Peaceful mornings with brainstorming little kids

[BarbecueMom]

Our days seem ruined before they ever begin, and I'm not sure how to fix it. Please don't say "time" and "when they grow up" because I'm not really in the mood this morning for preemptive nostalgia for these years. Even though I know that's the likely answer.

 

The kids wake up too early (IMO) and before I've had three sips of coffee, they've made plans for the day. The plans use to be cute. They usually involve things like:

 

- a walk or trip to somewhere that sells concentrated sugar

- a packed lunch that includes several bags, three types of drinks, cans of tomato paste, and no actual food

- changing what day of the week it is

- changing the time or opponent of the Cardinals game

- wearing only eight pairs of underwear at once, or no underwear with seasonally inappropriate clothing (100 degrees with sweatshirts, for example)

- leaving one of them or the baby at home alone while the rest of us run errands

- turning beds into clothes piles and using the closet to sleep in

- shopping before stores open

- no read alouds or library trips or anything to do with books

- smoothies with ingredients we don't have

- trips to places that aren't places (like seeing a product they don't recognize in a commercial, not realizing it's a thing and not a place - no, we can't visit Bud Light Lime)

 

It used to be funny, but as the morning gets going, their plans start to unravel and they get angry. And frustrated. And uncooperative. They stop listening to me, then start stomping off and fighting and bargaining amended plans that are even more unrealistic and more frustration...

 

I've tried helping them, or asking for their help in making realistic plans. They refused. I've gently and not-so-gently reminded them that it's too early to make plans or told them what's realistic and what's not. They get mad.

 

I know that as they get older, wanting to think out and plan their day will be a good habit, but this is so incredibly frustrating. Plus the baby is not sleeping well and my joints hurt from being awake most of the night and I'm chronically ill with GI issues. I'm pretty useless after 5:00pm most days.

 

I guess I just want some reassurance that I'm not alone with overly excited kids with immature itineraries, and ideas on how to keep the mornings peaceful when nothing (according to them) seems to go like they thought it would.

[ajfries]

Could you beat them to the punch? Discuss plans for tomorrow at dinner or bedtime? They could have as much input as you allow, and it would give everyone a heads up for what's in store. 

 

As to the early rising, I bought my kids an "Ok to wake clock" that turns green when they are allowed out of their room. It has worked great.

[BarbecueMom]

Could you beat them to the punch? Discuss plans for tomorrow at dinner or bedtime? They could have as much input as you allow, and it would give everyone a heads up for what's in store.

 

As to the early rising, I bought my kids an "Ok to wake clock" that turns green when they are allowed out of their room. It has worked great.

We do the "talk through plans at night". They either forget or don't like my plans so they change them.

 

They have the same clock. It doesn't work for the 4yo because he has to pee about an hour and a half before the OK to Wake time, and his mouth starts once his bladder is empty. He talks nonstop for at least an hour, and once he's "in the zone" he doesn't hear anyone else talking to him, or telling him to go back to bed, until he's said his piece. His voice is about seven notches too loud, so if I physically put him back to bed, he wakes everyone else in the house. Which makes everyone else cranky, which exasperates the problem...

[ChemMommy]

UGH!! These are tough days.

 

Maybe the early waker with the loud voice could be returned to bed with a granola bar and a story CD?

 

I can SO sympathize with you! I would be so very cranky if a kid woke up before I finished my first diet coke of the day.

 

Maybe write out three realistic activities for the day and let them choose. It might give them the control they obviously desire (that's what all of that imagination is!) and still really keep the control in your realistic hands!

 

Maybe get some costumes so they can do dress up (with or without underwear) and burn off all of the imagination.

 

 

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[Spryte]

Wow.  This sounds so familiar.  I have a DS who wakes up talking, and has big plans for every. single. day.  Your list made me laugh because I recognize some of it!  I don't function till I've had about a gallon of coffee, either, so I feel your pain.  :)

 

Here are some random thoughts - nothing has helped us completely, but everything helps a bit.  Do these when you have energy and have had plenty of coffee.

 

- Assemble a bin of acceptable before-mom's-awake activities.  Free play items are great (fort building, etc). Craft kits might work, depending on your kids.  

