What to do w/a ds that takes FOREVER in the am b4 school?

[grantmeawish]

This drives me crazy!  One of the many reasons we started hsing was to avoid these crazy mornings.  When he was in k and 1st, no matter how early I would get him up it would take him forever to get dressed, brush teeth, eat breakfast, and get out the door. Last year I would let him sleep and he would wake up and read and come down when he was ready.  I did have to nag a little to get the day going. Now we are in 3rd grade and have a slightly longer day. (We need to finish by 3pm because the neighbor kids are constantly at the door to play and I lose my kids attention by then anyways) I am also now hsing my dd(6), and I have a busy 3 year old.  SO I would really like to get started before 9:30am!  I don't know if he is getting distracted or just doesn't care.  I think its the latter.  I give him consequences if he is not down at a certain time.  I nag, which I hate to do.  I have tried a timer.  I don't want to start our mornings off bad.  I don't know what else to do!  We take lots of breaks after more challenging subjects and to entertain the 3 year old. Today I told him he won't get as many breaks and will have to go to bed earlier so he can get up (doesn't mean he will actually go to sleep earlier).

 

I am just tired of this.  Its old.  Does it get better?  Any ideas to help him get it together?

 

thanks

[happypamama]

In my house, dawdling means screen time gets lost, so perhaps you need a different consequence?  I like the idea of sending him to bed earlier to send the message that he obviously needs more time in the morning.  But at my house, they actually do better with less time -- 30 minutes to get dressed, tidy their rooms, make their beds, and do their morning chores.  If they fight or dawdle, I drop it to 20 minutes, because if they have time to fight or dawdle, they have too much time.  Losing out on screen time is a powerful motivator at my house.  For a while, I did walk them through the routine -- as in, I stood with them and made sure they were doing what they were supposed to be doing, until it became more automatic.

[grantmeawish]

Happypamama- do you get them up at the same time everyday or set an alarm?

[Ellie]

I didn't have a dawdler, but my personality is such that if I needed a child to get up and get moving, I'd be in there taking the child by the hand and out of bed, giving him his clothes and requiring him to get dressed, walking him out to the kitchen and sitting him at the table. He'd have half an hour to eat and then the food would go away until lunch.

 

Perhaps it's a good thing that God didn't give me slow pokes, lol.

[KungFuPanda]

Can you start school on time, no matter what his state of readiness, then require home to get dressed, brush teeth, etc. during what WOULD be his recess/break time?

[mamaraby]

For my third grader I typed up a general schedule. I don't freak out if we don't follow it exactly or if it takes longer, but having something typed out like that has been helpful. My ds knows generally what to expect and so do I. He can reference it on his own (and does) so he can sort of mentally check things off the list.

 

I'm also for starting school no matter what state of readiness the kids are in. I figure doing school in one's PJs is one of the perks of homeschooling. So you make it all the way through the day and they're still in their PJs? I bet they'll get dressed in a hurry once the neighbor kids come around and want to play. I would also consider starting later - is your dc just not a morning person? If absolutely necessary you could always add in another half day, shorten a break, etc.

 

I try (and fail) to be a bit more flexible because I naturally lean towards a let's get this done personality, but it doesn't do me or my ds any good when I do. On the other hand, during soccer season we have a hard and fast end to our day so we have time to eat dinner and get to practice. I try to take the perspective that some of these issues will right themselves given time and maturity.

[Chris in VA]

Maybe he needs you upstairs beside him to encourage him? 

Does he have to have everything done before breakfast, and then you all eat together? Maybe he and your other dc could come down and eat in pjs, and then you could go up with them  and all get dressed together (same time). Save chores for a break--I'd often give dd a couple of chores (ds, too, actually) as activities to do while I was working with sibs. You could add teeth brushing to a break. It's ok if it's not done lickety split after breakfast--an hour isn't going to hurt.

 

I like Ellie's way of thinking--just tender guidance, but presence, too. 

[Dashka]

Another option would be some kind of reward/something special happening in the morning.  I have early risers, but I have a hard time getting out of bed most mornings.  I find that when I'm really excited about something that I can do right in the morning, I can get up no problem (read: 2-3 hours earlier than I normally would!).  I imagine you'd have to switch up whatever it is every now and then, so that it doesn't get too "normal" (I'd just watch and see though, some kids would love the same thing happening forever and still be excited about it).  It can be whatever you want it to be, and you can have it for the time that you would normally be making breakfast/getting ready for school/whatever.  Legos, educational games (on phone, computer, whatever), or anything else that your child enjoys a lot (and it helps if it is something that is at least somewhat restricted in that they can't go do it whenever they want to).

