Quiet hour/room time

[ThursdayNext]

So I have a first grader and an advanced preKer, and also a 2 year old.

Having a quiet hour for me would be beneficial, as I am an introvert, and all the talking time with kids sucks the life out of me. It would also be nice to split them up, so they can have downtime and not fight. The 6yr old would listen to an audiobook, and the 4 year old would play trains, read, or do puzzles.

 

Or just room time for the 2 year old would be nice. He constantly and intentionally interrupts chapter book read alouds, and some projects are difficult with him around. I could give the big ones some attention.

 

I got my oldest to transition from naps to audiobooks at 3, no real difficulty there. My second never napped well, had a terrible time getting him to stay in a room for quiet hour til 3 1/2, when he was ready to play alone. We have not been doing quiet hour for a while. But any of us will try to sneak away with toys, a book, or an audiobook when we need a break. It's not right for me to keep leaving the toddler with his siblings when he is mean to them in afternoons.

 

But the 2 year old is ready to give up naps. He is not tired til after 3, and doesn't fall asleep well at night anymore.

He is tired in the afternoons, and gets mean- hitting, biting, really grumpy. He's not good at playing by himself, and loves to be with people.

I've asked people in real life, and these are the suggestions I've gotten so far:

 

-lock him in his room by reversing the doorknob or a plastic doorknob cover (is that against the law?)

-turn on the tv or give him a movie on the iPad

-keep putting him in his room for rest time and he will learn to stay in it (tried that for 3 weeks)

-have special toys for rest time so he will like to stay in his room

-it's cruel to keep the little one from you if he doesn't like it. Keep him with you and make the best of it.

-wake him up at 6am so he will need a nap again

 

What do you suggest?

[73349]

Bribery.

 

Half an hour at first, toys and books freshly rotated, and a matchbox car or similar from mommy's treasure box if you can do it three days in a row without coming out (except to use the bathroom) or calling for me. We have a color-changing timer, so there's no need to ask if it's time yet.

 

After a few weeks, I gradually extended the time and reduced the rewards. After a while, I no longer had to worry about rotating the toys, either. Eventually he got to like it. Now we have 90 minutes of quiet.

[Rachel]

I used a timer to my advantage. I taught my middle one that that she had to stay in her room until the timer went off. At first I set it for very short periods (5 minutes). I praised her big time for staying in her room then gradually increased the time. I require all my kids have a two hour rest time. My current three year old usually sleeps but if he comes out of his room early I send him back and let him know nap time isn't over yet. He's pretty laid back and doesn't fight me. I had to post up outside my older two kids rooms at different times so I could send them back in right away.

[kalusignan]

I would definitely require quiet time! Eventually all kids grow to enjoy the down time. My own (7 and 3) have a 2 hour quiet time each day.

 

Some ideas:

• Start with a short time (10 min) and increase gradually. Use a timer or a clock that changes color or mark an analog clock (put a sticker on the numbers the hands have to reach).
• Make CDs with nursery rhymes, music, and your voice reading stories.
• Bring out different, special toys that he can only play with at quiet time.

Your persistence will pay off in the end! Good luck!

[Meadowlark]

Yep, all of my kids are either napping or in quiet time from 1:30-3ish. It is my sanity break!

 

-5 bins of toys/activities. Some electronic, books, etc. Vary daily obviously.

-a CD with 60 minutes of music. When the music is over, cue to come out

-have strict rules...if he/she doesn't stay in room, no TV, snack, etc. I always have that as an incentive and since it's the only TV they get, boy do they oblige!

-be consistent!

[Hobbes]

We have a two hour quiet time and it is sanity for me, calming for them, and currently related to survival as I am pregnant and exhausted. :)

 

The 7 and 5 yo have audio books - I start them with audio as soon as they drop naps. We have an audible subscription and I made sure they each have a (usually used and cheap) iPod and speaker in whatever room they are in. These are sanity investments and have been worth every penny! We start with simple stories and music and gradually move up. The 1yo still naps.