 

- Make a summer bucket list of things that the kids would like to do.  Turn it into an art project (glitter glue, etc).  Rate the items on the list so that they know if they can ask to do some of the things on any day, and some things (maybe mark them with a star) are for special occasions only, to be planned in advance.  The pink and green mama blog has some cute summer bucket list ideas, if they need inspiration.  

 

- Make them morning cards.  :)  I still do this for the older kiddo, who gets up at 5:30, before everyone else.  I make him a card with a knock knock joke and a short note about what we'll be doing that day.  I leave it with his breakfast fixings, on the table.  Something like that might help reinforce the plans you've already discussed for the day, and reinforce some reading skills, too.

 

The clock idea is great, but never worked here either.  I have chronic health issues, too.  It's tough with little morning monsters, but you can get through it.  If all else fails, on very crazy days, I did resort to the approved tv show list on netflix.  It didn't always work, because my kids aren't tv kids, but sometimes it would buy some time.

 

:grouphug:

[fairfarmhand]

Can they have a pad of paper and crayons to draw their daily plans early in the morning?

 

Tell them you can't get the list until 9 am because you get crabby if plans get made before coffee breakfast and chores are done.

 

Can you counter their plans with a fun alternative?

 

"No, Bud Light lime isn;t a real place. However, it might be fun to make our own Bu Light Lime waterpark in the yard. Go get your trunks on and I'll turn on the sprinkler."

 

"Well, Dairy Queen's not in the budget today, but we can go get a box of those fruity Popsicles ya'll like so much and eat them at the park."

 

If they want a packed lunch, walk them through what is appropriate for a picnic. Then eat it iin the living room floor on a blanket.

 

I'm betting your real problem isn't necessarily the kids per se. It's that you are tired, in pain, and don't have the energy to handle things.

 

I understand it. It's hard when you don't have the energy or enthusiasm to meet everyone's needs.

 

Is there a day camp where you could send them?

[Kalypso]

I am of no help, but reading your list of example plans for the day made me laugh. I am missing the days when my oldest boy woke up with big plans for the day.

[fairfarmhand]

BTW, when they ask for food items that you don't have go," Hey that sounds yummy. Look in the freezer and see if we have the stuff to make it."

 

Sometimes when I am always the one saying "No." my kids get irritated. However, when circumstances (I.E. the lack of ingredients in the pantry) say no, they are more accepting.

 

Also for fun edible treats, I try to keep a list of what is available. Otherwise I get bombarded with requests to go to the store for this and that.

[BarbecueMom]

I'll try food lists. Last time I did something similar, DS6 just grabbed a pencil and added to it. If you give him options, the answer is usually "no".

 

Maybe we'll make some muddy buddies this morning and see if that keeps them in one happy spot.

 

We did a week of day camp at the end of June. They accidentally fed DS4 gluten (despite the doctor's note and separate snack), then wondered why he had a meltdown and complained of a terrible headache for two days. His gut is just now getting back to normal. I'm not too eager to try that again.

 

Yeah, a lot of the problem is me. They're just acting their ages, and I'm growing weary of it. I need a vacation. Unfortunately, those plans are about as unrealistic as tomorrow magically being next Thursday.

[Tohru]

My motto to everything ridiculous or unreasonable, or that I'm too lazy to consider:

 

"That sounds nice, but not today." 

"Hmm, interesting, but not today."

"Sounds fun, but not today."

 

Followed by "Today we're going to _______." and I read off our schedule.  Usually it mom's going to have coffee first while you all eat breakfast, then I'll wash the dishes, then we'll go outside, then we'll have lunch, etc...

 

For early waking, no idea.  Good luck.  I usually just say something like 'the sun is still sleeping, go back to bed.'

 

 

 

[wendyroo]

Do your days have a predictable rhythm?

We stick to the same basic routine almost every day, so my kids have a structure into which to fit their creativity.

 

Our rhythm is:

5am - 7am  I use this time to get ready for the day, do some chores, compose myself, etc.

