Foster/adoptive parents....how have you juggled fostering and homeschooling?

[PlsDon'tEatTheDaisies]

I guess the title sums it up! We are going through the licensing processing with the intention of fostering to adopt a little girl (0-3) . I have been having conversations with my husband about how I will juggle the three kids I already have ( ages 3,5, and 7 with a young child( possibly drug exposed infant or traumatized toddler) . I must admit, as much as I want to do this, sometimes on a tough day I think..."can I do this, or am I crazy for considering it? "

 

I am hoping to hear some of the stories of those of you who have btdt to give me an idea of how it has/hasn't worked for you ;) . Also, advice would be welcomed ( as long as it's friendly!) . Thanks in advance!

[jenncslp]

Well, it can be difficult.  My hardest issue was that I had one that had to go to public school (because foster kiddos are not allowed to be homeschooled here) while we were homeschooling, while the medically fragile sister was home.  It was hard adjusting to the public school schedule-and a big wake-up call to me about how little time I was able to spend with her during school days.  I would plan on initially taking it easy and not stressing about how much you are getting done.  It takes a while to juggle all the appointments she will have, along with her getting adjusted and used to your home.  However, it's a great time for your whole family to get extra practice in love, sharing, giving and flexibility.  If you have older kids I would also assign them each a time period every day where they play/teach the new foster child.  It will give you a chance to focus on something, and they will gain some valuable leadership skills.  

 

It's quite the journey-I hope to start again soon.  Enjoy!

[Momling]

Personally, I have only been able to foster because my foster kids have all been in school or preschool. I think if you're used to homeschooling with your own toddlers or babies around, it'll be the same. Except... for visits! Expect foster kids to have visitations with parents (for us, it's usually been between 3 and 5 per week), doctors, therapists, social workers, WIC visits, CASA workers, children's attorneys... It can be extensive. Additionally, Medically fragile kids in our county often involve overnight trips to the nearest university hospital - 5 hrs away. So, anyway... my point is -- expect extra complications in your schedule.

[TechWife]

You might get some insight from this blog. She's a friend of mine, adoptive mom, homeschooling mom & long time foster parent.

 

http://psalm1139mama.blogspot.com/2012/08/a-real-family.html

[Juliegmom]

We had not yet begun our homeschool journey when we fostered two little ones, newborn and 1 1/2. Our biological kids were 3, 10 and 12 with the older two enrolled in public schools. It was one of the most rewarding and challenging experiences of my life. There were times when we felt overwhelmed trying to balance it all (which included getting the little ones to monitored visits with their bio mom twice a week). In some ways I think it would have been easier to work around all the appointments if we homeschooled. Give yourself (and your family) grace as you all adjust to a new normal. It's a beautiful thing that you are doing. Looks like you are getting some helpful advice here. Praying for you as you begin this new season in life. Best wishes to you and the precious ones the Lord sends your way.

[PlsDon'tEatTheDaisies]

Personally, I have only been able to foster because my foster kids have all been in school or preschool. I think if you're used to homeschooling with your own toddlers or babies around, it'll be the same. Except... for visits! Expect foster kids to have visitations with parents (for us, it's usually been between 3 and 5 per week), doctors, therapists, social workers, WIC visits, CASA workers, children's attorneys... It can be extensive. Additionally, Medically fragile kids in our county often involve overnight trips to the nearest university hospital - 5 hrs away. So, anyway... my point is -- expect extra complications in your schedule.

Oh, my goodness! That is quite a lot of visits! I was thinking we might have some, but nothing like 3-5 a week! We will be accepting only low legal risk placements...not sure if that might effect the number of visits? The other visits are something to think about as well. I guess we might have to do some car schooling? :)

[PlsDon'tEatTheDaisies]

You might get some insight from this blog. She's a friend of mine, adoptive mom, homeschooling mom & long time foster parent.

 

http://psalm1139mama.blogspot.com/2012/08/a-real-family.html

Tech Wife, thank you so much for sharing your friend's blog. I read her most recent (and beautiful!) post, and loved it so much, I subscribed!

