The catch-all Ask A __ thread (for fun)

[Critterfixer]

Hey, Pippin, I'm American and I've not been to Disney either. (What's worse? I don't want to go. Ever.)

 

Seriously, I wish the homeschool Dads would put up a thread. Or did they?

[Word Nerd]

Ask an editor

Ask a curly girl

Ask an afterschooler

[JadeOrchidSong]

Yes, my kids are blessings like all kids. :)

 

Most of my family lives about 1.5 hours drive from me. My closest sister comes on Sundays and acts as their "nanny" for that day. Sometimes she will take them for an overnight or several days over vacations, and since she lives very close to my parents and 2 other siblings, they hang out during those times.

 

I also have friends / business partners who spend time with my kids (spoiling them!). They also have another part-time nanny who is from the part of the world where they were born, and we keep that connection so that they can learn about that heritage. Nanny takes them to hang out with her extended family / friends circle at times. So they are far from lonely. ;) Most importantly, they have each other pretty much 24/7.

 

Your daughters are wrapped in love. You are such a great parent, SKL!

[JadeOrchidSong]

When we lived in the same state (we moved 3 years ago), we saw each other a couple times a week (bible study and playdates). Now, we mostly connect via FB and emails. They do send pictures as well. The kid's are 5 (twins) and 3. So they are too young to know what surrogacy means. My kids call the parents of the first couple aunt and uncle. Their kids probably don't remember me since they were really young when we moved. I have never asked if they talk about me with them or what I did. It doesnt matter to me if they do or not. If they do, great! If not, thats their choice too. Overall, the relationship is good, no real issues.

You have done a noble thing for them. I would feel quite attached to the babies I carried for nine months. If I were the baby, I would feel a special bond with you when I could understand what you did.

[Ameena]

It's really hard putting myself out here like this, but here goes.

 

Ask the only American who hasn't been to Disney. :laugh:

 

You can add me to that list as well :)

[Mandylubug]

Ask a normal person.

Nope you workout a ton and homeschool. Not normal. You require a label :p

[Snickerdoodle]

Nope you workout a ton and homeschool. Not normal. You require a label :p

 

:willy_nilly:

[swellmomma]

I *hate* having my teen away. But it has been an excellent exercise in relinquishing control. It probably took a full year to reach a point of acceptance, despite always knowing it would likely happen at some point.  (I've known lots of teenage boys who've made the switch.)

 

Separation/resolution is a tough process. The kids have been getting away with murder, school-wise, lol.  I know we had a thread a while back that labelled separation as childish, but it is the most adult work I've ever done.  People are complex.  Fitting complex people together can be very hard.

 

That sounds tough.  I know I made a thread a while back specifically about my sil leaving my brother as childish (but they have no kids and her reasons really are childish).  I don't know what I would do if my teens chose to live with their dad.  I have wanted to send oldest to do so but at the same time the thought breaks my heart.  Their dad doesn't want them so it is a moot point.  As far as separation itself, I know nothing about resolution from it as I opted to divorce, but I do know it gets better.  I was separated for 13 years before I signed my divorce papers last week.  There was never a chance of resolution though, I knew when I left I was never looking back so that may have helped.  My sister and her husband were separated for a while and then got back together but my nephew was very young so he stayed with my sister and my bil came by every day to see him.  As much as I relish the breaks I get from the teens when I send them to camp/visits etc I could not imagine them not living here. :grouphug:

[inmyopinion]

Ask someone who left teaching to homeschool her own child(ren)

 

Ask a teetotaler

 

Ask one of the last people in America with an old-fashioned flip-phone? :)

Hey, I have a flip-phone also.  Let's start a cult and then we can have an "ask a flip-phone cult member" thread! 

[Slojo]

Sean (and any other dads reading), I'm very interested to know please, what kind of reactions you get as a home schooling dad. I have read that men who work as stay at home dads don't get much respect. But in my personal experience at home educating gatherings, any home schooling dads seem to be viewed almost as superheroes for doing the same work as home schooling mums do.

 

 

 

Slojo, I'd love to hear more about the cohousing community you live in. It's something that has always appealed to me in theory, however in practice I am extremely introverted and would probably find it a nightmare. 

 

Isabel, your question is perfect, and funny given that my community had a recent meeting in which some of the self-identified extroverts were wondering why introverts would choose co-housing. And the introverts were like, are you kidding?  Cohousing helps to narrow the universe of choices about how and when to engage with others.  I think this is in part because 1) as introvert they get the community they long for without having to constantly put themselves out there/seek it out in a bunch of more random and undefined places; 2) since the community is so intentional, introverts actually end up having to navigate fewer social situations (at least with others in the community) in which the "signals" are unclear. Kind of like, I can experience community for a little while without necessarily getting up all the energy it takes to go to the playgroup or this community function or a party across town. I can literally go to a party in our common house (50 feet away) for 20 minutes, say hi to a couple of people, and go home -- my occasional need to be social has been fufilled without the extra effort that doing the same thing might take if I went across town, YKWIM? 

 

Also, after a little while in co-housing, you really do get to know all 80 - 120 neighbors - at least by name. That familiarity becomes comforting. I find the few people I really connect with, but have a level of comfort with everyone, especially after years of knowing them.  Social situations arent' so draining when that familiarity is there.

