WWYD?

[Kathryn]

This got kind of rambly. First off, I'm a totally non confrontational person, so this is going to be tough for me. But, I'm pretty sure we need to stop taking DS to the occupational therapist he's been seeing for four years.

 

At first, everything was great, but as she demanded more out of him, he began to hate going. That led to it being the source of his worst behaviors. That apparently led to her developing negative feelings towards him. At this point, it's become a very adversarial relationship. The behaviors and (in)abilities she's seeing don't reflect his behaviors and (in)abilities at other times. She keeps trying to pressure us to convince his doctors to increase his meds or do different ones.

 

And over the past few months, I've grown more concerned about her treatment of him. For instance, last week when his session was over and they came out to the waiting room, his little brother was on his Nook playing Angry Birds. DS stood behind him so he could watch. She told him he wasn't allowed to and he had to go sit elsewhere. She knew it would upset him. She said he'd actually been good during the session. It wasn't a "punishment," it was just to upset him. Perhaps it doesn't sound bad on it's own, but there's a repitition of her doing things like this over the past few months. This morning, he wasn't cooperative and she told him he was acting like a baby. She told him he can't play with any of his toys or read his books or watch his movies all weekend because he can only play with baby toys. I'm really not okay with her talking to him like that or her coming up with punishments for him (in the past, she gave him homework to do if he didn't complete their goals because of refusal to cooperate--that, I was fine with).

 

Anyway, a year ago, his developmental pediatrician suggested we take a break from OT because he was getting so frustrated with being pushed to do things he didn't want to do. That was before she changed her behavior though, and we didn't follow the advice. At this point, we just want to be done with her. We have a standing weekly appointment. As I said, I hate confrontation. We plan on pursuing OT elsewhere. I assume they'll want records from her? Idk how that works.

 

How would you extricate yourself from this situation? (I thought about posting this last week with a "would you leave?", but after today, I just can't keep him there.)

[Cera]

I would call the office and cancel the standing appointments.  No need to say anything to her.  If they call to ask why simply tell them you have decided you no longer want to utilize their services.  You don't need to elaborate.  (though by the sounds of it she might be happy you are canceling and not question it)

 

When you find a new practice just send a written records request (usually your new office will have a form to fill out that they will fax over)

[Kathryn]

Oh, I'll have to talk to her. She is the office. She has a few other therapists that work out of her clinic, but they all work with their own phones. So, when I call, it's to her.

[NorthwestMom]

This got kind of rambly. First off, I'm a totally non confrontational person, so this is going to be tough for me. But, I'm pretty sure we need to stop taking DS to the occupational therapist he's been seeing for four years.

 

At first, everything was great, but as she demanded more out of him, he began to hate going. That led to it being the source of his worst behaviors. That apparently led to her developing negative feelings towards him. At this point, it's become a very adversarial relationship. The behaviors and (in)abilities she's seeing don't reflect his behaviors and (in)abilities at other times. She keeps trying to pressure us to convince his doctors to increase his meds or do different ones.

 

And over the past few months, I've grown more concerned about her treatment of him. For instance, last week when his session was over and they came out to the waiting room, his little brother was on his Nook playing Angry Birds. DS stood behind him so he could watch. She told him he wasn't allowed to and he had to go sit elsewhere. She knew it would upset him. She said he'd actually been good during the session. It wasn't a "punishment," it was just to upset him. Perhaps it doesn't sound bad on it's own, but there's a repitition of her doing things like this over the past few months. This morning, he wasn't cooperative and she told him he was acting like a baby. She told him he can't play with any of his toys or read his books or watch his movies all weekend because he can only play with baby toys. I'm really not okay with her talking to him like that or her coming up with punishments for him (in the past, she gave him homework to do if he didn't complete their goals because of refusal to cooperate--that, I was fine with).

 

Anyway, a year ago, his developmental pediatrician suggested we take a break from OT because he was getting so frustrated with being pushed to do things he didn't want to do. That was before she changed her behavior though, and we didn't follow the advice. At this point, we just want to be done with her. We have a standing weekly appointment. As I said, I hate confrontation. We plan on pursuing OT elsewhere. I assume they'll want records from her? Idk how that works.

 

How would you extricate yourself from this situation? (I thought about posting this last week with a "would you leave?", but after today, I just can't keep him there.)

 

Ok. I am a former special ed teacher and I have worked with many OTs. What your DS is experiencing is EMOTIONAL ABUSE. Hell to the no.

 

I would call and say that you are no longer comfortable with her approach and will not be seeing her again. Since you are non-confrontational, I would leave it at that. (If it was me, I might look into a professional licensing-type of complaint. No OT, who by definition works with kids with special needs, should be trying to upset or punish or denigrate the behavior of her patient. WTH???  I am furious for you. However, I understand your need to cut and run.) Unfortunately, your DS might need a title counseling after this experience. I am so sorry. This is outrageous.

 

:grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:

[Storygirl]

So I just find that to be odd. Why would she give him any instructions for what he is or is not allowed to do outside of the sessions, unless it was OT related homework? The things she is saying are not what an OT would say, but what a parent would say. She should not be telling him that he can't look over his brother's shoulder or telling him what toys to play with at home. Report her to her manager and either take a break from OT or switch to a different therapist. She has crossed a line.

