Do you have bad days?

[HSMom2One]

I started my day early, ready to start on time and really looking forward to teaching dd-8yo. I was cheerful, organized and enthused like every good teacher should be. Unfortunately she came to the table with a not so great attitude and resisted everything I wanted her to do. Finally, I decided I needed to get firm with her about following the program for the day, but somehow we ended up with her in tears and me taking my own time out. I am soooo frustrated! {BTW, this has not happened before.}

 

We are having some struggles lately, partly because it's been a long winter mostly in the house, and partly because she misses her friends in ps. This is our first year to hs. Dh and I believe whole heartedly that hs'ing is the best for her and we only wish we'd started sooner. (She was pulled out the summer after 2nd grade.) She is the last child at home, so it's just us. Even though I have her enrolled in a scout program, take her to church on Sundays PLUS mid-week, and have play dates with friends regularly -- she still seems to be having problems not being with kids constantly.

 

One of the big issues we had with ps was the emphasis on social things more than the education itself. There was always some big drama going on with dd and the group of girlrfiends. It was ridiculous. She was being influenced heavily in ways that did not correspond or even come close to our family's teachings and values. We know that she needs to learn to navigate and survive in the world, but we want to give her a firm foundation while she is young and ease her in as she grows and matures.

 

Okay, so I'm venting in part of this post...but I wondered if any of you out there have suggestions on how I might deal with these lingering withdrawals from ps? I love teaching her so much, but this has been getting in the way quite a bit lately. Also, how do you handle it when you are having major struggles in the middle of your school time? Do you ever run in the bedroom and hide under the bed?

 

You know, writing this post alone makes me feel better. If you've read everything, thanks for giving me the outlet. :rolleyes:

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

[Stirsmommy]

I have been known to go sit in my closet. I pretend to clean it. Somedays just aren't what we planned. Regrouping is a good plan. My dd12 has had trouble since we moved to MN. In GA we had a coop and lots of girls that she knew were homeschooling. Here we haven't gotten together with other homeschoolers. Sadly we know they do bowling but my oldest has the car for school on the day that they have it. Next week I am going to drop him at school just so we can go. She is very lonely. She has made friends at church but occasionally they are a bit snarky about homeschool, alternating between saying it must be nice not to have to go to REAL school and giving her grief about being ahead of where they are in their classes. It is honestly the age where girls are often just snarky. But it is hard on her as she has never really seen the purpose of the snarky girl even when she was at ps. We have a point each semester where she is grumpy about hs but we over come it by listing the advantages to her like shorter days, birthdays off and getting to pursue her own interests.

hope things get better for you.

Melissa

[PeterPan]

When I read your post, I just laughed and thought "You have GOT to be joking!" Of COURSE we have bad days! I have an 8 yo dd also, and I have to tell you they don't have to be going through school/peer withdrawal to have bad days. They just have bad days!! In fact, I'd say 8 yo's have more bad days than good, lol!

 

Ok, I'm not saying that as a mathematical statement, but it's just reality. They're sprouting, growing, and having all these opinions and feelings. She may need to feel empowered about some things or have something to take her mind OFF what she thinks about all the time. Have you taught her to cook? I'd seriously do that, as in get her some tools, teach her, and plop some real work in her lap. Last night my dd made a full salad for us. She can cook fish or chicken. It gives them a good feeling when they can do things for themselves, and it will be something that doubtless her peers WON'T be able to do. Pursue some more hobbies for her. Scouting is still very peer-centered and I'm not sure solves the problem. That's just my personal opinion. My dd is very outgoing as well, and I try to cultivate meaningful relationships. Find someone who will mentor her in something and teach her a hobby you don't know. Does she knit? I don't knit worth two cents, so I send her out for that. It gives her a way to develop mature relationships with other adults, have stimulating conversation, etc. It enriches her and gives her another way to fill that bucket. I purposely make time to send her to Grandma's for the same reason. If you don't have a person like that, maybe there's an older person in your church or a neighbor she could visit?

