Worst Mommy Award goes here.....for the past 10 years!

[Pamela H in Texas]

Well, after years of thinking we didn't need no stinkin' pills, my daughter started medication for adhd on Saturday.

 

In my defense, the child is THE easiest behaved child in the world. She's also extremely bright which seemed to help in compensating in regards to schoolwork the first many years. So she bounced around a bit, was off in la-la-land constantly, was a bit ditzy, talked too much (in familiar company), and couldn't pay attention for 30 seconds at a time. Oh, and her organization skills left plenty to be desired despite ongoing training, teaching, guiding, nagging, etc. Those are all things I thought made homeschooling perfect for her.

 

She is THRILLED with how she feels on the medication. She feels she finally can pay attention, study, not be distracted, not flit around aimlessly. She's not bouncing the whole house (well, at least not before supper time).

 

So maybe I should have gone ahead with this earlier. Maybe at 9....or 12??? I felt so weird trying not to be overly defensive with the doc on why we waited so long. But I guess I do feel bad about it....especially now that she's enjoying the effects.

 

:glare:

[teamturner]

Oh now you've got me worried because you just described my ds. He can sit and read for hours but is easily distracted, is often in la-la land, I can't ever get his attention even when I'm right in front of him, and he does talk a lot. I feel like I am nagging him all day long. He can get his work done in no time when there's something he wants to go do but otherwise uugghh! He even writes very slow but his handwriting is beautiful! And he does have a tought time being still sometimes but not very much.

 

What should I be doing to look into this?

 

I don't think you should be upset with yourself. I tend to do the same thing and think that time and environment will help. Cheer up!

[Pamela H in Texas]

Michelle,

 

We had Kimberly tested at 9. We were seeing a doc for my son for other reasons anyway and it just came about as she really seemed to fit the adhd dx better than he did (he does also have the dx along with an alphabet soup of things).

 

Testing at 9 and the doc appt Friday both were relatively painless. Tons of questions for her and us, observation, questionnaires, etc. The doc Friday did outright ask her if she wanted to take medication for it. I don't know that they'd ask a 9yo that though, kwim...Kimberly's almost 16.

 

We had 3 reasons for trying it now:

 

1) the last two school years have been tougher, especially last year.

2) college classes require things she hasn't been able to shown ability to handle (paying attention, not being distracted by EVERYTHING, sitting still for a time, etc).

3) considering her behind the wheel of a car anytime in the next decade.

 

Generally, I'd tell you he's a boy and discipline (teach/guide) and enjoy. But now that she's actually started the medication, I do feel guilty having been so "wait it out" and anti-med for so long.

 

So I basically think you should follow your gut. Don't jump into anything, but research, talk to a professional, and take it a little at a time. Medication isn't the only route, it may be part of an answer if there is an issue though.

[dawn of ns]

 

She is THRILLED with how she feels on the medication. She feels she finally can pay attention, study, not be distracted, not flit around aimlessly. She's not bouncing the whole house (well, at least not before supper time).

 

 

That's great! I think sometimes how the child might feel gets forgotten in discussions about meds. For some of us (I was put on meds for ADD at 15) it's like living our whole lives with double vision and then getting glasses. :)

 

Don't beat yourself up at ALL. You took your time and tried other ways and then found the way that worked. Sounds like a good mom success story to me!

[asta]

There are some good threads about this over on the special needs board.

 

asta

[8filltheheart]

Welcome to the club. All I can say is that we as parents try to make the most informed decisions we can with the information that we have. The homeschooling community at large is extremely anti-meds. I know it impacted my perception when ds was younger.

 

My regret is boundless. Meds have their place and should not be treated as cop-outs or crutches. When I think of the suffering we could have prevented.......wow. One simple thing I try to do now is to not let meds be villified w/o sharing an alternative POV.

[cin]

Hey, at least you didn't wait 43 years :D OF course, when I was a teen, ADHD was a HYPERactivity disorder, and had nothing to with the actual ADD part. I understand exactly how your daughter feels. It is FABULOUS. Fortunately, I do understand, because I think my 7 yr old is heading down that same road.....We'll probably start her on medication when she hits puberty. Just want to make sure it's not immaturity.

[Dani n Monies Mom]

My dd12 started meds a year ago and it does make a world of difference. She feels better prepared and able to focus. As we intro'd the med to her we let her explore a little bit with it. She would decide if she wanted to take it on any given day. This way she was really able to assure herself that she was still capable of working at a certain level whether she had the meds or not. The meds just made it easier to achieve the same goals in less time and with less frustration.

