How do you motivate your kids to do school?

[Vanchy]

My seven years old son has no motivation to do school. All he wants is to play video games and watch TV. He does not like to play with his toys. Doing school with him is like pulling all my teeth out of my mouth every single day, over and over and over again. I cannot give up from him, but I need help. I feel tired and so stressed. He is dyslexic and very emotional (with low self esteem). Whatever I try he has no interest at all. Any advice?

[OutdoorMom]

Go screen free for a period of time. Eventually you can start adding some time back in, maybe starting with educational shows. Make him earn screen time by doing school work. That was the perfect reward system for one of mine.

 

:grouphug:  Sorry you are stressed. You mentioned he is dyslexic, could the school work be to hard? How is he reading? That would be my #1 focus right now. Besides that I would follow anything that he had a slightest interest in.

[julie4]

Go screen free for a period of time. Eventually you can start adding some time back in, maybe starting with educational shows. Make him earn screen time by doing school work. That was the perfect reward system for one of mine.

 We had to do this with my 9 year old son, totally screen free for a couple months, beside the occasional family movie night. It worked! He slowly remembered that he loved his toys, legos, drawing, building things. After our screen free period he was allowed 2 hours a week, friday evening and sat. morning. Anything above these 2 hours must be earned by him having a good week of school. It works best for us if we stay screen free during the school week, it has become a non issue because he knows during the week he is earning his weekend screen time. He doesn't even ask anymore.

[PachiSusan]

I don't know how we as a family can go screen free, but I'm really wondering if this is something we need to do. Melissa is slowly forgetting how to play anything but online games and TV as well. I swore this would never happen to "my kid". Wake up call. 

[Vanchy]

Right now he can watch TV on Friday (movie night), Saturday and/or Sunday. I think about totally screen free time.

I am stressed because I think he does not work / learn enough. School is not hard for him, but it takes forever to finish it. All things could be done in about two hours, and we need five hours if we have a good day. He needs break every 10 - 15 minutes, complains about everything... He works with reading tutor every week and does well. Getting him to read is a big problem. He does not like to read at all and I understand that. Writing is another problem. :sad:

I worked so hard to prepare and plan everything for 2nd Grade, and feel very discouraged when I see him so not interested. :sad: Knowing that he has to have a break very often I included games (not video or computer), songs and different activities in our school time. I tried to make school easy as it can be, but he still does not like it.

[Mandy in TN]

light a fire under their butt? duct tape them to the chair? lol

 

Seriously, I don't know. A few, alright most, kids do not enjoy schoolwork. You know what he likes, so you can probably use that to motivate him. Right?

 

My oldest is dyslexic, so I will think on this.

 

Mandy

[Haiku]

I'd go screen-free also for a month or so. Then tell him he can have screen time on the weekend. Maybe 2.5 hours total. For every day that he doesn't get school done in a reasonable amount of time, he loses 1/2 an hour.

 

If that's too abstract for him, go with 1/2 hour a day, which he only gets if school is done in an acceptable amount of time.

[Garga]

I don't know how we as a family can go screen free, but I'm really wondering if this is something we need to do. Melissa is slowly forgetting how to play anything but online games and TV as well. I swore this would never happen to "my kid". Wake up call.

Same story here. Sigh.

[Ellie]

My seven years old son has no motivation to do school. All he wants is to play video games and watch TV. He does not like to play with his toys. Doing school with him is like pulling all my teeth out of my mouth every single day, over and over and over again. I cannot give up from him, but I need help. I feel tired and so stressed. He is dyslexic and very emotional (with low self esteem). Whatever I try he has no interest at all. Any advice?

 

I don't try to motivate them to do school. I require them to do school, even if I require it *gently.* :-)

 

Why would I expect my young children to be motivated to do a bunch of school work? 

 

If your ds only wants to play video games and watch TV, unplug them. If he doesn't want to play with his toys, then he can lie on his bed and be bored until he figures out something to do. If he hates doing school work so much, then that could be a discipline problem. I can't tell because I'm not a fly on your wall :-) but either it's a discipline problem, which you need to deal with, or the methods/materials you've chosen need to be revamped. I can't tell that, either, because I don't know what you're doing. :-)

[AimeeM]

Go screen free for a period of time. Eventually you can start adding some time back in, maybe starting with educational shows. Make him earn screen time by doing school work. That was the perfect reward system for one of mine.

