Paige Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 My kids have a good friend who lives next door. She is a very nice child and she plays really well with all of them. Unfortunately, she has a bratty friend. I think her family is babysitting this friend and her brother because for the past few months the friend is almost always there. The friend and her bratty friend are 11 or 12; my DS is 12, and my DDs are 9,9, and 6. On the first day bratty friend met my DS(12), she decided she didn't like him and told him she doesn't like boys with long hair. She has been nothing but mean to him since and recently told my DD(6) that she wishes he were dead. Bratty girl is also very rude to her own brother and the poor thing is usually just sitting there alone while the 2 girls play. I think little brother looks to be about 7-9. He never tries to play with them and generally looks to try to go wherever his sister isn't. Bratty girl is fine with my girls, although she's a bit bossy and sassy. My DDs tell me their friend tries to mediate but bratty girl is very dominant and their friend is very soft spoken and shy, and, IMO, is not able to keep her friend in check. Bratty girl was at my house a few times and I can admit that my DS is not always super kind to her, but he generally tries to be friendly and accomodating first. His attempts are rebuffed and as she becomes rude, he starts to sink to her level. When she is not there, the kids have a wonderful time and there are no fights or arguments. I have told my kids that they are all to leave from now on if the girl becomes rude to DS or any of them. I told them to tell their friend why they are leaving. I have also told them that from now on, if the girl is inappropriate at our house, we will ask her to leave. Should I leave it at that? I feel a little torn because I feel that their friend may not have any power in this situation and must play all day with this girl whether she wants to or not. I don't want to ruin my kids' friendship with the nice girl. My girls are a little upset that I am telling them to leave if the mean girl starts being mean to DS. I think they feel that she's so mean they will never get a chance to play with their friend and she's not so bad with them. They think DS should just go home. I think they should show solidarity, however, and anyone who is mean to one of them is a friend of none of them. WWYD? I really don't think DS is starting anything with the girl. He's capable of being polite even if he isn't friends, but this girl is relentless. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
JudoMom Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 My kids have a good friend who lives next door. She is a very nice child and she plays really well with all of them. Unfortunately, she has a bratty friend. I think her family is babysitting this friend and her brother because for the past few months the friend is almost always there. The friend and her bratty friend are 11 or 12; my DS is 12, and my DDs are 9,9, and 6. On the first day bratty friend met my DS(12), she decided she didn't like him and told him she doesn't like boys with long hair. She has been nothing but mean to him since and recently told my DD(6) that she wishes he were dead. Bratty girl is also very rude to her own brother and the poor thing is usually just sitting there alone while the 2 girls play. I think little brother looks to be about 7-9. He never tries to play with them and generally looks to try to go wherever his sister isn't. Bratty girl is fine with my girls, although she's a bit bossy and sassy. My DDs tell me their friend tries to mediate but bratty girl is very dominant and their friend is very soft spoken and shy, and, IMO, is not able to keep her friend in check. Bratty girl was at my house a few times and I can admit that my DS is not always super kind to her, but he generally tries to be friendly and accomodating first. His attempts are rebuffed and as she becomes rude, he starts to sink to her level. When she is not there, the kids have a wonderful time and there are no fights or arguments. I have told my kids that they are all to leave from now on if the girl becomes rude to DS or any of them. I told them to tell their friend why they are leaving. I have also told them that from now on, if the girl is inappropriate at our house, we will ask her to leave. Should I leave it at that? I feel a little torn because I feel that their friend may not have any power in this situation and must play all day with this girl whether she wants to or not. I don't want to ruin my kids' friendship with the nice girl. My girls are a little upset that I am telling them to leave if the mean girl starts being mean to DS. I think they feel that she's so mean they will never get a chance to play with their friend and she's not so bad with them. They think DS should just go home. I think they should show solidarity, however, and anyone who is mean to one of them is a friend of none of them. WWYD? I really don't think DS is starting anything with the girl. He's capable of being polite even if he isn't friends, but this girl is relentless. This is how we would handle it as well. If you can't trust your siblings to stand by you, then who can you trust? By continuing to play with her, they are condoning the behavior towards their brother. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fairfarmhand Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 Do you know the parents? Might be time for some adult involvement. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zoobie Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 Do you know the parents? Might be time for some adult involvement. Yes, I would want to know if my child were being steamrolled. There's a girl in oldest DD's group who is sweet as pie when grown ups are around and awful once she's out of earshot. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paige Posted September 15, 2013 Author Share Posted September 15, 2013 Do you know the parents? Might be time for some adult involvement. We know the nice girl's family well enough to say hello, call and ask them to send the kids home, and to have surface, how's the day kind of chit chat if we see them outside. My DH has had the most contact because he's out mowing and doing yard work while they are out. I'm not sure if I've done more than wave and say hello. We have had no contact with the other girl's parents and have no idea where they live. I don't feel like I know them well enough to talk about how difficult their guest has been. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