 

Also, being in an intentional community raises everyone's awareness of the importance of boundaries, and most people really rise to the occasion in reading body language and understanding people's varying needs. And extroverts, well, that is often something to do or to get invited to almost every week if you wanted to. There's a wide range of opting in and opting out of different social events.  Some of my neighbors I see every couple of weeks in passing, others I eat with 2 or 3 times a week. Generally speaking, there's actually less pressure to invite neighbors over for dinner because - well, I've had dinner with most of my neighbors at least once or twice in a given year, so the focus of my in-home entertaining is really on the 2 or 3 people in the community I'm really close with and, of course, people from other aspects of my life.

 

This is not to say that there is no learning curve at first, but we are considering an out-of-state move, and in all of that possibility, I realized that I'll really miss some of the familiar routines of co-housing (lived here for 11 years) and will likely live in a neighborhood where I'll be lucky if I know the neighbors across the street and next to me and perhaps one other neighbor with some common interest. And, it really is a pretty unique place for my children to grow up, and I'm a little bit sad that they likely won't grow up in a community where they know absolutely every adult's name on the block and come, in an emergency, go to anyone of them and feel pretty comfortable if they needed help.

 

 Slojo

[IsabelC]

Thanks, that is really interesting :)

 

Yes, I guess it could potentially be easier to relate to people who have chosen a relatively similar lifestyle, as opposed to 'regular' neighbors who are a bit more random. And yes, I'd love to have socializing opportunities that require less work. 

 

Just one more question if you don't mind: did you know people in your intentional community before you lived there? And if so, how did living in closer proximity effect your relationships? And did you witness anybody who had major deal breaking difficulties and/or ended up having to move out due to problematic relationships? 

[SKL]

Hm, never heard of cohousing, but I share a house with a couple of other unrelated adults, so maybe it's similar.  Once you learn how to ignore the assumptions people make about unrelated women living together for years (we have our own bedrooms! we like guys!), it is really no problem and has a lot of benefits.  I mean, yeah, we can get on each other's nerves at times, but so can regular neighbors, co-workers, family, etc.  It's usually enough to pick battles, communicate needs, and remember you can't change other people (and sometimes you can't change yourself either).

[Slojo]

Thanks, that is really interesting :)

 

Yes, I guess it could potentially be easier to relate to people who have chosen a relatively similar lifestyle, as opposed to 'regular' neighbors who are a bit more random. And yes, I'd love to have socializing opportunities that require less work. 

 

Just one more question if you don't mind: did you know people in your intentional community before you lived there? And if so, how did living in closer proximity effect your relationships? And did you witness anybody who had major deal breaking difficulties and/or ended up having to move out due to problematic relationships? 

 

We did know some people before moving in, but not most. In fact, really good friends introduced us to cohousing and ended up becoming our neighbors "across the street" (there really isn't a "street" between houses in a cohousing neighborhood, but rather a wide pedestrian walkway).  We also were acquaintances with another set of individuals. Ah, the decision to join a cohousing with others you know can feel a bit like the decision of whether to be college roommates with your best friend from high school, and we all know how that works out, right?  In our case, it turned out fine -- I think there was a bit of a learning curve, like figuring out how to be close friends and 1) be inclusive of others and 2) not assume that we had to do everything community-related together (i.e., it was okay for one of us to invite other people in the community to a dinner party but not each other -- not that that was an expectation, but I could see where misunderstandings could happen). But again, you're not sharing a house with your neighbors - the cohousing tagline is "private residences with shared common areas" so any "drama" can be contained/limited.  I do bump into my neighbors more often, as that's the point, and therefore bump into their quirks and oddities (not that I have any quirks or oddities ;-), but you also have a door - with a lock ;-) -- when you need to retreat into your own world. But it's also increased my tolerance for really dealing with all types of people as they are. 

 

That said, sure, people get into conflict and we have a conflict resolution committee for neighbors who really want it (it's not used often), but honestly most people moving out moved out under one of three circumstances: 1) they got a new job or new life circumstances and had to move because of that; 2) they had conflict in their household (e.g., divorce - an one person moved out of course) or 3) they didn't like cohousing, but it wasn't really about some big conflict with someone else -- they just decided that they really did want a more urban environment or really were a big house in the middle of the woods person.  In all those cases, we throw them a going away party and invite them to come back to the annual community party. Most people end up coming back to visit every once in a while - it really is that kind of community.  

Hm, never heard of cohousing, but I share a house with a couple of other unrelated adults, so maybe it's similar.  Once you learn how to ignore the assumptions people make about unrelated women living together for years (we have our own bedrooms! we like guys!), it is really no problem and has a lot of benefits.  I mean, yeah, we can get on each other's nerves at times, but so can regular neighbors, co-workers, family, etc.  It's usually enough to pick battles, communicate needs, and remember you can't change other people (and sometimes you can't change yourself either).

 

This makes sense. There are some analogous assumptions about cohousing.  Yep, pick your battles, communicate needs and remember you can't change people - helpful for cohousing (and homeschooling, work, love life, being the adult chld of your parents, online communities... :-). Love it!

[MomtoCandJ]

It's really hard putting myself out here like this, but here goes.

 

Ask the only American who hasn't been to Disney. :laugh:

No one in my family has