DesertBlossom Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 First, . I giggle through the whole thing every time I watch it. But this is so my kids. In fact, we even watched it a while back and talked about the ridiculousness of it. And how one of these women needed to just be the one to walk away, but neither of them would do it. And how they both ended up miserable because of it. My kids tease each other mercilessly. I know that one does more than the others. But none are blameless. It's incredibly frustrating to me. I've coached them on ignoring the other person so they stop. I've praised the one who decides to be the peacemaker (which is rare anyway). But yet they seem to pick on each other to the point that someone is crying or screaming or starting to hit and throw things. And it is nearly impossible for me to figure who started what-- but even if I could, they are all culpable by the end of it. For me, I'd want time alone to cool off. But I don't feel like "time outs" work. If I can get them to stay in their room, they often come out just as ornery, or just more sly about it. I've suggested they go outside and play or ride bikes by themselves. When it's 2 or 3 of them going at it, it's hard to get them to redirect their energy to something else. Even if one settles down, someone else is still likely to have their panties in a wad. I need ideas on how to curb this behavior. I know that teasing among siblings to some degree is normal. But I feel like it's excessive. Help me. Btw, the kids are 6, 8, 9. When they aren't teasing, they play really well together and will spend hours building forts and things together. But it's hot or cold. They are either playing really well or driving each other nuts. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Snickerdoodle Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Chores. If they have enough energy for bickering they have enough energy for chores. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Peaceful Isle Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Hilarious video! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sandragood1 Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Make them clean the basement! My kids never actually got it clean but they end up working together and getting along. I first noticed this when they were 6 and 10. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Clearly, you're going to have to get rid of a couple of the kids. ;) Otherwise, I think you're stuck. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Momof3 Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Chores. If they have enough energy for bickering they have enough energy for chores. :iagree: Absolutely this. Keeping them busy - "work while you work, play while you play" idea... Makes them appreciate the playtime they have. Also, telling them that playtime is over for whoever fights...they have to sit with a book for 15 min on the couch... That solves it for mine, anyway. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joules Posted January 16, 2015 Share Posted January 16, 2015 Clearly, you're going to have to get rid of a couple of the kids. ;) Otherwise, I think you're stuck. :D I agree. Announce it to the kids and tell them that you will be watching very closely this week to determine which one to keep! (Maybe you can get one peaceful week out of it ;) ) I only have one, and I simply don't see how other people do it...all that bickering between and complaining about siblings. I kept a couple of brothers for a while and it was awful, at least at first. I found ways to fix it in a baby-sitting situation, but I don't think I could stand it around the clock. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lea1 Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 First, watch this video. I giggle through the whole thing every time I watch it. But this is so my kids. In fact, we even watched it a while back and talked about the ridiculousness of it. And how one of these women needed to just be the one to walk away, but neither of them would do it. And how they both ended up miserable because of it. My kids tease each other mercilessly. I know that one does more than the others. But none are blameless. It's incredibly frustrating to me. I've coached them on ignoring the other person so they stop. I've praised the one who decides to be the peacemaker (which is rare anyway). But yet they seem to pick on each other to the point that someone is crying or screaming or starting to hit and throw things. And it is nearly impossible for me to figure who started what-- but even if I could, they are all culpable by the end of it. For me, I'd want time alone to cool off. But I don't feel like "time outs" work. If I can get them to stay in their room, they often come out just as ornery, or just more sly about it. I've suggested they go outside and play or ride bikes by themselves. When it's 2 or 3 of them going at it, it's hard to get them to redirect their energy to something else. Even if one settles down, someone else is still likely to have their panties in a wad. I need ideas on how to curb this behavior. I know that teasing among siblings to some degree is normal. But I feel like it's excessive. Help me. Btw, the kids are 6, 8, 9. When they aren't teasing, they play really well together and will spend hours building forts and things together. But it's hot or cold. They are either playing really well or driving each other nuts. I feel your pain and could have written this post, with the exception that mine are two nine year old boys. In the years before I had children, when I was still single and I knew everything there was to know about children;), I used to think (as I watched my sisters two kids bickering) that MY kids would never act like that because I would not tolerate it. Funny how I was such a perfect parent before I had children. I have been telling mine two that they are going to start cleaning the baseboards. I need to follow through with it now because the baseboards really do need to be cleaned:). I have been sick with a cold and bad cough for two weeks now so I have not been very good with discipline (or anything else) during this time. I am not looking forward to getting them back into a normal routine, once I am feeling better.....and then we will be leaving for a week vacation in two weeks so, just when we get back into a routine, we will get back out of it again! AAHHH! Calgon take me away!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Aura Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Can't watch the video right now. I will have to come back to do that, but as far as children arguing... All the kids have their moments (I have six), but two are constantly bickering. I finally just accepted that some of my kids butt heads more frequently and need more frequent breaks from each other. I simply tell them to cut it out. I don't even bother trying to figure out who started what...It takes two to argue, and I remind them of that and then tell them "stop arguing" and "enough" and "quit talking to each other." In other words, I basically shut it down. This most often happens during chore time, when they seem more concerned about what the other is/is not doing that what they're supposed to be doing, so I make sure that they are not working together and redirect them back to their task. (Not getting the chores done come with its own consequences.) If it gets real bad, and they just won't stop, I will send them to their rooms. If that means they're stuck in the same room, fine, if they want to be miserable, that's their choice, but the rest of us don't have to listen to them. I don't try to punish beyond that, because that just seems to give them more fuel for fighting against each other (because, you know, it's always the other one's fault!). If the bickering and arguing escalates to screaming and shouting, or worse, I will either make them apologize or I will spank them (or both). I don't spank very much, especially past about 4-5, but being really nasty toward each other is a spanking offense for me. That rarely happens, though, and I don't remember the last time things escalated to that level. I think that they've about learned that Mom can only handle so much, regardless of anything else. That's how I handle it, anyway. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MotherGoose Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Whatever they are bickering about disappears if possible (toy) if they can't stop bickering after a warning. If you can't stop the arguing you get chores till you can figure it out (and I have them do baseboards, tile grout, etc.) I never try to solve the problem for them. As in "Who had this first?" "Who had it last time?" "Who started it?" I just say, "If you all can't figure it out then I'll figure it out for you." They don't like this. It's the same thing I say about room-cleaning: "Either you clean it or I'll clean it for you." And things disappear. :) If there's bickering, everyone's to blame and gets equal consequences. If there's true injustice, beyond bickering, it will usually be apparent. As for teasing, I say, "If you can't say something nice, don't say anything at all." I also believe that some kids are more sensitive to teasing/criticism than others. So what one might honestly see as harmless might really hurt the other. I was extremely sensitive as a child. I don't tolerate much in the way of teasing at all--serious consequences for this. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
City Mouse Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 When mine should do that, I would tell them that they obviously needed more practice in getting along to better, so I would make the do chores together such as pulling weeds out of the garden. I don't think they really learned to stop arguing, but then they had a common enemy to complain about so they stopped arguing with each other. My other favorite phrase was "you make me miserable, then I will make you miserable" Think along the lines of a planned family outing that is ruined with kids fighting so we go home and clean out the garage. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Elisabet1 Posted January 17, 2015 Share Posted January 17, 2015 Clearly, you're going to have to get rid of a couple of the kids. ;) Otherwise, I think you're stuck. :D That is what I was thinking! LOL Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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