NorthwestMom Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 This is a good opportunity to teach your kids that a friend who will choose to be cruel to another, with little basis, will turn on you too under the right circumstances. This is the time to show loyalty to your sibling and stand together. First, I would go over and talk to the other family and find out exactly what the situation is regarding the other girl. I would emphasize how much your kids like their daughter and how well-behaved she is, and how you hope this won't hurt their friendship, BUT your children will not be allowed to play with bratty girl unless she is kind to everyone. Bratty girl is CERTAINLY old enough to have control of this behavior. See what the parents say. If they act like they can't control it, then maybe your kids can only play with them when bratty girl is not there. Start with a new rule that until things change, they can only play as a group in your home. You will only be able to effect change if you can see it. The next time these kids show up at your door, make it clear to the entire group that if everyone cannot play kindly, they will be asked to leave immediately. Then, monitor surreptitiously and enforce that boundary swiftly when it is crossed. Offer your kids something fun after the other kids have left if they are disappointed. Do not allow some little brat to be mean to your kids in their own home. Once they can play decently in your house, let them try at the neighbors until a boundary gets crossed again. If the kids ask why they can't play at the neighbors, say, "Because I am uncomfortable with the way Bratty girl treats DS and I want to make sure she learns to be kind." Don't be afraid to name it. Good luck! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
lmrich Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 It is time for the uncomfortable talk. Sorry. The bratty kid sounds like she will greatly alter your nice neighbor, and I bet the bratty kid is good enough to not get caught by grown ups. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tangerine Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 I absolutely agree with the solidarity. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chris in VA Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 Do they all have to play together? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Paige Posted September 15, 2013 Author Share Posted September 15, 2013 Do they all have to play together? No. But, DS and the nice girl were a lot closer than my DDs and her. They are about the same age and really get each other. Lately DS has been sometimes choosing to stay home because he doesn't want to deal with the other girl, but most of the time when they come over, the nice girl is specifically asking for DS to join them. Bratty girl either stays right next to our neighbor friend or plays mostly with my youngest. Little DD likes everyone in the world. I think my DS is one of the nice girl's closest friends. The friendship was mainly between the older kids and my DDs were more like tagalongs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TechWife Posted September 15, 2013 Share Posted September 15, 2013 Start with a new rule that until things change, they can only play as a group in your home. You will only be able to effect change if you can see it. The next time these kids show up at your door, make it clear to the entire group that if everyone cannot play kindly, they will be asked to leave immediately. Then, monitor surreptitiously and enforce that boundary swiftly when it is crossed. Offer your kids something fun after the other kids have left if they are disappointed. Do not allow some little brat to be mean to your kids in their own home. Once they can play decently in your house, let them try at the neighbors until a boundary gets crossed again. If the kids ask why they can't play at the neighbors, say, "Because I am uncomfortable with the way Bratty girl treats DS and I want to make sure she learns to be kind." Don't be afraid to name it. This is a great idea - the only change that I would make is to only send the bratty kid home. If the nice girl is being nice, she shouldn't be punished because bratty girl is bratty. She may be relieved to have some time alone with your kids. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
cuckoomamma Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 I echo what the others have said. I would keep them all in my house as much as possible so that I could intervene. I completely agree with solidarity to siblings. it's one of our primary values :-) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Um_2_4 Posted September 16, 2013 Share Posted September 16, 2013 With Techwife on this one (and Northwestmom)! Is it possible she is a cousin or somehow related and that is why they are watching them?? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.