 

We waited to start meds as well. About 2 years into hsing we decided to give it a try. Currently, in 7th gr. we aren't using them, because of funds, but we'll probably start in a month or so.

 

Ava

[Carrie12345]

No "Worst Mommy" award for you!

 

ADHD, especially with girls, is just so darn complicated. I was diagnosed at 28 and didn't take meds until I was 30. I know how incredible it can feel to have the fog lifted.

 

That said, I haven't had my girls officially diagnosed yet. Right now, I'm more concerned about the side effects, especially for my teeny-tiny 5 year old. I do plan to pursue it with them, just not quite yet. I need them to be able to articulate themselves better, so we can judge the pros and cons of treatment with more confidence.

 

Congrats on finding a successful med so quickly! That really isn't very common. I'm kind of jealous.;)

[Elisabeth in IL]

She may be able to notice the difference and be able to express it better now that she is older. Don't beat yourself up over it. I just started my son in February and I'm noticing a big difference for him academically. My second ds may be ADHD as well but it doesn't interfere with his academics so I will wait until if hurts his life before looking into a diagnosis.

[Karenciavo]

I don't think there is anything wrong with waiting when considering to put your child on a long term drug for a situation like you describe. No need to justify it to anyone.

[Plucky]

That is wonderful. Medicating ADHD is still controversial with some people and a lot don't understand the choices families make. I chose to medicate my 10yos. Oh, well. Mine was starting to spiral into depression and thinking suicidal thoughts. If he hadn't been so psychologically affected by his ADHD I might have waited. Who knows. Every child, family, and situation is different.

[dawn of ns]

I know how incredible it can feel to have the fog lifted.

 

That's exactly how I remember describing it to my mom when I first tried ritalin and the best analogy for the feeling. :)

[Kris]

"Worst Mommy Award?" Nope -- sorry. :D Sounds to me like you did (and are doing) a great job.

 

Personally, I think these medications are over-prescribed and too often for the convenience of parents and teachers who don't want to deal with "real kids." I admit my opinion is colored by the fact that every single one of my son's friends have told him that they have ADHD. I can't help but wonder if their parents told them to quit chugging those energy drinks before they got the prescriptions filled.

 

But that doesn't mean I think there are *no* kids who need them -- I just think it makes them more difficult to identify, and that parents need to do more than blindly go along with the "take a pill" mindset that's so prevalent anymore.

 

When my son's second grade teacher kept insisting that we needed to put him on some kind of medication, the fact that she had no more maturity than the kids in her class was a one factor in our decision against it.

 

My niece was on meds for a very short time several years ago. She, however, did not like the way they made her feel, and so my sister took her off of them. She did just fine, and just started university this past week.

 

You don't need to defend yourself! There's nothing wrong with waiting and evaluating (sounds like responsible parenting to me! ;)) and it sure sounds like you've made the right decision for your little one. Good job, Mom!

[jmgconner]

:iagree: with all the above. :001_smile:

 

Your DD sounds exactly like my DS. Meds made all the difference.

[Carrie12345]

"Worst Mommy Award?" Nope -- sorry. :D Sounds to me like you did (and are doing) a great job.

 

Personally, I think these medications are over-prescribed and too often for the convenience of parents and teachers who don't want to deal with "real kids." I admit my opinion is colored by the fact that every single one of my son's friends have told him that they have ADHD. I can't help but wonder if their parents told them to quit chugging those energy drinks before they got the prescriptions filled.

 

But that doesn't mean I think there are *no* kids who need them -- I just think it makes them more difficult to identify, and that parents need to do more than blindly go along with the "take a pill" mindset that's so prevalent anymore.

 

When my son's second grade teacher kept insisting that we needed to put him on some kind of medication, the fact that she had no more maturity than the kids in her class was a one factor in our decision against it.

 

My niece was on meds for a very short time several years ago. She, however, did not like the way they made her feel, and so my sister took her off of them. She did just fine, and just started university this past week.

 

You don't need to defend yourself! There's nothing wrong with waiting and evaluating (sounds like responsible parenting to me! ;)) and it sure sounds like you've made the right decision for your little one. Good job, Mom!

 

The whole "overmedicated" thing confuses me. I mean, I totally get the whole pressure from school/lazy parents thing, but amphetamines in a non-ADHD person *causes hyperactivity. Caffeine in a non-ADHD person *eases hyperactivity. A medicated non-ADHD'er should be worse, rather than better.

