Is homeschooling a higher calling?

[Nayner]

First of all, I just want to say I love this board. I don't post much, but I have gained so much wisdom and insight from a variety of posts. I especially read with attention the words of encouragement that go out to those who are struggling to home school. I know I am not alone. I admire the dedication many of you show, and your determination to keep going even when you want to quit. I've tried to reason, if others can do it, so can I.

 

But this will most likely be my last year homeschooling. DH and I just came to this emotional decision very recently. We will be able to send our children to a wonderful cs. Since the decision is so new, I've decided to keep plugging on for this year. I know myself well enough to know I'd be ridden with guilt at the sudden change of putting my kids in school. I'm also feeling a bit guiltly over this decision for the future. But in my heart, I know it's the right choice.

 

I've heard many imply, maybe not on purpose, that homeschooling is a "higher calling." Now I fear I am just not strong enough to keep on keepin' on like all homeschooling moms should. I feel like a quiter.... one who will join the ranks of those "who don't like to be around their kids all day....so they send them to school." (This is NOT why I'm sending them to school)

I've enjoyed many things about homeschooling, but the last couple of years have taken it's toll on me. My kids, 7, 5, and 2 seem to be resiliant (maybe not ds7), but I know my attitude has affected them.

 

Let me say that I'm prone to anxiety and depression even in the best circumstances. I'm a perfectionist minus the perfection and this eats away at me. I tire very easily. My ds7 is highly emotional, extremely intelligent, and a perfectionist as well. We deal with tears daily and often butt heads. I don't think having emotional mom as his teacher is the best for him. I don't think it's best for my mental and physical well being either. I just want to be mom without the burden of education on my shoulders (not that I won't continue to be heavily involved). I do understand that school is not a cure all, and that there will be other obstacles.

I just feel like this decision may cause some to question whether this is abandoning a "higher calling", especially when I know some of you have had similar feelings and circumstances, and yet manage to overcome.

 

Thanks for listening.

[Dawn E]

You should not feel guilty for making a decision in the best interest of your family for this time. Your Dh is in support of this decision. You have not failed your children. Your high calling is being their mom, and that will not cease. We currently homeschool, but will evaluate each year, prayerfully, and make the decision we see as best for our family at that time.

 

:grouphug:,

Dawn

[Dayle in Guatemala]

I think that one calling isn't higher than another, it's just different. There may be some that carry a greater level of responsibility, but, it doesn't make it better. Being a homeschooling mom has more responsibility, but, isn't any higher than being a mom whose dc go to school outside the home. It's between you, God, and your dh how you raise your family and what you do for them.

 

Be thankful for the time you've had with your dc, but, when the time comes to send them to school, do it proudly, knowing you've given them such a wonderful start and foundation in their education.

[Mekanamom]

Doing the best thing for your family... and being open to the options before you... is the higher calling, IMO.

 

Making a change like that would make me anxious too. Just keep in mind that doing the best thing for your family isn't always the easiest thing... whether that is sticking with homeschooling or choosing another option. :)

 

I don't think one method of education is necessarily any better than another- it just depends on what fits your family and situation best at the time. And only you and your family members really know what that is. :grouphug:

[ncmomo3]

The higher calling for a parent is to do the very best for their children and that means what works best for your children. Please don't fall into the trap of comparing your family/children to anyone else's because they and you aren't like everyone else.

It isn't quitting-it is making a better decision for your children's needs.

:grouphug::grouphug::grouphug:

[beansprouts]

I think that one calling isn't higher than another, it's just different. There may be some that carry a greater level of responsibility, but, it doesn't make it better. Being a homeschooling mom has more responsibility, but, isn't any higher than being a mom whose dc go to school outside the home. It's between you, God, and your dh how you raise your family and what you do for them.

 

 

Yes!! Thank you!