 

Good luck with your mornings. I'm sure my kids can't wait for me to take my own advice :tongue_smilie:

[freesia]

I do not require them to be dressed, etc. to start school. I start even if they haven't had breakfast.

 

I do start, however, with a subject that I read aloud so they can finish eating as I read. Anyone who isn't dressed, etc. (including me LOL) does it at our 10:00 break.

[SMRB]

I have a major dawdler in the morning. I have to do as Ellie suggested, except we can't "close the kitchen" due to medical issues requiring him to eat the food (he'd starve himself if we let him). We put a schedule up on the wall for the "getting up and ready to go" routine. I have to get him out of bed, take him to the bathroom and push him to get dressed, bring him down to the table, and then I set a timer on my phone for 15 minutes once the food is in front of him. If he isn't done in 15 minutes, then it switches over to a stopwatch that counts how many minutes of playtime he is losing. So far, he's moving much better in the morning than he did last year.

 

Find a consequence that will resonate with him. I also like the idea of starting on time regardless of his state of readiness and making him do everything else during breaks in lieu of whatever more fun thing he was supposed to be doing.

[walkermamaof4]

We have one of these too. Can you give treats for on time plus consequence for not? My sister starts her day with candy for those on time. lol. We don't eat candy per se, but I'm all for ghirardelli dark chocolate chips for anyone in the school room on time! 

[Mavy]

I just tell mine if they are not ready by the time school starts time will be taken out of their break. After one day of having to finish morning chores instead of having a break, the problem was fixed. I am not sure if that works for all kids, but you could try it.

[gardenmom5]

what times does he go to bed?  what time is lights out?  are you "sure" he's getting enough sleep?

 

ds8, goes to bed at 8:30.  there are days I think I should move it back to 8pm.  he usually wakes by himself between 7:30 and 8am.  sometimes I still have to wake him up.   we have to be out the door by 8:40 - or we are late.  he can stall . . . so I finally told him if we are late because of him, I will dock his computer time.  (if we're late because of me, he's safe.)  he's much more aware of time now.

 

check out some of the sensory processing ideas of how to wake a child up in the morning. sometimes they need to be adequately stimulated to fully wake.  if they are fully awake - they will move faster than a glacier. 

 

 

 

 

[Desert Strawberry]

My 10 yr old likes lazy mornings, sleeping late, leisurely brunches that last half the day.  I hate nagging. He has an alarm clock he doesn't set. So, now, if he isn't at the table, dressed, and chores done, he doesn't eat. When breakfast is over, it's over . We won't wait for him. If you want seconds and thirds, you had best move your behind.

My 7yo has an aversion to hygiene. He's up and ready, but he'll be in his clothes from yesterday, streaked with grime, smelling like an old running shoe, in spite of clear and repeated instructions . He is on notice that if he doesn't tend to himself , I will do it for him. I brushed his teeth for a few days, assisted in his bathing once , and moved him back into the nursery with his little brothers so I can mind him more closely . My husband also checks his cleanliness in the evenings. If he uses up all his daddy play time repeatedly not washing, that's just unfortunate. 

With both kids, any work or chores or whatever that doesn't get finished at the appointed time has to be completed later, during break time or what should be after school .

[lea_lpz]

My kids have to get dressed and do their chores before they can eat breakfast. If they don't finish breakfast by 8 am school starts anyway so they will have to wait until their 10 am break to eat breakfast, unless of course they still have not finished getting dressed and their morning chores and so they still have to do that before they can eat and have 30 minutes total to do chores and eat. This usually gets the message across loud and clear because my kids are hungry in the morning. I don't feel bad because if they went to ps and dawdled all morning and hadn't eaten before needing to leave to get to school on time the teacher would not let them go eat breakfast. They'd have to wait until their morning recess, right :). We also have a chore chart that we do after we do Bible / devotions. If they complete chores before 7:30, they get a point on their chore chart but if they don't they still have to do it but get no point.

 

If they seem to tired and unfocused on school, yawn a lot, I make sure to let them know they will have no tv before bed and go to sleep an hour early since they obviously need more sleep to be more alert during school time (said with a smile of course!)