[Plucky]

That's what I think, too. I used to be in the ADHD was overdiagnosed and kids were overmedicated camp, too. Then I experienced the side effects of a child not treated for ADHD that desperately needed to be. I did a lot of research. It's not as overdiagnosed as people think. Teachers recommending medication for a hyper child may be ill informed or they may be trying to help a child since they've seen some kids transformed that used to struggle. Medicine by itself isn't the answer but I was amazed at how quickly my ds became a happy boy able to do his work and carry on conversations with his teachers and friends. His self-esteem, confidence level, and anxiety started to stabilize and become more positive. I'd been trying through good parenting and intense patience and nurturing to get around it. I couldn't. We needed both.

[Plucky]

BTW, you are an awesome mom. I've seen you post enough about your kids to clearly see that. :) I know the feeling though when you hit on something that helps your kids and wonder why it took so long. I was in denial and avoiding the ADHD concept. I thought I could work with my son and we would never need to go there. I felt so bad when my ds started spiralling out of control and I should've seen the severe signs a year earlier. A teacher would've caught it but not his very own mother. I suffered from some guilt I tell you. But now I just try not to have regrets and am so thankful that things are looking good for him. I have to watch like a hawk and he'll probably have to be seen again by puberty because he's high-anxiety. It's hard on a mom. Hugs.

[GSMP]

First, you are not the worst mom....get that out of your head. YOU have done what you thought was best.

 

Just go with it now .......We cannot be perfect parents...I have learned that this a lie we believe when tell ourselves we are bad parents.

 

We make mistakes but I am sure you are the best MOM.:grouphug::grouphug:

[ChrisN in NY]

If it makes you feel any better, my ds is much the same, but we didn't discuss ADD with the doc until he was 17 and a high school senior.

 

Neither of us are the worst mother. We can only do the best we can with the information we have at the moment.

 

Ds was on Adderall for a couple years, then a herbal supplement, Neuro-PS from Vitamin World (also called phosphatyldiserene). Now he's on nothing and does fine (well, mostly... are any of us totally fine??)

[Kris]

The whole "overmedicated" thing confuses me. I mean, I totally get the whole pressure from school/lazy parents thing, but amphetamines in a non-ADHD person *causes hyperactivity. Caffeine in a non-ADHD person *eases hyperactivity. A medicated non-ADHD'er should be worse, rather than better.

 

I don't understand your post? Caffeine makes me hyper -- does that mean I have ADHD, too?

 

I don't know if they're better -- I don't know if they're worse. I don't know what medications they are taking -- it's none of my business and I don't ask them questions like that. What I *do* know is that, of a group of twelve teenage boys, eleven of them claim to have ADHD.

[Carrie12345]

Quote:

Originally Posted by Carrie1234

The whole "overmedicated" thing confuses me. I mean, I totally get the whole pressure from school/lazy parents thing, but amphetamines in a non-ADHD person *causes hyperactivity. Caffeine in a non-ADHD person *eases hyperactivity. A medicated non-ADHD'er should be worse, rather than better.

 

I don't understand your post? Caffeine makes me hyper -- does that mean I have ADHD, too?

 

I don't know if they're better -- I don't know if they're worse. I don't know what medications they are taking -- it's none of my business and I don't ask them questions like that. What I *do* know is that, of a group of twelve teenage boys, eleven of them claim to have ADHD.

-----------------

No, caffeine *doesn't make ADHD'ers hyper. I just wrote it wrong. It actually soothes the messed up chemical balance. Which is why, if a kid misses their dose of Adderall (or whatever) it's recommended to get them to chug a Mt. Dew. I heart Mt. Dew.:D

 

Just like, if a balanced person takes Adderall, they speed. An adhd'er generally won't speed on Adderall, they mellow out (unless the dosage is too high.)

[Kris]

No, caffeine *doesn't make ADHD'ers hyper. I just wrote it wrong.

 

Ah! Thank you for the clarification! I thought that might be it, but just wasn't sure. :)

[Carrie12345]

Ah! Thank you for the clarification! I thought that might be it, but just wasn't sure. :)

 

Yup. I'm going to blame it on needing another soda, lol.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Thanks y'all for the support. I am so glad that she has been helped. I need to focus on that and the future instead of choices I can't change :)

 

Thanks again :)

[Reya]

Well, after years of thinking we didn't need no stinkin' pills, my daughter started medication for adhd on Saturday.

...