 

It's just a growing, sprouting age, where they have these feelings. Even if she had been homeschooled all along she might be feeling this way, so don't be discouraged. Just find ways to help her reach out and develop new hobbies, new mature relationships with other adults. I think it's the ADULT relationships that enrich my dd more than her peers, even though she wouldn't say that. I started her in piano and swim lessons this year for that reason as well. Just see what you can find.

[Deece in MN]

I started my day early, ready to start on time and really looking forward to teaching dd-8yo. I was cheerful, organized and enthused like every good teacher should be. Unfortunately she came to the table with a not so great attitude and resisted everything I wanted her to do. Finally, I decided I needed to get firm with her about following the program for the day, but somehow we ended up with her in tears and me taking my own time out. I am soooo frustrated! {BTW, this has not happened before.}

 

We are having some struggles lately, partly because it's been a long winter mostly in the house, and partly because she misses her friends in ps. This is our first year to hs. Dh and I believe whole heartedly that hs'ing is the best for her and we only wish we'd started sooner. (She was pulled out the summer after 2nd grade.) She is the last child at home, so it's just us. Even though I have her enrolled in a scout program, take her to church on Sundays PLUS mid-week, and have play dates with friends regularly -- she still seems to be having problems not being with kids constantly.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

 

First, (((Lucinda))).

Ok, when your dd comes to the table in a not so great mood, I would rethink the plan for the day. Maybe start with a game or a special treat or some other fun activity. This may help improve her mood and allow you to accomplish at least some of your goals for the day, if not all.

If her mood doesn't improve, well, we all have days like that no matter our age. Try to give her a little grace and try again tomorrow. I don't think kids will try pulling this daily to get out of work if their feelings are respected.

 

As far as not being with kids constantly, I think it is something she will have to get used to. I truly believe that we should not put our dc into every activity/group to come along just so they will have social interactions. I think there is something to be said for staying home and focusing on the family and the academics. Now, I am not saying to not have your child do anything with others, but you need to find the balance.

 

I think you have your dd involved in a nice amount of activities. At this point I would keep doing what you are doing. I would also try to do things where she interacts with people of all ages, not just kids her age. I think this really helps because kids see that all people are interesting and can fill our social needs.

 

It sounds like you are doing a great job. We all have days where we wonder if we are doing the right thing. Go outside and take a deep breath of fresh air. This always refreshes me and helps my attitude.

 

HTH

[MelissaM]

I thought you were kidding at first. I mean, who doesn't have bad moments? Luckily you can brush off and start over this evening or tomorrow.

[Closeacademy]

If someone tells you that they do not have days like these while homeschooling then they are lying. We all have bad days. Sometimes it is hormones, illness, growth, whatever. Bad days happen.

 

If it is just a bad attitude day--I cut things short or if really bad cancel all-together. This means I have to rework my schedule but that is ok.

 

If they are happening a lot I take a look at what we are doing and fix it with the workload/curriculum.

 

If it is a transitional period from one growth stage to the next I will relax school immensely until the period is over but these are often accompanied by inability to remember how to do anything sometimes.

 

As far as socially, it sounds like you have a good balance and it will just take her time to get used to not being around other children all the time.

 

Hang in there. We've all been in that spot and the first year is the worst for that as everyone adapts to being home and working together. :)

[mellifera]

There are days when the kids and/or I are grumpy or just plain don't feel like doing anything. It happens. The best thing you can do is pick it up the next day and go from there. What's important to keep in mind is that the good days should out way the bad days. If this isn't the case, then something is wrong somewhere and needs to be adjusted. We've all made adjustments, too. It isn't wrong to change things around if something isn't working.:) Hope your tomorrow goes better than today.:)

[RenJac1501]

It is very nomal to have off days

When we have an off day we usually re-think what we were going to do that day and approach it differently.

