Hunter's Moon Posted June 1, 2015 Share Posted June 1, 2015 I've begun working on a YA fiction fiction novel for pre-teens and adolescents. (Not sure why YA popped into my head.) I'd really love some feedback on the first chapter -- especially from children in the intended age range 11 - 15. The general plot of the story involves a young girl (14) who ran away from home due to an arranged marriage to a cruel man. It's not a historical fiction, but it isn't modern -- think horses and wagons for travel and the like. The first chapter does involve the main character being shot with an arrow and attacking someone, so please keep that in mind if your child is sensitive. There is no violence beyond that. I appreciate the feedback, positive and negative! Google Docs link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1aAMu_7Iz4-dZ_RNWV2o1nY6FyP_7eZW4oPr0QKc_9yc/edit?usp=sharing Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sasharowan Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 My DD15 says it is a good beginning and she would read more. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Well, I'm not 11-15 so my opinion might not mean much, but I loved it and would definitely want to read the rest of your novel!!! :hurray: :hurray: :hurray: :hurray: :hurray: 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mominco Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Letting you know I sent the link to DD and will give you feedback in the morning! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter's Moon Posted June 2, 2015 Author Share Posted June 2, 2015 My DD15 says it is a good beginning and she would read more. Tell her I appreciate her taking the time to read it, and I'm glad she enjoyed it :) Letting you know I sent the link to DD and will give you feedback in the morning! Thanks, mominco. I appreciate it! Well, I'm not 11-15 so my opinion might not mean much, but I loved it and would definitely want to read the rest of your novel!!! :hurray: :hurray: :hurray: :hurray: :hurray: Awwh, thanks Cat! At first, I was planning a story with a younger heroine, and therefore, a younger age group. But, I wanted the book to be something that adults might enjoy as well. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Awwh, thanks Cat! At first, I was planning a story with a younger heroine, and therefore, a younger age group. But, I wanted the book to be something that adults might enjoy as well. I think the slightly older heroine will also appeal to younger readers, anyway, because kids often like to read stories about characters who are a bit older than they are, so I think Effie is the perfect age. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Anne in CA Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 I love anything that has an action packed beginning. I can never figure out how to start my own novels that way though. Good beginning! 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Garga Posted June 2, 2015 Share Posted June 2, 2015 Loads of fun! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CindyH in NC Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 My 14yr old dd really enjoyed it and said she would absolutely read more. I felt the same way - I definitely want to know what happens. One question - if you feel like answering - you mentioned it was not historical fiction so is it supposed to be an alternate universe or post-apocalyptic? Or is that something that will be revealed later on in the story? Thanks for sharing, Cindy PS My dd loved the heroine's name. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MiMi 4under3 Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 I'm not 11-15 either, but I enjoyed reading it and want to know what happens next! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter's Moon Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 My 14yr old dd really enjoyed it and said she would absolutely read more. I felt the same way - I definitely want to know what happens. One question - if you feel like answering - you mentioned it was not historical fiction so is it supposed to be an alternate universe or post-apocalyptic? Or is that something that will be revealed later on in the story? Thanks for sharing, Cindy PS My dd loved the heroine's name. I would say it's alternate universe. I really love stories that are set in non-specific times (Sword of Truth, A Game of Thrones, Lord of the Rings). The surroundings seem more primitive, but I'm not required to make sure all of my facts are historically accurate :lol: But, I also feel it helps my characters to not be stifled by a set of standards. Would a 14th century French girl do this? Would a 10th century English man do that? Etc. They're able to be who they are, without predetermined societal standards (except the ones I set up ;)) As for the name -- I was informed that Effie is a major character in the Hunger Games. I saw the first movie, but never read the books and the name completely slipped my mind. They mentioned it might be an issue in terms of association. I LOVE the name Effie, but I'm not entirely sure if I'll stick with it or not. Maybe I can come up with a reason that she is named as such and it will lessen the HG association. Thank you to you and your daughter! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter's Moon Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 I think the slightly older heroine will also appeal to younger readers, anyway, because kids often like to read stories about characters who are a bit older than they are, so I think Effie is the perfect age. This was my line of thinking as well. Many of the books I loved growing up were because the heroine was older, and I felt like I could look up to them. I love anything that has an action packed beginning. I can never figure out how to start my own novels that way though. Good beginning! Loads of fun! I'm not 11-15 either, but I enjoyed reading it and want to know what happens next! Thanks, all! I'm so glad to know there's an interest, because I'm having too much fun writing it! 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
chocolatechip Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 I read it and thought it was great! I'd definitely love to read on! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elfknitter.# Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 Regarding Effie, as I have yet to look at this... She was the character who announced the champions (I think that was the term) who were to combat in the Hunger Games. So for Katniss's first round, her sister was chosen. However, Katniss opted to be a tribute for her sister to protect her. This was enacting an old law that no one would normally do, hence why that, along with some other actions, made her a problem for the ruling class (aka Capital); yet also made her unique and a rebel cause to the outlying districts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elfknitter.# Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 (edited) I've begun working on a YA fiction fiction novel for pre-teens and adolescents. (Not sure why YA popped into my head.) I'd really love some feedback on the first chapter -- especially from children in the intended age range 11 - 15. The general plot of the story involves a young girl (14) who ran away from home due to an arranged marriage to a cruel man. It's not a historical fiction, but it isn't modern -- think horses and wagons for travel and the like. The first chapter does involve the main character being shot with an arrow and attacking someone, so please keep that in mind if your child is sensitive. There is no violence beyond that. I appreciate the feedback, positive and negative! Google Docs link: https://docs.google.com/document/d/1aAMu_7Iz4-dZ_RNWV2o1nY6FyP_7eZW4oPr0QKc_9yc/edit?usp=sharing How soon would u like an answer from an age appropriate child? Edited June 3, 2015 by elfknitter. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mominco Posted June 3, 2015 Share Posted June 3, 2015 DD told me to inform you that its a good start and would like to read more! She is right in the middle of your age group and she reads atleast 50-60 books a year. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Hunter's Moon Posted June 3, 2015 Author Share Posted June 3, 2015 How soon would u like an answer from an age appropriate Child? There's no timeline. I expect I'll be working on this for a good while. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
terrafirma Posted June 5, 2015 Share Posted June 5, 2015 I read this with my daughter (12). It has an exciting introduction that grabs the reader, and she said she liked it. We wondered a bit though why they would use deadly force on Effie when she seems to be wanted alive. Accidents do happen! My daughter said she'd like a bit more dialogue. For example, at this part: "Effie pleaded for her freedom. She begged not to be taken back." She also said she wasn't sure about the flashback... it was pretty brief, and maybe could be fleshed out a bit more. She said she'd be interested in reading more though. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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