[PlsDon'tEatTheDaisies]

We had not yet begun our homeschool journey when we fostered two little ones, newborn and 1 1/2. Our biological kids were 3, 10 and 12 with the older two enrolled in public schools. It was one of the most rewarding and challenging experiences of my life. There were times when we felt overwhelmed trying to balance it all (which included getting the little ones to monitored visits with their bio mom twice a week). In some ways I think it would have been easier to work around all the appointments if we homeschooled. Give yourself (and your family) grace as you all adjust to a new normal. It's a beautiful thing that you are doing. Looks like you are getting some helpful advice here. Praying for you as you begin this new season in life. Best wishes to you and the precious ones the Lord sends your way.

Juliegmom, thank you! What you wrote was so encouraging. I especially am encouraged by the thought that homeschooling may just end up being an asset in this situation! Your prayers are very much appreciated and needed right now! Thanks again :) .

[Momling]

Oh, my goodness! That is quite a lot of visits! I was thinking we might have some, but nothing like 3-5 a week! We will be accepting only low legal risk placements...not sure if that might effect the number of visits? The other visits are something to think about as well. I guess we might have to do some car schooling? :)

I would guess that foster kids whose parents are having their parental rights terminated would have fewer visits, but I don't know. In all of our placements, the plan has been to return to parent so the judge orders lots of visits to try to maintain the parent-child bond. I know infants in our county tend to have a lot of visits in particular. Also, when parents are separated, Mom gets a few visits and dad gets a few visits per week separately (though often back to back). So it adds up. The visit center is 25 min away for us... I have learned to consider it my respite/free babysitting hour. Otherwise it's unbearable. Also, sometimes I've just had to say that we can't do it. Occasionally volunteer drivers can take kids.

[Juliegmom]

This is true about the visitations. They are not easy. We started out with 4 a week. Just as the above post mentioned (twice a week with mom and twice a week with dad). We were able to work with our social worker to extend the amount of time of each visit and reduced them to once a week with mom and once a week with dad. Our fost adopt little ones seemed to be on the fast track for reunification from the beginning. It bordered on the ridiculous having to juggle visits between the two parents which extended to over nights and then weekends over the 7 months the girls were with us. Our two little ones (not really ours) would come back so tired, confused and based on the behaviors of the toddler, I'm sure she was emotionally exhausted and frustrated. They didn't know if they were coming or going. It was hard to believe that this was all being done in the best interest of the children. We tried as much as we could for our home to be a place of rest and refuge. It was difficult and didn't end as I'd hoped, but I wouldn't trade it for anything. I am thankful for the part I was allowed to have in the lives if these little ones. They are forever etched in our hearts and prayers.

[Ottakee]

I would plan on taking 1-2 weeks off when a placement is made.  If school happens, great but don't plan on it.  It is the first 2 weeks that are chaos as they figure out visitations (if any) you get medical appointments set up, social worker visits set up, go to court hearings, etc.  After that things settle down a bit.  Use nap times wisely---that might mean doing school...........or that might mean quiet time for the oldest and naps for everyone else including mom.

[Juliegmom]

I would plan on taking 1-2 weeks off when a placement is made. If school happens, great but don't plan on it. It is the first 2 weeks that are chaos as they figure out visitations (if any) you get medical appointments set up, social worker visits set up, go to court hearings, etc. After that things settle down a bit. Use nap times wisely---that might mean doing school...........or that might mean quiet time for the oldest and naps for everyone else including mom.

I agree! :-)

[Pamela H in Texas]

Here foster kids get one hour per week with their parents.  That is two hours (back to back) if the parents are separated.  Infants CAN get two hours (and siblings do also in that case); but they don't have to.  I really don't think we would have made it fostering if we had to do more than that.  I wish our current kids could have theirs cut (or at least consolidated).  

