Send part of the family on international extended family trip?

[hellen]

I have never seen a calendar with a range of end dates. Since the live so far away, your in-laws may not be family with it either. I also wouldn't have expected finals the last week of school. We did them earlier in high school and the last week was a fun week.

 

I think you should find a way for everybody to go. I've been involved with planning a large family get together. It is a nightmare. It is impossible to accommodate everyone. I think they did it in the easiest way possible. They chose a date that looked like it could work. It's up to everyone to accommodate it. I can understand your hurt but the date is not personal. You're focused on the problem instead of a possible solution.

[Word Nerd]

I have never seen a calendar with a range of end dates. Since the live so far away, your in-laws may not be family with it either. I also wouldn't have expected finals the last week of school. We did them earlier in high school and the last week was a fun week.

 

I think you should find a way for everybody to go. I've been involved with planning a large family get together. It is a nightmare. It is impossible to accommodate everyone. I think they did it in the easiest way possible. They chose a date that looked like it could work. It's up to everyone to accommodate it. I can understand your hurt but the date is not personal. You're focused on the problem instead of a possible solution.

 

Not even that—a potential problem that may not even be an issue when the time comes.

[Reefgazer]

I would have a hard time with only a partial family going on a major vacation.  I agree with PP who said if they cared enough, they would have gotten everyone's input.

 

ETA:  I also would be bending over backward to get those kids to take the finals earlier so that we could all go.  If not, then I would send DH, but I wouldn't send D and half/one of the kids

[idnib]

We never know the last day of school until mid-April. It is common knowledge that we get out after 180 days, but that the exact date could shift by up to a week. Hence the district marking the first possible last day of school, each possible overflow day, and the last possible last day of school. *We* all know what that the first last day is never the actual last day, but you have helped me accept that what is obvious to us is possibly not obvious to those who only hear about our school schedules.

 

Yeah, I would find that confusing. I live in the land of no snow so I'm not that familiar. One time MIL (who lives in a snowy area) and I had a conversation in which she explained that the district in her town schedules extra days for snow and if they have fewer closures than that they end early. It's been very rare to go over, but when they do they extend the school day to end the year on time. If I looked at a school schedule in a snowy area I would think the snow days were already built in.

 

I think at a minimum your DH and DS10 should go, and I would try to reschedule finals for the others as well.

[Lolly]

Yeah, I would find that confusing. I live in the land of no snow so I'm not that familiar. One time MIL (who lives in a snowy area) and I had a conversation in which she explained that the district in her town schedules extra days for snow and if they have fewer closures than that they end early. It's been very rare to go over, but when they do they extend the school day to end the year on time. If I looked at a school schedule in a snowy area I would think the snow days were already built in.

 

I think at a minimum your DH and DS10 should go, and I would try to reschedule finals for the others as well.

 

Not a huge snowy area, but here they schedule about 8 snow days into the system. If they don't use them, the kids have extra holiday days in the spring. Lots of 3 day weekends.

[Pam in CT]

:lol: about the school schedule confusion.  It's SO NORMAL, where it's normal.

 

In all the districts I know about around here (I used to work in one town over, my kids have been in the district here, my synagogue friends span multiple neighboring districts) all do it like this:

 

EARLIEST POSSIBLE LAST DAY: this presumes 0 snow days.  (That is, none are "built in" like in the old days).  Everyone with kids in the district is Very Well Briefed on how it works: There will be at least a handful of snow days in actuality.

 

LAST POSSIBLE LAST DAY: This is a good 7++ days later, and it is the last day the teachers are required to come, even if there's an ice storm that knocks out the power for 2+ weeks (this happened here a few years ago) -- even if that means the school doesn't get in the required 180 days.  180 days are required by state law, so this requires an agreement with the DOE.

 

It is incredibly well communicated, so everyone knows that you can't make any hard / expensive / non-cancelable plans before the LAST possible day, although you certainly can make kinda-sorta plans and hope.

 

Here is an example: New Canaan's earliest possible date is June 14; last possible date is June 24.  It's very easy to read the calendar once you understand the system, lol.  Any plans before June 24 are in jeopardy -- you're gambling.  The teachers would be in breach of contract if they made plans earlier than that: they are contractually required to be available to work up to that last day (even though they will actually only work the 180 plus any contracted & paid for development/prep days).

 

It addresses several problems that used to happen regularly: With the build-in-3-days plan I grew up with, if the estimate of 3 days turned out to be too high (ie, there really only were 2 snow days) the teachers effectively worked 181 days rather than 180 (leading to cranky contract issues); if alternatively the estimate turned out to be too low (ie there really turned out to be 6 snow days instead of the planned 3), then the district would not actually get in the 180 required by state law.

 

 

The finals up to the last day addresses a related-but-different problem: when that last week was just "fun" stuff, loads of parents pulled their kids out.  That jeopardized the 180 days through a different door, and also left teachers who were required to be there, with nothing real to do.  So most high schools here do have finals right up to the end.  Little kids of course are different; things wind down...