 

I transitioned them each to quiet time as they dropped naps - they had various toys and art supplies to use. They've never had to stay in bed, just quietly in their rooms, and it's been VERY clear that they do not come out unless wounded. Mommy needs quiet time too. :)

 

Since it's been consistent and applies to everyone, I haven't had much push back. They actually like it - I find that in a homeschooling day, it's a positive for everyone to focus for a good while on something they choose without others interruping. We were at an extended family cottage last week and we still did quiet time. My 5yo (an extrovert) told me later that she didn't want quiet time at first but every day she really liked "some time by myself". :)

[purduemeche]

We do the quiet time and it is essential with ten kids. We had to train the littles to nap and the older littles to not leave their room. For us this mostly involved allowing them to play with toys quietly in their room, nothing electronic. I would coach you to stay away from using movies or a tablet every day for this. It will turn into a habit you will want to break.

[Kerileanne99]

Quiet and time is a necessity! I also think it is really important for kids to learn to play by themselves, problem-solve (since they can't go running off to mom to solve it for them during this time), and patience-stretching. There are a whole plethora of skills being worked on! Plus, it was the time during which my dd learned to read for hours for pleasure:)

We used to have a light up timer when she was very little. It was a sun/moon thing that was blue during rest time and turned yellow when she was allowed to get up. We now just use the clock. We have mandatory quiet time from 2-3, but she often extends it because she is caught up in a book.

 

For your youngest I think you will have to start with short time periods and build up. And yes, bribery if necessary. If you can get away from with a sticker chart for him, here is what I did: I made a fancy character chart (I think it was Dinosaur Train back then?) and for every successful completion of quiet time she got to put on a sticker. There were five 10-minute spots, then five 15-minute spots, building up to an hour. When she got to an hour we got to celebrate with a larger reward of her choice.

But since she was two, we also needed a short-term, immediate reward. I put together a little dollar-store-type trinket box she got to select something from for that.

 

Also, and I cannot recommend these highly enough for that age (2-4), there is a book and CD called Farmyard Tales from the UK. It is one of the Usborne Spot-the-duck books, and it it a collection of 20 very sweet tales about a family on a farm with silly animals. Cute stories, illustrations, and very soothing. All of the stories start exactly the same way (a wonderful book for beginning readers as well!) and the very single child I have gifted this book to has absolutely loved it. And I gift it A LOT. At age 2, putting these audiobooks on made quiet time for my crazy- energetic toddler possible. She would beg for them, and at night would happily climb into bed with no fuss if we put them on for her to listen as she went to sleep. At 5.5 she STILL asks for them periodically. This is the book, but I got mine from The Book Depository.

 

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0794509029/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?qid=1439046829&sr=8-4&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=farmyard&dpPl=1&dpID=616EDPohIjL&ref=plSrch

[purduemeche]

We do the quiet time and it is essential with ten kids. We had to train the littles to nap and the older littles to not leave their room. For us this mostly involved allowing them to play with toys quietly in their room, nothing electronic. I would coach you to stay away from using movies or a tablet every day for this. It will turn into a habit you will want to break.

[KeriJ]

We do the quiet time and it is essential with ten kids. We had to train the littles to nap and the older littles to not leave their room. For us this mostly involved allowing them to play with toys quietly in their room, nothing electronic. I would coach you to stay away from using movies or a tablet every day for this. It will turn into a habit you will want to break.

 

(I LOVED looking through your blog!  precious family)

[Chelli]

The one fly in the ointment for us ever having consistent quiet time is that my kids have always shared a bedroom with another sibling. Right now dd8 and ds5 share a room. There is no way they could both be in the room for an hour without getting into squabbles that I would have to break up and deal with which kind of defeats the purpose of alone/quiet time.

 

Any suggestions?

[Hobbes]

The one fly in the ointment for us ever having consistent quiet time is that my kids have always shared a bedroom with another sibling. Right now dd8 and ds5 share a room. There is no way they could both be in the room for an hour without getting into squabbles that I would have to break up and deal with which kind of defeats the purpose of alone/quiet time.

 

Any suggestions?

Ours share rooms as well. One goes to the basement for quiet time, where I've set up an art desk for her and there is a couch and Playmobil.

 

Once they get into the rhythm of quiet time, I find I can put them anywhere. If we have guests staying in the basement, one goes in my room. At the family cottage, they went on either side of a double bed and chose one story together. They are old enough to be in the habit of quiet and it works.