 

Anyway, the appointments thing is CRAZY though, especially the first month.  ECI comes out for each kid under 3.  Psych evals are done for each kid over 3 (and a few two yr olds).  Agency worker, CPS worker, CASA, GAL, etc.  Then get them through the first doctor, dental, etc visits which often have a quick follow up to catch up care.  Most people don't do vision, but I do.  Specialist appointments, therapists, etc as necessary to deal with issues or rule out issues.  And many of our kids have needed SOMETHING (and many have had LOTS of therapies and such).  I was reading an email I wrote to a new friend soon after I got my three adopted kiddos.  I told her in it that we started the month with 75 appointments (and went from there).  That was without my three having visits!  

 

Anyway, I have found homeschooling to be *very* difficult on two accounts.  First, it is hard with so many kids and appointments.  Then, we have the added difficulty of the fact that the ones I'm homeschooling are my adopted kids who have their own issues with homeschooling (not taking criticism well from me, attachment disorder, etc).  My kids are progressing decently; but we do NOT homeschool the way I want and they are not doing as well as I would hope (and not because they aren't academically ready).  Just to be quite honest.  We're working on it, but I *really* wish it were different.  

 

But if you're gonna have just one child, that should cut down some of the craziness we have, I would think. And of course all people can handle different things :)

[NotSoObvious]

Oh, my goodness! That is quite a lot of visits! I was thinking we might have some, but nothing like 3-5 a week! We will be accepting only low legal risk placements...not sure if that might effect the number of visits? The other visits are something to think about as well. I guess we might have to do some car schooling? :)

 

We were a fost to adopt home. Unless kids are actually ready for adoption, "legal risk placement" doesn't mean much. Things can change so much in a case. 

 

Our girls were 4 when we got them. They had two visits a week and therapy twice a week. One also had speech twice a week.

 

Infants in our area had up to 5 visits per week. 

 

It's a lot! Just take it slowly and SAY NO!!! Do NOT take on more than you know you can handle. You WILL be asked! You will be used and abused, so stick to your guns. If you feel like something is too much, say so. 

[HS Mom in NC]

I adopted internationally so I didn't use my foster parent certification.

My adopted child came at 7 months old.  Sleep issues are a real consideration.  She couldn't sleep for more than an hour and a half at a time, around the clock, for about 3 months.  Then she could only sleep for stretches of about 2-3 hours round the clock for a few months.  She didn't sleep through the night until she was over 2 years old.  She had night terrors also.  She was never abused but she went through the grieving process of losing her foster mother back in S. Korea who she'd been with since she was a week old. She went through all the stages of grief. It is very demanding.

 

A friend of mine did fost-adopt at them same time we did our international adoption. Her son was an older 3 or just turned 4 when they got him.  He was so violent they couldn't leave him anywhere near another child or an animal without supervision every waking hour. She could never take her eyes off of him because he had no impulse control and she had to stop him from hurting the other kids and the animals. Not every foster kid falls into that category, but it's not rare.  She had 4 elementary aged kids in the home already and a farm, so eventually she sent him back to the state after a long bad placement and after she had legally adopted him.  I also have friends who adopted kids through foster care from violent situations who are perfectly normal and were never violent. Hope for the best and prepare for the worst-it's all you can do.

[Mom2OandE]

I cannot give you advice in regards to the homeschooling as we had no other children at the time.

 

We did adopt two children in a foster to adopt program. Both drug and alcohol exposed. Dd was 10 months and Ds was 5 weeks when they came to us. Dd was severely neglected in those first 9 months and bounced back and forth between birth parents and system. She needed a lot of attention and occupational therapy 3x per week as well as seeing a psychiatrist 1x per week. She had severe sensory needs which 11 years later you'd be hard pressed to notice. Ds has had therapy 9 out of the 10 years of his life. In the toddler/preschool years it was 5 days a week, 2-3 hours at a time. He has needed pt, OT, speech, feeding therapy, counseling, reading therapy with a slp as well as a special needs preschool for six months (we pulled out because we didn't care for the slps treatment of 2 year olds). It can be demanding at times. We've had friends who adopted with same backgrounds and they only needed one therapist. You never know.