EX.The other day Jacob nor I wanted to do schooling but we tackled it a different way we did verbal stuff,I found links online for him to do Math and Science online ,Made a Lapbook for the first time and it turned out great

 

Like mellifera said pick it up the next day and do crafts or lounge around and read or watch educational movies play educational games like Yatzee instead of math :)

 

 

Big Huggggs we all have off days :)

[G5052]

I don't know of one that doesn't have lovely things flop, kids with attitudes, lessons that go on-and-on, etc. etc. It's just one of those things, and I don't know why we expect more at home frankly.

 

Some days just don't go well, and some years are harder than others.

[SandraDumas]

Isn't it?

 

The moms here on these boards just encouraged me through a hard day yesterday. After a glass of medicinal wine, a long night's sleep, AND a nap today, I'm back to normal after a serious bout of exhaustion!

 

Everyone has bad days.

 

I wish I knew what to say to a parent with an only child. I think that changes the whole landscape of homeschooling considerably!

 

I have a friend who allowed her only child to play with younger kids in the neighborhood. She found the younger kids (and specifically little boys!) actually had very good manners and played really nicely. Can you make friends in the neighborhood?

 

We found a nice family across the street and the mom is all excited because I'm basiclaly a free babysitter! She will let him come over from 4:30-5:30 inside my house, and I like it because my kids need another friend sometimes and he is right under my nose where I can be sure the kids are being kind and also not picking up anything bad!

 

Another idea is to have a mom and daughter date every day to just veg together. Whatever floats her boat, maybe watching nature movies together, cooking, baking scrapbooking, whatever....

 

Also you can try to find someone who wants more playdates...maybe a busy mom that has a nice kid would like some "free babysitting" three times per week.

 

I find so many moms are working and they are so tired by the end of the day...they are very happy to know their dc are in a home being loved on and taken good care of while they get dinner together and prepare for the next day...

 

Anyway, everyone has bad days. Chin up!

[Rhondabee]

(((Lucinda))),

 

Dittos all around!

 

Just wanted to say it does take *alot* of time to adjust. We pulled our boys out of ps right after Thanksgiving in 2005 - they were in 2nd and 5th. Just *this year* we are finally getting into our groove.

 

You will find what works for you both - and it very likely won't be what you envision right now. That's okay! =)

 

Just remember she's in 3rd grade, and you have *so much* time ahead of you. I know you know this, but take the time to *really* connect with her every day *before* you start. Feed that love-tank before you feed the brain. I didn't really get this when we started this crazy experiment. Being a teacher-by-trade, I thought that the fully-prepared, cheerful, ready-to-teach attitude was what I was expected to have right. But, really, all my kids want is for me to be their mom first.

 

I'm really not trying to say you did something wrong (which is why I've deleted three replies already). But, maybe your dd felt like she "had to perform"?

 

My ds really struggled with this when we brought him home. Every mistake (and there were lots thanks to ps!) brought tears and self-depreciating remarks. Unfortunately, I didn't understand the immense pressure he was putting on himself; it wasn't evident from his performance/attitude - but it was there. Thankfully, my ds was able to tell me how overwhelmed he was. We cut back to the very basics, and things began rapidly improving.

 

I'm sorry. I probably shouldn't post because I just can't seem to communicate what I'm trying to say without it sounding judgmental. But, I really do appreciate that someone risked offending me and pointing this out to me, however, when it was my ds in tears, and I was new at all this with a DH who thought hs'ing would just be the easiest thing in the world for me to do - LOL.

 

Best wishes to you both!

Rhonda

[elegantlion]

Yup! I have one ds10 and there are days. Sometimes it's my attitude, sometimes it is his. I have been known to cancel school and give myself a timeout (usually a nap :)).

 

We are in our 4th year of homeschooling and have begun to recognize when those breakdown moments are upon us. It is then that I flow off into a less stressful tangent, like a PE break, art, silly songs, or just a physical break from each other.

 

Trips to the park, going on a spontaneous field trip, or even just getting in the car and driving around have helped us as well.

[Mrs Mungo]

When I have one of those days I think of my favorite quote from a book, EVER!