[KeriJ]

The one fly in the ointment for us ever having consistent quiet time is that my kids have always shared a bedroom with another sibling. Right now dd8 and ds5 share a room. There is no way they could both be in the room for an hour without getting into squabbles that I would have to break up and deal with which kind of defeats the purpose of alone/quiet time.

 

Any suggestions?

 

Chelli, ours all share rooms as well.  I separate them for quiet time.  1 in the living room, 1 in each bedroom, one in my room etc.  They take their stack of books, cd player etc. with them and stay put until time is up.  They enjoy making cozy spots somewhere.  Sometimes it's a blanket on the floor, sometimes a homemade "fort".  When the weather is nice, I've been known to let them use a blanket in the back yard.  

[MrsRobinson]

The one fly in the ointment for us ever having consistent quiet time is that my kids have always shared a bedroom with another sibling. Right now dd8 and ds5 share a room. There is no way they could both be in the room for an hour without getting into squabbles that I would have to break up and deal with which kind of defeats the purpose of alone/quiet time.

 

Any suggestions?

My 7 and 4 yo share a room and one goes in my room. The baby and I cuddle on the couch for quiet time. Although, the 2 of us actually nap!

[Rachel]

The one fly in the ointment for us ever having consistent quiet time is that my kids have always shared a bedroom with another sibling. Right now dd8 and ds5 share a room. There is no way they could both be in the room for an hour without getting into squabbles that I would have to break up and deal with which kind of defeats the purpose of alone/quiet time.

 

Any suggestions?

I separate too. My oldest is 7, he gets the playroom or goes outside. The 3 year old gets the room since he still actually sleeps. If we didn't have a playroom, I would put my oldest in my room or the living room.

[SereneHome]

The one fly in the ointment for us ever having consistent quiet time is that my kids have always shared a bedroom with another sibling. Right now dd8 and ds5 share a room. There is no way they could both be in the room for an hour without getting into squabbles that I would have to break up and deal with which kind of defeats the purpose of alone/quiet time.

 

Any suggestions?

 

Shared bedroom here also.   My 7 yr old reads to my 5 yr old, it's very cute. 

 

But if all fails, I tell them that they will start loosing time from their bed time.  I explained the reason - your body and brain needs x amount of rest every day.  If you are not getting it at quiet time, you'll be getting it at night time.  I've had mixed success with that strategy. 

[Tawlas]

Yup, I split up the room sharers as well. We have a playroom, so they take turns using that but in a pinch they've also had quiet time in the family closet or even on the stair well (that's actually a treat in our house lol! They play car accident with trucks and two trucks and emergency vehicles :) )

 

My 2yo seems to be dropping her naps :( But she stills stays on her bed - mostly cause it's really high and doubles as our guest bed lol. But I know she can get down if she wants, it just hasn't occured to her to do it. Yet. So she still stays in her room and plays with her dollies and books and sings and occasionally yells for me for two hours. I don't intend on dropping it although I may need to start child proofing her closet if she starts getting into it.

 

This school year I'm going to introduce a room time for her 30 minutes while we get a few things done during our school day. I have five bins of toys (1 for each day of the week) that she'll only use during this time. I'm also making her a room time CD as someone mentioned upthread. I had originally intended on reading to her and creating almost like a memory work CD for two-year olds by saying her name and her age and a few other things but I had enough really fantastic toddler songs I wanted to share with her that I ended up just using them. I'm hoping it will cue her to wait until the 31 1/2 minutes are up before she comes out - over time.

 

Finally, I plan on making her a room-time album. Just a cheap, dollar store photo album full of pictures of her family members, including grandparents, aunts and cousins, as well pets and other favorite things from her life (we live on a ranch so this includes the tractor, the donkeys, the sheep, the cows, our vehicles, the dirt bikes, and her stroller :P). If I need to fill more space, maybe some of her favorite toys and clothing items. My older kids LOVED looking at an album I made for them when they were small.

 

Two year olds are tricky! They're so able, yet their conscience - their governor - is almost non-existant lol. You cross your fingers for me, I'll cross my fingers for you :D

[TKDmom]

:bigear:

I've never been consistent with quiet time, but I need to do it this year! My kids are older, but my 5yo really needs the down time (so do I), and she's the one who I'll need to train.