 

With all that said it was the best thing I ever did!

[Mom2OandE]

My kids never had one parental visit. TPR took 8 months and adoption final one year later.

[LMV]

My husband originally found therapeutic foster care the easiest legal way for his godson to live with us after his father's (who was one of DH'sbest friends) death.  Since then, in various levels of involvement over the years, we have done therapeutic/treatment foster care along with accepting medical respite placements and emergency placements for medically fragile kids.  The program we work with, and through, is not supposed to be a foster-adopt program (caseworkers are required to file a waiver to place through this program if reunification is not the case plan goal) and there is a lot of attention to transition issues, parent mentoring, and usually support of some form of a continued relationship with the foster family after reunification.  Having said that, this program facilitated DH obtaining guardianship of his godson and he aged out of foster care in our family (and then lived in our guest house his first year of college because DH thought that he really needed another year of emotional healing and maturity before he was really able to handle the freedoms and temptations of a college campus).  We have also adopted our now fourteen year old daughter through this program (who came to us as a medically fragile treatment placement child at ten) and are working towards adopting two sisters (who are now nine and five but we've known them since they were seven and three when we took the older child for medical respite placements and her little sister came to visit at our house over the course of longer placements).  Our experiences have been challenging at times but they have also been rewarding.  At this point I really can't imagine our lives without any of the four aforementioned "children".

 

If you are taking low legal risk placements in a foster adopt home then often you may be past the point where visits will be an issue.  This likely varies somewhat based on state or region and is certainly not always the case.  Also even if there is not required visitation the child may have other medical, therapy, etc appointments.  This is definitely something to discuss before accepting a placement. You should also inquire about the agency transportation policy.  Will caseworkers transport for appointments and visits?  In some cases they will or the agency may have independent contract transporters. I think the best advice I could give anyone considering fostering is to get all of the information available about the placement and then take time for both potential foster parents to think about what is in the best interest of the child in the context of the family already assembled.  When DH and I have done this we've looked at the child's needs but also looked at our resources (emotional, financial, labor, etc) and tried to ensure that we are not setting up a situation which will max and tax these resources.  We also pray about the situation and all individuals involved (which may or may not be applicable to your situation so please don't be offended if it is not applicable). 

 

In our case, I think doing an accurate and honest needs assessment has helped significantly.  Admittedly the value of this step is strongly influenced by the validity and accuracy of the information you are given about the placement.  We have been fortunate to work with a program that has been excellent with full and useful disclosure.  We've also benefitted from additional training and back up support from the same program.  From reading this forum I realize that our experiences are not the experiences everywhere so I will just pray that the program you are working with is similar in this regard.  Other things which have likely helped us (and may be useful to someone else):

-We have a lot of extended family support.  DH and both have mothers who would probably drop everything and anything non essential to life or limb if we or any of our children (regardless of how they came into the family) needed them to do so.  We don't take this for granted and we don't take advantage of it but it's definitely something that is there and pretty invaluable.

-The program we work through gives us 24-7-365 access to one of the caseworkers via a pager system.  These caseworkers can arrange for crisis placement on the spot if needed.  We've never needed to use this but we know from other families that it is reliable and it really is an option. 

-We have been blessed with a good income and a large home which certainly makes some things easier.  

-DH and I made a decision before we started fostering that in our ideal world one of us would be home with the kids at all times.  We then made choices to support that ideal.  We're fortunate that we're both in professions (law and medicine) where we could support a family on one income but we have opted instead to both work and work our schedules around each other's.  This has allowed us both to be primary caregivers at different times and I think has given us a much more balanced and deeper relationship with our children.  I think it has also cut down on what one of my friends calls "mommy burnout" because we have time at home and time out working in our professional roles.  I love being a mom!  Most of the time I love being an EM physician and I think being able to have something outside of each has actually been very healthy for me.  

