintances no longer give her "the look" when she speaks (you all know what I mean, right?). Unfortunately people who knew her when she was younger, especially before we began homeschooling in fifth grade, still treat her like a curiousity or an oddity. Dd gets so angry after one of those encounters :( She cannot wait to move away for school. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mathnerd Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 In some things, there was improvement around age 7. But, some things have gotten worse to the point that I cannot handle them by myself anymore. Motor skills, executive functioning skills, processing speed, time management, planning, forethought, independence, maturity etc. went through the roof at around age 7. Some of those skills are now enough for taking him through high school. He will eat a large variety of food - even food with strong flavors whereas before though he was not picky, he would only eat bland foods. But, some things are getting worse - anxiety, worries about injustice and unfairness in the world, wanting to be right always, existential angst, worries about bad things happening (last night there was a meltdown because the County Vector Control Program was fogging the neighborhood with chemicals for West Nile Virus and he convinced himself that the birds and squirrels were going to die because of that :( ). I had a hard time getting him to fall asleep as the tragedy of how small animals have no rights to protect themselves kept going round and round in his mind. I used a guided meditation CD and went through it with him before he could sleep and then he was awake in a few hours. So, along with the ability to function at a higher level in some areas, I find that these kids also get the ability to understand and worry about things that are way beyond their scope as a young child. I am in for a long ride - maybe even through college years, who knows? 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
quark Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 Sometimes, there is a silver lining...MOM learns how to adjust her mindset!! I am very sure mine is going to be asynchronous throughout college (especially since we are very certain that 4-yr college is going to come earlier for him than normal age). I was overwhelmed for so many years and now it's gradually turning to acceptance. I can now think about how to help and support him rather than worry about how on earth he will survive. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Runningmom80 Posted October 23, 2015 Share Posted October 23, 2015 My DS is about to turn 9, and we've been in a sweet spot it seems. He still has anxiety and perfectionism issues, but the tantrums have decreased dramatically. I am thinking I'll be lucky if we make it to 10 without regression. What worked here was being relaxed about his tantrums. As hard as it was for me, making them a non-issue seemed to help him turn it around faster. As soon as I played into it, we were looking at hours of lost time. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Eagle Posted October 24, 2015 Share Posted October 24, 2015 I am so thankful for this forum and all of you. Asynchronous child fatigue sums it up perfectly. And it is something no one else around me experiences or understands. It is truly wonderful to be able to come here and read stories that sound exactly like ours. Something I have discovered through this journey is that I have many similarities to ds that I never knew were "not the norm". It has been revelatory to read articles about various traits and realize that not only do they fit ds, but they perfectly describe me too. I am finding that the more I learn about my own quirks, the easier it is becoming to teach and parent ds. I am also learning that flexibility is so key in being able to deal with asynchronicity. And I am NOT flexible by nature. Ds experienced a huge shift in behaviour when we started officially schooling. I feel like I have had a lot of practice for the teenage years now. It is so difficult to not know at a given moment if I am going to be dealing with the rebellious, independent teenager or the little boy who needs a cuddle from Mum. I recently got ds a few books by Julia Cook. We started with "I just want to do things my way" and "thanks for the feedback". Ds loved them and requested others that were listed in the back of the books. We now have several of them, and they have made quite a difference in how ds handles some situations. I think with asynchronous kids, we can sometimes think of them as more mature than they really are. They still have areas that need to develop even just to reach expectations for their age level. For us, these books have been helping to grow those areas. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Gil Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 I have decided this should be a real THING. Chronic asynchronous child fatigue or some such. We are only in the first few months of official homeschooling! I should still be floating on the impetus of initiation, right? Dd5 is just SO MUCH! Even with (or including!) a PANDAS diagnosis with all sorts of craziness including OCD and severe ADHD and a 6-mo-old baby brother that is threatening to follow in her footprints, she just doesn't rest. Today she corrected the cashier on how much I should pay after calculating both 15%off and adding (approx) 8% sales tax...yet I had to scoop her off the ground and bodily carry her to the car because her coloring page ended up with a bent corner. Total hysterics. Does it get better? Or do kids just learn to hide the asynchronousity a bit better? I find that it helps to have lots and lots and lots of daily physical exertion. We use a YouTube fitness regiment, morning run and family workout before breakfast each day. We have mandatory sports practice daily along with an outdoor recess (or two). Playing City Rec sports are a part of the curriculum and not-optional. They aren't naturally super athletes so working at sports is something that is good for them on more than one level. Its hard to freak out due to perfectionism because one they can't SEE themselves while they are practicing and two because we do a lot of work on the fundamental skills without the balls/equipment. (How to hold/swing your arm for a pitch, how to position yourself beneath the ball for a receptions, how to get between two other players for an interception, etc) Creating and using an obstacle course saved my sanity. Plus, the house-hold has firm, firm, firm rules and consequences. My youngest especially exults in finding creative ways to break the rules, so I just stand firm on all the rules and apply consequences as needed. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SparklyUnicorn Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 It gets better, but it can also get weirder. LOL 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MEmama Posted October 27, 2015 Share Posted October 27, 2015 We are currently in a place where I'd say yes, it does get better. DS is now able to control himself better even when he can't control his environment, which is huge. Maturity, empathy, and digging deep are major hallmarks of this age for him. I second LOTS of exercise, and LOTS of sleep (if yours is a sleeper. Mine thankfully is and regularly clocks in 11-12 hours a night). The more hard physical exercise and challenging outlets he has, the more balanced he is mentally. He is an athlete who thrives on competition, and we are fortunate to have found outlets for those needs. There are still tough days, and I'm sure plenty of rough times ahead, but I'm finding myself a bit less exhausted on a daily basis. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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