 

My biggest pet peeve is laying down for a nap and having younger ds *wake me up* to ask if quiet time is over yet. Argh!! No!! Can't you see I was asleep?!?   :banghead:  I will be using a timer. :)

[TKDmom]

The one fly in the ointment for us ever having consistent quiet time is that my kids have always shared a bedroom with another sibling. Right now dd8 and ds5 share a room. There is no way they could both be in the room for an hour without getting into squabbles that I would have to break up and deal with which kind of defeats the purpose of alone/quiet time.

 

Any suggestions

 

My boys have a bunk bed, and theoretically they could stay in their beds during quiet time, but to be safe I usually assign the elder to a couch and the younger to his bed. 

[PeachyDoodle]

Both of mine gave up naps early as well (dd was barely 2, ds probably 2 and a half). We've had quiet time ever since, but ds had to be trained to it, for sure.

 

I toddler-proofed his room and used a baby gate to keep him in his there but still be able to see/hear what he was doing. Some days that worked better than others. We had to work up to longer periods of time. There were days when he screamed bloody murder until I gave up. But he learned to entertain himself if he didn't want to sleep.

 

I feel your pain having a toddler who is outgrowing naptime but can't quite make it to bedtime. Unfortunately, it's just a phase you have to weather. This too shall pass.

 

Quiet time here has been two hours for the past year or more. We all need it. DS still does better some days than others about staying in his room and playing quietly. It depends on what kind of mood he's in, really. Now that he's old enough, the rule is he has to stay in the room and play quietly without bothering me or his sister. He is allowed to go to the bathroom as needed, and he has a box of healthy snacks he's allowed to get at any time (he's CONSTANTLY hungry!) so he can get those as well, and return to his room. If he breaks the rule (and he does, more often than not), he has to sit on his bed instead of playing freely in his room. He used to fall asleep when I made him do that, but now he will usually sit for a bit, then tell me he's ready to follow the rules, so I usually give him another chance. Most days once is all it takes.

 

My biggest problem these days is that he gets out everything he owns at quiet time. Since he still needs a lot of supervision/assistance to clean up, and I don't always have time to give it, his room is pretty much constantly trashed. :glare:

[FloridaLisa]

-lock him in his room by reversing the doorknob or a plastic doorknob cover (is that against the law?)

-turn on the tv or give him a movie on the iPad

-keep putting him in his room for rest time and he will learn to stay in it (tried that for 3 weeks)

-have special toys for rest time so he will like to stay in his room

-it's cruel to keep the little one from you if he doesn't like it. Keep him with you and make the best of it.

-wake him up at 6am so he will need a nap again

 

What do you suggest?

 

I marked through the suggestions that wouldn't work for me. I have no desire to teach my 2-yr-old that tv = babysitter or to give them that much screen time. It's not cruel to teach a child to self-soothe and it's not cruel for YOU to be able to rest and restore that you're a good mom for the rest of the day. The wake up at 6 am seems like a punishment for you. 

 

All my kids have always (baby on up) had an hour of nap-time, quiet time in their room. In earlier years, it was THE only way I could homeschool. I had to have that time to rest and revive. I think that's a reasonable and normal expectation and wouldn't let others tell you you're asking too much. Too many families and households do it successfully.

 

Anyway, based on all that you wrote (being mean in the afternoon), I would say he will benefit greatly from 2 things, even if he gives you a hard time: training and a rest time.  If he won't stay in his room, it's an obedience issue. Your rest and his rest are at stake. I would set aside a couple of weeks for boot camp to work on behavior and put your time and energy toward that. Stop and drop everything else when you need to intervene. Kindly but firmly tell him and when he doesn't follow through (or hits or bites or otherwise acts out) figure out beforehand a reasonable but firm response. 

 

You're going to have to do it over and over and not much else may get done but it will be worth it. It should spill over so that you can find pockets of time for him to be quiet and entertained while you school. My littles ones were nearly always around for reading aloud. . . they nursed or played with toys or ate a baggie of snacks or toddled quietly from lap to lap but they didn't interrupt. 