-Additionally, because DH and I both work, we share responsibility for child rearing, child education, home/ground maintenance, etc.  I think this has given our kids a good perspective as well.  We also are very in tune with what is actually happening on a day to day basis because we're both living it up close and personal at different times.  We have been able to become a pretty insurmountable united front which has also been good for our kids even if they might be a bit frustrated in the moment when they are trying to push the limits. This latter aspect I think is key for all children but is probably even more important for children who are coming from a place of insecurity.  

 

I wish you and your DH the best with your own journey.  

[PlsDon'tEatTheDaisies]

Thank you so much to all of you who took the time to write and share your stories. I must admit....it makes me a little nervous to hear of various special needs, loads of appointments and little sleep!! Not enough to reconsider, though. We have done a lot of thinking about this and praying about it, and as nervous as we are about the unknown, feel like we should keep going and take the plunge.

 

Can I ask a sort of blunt question, though, and not get flamed? What should my parameters be in order to be placed with the most basic of basic placements? Because, I honestly don't think I can handle a bunch of special needs and severe issues on top of the three littles I have already, with all of their non stop boy energy ( and did I mention that my oldest has mild Aspergers? ) . I think we can handle some mild things in a child....i know we will deal with sleeplessness in the beginning and the trauma of the child loosing their first family. And, if the child is not a newborn, the wounds caused by abuse and / or neglect....that is huge in and of itself. But, I feel ill-equipped for major special needs. Honestly, the thought of having another child with autism is not a pleasant one. Sexual abuse scares me because I am afraid of acting out and the possibility of a child acting out on one of my children. I also do not feel we could handle RAD or FAS. I worked with teens in group homes, some of whom had these issues, and I know that they are way over my head....I was never tempted to take any of them home with me, lol! Should I specify a newborn? Under two? Is three years old possibly too much of a risk with another three year old in the house.

 

Again, I hope this does not offend anyone. I know that we are getting close to our classes and home study (later this month) and I just want to make sure I go in with my eyes wide open and don't end up making a mess of things because I did not think things out well enough. I also don't want to ever have to disrupt on a child after they have been placed, becaue their needs are beyond what our family can handle. These kids have been through enough without that! Thank you if you read through all of this, and extra thanks for those of you who can be understanding of my trepidation!

[Pamela H in Texas]

I don't think you are EVER guaranteed "the most basic of basic."  I will say MY experience:

 

1) Under 2 - some drug and fairly minor developmental issues.  Monkey was a bit more, but totally worth it.

 

2) 2 to 4year olds have been the toughest by far.  The developmental issues are bigger as well as attachment disorders and trauma just come out more challenging at these ages.  I have to say that I found this *very* surprising.  Preverbal trauma, breaks in attachment, bouncing caregivers just really wreaks havoc on toddlers and preschoolers.

 

3) 5-8 year olds have a bit of this and that; but have been pretty easy.

 

4) preteens and teens have been pretty darn easy (but they were short term)

 

JFWIW, the great majority of victims of SA do not turn around and perpetrate.  Obviously, you don't take any risks and you'll be careful; but it is really not a huge problem GENERALLY.  One consideration though:  Some children have some play or things like m@87urb@7I0n they do because of SA.  It is not usually predatory, just trying to work it out, "soothing," etc.  2-5yr olds will likely be the ones with these issues the most just because they have to learn other skills as well as to not do those things publicly. Again JME.

 

ETA:  One way that may be helpful is to do respite for people allowing you to network a bit.  Also, if you do "inbetween placement" respites, you'll also network more with workers.  And then if those become available, you'll already know a little more about them, having had them in your home.  And it is a whole lot easier to deal with certain issues for days or a couple weeks rather than having already committed to the child(ren).  It isn't foolproof, but it can be an excellent way to get placements.  Our first placement was a sibling set we did respite for.  Having done respite and it being a short term placement (ended up being 2½ months though it was supposed to be 40 days) were definitely a good way for us to get our feet wet.  