 

Anyway.  I think it's one of those things where if you're inside the system, it's pretty obvious how it works and why... but it's pretty bizarre from the outside!

 

 

 

ETA typo

[QueenCat]

We'd send part of our family in a heartbeat. And have for similar trips/events. No reason for those that can go to miss the event.

[Melinda in VT]

Thank you, everyone.

 

I appreciate those who understood my mixed feelings AND those who gave me a gentle or not-so-gentle reality adjustment. You all helped me filter out the little things so I could focus on the important.

 

I am urging DH to go and to take youngest son.

[kroe1]

Dilemmas like these are why I hate brick and mortar schools. But, let me get this straight.

 

1. Once in a lifetime opportunity to go to Mexican resort.

2. Once in a lifetime event, a 50th wedding anniversary.

3. All expenses paid for a large family.

4. Grandparents who will not live forever. They must be at least 70.

5. Teens who will not be living at home much longer or taking family vacations together.

6. A society that doesn't require much from a high school education other than getting into college or a trade job.

7. Placing importance on exams, or the grades, that will not even be remembered 1 year after they are taken.

8. A lifetime of regret not being at a family reunion.

9. Photos of the event hanging in family's homes and chuckles at future Thanksgiving dinners to always be a reminder of what was missed.

 

I would tell the school to give the exam to your kids on "X" date. If they cannot accommodate, take the "F" and go on. In the grand scheme of things a final exam pales in comparison to what those teens will be giving up.

[Melinda in VT]

Dilemmas like these are why I hate brick and mortar schools. But, let me get this straight.

 

1. Once in a lifetime opportunity to go to Mexican resort.

2. Once in a lifetime event, a 50th wedding anniversary.

3. All expenses paid for a large family.

4. Grandparents who will not live forever. They must be at least 70.

5. Teens who will not be living at home much longer or taking family vacations together.

6. A society that doesn't require much from a high school education other than getting into college or a trade job.

7. Placing importance on exams, or the grades, that will not even be remembered 1 year after they are taken.

8. A lifetime of regret not being at a family reunion.

9. Photos of the event hanging in family's homes and chuckles at future Thanksgiving dinners to always be a reminder of what was missed.

 

I would tell the school to give the exam to your kids on "X" date. If they cannot accommodate, take the "F" and go on. In the grand scheme of things a final exam pales in comparison to what those teens will be giving up.

1. I see no reason to assume this is a once-in-lifetime opportunity to stay at a Mexican resort.

 

2. For these grandparents, true.

 

3. This doesn't matter to the kids. All their travel is paid for by someone else. For DH and me, the most significant financial issue is the potential of the kids losing scholarship money for college if they don't do well on their finals.

 

4. True.

 

5. We will have a nuclear family vacation next year regardless of what happens with this trip. These kids have tons of memories of trips, including trips with these grandparents and including a family reunion with this side of the family three years ago.

 

6. We consider getting into college to be a huge deal. We also think getting merit aid to pay for college can have a huge impact on future finances.

 

7. Ditto. They will remember their finals grades when they are applying for college.

 

8. I doubt they will regret it for a lifetime, regardless of which choice we make.

 

9. Half the cousins won't be going because of the international move, so they'll have company. We missed a family trip early in our marriage because the trip was booked within two weeks of my due date. You learn to enjoy the stories.

 

I had questions about whether to encourage DH to go and take DS10. I don't have questions about whether to have the high schoolers go. If we have no more than one snow day by mid April, we can see if there is still room for them and me.

[EndOfOrdinary]

In many schools, kids can take finals one or two weeks earlier. Only earlier. Only if the kid prearranges months in advance. Only if the kid takes it upon themselves to arrange it with the instructor, principal, and parent. However, it was much more common than people think.

[Melinda in VT]

In many schools, kids can take finals one or two weeks earlier. Only earlier. Only if the kid prearranges months in advance. Only if the kid takes it upon themselves to arrange it with the instructor, principal, and parent. However, it was much more common than people think.

If one of my kids didn't have executive function issues, this would be a more likely solution.

 

We need to maximize the chance of success.

[katilac]

 

I would tell the school to give the exam to your kids on "X" date. If they cannot accommodate, take the "F" and go on. In the grand scheme of things a final exam pales in comparison to what those teens will be giving up.

 

I don't think that final exams for high schoolers can be placed in the category of 'things that won't matter 20 years from now.' 

 

Failing final exams can have a significant impact on your grades, which in turn can have a significant impact on college admissions and scholarships - particularly because you are not talking about one class here, but all of them. 

 

Plus, I think many students would be upset at failing all of their final exams. I know my kids would be horrified. 

 

The school might be very willing to let them take exams early (I find that most people are very understanding when they hear the words 'free vacation'), but that isn't going to work for one of the students. 

 

I think the OP should encourage her husband and younger child to go, but I definitely understand the high schoolers not being able to go.