[73349]

If you don't want to do it by phone, you can call and leave a message when you know she won't be there (e.g., midnight) or send a letter with delivery confirmation.

 

I'm non-confrontational (that is why I know how to do the above), but I would say something in the moment if someone started stepping into my authority as a parent. And as we forbid name-calling, I would not continue to patronize anyone who called a child a baby.

[jewellsmommy]

I would say, "Hi, _____. I wanted to let you know that after some careful consideration, we have decided to go in a different direction with ds's OT. Would you please cancel the remaining of his standing appts.Thank you for all your work with ds, and can we get a copy of his records? I can come by next Thursday and pick them up if that will be ok?"

 

 

 

ETA: this is the non-confrontational way. I could also give you a more...accurate to the situation...script as I feel that she lost her professional attitude along the way, and she should have been honest with you and herself about the fact that she had no business continuing to provide service for your son.

[SKL]

I agree that they need a permanent break from each other.

 

He may also need a little break from OT.  Hopefully the new OT will be able to mix things up a bit or come up with a better way to motivate.

 

My niece abhors OT.  I don't think I've ever heard of a kid who doesn't cry over OT.  I think it's probably a good idea to work some sort of break into the normal scheme of things.

[Kathryn]

I agree that they need a permanent break from each other.

 

He may also need a little break from OT. Hopefully the new OT will be able to mix things up a bit or come up with a better way to motivate.

 

My niece abhors OT. I don't think I've ever heard of a kid who doesn't cry over OT. I think it's probably a good idea to work some sort of break into the normal scheme of things.

There will be probably at least a six month wait to go somewhere else. He's definitely getting a break.

[texasmama]

Haven't read other replies.

 

This is VERY demeaning and unprofessional behavior from the OT.  One of my kids received many years of OT, and I would have dismissed the therapist and found another if she treated my child like that.

 

Just don't go back.  Find another one.  You owe her no explanation if you are not comfortable giving one, but do feel free to explain your reasoning if you wish.  The most important thing is to get the heck out of dodge and find a good therapist!

[texasmama]

FWIW, while my ds did not love OT, he did not hate it, either.  He did not cry over it.  He complained about it, as he does many things, but it was not a terrible experience for him.

[Alexigail]

Hugs to you and your DS! I would really be appalled if our OT did those things. I think you're making the right choice, and I agree that you don't owe any kind of explanation. If you're not comfortable talking about it, just say you're taking a break per his pediatrician's advice. If she presses, I'd say I'm not willing to go into detail, I just think this is what's best for him right now.

I hope it all turns out ok.

[Harriet Vane]

Your poor son! That is unacceptable behavior from the OT.

 

Ya know, when we signed on with the Spanish tutors at 121Spanish, they were very specific with us that we should change tutors from time to time. They wanted us to feel comfortable finding a tutor who is a good fit. They wanted us to feel comfortable changing tutors for any reason at all. But most importantly, they emphasized that in learning a language it is best to speak to a wide range of people so that you learn the subtle nuances.

 

So, you can do this a few ways. One thought to consider is that it may be a good thing for the OT to know what she is doing is unacceptable so that she doesn't treat other children that way.

 

That is a hard thing to talk about, though, and not likely to end well. She will either apologize and offer to do better or more likely blame your son or even blame you. Icky.

 

So another option is to say that you're ready to try a new approach. Ds has grown older and his needs have changed. You'd like to try another path to give him new experiences. Get a fresh set of eyes to take a look at what's going on.

[Storygirl]

Hmm, my son loves OT, but he is sensory seeking, so the activities are right up his alley.

 

I'm non-confrontational, too. I like the idea of just cancelling the remainder of the appointments without talking about why, because that's the easy way. But when things bother me, I have to express it somehow, so I would follow up with a carefully written letter. Not an email, but a letter. And if she is not the owner of the office, I'd send a copy to the owner or manager as well.

[Lara in Colo]

Didn't your Dr suggest a break?  Use that as an excuse.  Oh btw-- the Dr would also like to have copies of the records sent to him.

[Kathryn]

Thank you so much for the ideas! And I'm glad to hear that I'm not off base in wanting to leave. I don't know how it turned out like this. Just a few months ago, I would have said my only complaint about her was her constantly talking about medication. This kind of snuck up on me out of nowhere. The way it started, I wasn't sure of myself whether or not she was "picking on him," but that's what it felt like. This morning, I was sure.

[Tammyla]

Personally, I think she crossed a professional and possibly ethical line with your ds; and I'm a little outraged for him.

 

Oh, and you don't need a good excuse to no longer use her services.  I'd cancel how ever you felt comfortable and I'm pretty sure the new OT will request the records from his or her office.

[Scrub Jay]

I have worked with dozens of OTs.  NONE of them behaved that way.  That's atrocious behavior.

 

If you do not want to talk with her I would either write a letter or leave a message when you know she is not available.  Her poor behavior does not warrant a personal conversation if that's uncomfortable for you.