[PlsDon'tEatTheDaisies]

Thank you for replying, Pamela. I am just having a freak-out moment, I guess. I truly hope I did not say anything offensive. What you have shared is really helpful. I have been thinking that a younger child (maybe even a newborn) might be a better fit for us, and us for the child, so your experience actually really helps me to narrow down the age I should be thinking about for our home at this point in time.

 

And you make a good point about not all children who have been victims of SA act out on other kids. I heard about a lot of it, but that was a therapeutic treatment center where even young kids had gone through many foster homes and could not safely live in one, so my experiences have probably made me more fearful than I should be of that happening.

 

Also, the respite idea is a really good one! I will definitely think more about that, and may decide to get our feet wet first that way. Thank you again for taking the time to share your experiences with me.

[Carrie12345]

Keep in mind that, in the 0-3 category, it's entirely possible that there will be issues that aren't caught yet. *Especially* autism spectrum disorders.

[Pamela H in Texas]

Not offensive.  I just want you to know that they NEVER tell you everything.

 

I got a call in April 2011 for a sibling group of three.  I knew they were being removed from the current foster home for inappropriate discipline.  I was also told of one child's specific behavior and another's daily pill.  Oh, and they all three may need speech.  They were 2, 3, and 5.  I said yes to them as well as 20 other kids that week.  A week later, these children showed up on my doorstep.  The worker overwhelmed me with documentation she had found about them, including reports of them other times in care!  Why wasn't I told that?  And in the documentation?  A TON of scary information.  Why wasn't I told those things?  To be quite honest, had I been told HALF of what I found out that day (never mind over the next year), I *never* would have said yes!  

 

Now, you may know that I am glad it worked out the way it did.  I have three wonderful children forever now.  I adopted them in July 2012 and love them dearly.  I think they are the greatest thing since sliced bread!  But we do have some pretty major things we have to work with also.  

 

I have NEVER been told everything. With my current kids?  I wasn't told about a scary medical issue or Little Lamb's cleft lip!  I also wasn't told they've had FIVE cases, been in out of home care before, etc.  The investigator thought there was something wrong with the kids who supposedly only grunted (with the oldest almost four!).  But was that in the information I was told?  No. The investigator also worried about how the kids were with animals (I have two dogs, one little), but was that in the paperwork?  no.  Even when the investigator thinks something, it doesn't get passed on.  And of course, an investigator has limited information depending on how long they have been involved with the family (and emergency removal in the middle of the night has them knowing the kids for less than a couple hours before they are offered as placements.  

 

When you start getting calls, think of it like an iceberg.  They are going to tell you PART of what little they know and there will be a HUGE piece underneath.

 

[Ottakee]

If you have a 3 year old now, I would stick with 0-2 or even under 24 months.  I have had some 2-3 year olds that were pretty easy and a 15 month old that would cuss like a sailor at the little old ladies at the grocery store (he did NOT have any speech issues).

 

Be ready to say NO.  Practice it a LOT.  JUST SAY NO to situations you don't feel you can handle or do the best with at this time.

[HS Mom in NC]

I had a friend, before we decided to explore adoption, who had a 6 year old foster son and a 2 year old biological son.  She interrupted the 6 year old trying to rape the 2 year old. She immediately had the 6 year old removed. I have other friends who have never had any dangerous behavior in their foster children.

 

Sometimes people automatically assume a younger child is a lower risk, but remember that some things don't manifest themselves until children are older.  Children are not cars with computers in them that can be hooked up for full diagnostics. You have to wait and see for some things. It could go either way.

10 years ago when we looked into fosteradoption in the state of AZ, we were told by foster parent after foster parent that the state does not tell fosterparents everything they know about a child upfront even when they have the documentation.  That was true of the friend I mentioned upthread.  She moved to KY from AZ before the adoption was finalized.  KY pulled all his records form AZ and gave them to her.  She never would have let him in her home if she had known. 

 

I have a friend, a former social worker married to a police officer, who has 6 biological kids and 5 kids adopted through foster care.  She offers her services to foster parents reading the foster child's paperwork and as she says, "Telling you what it really means" before they accept placement.  Where I come from, there is a consistent pattern of state social workers downplaying the severity of issues in foster children. Knowing and accepting that, foster parents have to make decisions based on unknown factors that can't be quantified before accepting a child.