 

... - 7am  Any kids who wake up early can only leave their room to go potty.  Otherwise they must quietly look at books until their clock turns green.  We have a potty chair on a mat in the 3 year old's room because it is too hard for him to go back to his room after a bathroom trip so it is easier for him to just do his business in there.

 

7 - 8am  Chores, breakfast, potty, teeth, dressed

8 - 9:30  Loud play.  Outside, in the basement, loud, jumping, making a mess

9:30 - 11  Snack and then quiet play.  Baby takes morning nap, big boys do learning time, puzzles, baking, art at the table

11 - 12  Walk, errand, free play

12 - 1  Lunch and Stories

1 - 3  Rest Time

3 - 5  Snack and then outside, walk, errand, perhaps TV time if the weather is bad

5 - 6  Dinner and clean up

6 - 7  Family time and get ready for bed.  Boys in bed at 7.

 

I try to allow my boys as much flexibility as possible within the structure of our routine.  I also try to insist they take primary ownership of their ideas.  They want to buy popsicles for after lunch.  Great.  We can go to the store after morning nap....have they gotten their money ready?  They want to make a fort out of sheets.  Okay, I can get the sheets down after they are dressed, but I am not willing to refold a ton of sheets, so I will give them one and they can demonstrate that they can refold it (in an age-appropriate manner).  Once they have shown me they will be able to clean up, then I will give them more sheets.

 

Wendy

[Starr]

I don't schedule well but do find that we developed predictable patterns. Our day had the same rhythm when we were home. It sounds like you have creative children . They don't like coming to terms with the fact some things can't happen. I can't begin to tell you of the days when dd screamed because I wouldn't let her fly. She promised to  stay in the air and follow the car. Or why I wouldn't drop her off at JFK so she could fly to Egypt and go camping on the Nile. She said she'd be home by Fathers Day. She was 5. t think it would help to take the time to make a schedule and keep to it. It will be hard in the beginning but save what little brain you have left until you start feeling better. :D   :grouphug:  :grouphug:  :grouphug:  

[BarbecueMom]

The routine is my ideal, but the baby (who has been screaming and/or crying all morning and hasn't slept more than a half hour clip since two nights ago) and my stomach issues often interrupt things. Usually we are doing math at this point, but DS6 is playing Stack the States while I rock a whimpering half-sleeping baby. Now he'll ask every day to play with the Kindle at this time and build it into his plans.

 

Ugh, now I'm starting to think the meds I'm on for my stomach are what's bothering the baby. I give up.

[wintermom]

I have three boys, too, and all I can say is that boys have more energy than I do. Your boys sound really creative and hands-on; a lot more than mine. The good news is that all the plans you've listed are safe and don't involve anything that could injure them. My boys are into the physical activities that are much more dangerous, and we've already been through several broken bones. My hair should be a lot more grey than it is!

 

Were I you, I'd have a designated pillow/blanket pile that is perfect for building beds and forts. I'd have a special cupboard of ingredients they can use for making concoctions. I'd let them be creative, and I'd be the one to give out the materials for them to use.

 

For the activities where they want to go places, maybe they could make a written list and you can pick the outings from the list on special days.

[Spryte]

She promised to  stay in the air and follow the car. Or why I wouldn't drop her off at JFK so she could fly to Egypt and go camping on the Nile. She said she'd be home by Fathers Day. 

 

:lol: Are you sure she doesn't have a long lost twin?  My son???

[BarbecueMom]

I have three boys, too, and all I can say is that boys have more energy than I do. Your boys sound really creative and hands-on; a lot more than mine. The good news is that all the plans you've listed are safe and don't involve anything that could injure them. My boys are into the physical activities that are much more dangerous, and we've already been through several broken bones. My hair should be a lot more grey than it is!

 

Were I you, I'd have a designated pillow/blanket pile that is perfect for building beds and forts. I'd have a special cupboard of ingredients they can use for making concoctions. I'd let them be creative, and I'd be the one to give out the materials for them to use.

We used to have eight oversized pillows for forts. They loved it, until DS4 peed on them.