 

Re: quiet time, put him in his bed with a rail and a stack of books. Instruct him that he may not come out. You could set a timer on a dresser. If/when he comes out, repeat the short instruction and put him back in his bed. When he does it again, do it again. I added in a small pinch on the bottom and that seemed a reasonable consequence for willfully disobeying. You may have to do this 20 times the first day, hopefully less the second and not much the 3rd,4th. Are you maintaining the same expectation and schedule everyday? Do you talk beforehand (during lunch maybe) about what will happen after lunch? Do you have by in with your olders? My toddlers didn't want to miss out and so seeing everyone go to a quiet spot helped. 

 

I hope you sense the sisterly advice here and not any judgment on parenting whatsoever. I've just been here and I think it's worth it, especially given your need for the quiet time, to make it work and find a solution rather than ditching it altogether.  

[wendyroo]

We all do rest time here.

 

The 2 year old has 60 minutes of rest time in his crib each morning (during the time he used to take a morning nap).  He chooses a couple toys from his special stash of rest time toys, listens to music or audio books and watches cars out the window.  He then naps for two hours every afternoon.

 

The 4 and 6 year olds have two hours of rest time after lunch.  The four year old is in his room, but the 6 year old (who shares a room with the 2 year old) spends rest time downstairs in my craft room/his play room where the big boy toys are kept.

 

When the 2 year old graduates from playing in his crib during rest time to being loose in his room, I will lock him in.  I view this as a safety measure.  With me downstairs distracted doing school with the older boys, the 2 year old could slip out of his room (if it was unlocked) in an instant.  Given just a few unsupervised minutes, he could find all sorts of life-threatening hazards.  He could drown in the toilet, slip out the back door, drink a bottle of shampoo, hurt the baby, etc.  It is in everyone's best interest that he is kept safe and sound in his room.

 

Wendy

[lea_lpz]

I have room share situations which complicates things but in general I try to get every one in their own space. So when my my stepson was home and my youngest boy needed a nap, my stepson got the room and my younger son napped in my room. When I was pregnant I would nap with him almost daily. Now my 1 year old and 8 year old share. I don't enforce a daily quiet time for my 8 year old since most days that the time I use to work with her one on one. Occasionally she'll request it or I need to get something done or had an insomnia episode. In that case my 1 year old gets to nap in my room in a travel crib. Then dd8 free plays in her room. If I nap it's on the couch downstairs usually.

 

Most of my kids napped until they were six.

 

My big kids at about 7 began enjoying their own quiet time. They could read, do crafts, or play with their toys they didn't want little siblings to destroy.

 

I am pregnant again. I might be re-instating nap time actually.

[lea_lpz]

I marked through the suggestions that wouldn't work for me. I have no desire to teach my 2-yr-old that tv = babysitter or to give them that much screen time. It's not cruel to teach a child to self-soothe and it's not cruel for YOU to be able to rest and restore that you're a good mom for the rest of the day. The wake up at 6 am seems like a punishment for you.

 

All my kids have always (baby on up) had an hour of nap-time, quiet time in their room. In earlier years, it was THE only way I could homeschool. I had to have that time to rest and revive. I think that's a reasonable and normal expectation and wouldn't let others tell you you're asking too much. Too many families and households do it successfully.

 

Anyway, based on all that you wrote (being mean in the afternoon), I would say he will benefit greatly from 2 things, even if he gives you a hard time: training and a rest time. If he won't stay in his room, it's an obedience issue. Your rest and his rest are at stake. I would set aside a couple of weeks for boot camp to work on behavior and put your time and energy toward that. Stop and drop everything else when you need to intervene. Kindly but firmly tell him and when he doesn't follow through (or hits or bites or otherwise acts out) figure out beforehand a reasonable but firm response.

 

You're going to have to do it over and over and not much else may get done but it will be worth it. It should spill over so that you can find pockets of time for him to be quiet and entertained while you school. My littles ones were nearly always around for reading aloud. . . they nursed or played with toys or ate a baggie of snacks or toddled quietly from lap to lap but they didn't interrupt.