 

Placement decisions should be made very differently if there are young children in the home compared to when there are older children in the home and some placements shouldn't be made if there are minors at all in the home. Each foster and adoptive parent has to decide what they cannot and will not do and understand that they don't have to apologize for it.  It would be nice if we could just take every child, but the reality is, we can't.  We can take different children at different seasons of our lives. 

[fairfarmhand]

I guess the title sums it up! We are going through the licensing processing with the intention of fostering to adopt a little girl (0-3) . I have been having conversations with my husband about how I will juggle the three kids I already have ( ages 3,5, and 7 with a young child( possibly drug exposed infant or traumatized toddler) . I must admit, as much as I want to do this, sometimes on a tough day I think..."can I do this, or am I crazy for considering it? "

 

I am hoping to hear some of the stories of those of you who have btdt to give me an idea of how it has/hasn't worked for you ;) . Also, advice would be welcomed ( as long as it's friendly!) . Thanks in advance!

 

I don't foster, but I have a friend who does.

 

She took advantage of the free daycare option. Also, she would use some of their stipend for time-saving stuff like hiring a housecleaner.

 

Do you have a family member who can help watch your older kids while you run the fosters to their visits? If not, you should definitely consider hiring a sitter for those times. It's much less time consuming and disrupting for the homeschooled kids to stay home, do a few independent lessons or educational games and stick to their routine than to pack everyone up and drive around.

 

BTW, I have another acquaintance who cares for newborns during the waiting period where parents can "take back" their babies before adoption. SHe usually has newborns for just a couple weeks.

 

You sound like you have a lot on your plate. Please consider that this may be a great idea, but not the right timing.

[PlsDon'tEatTheDaisies]

I have heard this before, about the State Workers concealing info. that could stand in the way of placement. Very unfortunate...especially when others ( including the foster child ) have negative repercussions because of that concealment. I have a friend who is a MFC and who used to work at a group home who tells me she could never foster adopt because of what she knows. The risks are too high for her. However, I know that there are risks in any kind of adoption...even domestic infant adoption has it's risks due to possible drug/alcohol exposure and mental health issues in the birth family. So, I have to be ok with some amount or risk if we are to adopt.

 

I won't put my bio kids at risk, and so for that reason, the under 24 month age range seems best for us. We will pray hard and I will practice saying "no" ;) .

[PlsDon'tEatTheDaisies]

I don't foster, but I have a friend who does.

 

She took advantage of the free daycare option. Also, she would use some of their stipend for time-saving stuff like hiring a housecleaner.

 

Do you have a family member who can help watch your older kids while you run the fosters to their visits? If not, you should definitely consider hiring a sitter for those times. It's much less time consuming and disrupting for the homeschooled kids to stay home, do a few independent lessons or educational games and stick to their routine than to pack everyone up and drive around.

 

BTW, I have another acquaintance who cares for newborns during the waiting period where parents can "take back" their babies before adoption. SHe usually has newborns for just a couple weeks.

 

You sound like you have a lot on your plate. Please consider that this may be a great idea, but not the right timing.

Thanks, FFH. The housecleaning idea is a fabulous one! No, I do not have family around who can help with babysitting, but hiring a mother's helper may be a good idea, at least for the beginning when it sounds like things are crazy with appointments out the wazoo! I have been thinking of adopting for years....actually even since before I got married. I see the need, and it compels me. I also, selfishly, want a daughter! As for waiting till my kids are older? That is not feasible if I am to take in a very young child since I am not a spring chicken! It's now or never ( to parent a baby, at least! ).

[jenncslp]

I didn't read all the responses, but I would definitely let them know up front what type of placement you are wanting.  I did medically fragile.  Between all my kids at the time (4), I was averaging over 30 appointments a month.  It was too much for one person, I couldn't do it.  While you learn to be flexible on some things, you have to set your boundaries on others.