 

They do have a lot of leeway for creativity - the pantry and (safe) kitchen stuff is fair game, they have lumber in the yard for building, a closet of empty boxes, a basket of PVC tubes, blankets and sheets and clips. It's the bizarre requests like, "Let's leave the baby home by himself and go to the park!" or, "I know today is July 14, but tomorrow is going to be December and we're going to buy a Christmas tree," and their insistence on actually doing it despite the reasons why we can't that drive me up the wall.

 

As far as safety, I've explained to them that when I tell them no to certain things, it's because they could get badly hurt, not because I'm being mean. Often I'll say no and they'll say, "Oh, so it's kind of like jumping off the roof?" LOL, yeah, something like that.

[BarbecueMom]

If they whine about not getting to go to bud lite lime, hand them a map and say if they can find it you'll take them.

Haha, I live in St. Louis. I guess Bud Light Lime is technically just up the road. Maybe I should put that on the bucket list.

 

But yeah, the routines and training sort of went poof when the baby arrived. They do get out all the stuff for breakfast, if only they could do it quietly and without saying stuff like, "Okay, after we eat this, we're going to watch the Cardinals game." "The game isn't on until tonight." "But I want to watch it noooooowwwww! Fine, we'll just play video games instead."

 

Uh, nice try. I see what you did there, kid.

[katilac]

I think they're yanking your chain, mom. 

 

Tomorrow is December and you're going to buy a Christmas tree? Good luck with that, let me know how it goes! 

 

You want to visit Bud Light Lime? I'm pretty sure it's in the back yard, but it's really hard to find, just like fairy hollows. You go look for it, and I'll call you when it's time for lunch. 

 

I have no problem with kids talking nonsense, but I'm not going to talk it with them; ie, I'm not going to argue about what day it is or when the stores open. Like Torhu, I'd keep it short and sweet, 'not today, this is what we're doing today.' For the time being,I'd quit asking them for any input into planning.

 

And when they get angry and misbehave because their plans don't become reality, treat it like any other time they misbehave, use whatever consequence you'd normally use. If they do stuff like take out all their underwear or clothes, make them wash everything, fold it, and put it away. Preferably right before snack time or their favorite tv show. 

 

The talking in the morning is tough. My kids used to start talking before their feet hit the floor every morning. 4 to 6 is a very bad age range for this, sorry. They do grow out of it. Until then, maybe toss them outside several times a day for mandatory sun and fresh air. 

 

I don't think you need to offer a practical alternative every time they suggest something wild. Just because they want to make smoothies doesn't mean you have to make pudding or buy popsicles. Kids want lots of things. 

 

A ticket system sometimes works well for this age group. Pick one behavior, such as talking politely, to focus on. "Son, you have five tickets. Every time you argue, yell, or talk back, I'm going to take a ticket away. If you don't have at least 3 tickets after lunch, you can't play in the sprinkler. If you don't have at least 1 left by supper, you can't have dessert." 

 

Obviously, use whatever privilege they really want: watching a video, snack, whatever. Then follow through. "Son, we are not buying a Christmas tree today. If you bring it up one more time, I'm taking a ticket, and you won't get snack." Once they get the hang of it, add behaviors, the most annoying ones first. 

 

A baby plus illness also authorizes you to offer many more incentives than usual, so shamelessly lure them into keeping tickets via bribery. Add some privileges you wouldn't normally offer. And, tell your early rising son that he will earn a special ticket every morning that he gets up ON HIS OWN to pee, and then quietly returns to bed until x o'clock. He can exchange that ticket for something fabulous; whatever will make his noisy little heart beat faster. Extra time on the kindle, a candy bar, a trip to the park, a matchbox car. Maybe buy several items and show him one each night before he goes to bed: this is what you get tomorrow if you don't wake anyone up! 

[katilac]

Also, I wanted to say that it sounds like they have lots of good outlets for their creative side, so don't feel bad about not indulging every whim or story. 

 

Sheets make great forts, and they wash easily  :lol:

 

Another thing that worked VERY well for my kids at that age was to separate them. Being forced apart for an hour improved their behavior tremendously, and then they were careful for days on end because they didn't want to be separated again. Believe it or not, this works quite well with children who argue and/or don't seem to like each other, lol.