 

Re: quiet time, put him in his bed with a rail and a stack of books. Instruct him that he may not come out. You could set a timer on a dresser. If/when he comes out, repeat the short instruction and put him back in his bed. When he does it again, do it again. I added in a small pinch on the bottom and that seemed a reasonable consequence for willfully disobeying. You may have to do this 20 times the first day, hopefully less the second and not much the 3rd,4th. Are you maintaining the same expectation and schedule everyday? Do you talk beforehand (during lunch maybe) about what will happen after lunch? Do you have by in with your olders? My toddlers didn't want to miss out and so seeing everyone go to a quiet spot helped.

 

I hope you sense the sisterly advice here and not any judgment on parenting whatsoever. I've just been here and I think it's worth it, especially given your need for the quiet time, to make it work and find a solution rather than ditching it altogether.

I had to do this. Each kid had to be trained at some point to do it and each kid had occasional rebellions but if you just keep with it I swear it works.

[jeremmy]

I haven't read the other replies, but if your child WILL NOT stay in their room you could just try the doorknob cover on the inside knob. Of course, some kids can open those easily. We put one on the outside of my oldest's room to keep his little sister out, but she figured it out after about 6m (she was 3 at the time).

 

My son shares a room with the baby, so if she is napping (she naps during half of his quiet time) he stays in my room. We have a tiny house that has no extra rooms or levels for him to go to. My 4yo still takes a nap. She is starting to shorten it though, and the rule for her is that when she wakes up she needs to play or read quietly. We keep all of her toys in her room, so that is an easy thing to do. Sometimes she does get bored and try to sneak out and bug her big brother, but it normally works well. Their quiet time is 1230-ish-3. Without it I might go crazy ;)

 

Consistency was key for my oldest. He was convinced everyone was having tons of fun when he was in his room. He started really enjoying it around age 8 though. He looks forward to time away from his sisters where he can read or draw.

[ThursdayNext]

Quiet and time is a necessity! I also think it is really important for kids to learn to play by themselves, problem-solve (since they can't go running off to mom to solve it for them during this time), and patience-stretching. There are a whole plethora of skills being worked on! Plus, it was the time during which my dd learned to read for hours for pleasure:)

We used to have a light up timer when she was very little. It was a sun/moon thing that was blue during rest time and turned yellow when she was allowed to get up. We now just use the clock. We have mandatory quiet time from 2-3, but she often extends it because she is caught up in a book.

 

For your youngest I think you will have to start with short time periods and build up. And yes, bribery if necessary. If you can get away from with a sticker chart for him, here is what I did: I made a fancy character chart (I think it was Dinosaur Train back then?) and for every successful completion of quiet time she got to put on a sticker. There were five 10-minute spots, then five 15-minute spots, building up to an hour. When she got to an hour we got to celebrate with a larger reward of her choice.

But since she was two, we also needed a short-term, immediate reward. I put together a little dollar-store-type trinket box she got to select something from for that.

 

Also, and I cannot recommend these highly enough for that age (2-4), there is a book and CD called Farmyard Tales from the UK. It is one of the Usborne Spot-the-duck books, and it it a collection of 20 very sweet tales about a family on a farm with silly animals. Cute stories, illustrations, and very soothing. All of the stories start exactly the same way (a wonderful book for beginning readers as well!) and the very single child I have gifted this book to has absolutely loved it. And I gift it A LOT. At age 2, putting these audiobooks on made quiet time for my crazy- energetic toddler possible. She would beg for them, and at night would happily climb into bed with no fuss if we put them on for her to listen as she went to sleep. At 5.5 she STILL asks for them periodically. This is the book, but I got mine from The Book Depository.

 

https://www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/0794509029/ref=mp_s_a_1_4?qid=1439046829&sr=8-4&pi=AC_SX110_SY165_QL70&keywords=farmyard&dpPl=1&dpID=616EDPohIjL&ref=plSrch

 

I really liked this approach. I'm trying starting out at 15 min, and will try to change out the basket of toys every week. The little reward every day if he does well might really work with this kid.

 

And we love Farmyard Tales too. We have had it from the library so many times and it is on our list to buy. My 4 year old learned to read with it after his 1st box of BOB books, and all of us like the stories. I'm uncertain as to whether or not my 2 yr old will "get" audiobooks. But more suggestions like this would be good. Winnie the Pooh is probably the youngest skewing audiobook we have.

