myfunnybunch Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 :grouphug: Thank you for the update. Again, I am so impressed by your balance and compassion and love. I can see why you're the rock in your family. From one rock to another, I am so glad the Hive can be here to help "listen" and provide support. Keep reminding yourself to find support for you too, here and in real life. You and your daughter will continue to be in my thoughts. I wish you clarity and strength and peace. 4 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
scoutingmom Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 Just one more thought from someone that has been the mom supporting/guiding the mom-to-be. The decision is hers (which you realize) - and it is going to be hard for her no matter what option she decides.... What may or may not have come to your mind - this is going to be hard for YOU no matter what is decided. If termination OR adoption is decided on - you will have times when you miss the grandchild that isn't there. OR if she keeps the baby, you will have the hard time of helping her and seeing her struggle. It doesn't affect the decision right now - and there may be a tendency at this point to down-play the affect on you.... but make sure you have supports available for YOU too. 6 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted March 22, 2015 Author Share Posted March 22, 2015 Want to add that this is not a parenting issue. This is life. You take care, Barb. Thank you for that. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted March 22, 2015 Author Share Posted March 22, 2015 :grouphug: Thank you for the update. Again, I am so impressed by your balance and compassion and love. I can see why you're the rock in your family. From one rock to another, I am so glad the Hive can be here to help "listen" and provide support. Keep reminding yourself to find support for you too, here and in real life. You and your daughter will continue to be in my thoughts. I wish you clarity and strength and peace. I agree, this is the best neighborhood on the Internet. 7 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted March 22, 2015 Author Share Posted March 22, 2015 Your DD needs to understand that we can't change other people, if she is hoping that you talking to the bf will have some significant impact. If she wants the relationship to continue, it needs to be with the full understanding that what she sees is what she gets. People can and do change over time, but we cannot force that change nor even predict it. I probably didn't communicate my intentions well. Talk to him as in, "here is how you find mental health services, here is how you can qualify for Medicaid, here is how to put together a resume without work experience, here is how to search online for a job, here is how to dress for an interview..." Parenting stuff that he isn't getting at home. She would warn him first :) I have an ASD son, so I have a pretty good idea of how to effectively help him if he wants it. I really worry about what will happen to him if they drift apart. For her sake and for his. And if they stay together, he isn't going to magically develop life skills living in his mom's basement, know what I mean? She's in her 60s and not in great health so he could find himself completely at loose ends. 3 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Pen Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 :hugs: You seem like a wonderful mom! :hugs: I am sorry that you all have to deal with such a difficult situation/decision. I think that it is probably true that having more information and options such as maybe being able to (wow, 14 more posts apparently came in just while writing these 2 lines) keep the NM or even get other help as a parent of a dependent if she decided to keep the baby etc. are likely to help make a decision not feel like a pressured choice that could be regretted later. BUT, if she actually really does want to terminate the pregnancy all those extra options themselves could feel like a lot of pressure on her, and cause a lot of anxiety about making the right choice, ... If that is so, I think it would be better to support her choice and help her to feel good about it.... Or as good as is possible in difficult circumstances. ETA looks like the update post that came in while I was typing largely mooted this. It sounds like it is going as well as it possibly can right now. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Mrs. Tharp Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 I probably didn't communicate my intentions well. Talk to him as in, "here is how you find mental health services, here is how you can qualify for Medicaid, here is how to put together a resume without work experience, here is how to search online for a job, here is how to dress for an interview..." Parenting stuff that he isn't getting at home. She would warn him first :) I have an ASD son, so I have a pretty good idea of how to effectively help him if he wants it. I really worry about what will happen to him if they drift apart. For her sake and for his. And if they stay together, he isn't going to magically develop life skills living in his mom's basement, know what I mean? She's in her 60s and not in great health so he could find himself completely at loose ends. You could be one of the best things that ever happened to him. Good luck to you. 5 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Laurel Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 I probably didn't communicate my intentions well. Talk to him as in, "here is how you find mental health services, here is how you can qualify for Medicaid, here is how to put together a resume without work experience, here is how to search online for a job, here is how to dress for an interview..." Parenting stuff that he isn't getting at home. She would warn him first :) I have an ASD son, so I have a pretty good idea of how to effectively help him if he wants it. I really worry about what will happen to him if they drift apart. For her sake and for his. And if they stay together, he isn't going to magically develop life skills living in his mom's basement, know what I mean? She's in her 60s and not in great health so he could find himself completely at loose ends. I don't know specifics for your state (I barely know specifics for my state, I just know who to turn to for specifics), but one thing to research is getting him a Case Manager. This person will be able to help him navigate social services available, get health issues taken care of, and work with him on education/career goals. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Barb_ Posted March 22, 2015 Author Share Posted March 22, 2015 I don't know specifics for your state (I barely know specifics for my state, I just know who to turn to for specifics), but one thing to research is getting him a Case Manager. This person will be able to help him navigate social services available, get health issues taken care of, and work with him on education/career goals. Thank you! This is the sort of useful info I hope to gain if I post about this later. I will file away this useful tidbit 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
FO4UR Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 I probably didn't communicate my intentions well. Talk to him as in, "here is how you find mental health services, here is how you can qualify for Medicaid, here is how to put together a resume without work experience, here is how to search online for a job, here is how to dress for an interview..." Parenting stuff that he isn't getting at home. She would warn him first :) I have an ASD son, so I have a pretty good idea of how to effectively help him if he wants it. I really worry about what will happen to him if they drift apart. For her sake and for his. And if they stay together, he isn't going to magically develop life skills living in his mom's basement, know what I mean? She's in her 60s and not in great health so he could find himself completely at loose ends. If he takes this help in the positive manner it's given, he has hope. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
aggieamy Posted March 22, 2015 Share Posted March 22, 2015 I've seen both sides of adoption and have only positive things to say about it. If she's talking to PP then I would also encourage her to at least talk to an adoption agency. There are a lot of there that have fantastic reputations - Catholic Charities and American Adoption are two nationwide ones that I know of. Right now for every ONE child available for adoption there are TEN couples looking to adopt. That's ten couple that are financially secure, older, and are desperately wanting a child to love and raise. It doesn't hurt anything to take an hour to talk to a counselor at an adoption agency to find out what her options would be. As for open adoptions ... yesterday DS's birthmother and I were texting each other pictures and chatting. I love her. She's a quiet shy person but such a big heart. My cousin is going to have lunch in a few days with the family that adopted her son. He's 14 now. They talk on the phone each week and see each other routinely. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
EKS Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 This. And also keep in mind that many women who have chosen to terminate (and continue to feel it was the right decision) don't go around discussing either the abortion or their feelings about the decision with everyone. So the folks saying that "everyone" they know who has had an abortion has regretted it are reporting on a very specific subset of women. And I'm not the only one saying this (emphasis mine): "The person who has more lenient attitudes with regards to abortion is more likely to learn that the women they know have had abortions," she says. But their peers who oppose abortion rights — even someone in the same social group, she says — are not as likely to be told. By contrast, Cowan found that people are much more likely to share stories about miscarriages, which are less controversial than abortions. "So we have this disconnect between the prevalence of these events and the number of Americans who have heard personal stories about these events," Cowan says. 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
katilac Posted March 23, 2015 Share Posted March 23, 2015 I'm glad you're feeling a bit steadier. These things happen all the time, but it remains a shock when it happens to our kids, for sure. It will all work out in the end, and lots of people are thinking good thoughts for you and your daughter. 2 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest Posted April 8, 2015 Share Posted April 8, 2015 Barb, any updates on your daughter? Ignore if you want. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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