 

It's from "The Long, Dark Teatime of the Soul" by Douglas Adams, the female lead character says:

 

"I'm having the kind of day that would make St. Francis of Assisi kick babies."

 

In fact, I think I need a t-shirt that says that so when hubby comes home and sees it, he will have been *warned*.

 

Other than that, I'll agree with a lot of the other stuff that's been said. You have to get out of the house a couple of times a week, she needs social interaction, so do you, it's adjustment and it's going to take time to find your groove.

[Herding Cats in NC]

Can you take some time to do some fun field trips? One of the things that I think has helped my dc make the transition from ps to hs is that we've done quite a few field trips/activities - especially when their friends are in school. They really appreciate that because we hs we have the flexibility to do these things. Ds10 even commented once that when we do field trips he actually gets to spend some time there; he doesn't feel rushed through them like he did during school trips. Maybe playing up some of the strengths of hs will help a bit.

[RenJac1501]

Isn't it?

 

I wish I knew what to say to a parent with an only child. I think that changes the whole landscape of homeschooling considerably!

 

 

Sandra, I have only one child but we to have bad days but we manage by doing something else, like Read aloud,math games ,watching Videos or Discovery Channel.:D

[RenJac1501]

Can you take some time to do some fun field trips? One of the things that I think has helped my dc make the transition from ps to hs is that we've done quite a few field trips/activities - especially when their friends are in school. They really appreciate that because we hs we have the flexibility to do these things. Ds10 even commented once that when we do field trips he actually gets to spend some time there; he doesn't feel rushed through them like he did during school trips. Maybe playing up some of the strengths of hs will help a bit.

 

 

Herding suggested a great idea, about the field trips, I know Jacob loves it when we spare of the moment take him on a field trips.:D

[HSMom2One]

I am so encouraged and want to thank each and everyone of you for posting. Everyone's ideas have been super and I'm going to use all of them! Like I said earlier, I actually started to feel better after I posted because I wrote about some really important reasons that we decided to do this in the first place.

 

Because I homeschool my dd, teach at a school part-time, and serve in church ministry, all the while commuting from a rural area -- I don't have time to hook up with a hs network and go to meetings. This forum is just what I needed.

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

[HSMom2One]

Rhonda,

No worries. I didn't read judgement in your post, and you did make a point about dd feeling like she had to "perform". I thought about that and you are right. I wouldn't have recognized it until you said something, so thank you!

 

See, it takes help from a few veteran hs'ers to give us newbies the right start!

 

Blessings,

Lucinda

[Rhondabee]

I'm so glad! I've been waiting for my ds to get off the computer so I could come check on you.

 

Goodness, with all you do, you must be one special (and tired) lady! Your dd is so very blessed to have you!! I have a dd that is 2yo, older brothers are now 10 and 13, and those little girls are just "little rays of sunshine", aren't they?

 

Best to you!

Rhonda

[umarider]

Okay, so this may be a holdover from my classroom days, but we have recess scheduled for every day at 10:30AM. And just like in a regular classroom, that break can be a lifesaver. My DD9 is the kind that you can't usually give-in to poor behavior/attitude or you are going to see a LOT more of it. So I subtly change things (ie: slow down the schoolwork pace), make sure she gets a good snack and some outside running around time during recess and give myself a break during recess. That often does the trick. If not, then I use either a "carrot" or a "stick".

 

Carrot = "I know you don't want to be doing this right now, but you want to get it finished so we'll have time to do _____. Stick = each instance of undesirable attitude/behavior results in a point on a chart. She gets 10 points in a day, she has lost horse-riding for the day. I make her mark the points. Sounds harsh, perhaps, but something about recording that mark often snaps her out of the behavior. I remind her that she is always making choices and it's okay w/ me if her choice is to misbehave as long as she is okay with the consequences.

 

I'll admit, there are some days where I get very frustrated and must separate myself from DD long enough to sort out how I want to handle things.