Loowit Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 My grandmother died yesterday in hospice. She got very ill last week and due to age she didn't get well. I tried to prepare the kids as much as I could. None of the kids were really close to her. They saw her a few times a year. My DD and older DS seems to be doing okay. My youngest is really struggling. He went with me a number of times to visit her in the hospital and then later when they moved her to hospice. He kept telling me that she was looking better and she would get well, but I tried to be realistic from the beginning that she wouldn't likely get better, and then of course once she was in hospice and we knew it was a matter of time I talked to him a number of times about her not getting better. When I told him yesterday that she had died, he cried a little. But since then he has kept insisting that she is going to come back to life like on movies and in games. I have tried to explain that that doesn't happen in real life, but he still insists that it can happen. I am really not sure how to handle this. I know that eventually he will come around to understanding that she is gone, but I am a bit worried that he is so insistent about this. I guess I am wondering if I should just let it go and let him figure this out or if I should keep gently reminding him that she isn't going to come back but that we will see her again in heaven. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Wabi Sabi Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 I'm sorry for your loss. We have had quite a few deaths in our family and this book has been helpful for my children: http://www.amazon.com/Lifetimes-Beautiful-Explain-Death-Children/dp/0553344021/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1443572022&sr=8-1&keywords=lifetimes+a+beautiful+way+to+explain+death+to+children 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Help him write stories about grandma coming back to life because things can happen in stories that can't happen in real life. It's a kind of compromise. I also recommend the above book. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Rosie_0801 Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 My dd will be writing stories about her brother being alive and going to fun places for NaNo. She doesn't know what your boy will think of her stories, but she is willing to share hers and read his if he wants to write similar about your grandma. :grouphug: :grouphug: 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momofeat Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Hospice has materials available to help children through grief. You might want to check with them. I'm sorry for your loss. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Farrar Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 The best advice I got when we had a grandparent die was to be sure to say that it wasn't the child's fault (which seems so very obvious to us as adults, but is sometimes not obvious to young kids). Also to talk to the child about what happens if *you* die. It doesn't need to be specific, but just that there's a plan in place, people will take care of him, etc. Again, it seems so unconnected, but both of these things turned out to be things dh and I needed to bring up with ds. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Annie Elle Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Please contact your hospice. They should have a bereavement program that can help. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
texasmama Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 This is a common and appropriate developmental stage for your son to be at. He is in a concrete stage, in which death is not permanent. Art and free writing stories about Grandma are good tools to help him manage this. In a short time (a few months to a couple of years), he will move into a more abstract developmental stage and realize that death is permanent. It is okay to respond with, "That would be so nice" or another reassuring noncommittal phrase. He is processing it in an appropriate manner, IMO. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Loowit Posted September 30, 2015 Author Share Posted September 30, 2015 Thanks all. I am feeling pretty overwhelmed at the moment so it is hard to think clearly about stuff. I appreciate the book suggestions and the idea to contact hospice. The writing is a great idea, but DS hates writing so I doubt it would work, but I will mention it to him just in case. Rosie, thank you so much for your offer to share your DD's stories with DS. I will have to think about it. It is very thoughtful and appreciated. After reading all the replies it brought to mind that I should probably talk to his therapist about it and get some ideas from her too. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
stephanier.1765 Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 I have no advice but I did want to offer my condolences. I am so sorry for your loss. :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stacia Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MercyA Posted September 30, 2015 Share Posted September 30, 2015 Would it help to read him Scripture? I'm very sorry for your loss. :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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