[Mesa]

I dont feel like homeschooling is a "higher" calling. I would love to feel comfortable sending my kids away for school. (If it would work for them too.) It would sure take a load off my shoulders. I even tried sending my oldest son back to school last year in fact... it only lasted 4 months.

I feel like I have been lead to homeschool my kids, or better yet.. my kids are meant to be homeschooled. Sure it's challenging and it can be down right tough, (I too have an anxiety/depression disorder. It usually doesnt affect my hs, but sometimes it sure would if I'd let it.) but I have to remind myself it's worth it and it's the best choice for *MY* family. I do also enjoy the things we are learning together as a family. (Who knew History was so facinating!?) I love watching my children progress both spiritually and intellectually. I've seen the change in my son since we first started homeschooling him in the 1st grade... its remarkable! I know I'm doing the right thing for him.

I hope you find peace with your decision. Plenty of children thrive in the school setting. Mine just don't.

[Sahamamama]

You should not feel guilty for making a decision in the best interest of your family for this time. Your Dh is in support of this decision. You have not failed your children. Your high calling is being their mom, and that will not cease. We currently homeschool, but will evaluate each year, prayerfully, and make the decision we see as best for our family at that time.

 

:grouphug:,

Dawn

 

:iagree: I was going to write all this, but then I read Dawn's post. So...

 

what she said! Don't feel like you have failed your children by choosing another path. And, when your children do go to the CS next year, give yourself some time to heal, to find your own place of peace -- HTH.

[Nayner]

I dont feel like homeschooling is a "higher" calling. I would love to feel comfortable sending my kids away for school. (If it would work for them too.) It would sure take a load off my shoulders. I even tried sending my oldest son back to school last year in fact... it only lasted 4 months.

I feel like I have been lead to homeschool my kids, or better yet.. my kids are meant to be homeschooled. Sure it's challenging and it can be down right tough, (I too have an anxiety/depression disorder. It usually doesnt affect my hs, but sometimes it sure would if I'd let it.) but I have to remind myself it's worth it and it's the best choice for *MY* family. I do also enjoy the things we are learning together as a family. (Who knew History was so facinating!?) I love watching my children progress both spiritually and intellectually. I've seen the change in my son since we first started homeschooling him in the 1st grade... its remarkable! I know I'm doing the right thing for him.

I hope you find peace with your decision. Plenty of children thrive in the school setting. Mine just don't.

 

Yes, I do enjoy learning too.... epecially history. I've also enjoyed teaching my kids to read. Another plus, is that my children get along quite well together (with about one battle per hour). It's just the daily emotional struggles and fatigue.....

[Kathleen in VA]

I think in a perfect world homeschooling is the ideal. I really, truly think God meant for all (yes, all) parents to educate their children. That said, this is not a perfect world. I believe breastfeeding is best, too, yet I wasn't able to breastfeed. I felt terribly guilty about it. My pastor's wife called me at the hospital when I was stressing over it in a big way and she said, "Kathleen, put a bottle in his mouth. He'll live through it." That was so gracious and kind of her. I still felt guilty and I still do even though my youngest is 9 - go figure - but the truth is they are still fine. She was right - they lived through it.

 

The thing about it is you have to do what it is best for you and your family. You have to do the thing that your conscience will bear. If hs-ing is stressing you so much that you are always a wreck emotionally and cannot have a loving relationship with your children, then you may have to try a different path.

 

We all know children who were public schooled, private schooled and homeschooled who have become wonderful, stable, contributing adults. I'm not sure where you are coming from spiritually speaking - your post led me to believe you may be a Christian. If that is the case, I think what really matters is for you to pray and seek God's face on the issue, listen to your husband, and then rest in your decision. God will lead you exactly where He wants you.

 

That said, I do sense that maybe you do not need to stop homeschooling, but rather change the way you are going about it. If your children are resilient, as you say, then you need to, perhaps, set the academics aside and get them to a point where they respect and obey your authority. That obedience is the grease that makes homeschooling run smoothly.