She is THRILLED with how she feels on the medication.

 

Congrats!!!

 

You may find that her meds need tweaking after a while to allow her adequate sleep and food. She may not feel she really needs to sleep much anymore, but her body has the same needs that meds mask, so you'll want to keep tabs on that!

 

My brother was medicated on school days/during school hours only for a number of years. But there were nights, trying to fall asleep in the room next to his, that I wished I could take a rubber mallet to his skull. :-) He went off drugs entirely over the summer so that he could catch up in sleep and growth for the next school year. Now he's completely off meds and a hair over 6' tall, so don't fear that it's stunted his growth any! (My family's kinda shrimpy.)

[lwilliams1922]

EEESH i'm late on this thread.

 

dd/12 is ADHD inattentive. we got the dx and started meds around age 4 or 5. I remember there were problems with rebound as well as anxiety.

 

It's a HUGE learing curve for me. I think you do the best you can with what knowlege you have.

 

At around 9 we moved over to focus on mood stabalization. then at 11 dropped the meds to focus on natural treatments.

 

In some ways I feel I've learned a lot over the years but then in others i feel like I just wish I had 'the answer'

 

I wish there were people out there to tell me how they got through the days when it seems like nothing (on the schedule) gets done.

 

I feel like there is a heavy weight on my sholders....

I have to remind her bathe, nag her to pick up her books, stare blankly as she rambles on and on about something totally unrealted to the work she's supposed to be doing, watch her spend 3 hrs whining about an assignment that could/should be done in 20 mins, loose every check list I've made for her in the last 4 years,...

 

and this is the child I hope to score high enough to get into a good college as well as qualify for scholarships?

 

i'm debating making another appointment to look at trying meds again now that she's older.

 

Lara

[Ottakee]

I would make another appointment. Try to see a top notch pediatric psychiatrist. There are newer meds out there that might work better for her.

 

You also mention mood stabilization. Does she still have mood issues? If so, I would focus on those FIRST and then the meds for ADD/ADHD. Doing it the other way around can worsen the moods.

 

My girls have mood disorders (one is bipolar) and ADD for one and ADHD for the other. Meds have been a life-saver here.

[lwilliams1922]

I would make another appointment. Try to see a top notch pediatric psychiatrist. There are newer meds out there that might work better for her.

 

You also mention mood stabilization. Does she still have mood issues? If so, I would focus on those FIRST and then the meds for ADD/ADHD. Doing it the other way around can worsen the moods.

 

My girls have mood disorders (one is bipolar) and ADD for one and ADHD for the other. Meds have been a life-saver here.

 

 

What does at tip notch psychiatrist look like??

I remember about 4 years back I tried and I found what looked like good ones did not take my ins and I had to pay out of pocket.

 

These days I don't have a 9-5 (pay check) so i have to rely on ins (tricare). In this small town we're in now they are few and far between. :(

 

What meds are working well these days?

I'd like to have some suggestons to ask the doc about.

 

I've read about a few people that were happy about adderal.

[Ottakee]

Well, if your insurance will cover it you might have to drive to a much bigger city to find one. Do you have any children's hospitals in driving distance? Most of them will take most insurance plans.

 

You want a pdoc that has experience with mood disorders (which you said were an issues, at least before), ADD, ADHD, and pre-teen/teen issues. Ask what training they have, what conferences they attend (make sure they are keeping up to date, etc.).

 

As to the meds, it is highly personal. My girls didn't do well at all on the newer meds but are doing well on Dexedrine which is a much older (and cheaper) med. It can take some trial and error though to figure out the right med, dose, timing of the dose, etc.

 

Some meds treat ADD (without the hyperactivity) better while others do better for the ADHD. If there are mood issues, then some meds are better choices than others. Some meds can also help anxiety if that is an issue, etc.

 

The best bet is to write down ALL of your concerns, questions, etc. and talk to the doctor. I would also ask that they do (or have your primary do it ahead of time) some blood work--check for lipids, blood sugars, anemia, thyroid (a big one that is often missed), etc. It is good to have a baseline done and if something does come up (like my dd's hypothyroid) you can treat that first.

[Mama Lynx]

The whole "overmedicated" thing confuses me. I mean, I totally get the whole pressure from school/lazy parents thing, but amphetamines in a non-ADHD person *causes hyperactivity. Caffeine in a non-ADHD person *eases hyperactivity. A medicated non-ADHD'er should be worse, rather than better.

 

As obvious as this seems, I had never realized it. Hmmmm.