 

I would also have to find a place in the room to put a CD player where he could not mess with the buttons, a challenge for sure.

[ThursdayNext]

 

Anyway, based on all that you wrote (being mean in the afternoon), I would say he will benefit greatly from 2 things, even if he gives you a hard time: training and a rest time. If he won't stay in his room, it's an obedience issue. Your rest and his rest are at stake. I would set aside a couple of weeks for boot camp to work on behavior and put your time and energy toward that. Stop and drop everything else when you need to intervene. Kindly but firmly tell him and when he doesn't follow through (or hits or bites or otherwise acts out) figure out beforehand a reasonable but firm response.

 

You're going to have to do it over and over and not much else may get done but it will be worth it. It should spill over so that you can find pockets of time for him to be quiet and entertained while you school. My littles ones were nearly always around for reading aloud. . . they nursed or played with toys or ate a baggie of snacks or toddled quietly from lap to lap but they didn't interrupt.

 

Re: quiet time, put him in his bed with a rail and a stack of books. Instruct him that he may not come out. You could set a timer on a dresser. If/when he comes out, repeat the short instruction and put him back in his bed. When he does it again, do it again. I added in a small pinch on the bottom and that seemed a reasonable consequence for willfully disobeying. You may have to do this 20 times the first day, hopefully less the second and not much the 3rd,4th. Are you maintaining the same expectation and schedule everyday? Do you talk beforehand (during lunch maybe) about what will happen after lunch? Do you have by in with your olders? My toddlers didn't want to miss out and so seeing everyone go to a quiet spot helped.

 

I hope you sense the sisterly advice here and not any judgment on parenting whatsoever. I've just been here and I think it's worth it, especially given your need for the quiet time, to make it work and find a solution rather than ditching it altogether.

Thank you for the advice. I do have older ones who now like quiet time. And this approach would have worked quickly and easily with our oldest. But we did not get our middle child to like quiet hour by consistent work or obedience training. Putting him back in the room 20 times did not make the next day any better, or the next week. Or the next month. Physical discipline of any kind made things so much worse, as well. Right now we are working on cutting out all physical disciple for all our family.

 

I just want to throw out there for people reading that there are some kids who don't respond the way people say they "should". That instead of working on consistency and patience and firmness, we should have been trying a radically different approach.

[Kerileanne99]

Thank you for the advice. I do have older ones who now like quiet time. And this approach would have worked quickly and easily with our oldest. But we did not get our middle child to like quiet hour by consistent work or obedience training. Putting him back in the room 20 times did not make the next day any better, or the next week. Or the next month. Physical discipline of any kind made things so much worse, as well. Right now we are working on cutting out all physical disciple for all our family.

 

I just want to throw out there for people reading that there are some kids who don't respond the way people say they "should". That instead of working on consistency and patience and firmness, we should have been trying a radically different approach.

I just had to comment on this, partly to say kudos to you for working on eliminating physical discipline, and partly because it sounds as though you are a bit frustrated...but mostly because *I* have a child like that. We have never used physical discipline with her but I know without a doubt it wouldn't work anyway. It would just escalate the situation, anger, and cause her to hyper focus on the behavior I was trying to correct. Eventually she would turn it into a game. putting her back in her room? A game from the get-go.

Hence the rewards:) when I have been consistent and focused on one behavior at a time they have been very effective. Eventually we get there and we can move on to the next behavior when the first has become automatic.

I hope it works for you...

[FloridaLisa]

Thank you for the advice. I do have older ones who now like quiet time. And this approach would have worked quickly and easily with our oldest. But we did not get our middle child to like quiet hour by consistent work or obedience training. Putting him back in the room 20 times did not make the next day any better, or the next week. Or the next month. Physical discipline of any kind made things so much worse, as well. Right now we are working on cutting out all physical disciple for all our family.

 

I just want to throw out there for people reading that there are some kids who don't respond the way people say they "should". That instead of working on consistency and patience and firmness, we should have been trying a radically different approach.

 

Thursday, absolutely you have to be a student of your child. I'm right now coaching my youngest through bed time. ;)