 

Perhaps a change in method or curriculum? I can't really help here being so far away and having so little actual knowledge. I remember many days of yelling and crying (not the kids - me!) when I felt my children were not doing what I wanted them to do. I developed some difficult physical problems - nothing life-threatening - just several back surgeries in a row. That period of time left me not able to teach anything at all. We weren't butting heads then;).

 

As I regained my strength and we eased back into a routine, I realized that much of what I thought had to be accomplished really could fall by the wayside without a problem at all. I just focused on the very basics and since getting angry and upset hurt my back, I simply wasn't able to do that. In a way, I guess God forced me to realize that all that really matters is whether my children love Him and serve Him. He showed me that if I put Him first he would take care of the rest (Matt 6:33). I think we humans often make things much more complicated and stressful than they have to be.

 

Again, not sure what your spiritual beliefs are but perhaps you need to just set some things on the back burner and focus on reading and teaching God's word, as well as basic skills such as reading and math and then let the rest of school be relaxed and fun. Play games, do projects, look for ways to minister to others. Later, when the joy returns, you can think about adding in some extra academics.

 

Like I said, I am very far away and have very little info to go on - these are just the things that popped into my head as I read your post. I'll be praying for you.

[Margo out of lurking]

I think hsing is a calling, but not everyone is called to hs. For my family, it's something we know that we are doing one year at a time. We began hsing because God told us to--it's nothing we EVER would have done on our own.

 

We've done it for 6.5 years. Last summer, dd expressed great interest in going to ps, and dh agreed. I was literally sick over it and began praying. Within a week, I had an incredible sense of peace, that ALL would work out, no matter what the outcome was. That feeling of peace kept me going for the past year. This summer, dh and I decided dd would not go to ps this year; but we've agreed to keep the possibility (likelihood at this point) open for next year. I no longer am worried about it.

 

For dh and me, it's about following God's will for our family. If we're in it for the long haul, great. If not, that's great too. We might not be led to the same decision for each child. We were not believers at the time we began hsing; but it was truly the first thing we could truly look back on and say, Hey, we know WHY we did this.

 

Hsing is "AN" option, it's not the only option. It doesn't make you any less of a Christian, a mom, a wife, a teacher, a daughter of your King if you don't hs your children. If anyone else tries to imply otherwise, they need to be focusing their attention elsewhere.

 

>>>But in my heart, I know it's the right choice.

 

There you go! You have ONE person to answer to, and He knows your heart.

[Remudamom]

I don't know about a higher calling, but maybe controlled insanity? Let go and send him to CS.

[Pam "SFSOM" in TN]

I think *parenting* is a higher calling. Making right decisions for your family involves the calling up the highest and best that a person can muster.

 

When I started homeschooling ds, that was a high calling. When I made the careful decision to dual enroll him in public kindergarten part day, I could not have made that choice had I not taken what was best for *him* into account. March down the years to more homeschool, German school, preschools, more public schooling, boarding school (gulp!), homeschool for another child, boarding school again (twice over), and now facing public schools again at least for awhile for the littlest one.

 

If I hadn't taken VERY seriously my responsibilities to provide excellent schooling or delegate carefully, I would be sorely failing my kids. Making the right decisions takes work and careful thought. Trying to please someone by artificially "staying the course" while failing your child(ren) is not wise,and that is NOT what parents are "called" to do.

 

Do what is right for YOUR family and for each child, evaluating year by year. Be encouraged. By pondering these things carefully and not blindly following *someone else's* ideal for your family, you are following the highest call of all.

[Rosie_0801]

Smacking your head against a brick wall and feeling bad for stopping is not my idea of what a "higher calling" should look like. Hitting heads against wooden fences, sometimes, lots of hitting against plaster board walls, sure, but definately not brick. If you feel like you are hitting brick, and you obviously do, then you've made the right decision. Following through on right decisions is a good thing, and it's especially admirable when you don't really want to!

:)

Rosie

[Mrs Mungo]

I've only read the OP. However, I don't think homeschooling is a higher calling. I don't think I'm better than anyone or called to higher things. Everyone has different beliefs, tolerances, abilities, issues, children, households. You have to do what is right for *your* family and *your* situation. :grouphug:

[Mesa]

FluteAnn, my post came out all wrong lol. What I meant to say is do whats best for you and your situation, and dont feel guilty about it. I think I came off as being insensitive. I didnt mean to sound like you didnt like learning etc etc. I was just pointing out that when the going gets tough here I try to point out all the good things about homeschooling... just to get me through the day, hour, sec. whatever it takes.

Thats what I get for trying to post while the 3 yr old and 1 yr old are running amuck.

[Nayner]

No offense taken, Tired Mama (that's my name too). I didn't see your post as insensitive.

[Sahamamama]

There you go! You have ONE person to answer to, and He knows your heart.

 

:iagree: And HE cares about YOU, too! :grouphug:

 

Dear Ann --

 

Your name, "Ann," means "beloved." And that is what you are. I feel in my heart that I should share these Bible verses with you. I hope that God's words minister to your spirit.

 

"Cast your cares on the LORD, and he will sustain you; he will never let the righteous fall." Psalm 55:22

 

"Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7

 

"Be strong and courageous. Do not be afraid or terrified because of them, for the LORD your God goes with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you." Deuteronomy 31:6

 

"The LORD is close to the brokenhearted and saves those who are crushed in spirit." Psalm 34:18

 

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds." Psalm 147:3

 

"He has sent me to bind up the brokenhearted, to proclaim freedom for the captives and release from darkness for the prisoners, to proclaim the year of the LORD's favor and the day of vengeance of our God, to comfort all who mourn, and provide for those who grieve in Zion -- to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes, the oil of gladness instead of mourning, and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair." Isaiah 61:1-3

 

I am praying for you.

 

Sincerely,

Beth B. in New Jersey

[Carol in Cal.]

we have a God-given responsibility to educate our children. We have a responsibility to do it the best way we can, and also to have the best family life that we can, the best marriage that we can, and be the best employees that we can. We also have to be the best members of the Body of Christ that we can.

 

How we fulfill these responsibilities, and how we balance our emphases on the different ones, is very personal; between us and God and our family members. There are always trade off within these balances.

 

There are lots of great ways to educate our children. We're responsible, no matter which one or ones we choose. That's the main thing to remember--school or not, we are responsible. And then it all falls into place!

[WTMCassandra]

In a way, I guess God forced me to realize that all that really matters is whether my children love Him and serve Him. He showed me that if I put Him first he would take care of the rest (Matt 6:33).

 

THIS, to me, is the highest calling. How we do this is as individual as we are. If you and your husband have decided that cs is best for your family, then who are we to gainsay that?! Go forward, sister, without guilt. :grouphug:

[Kathleen in VA]

THIS, to me, is the highest calling. How we do this is as individual as we are. If you and your husband have decided that cs is best for your family, then who are we to gainsay that?! Go forward, sister, without guilt. :grouphug:

 

:iagree: That's what I was *trying* to say but, of course, I always talk too much.

[mamakven]

((((((((hugs))))))))) I think that there's not always one "right" way to do something.. and if this is the best decision for your family then you need to GO with that... who knows maybe at some point you may decide homeschooling is best for your family and that's cool too. Overall, you at LEAST have THOUGHT about the issue.. and made an educated decision! There comes a point too where you have to take care of yourself before you can care well for others.. i applaud your bravery in making a REALLY hard decison!!!

[Nayner]

Thanks for your thoughts, everyone! Sahamamama, thanks for those verses. Each of them have been very meaningful to me at some point in my life, but it's been so long since I've really meditated on them. I'm going to go back to them often this week.

 

I'm seeing that I'm putting far too much importance on what others think, but it's hard to find the "off switch" to my way of thinking. God knows my heart...