 

:grouphug:  Sorry you are stressed. You mentioned he is dyslexic, could the school work be to hard? How is he reading? That would be my #1 focus right now. Besides that I would follow anything that he had a slightest interest in.

While I would agree in general, I don't think that will motivate him to DO school, and I would worry it may make him rush through school (dangling screen time over his head). At his age, all he would (probably) hear is "do school, get television".

 

Are you using appropriate curriculum for his special needs? Is it too hard for him, OP? Adversely, is it not challenging ENOUGH? Do you have any interest led projects in the mix?

[AimeeM]

I don't try to motivate them to do school. I require them to do school, even if I require it *gently.* :-)

 

Why would I expect my young children to be motivated to do a bunch of school work? 

 

If your ds only wants to play video games and watch TV, unplug them. If he doesn't want to play with his toys, then he can lie on his bed and be bored until he figures out something to do. If he hates doing school work so much, then that could be a discipline problem. I can't tell because I'm not a fly on your wall :-) but either it's a discipline problem, which you need to deal with, or the methods/materials you've chosen need to be revamped. I can't tell that, either, because I don't know what you're doing. :-)

... or he just doesn't care for school. I know it isn't a popular opinion, but simply put - not all children enjoy school. Some do sincerely hate it. Does that mean they shouldn't be required to do it? Nope - it's still necessary... but I'm not sure I would say it's either a discipline problem or methods/materials.

I do, however, think he's much too young to say he hates school, so I get what you're saying, lol.

[sillymommy]

We went screen-free when we started homeschooling. I heard moans, groans, & cries for a while, but they did rediscover the joy of playing, reading, and just doing nothing. :)

 

We allow screen time in the summer once everyone is finished with morning chores & math. Sometimes a sibling is the best motivator.  :thumbup1:

 

As for other motivational tips, I don't have any bright ideas...I'm not a creative "treats & toys" kind of mom/teacher. I'm often heard saying, "Come on, let's get this work done so we can go do something fun!" Usually that's a trip to the park, popsicles as an after school snack, or bike riding around the neighborhood.

[Mandy in TN]

Maybe you should post your son's exact learning challenges, the materials you are using, and the output you require on the LD board. The ladies over there will have a better idea of whether the materials are a good fit and whether the output you desire is realistic.

 

Aside from whether or not the schoolwork is appropriate there are several other things going on in the original post. I wanted to address your concern over his dislike for school. Stop trying to force him to like it. Stop stressing out that he doesn't like it. Let go of whatever Leave-It-To-Beaver idealized homeschool dream is in your head and enjoy the real boy that you have. Realize that schoolwork may not be the enjoyable part. Schoolwork may be the lima beans that you need to finish in order to get dessert.

 

Speaking of dessert, I wanted to address the low self esteem and video games. For a little guy with dyslexia who knows that he isn't performing as well in his schoolwork as he knows he can or that schoolwork is more frustrating than he feels it should be, escaping into a world where he is capable and can achieve is a real confidence boost. It makes him feel proud that he can reach the next level, earn the new weapon, and save the world.

 

I sense that you are frustrated that he is wanting to play more and more, but realize that this place is currently where he is feeling successful. If you are going to take it away, you need to find something else where he can receive positive feedback for his efforts. This isn't some bratty kid who just wants to play with one toy. This is a child with low self esteem who has found a place where he can succeed. If this is taken away and not replaced, he may be very depressed indeed.

 

HTH-

Mandy

[Haiku]

My son is 10 and doesn't like school. It's not easy for him. He knows he doesn't do as well as his sister. He just tolerates it so he can move on to his Legos and Transformers.

[chepyl]

During the school year, we do not turn on the tv or video games until 3:30 pm unless we are sick. That is the time they would het home if they were in PS. They loose privileges if they piddle around. If school takes 2 hours, they have the rest of the day to read, play outside, play together, and if they work efficiently we go to the park or ymca. I have to teach in the evenings, so of they are also, we don't have time for the park and ymca. That is motivation enough most days.

 

My oldest is 7, we drop school for the day of he is too unfocused. Some days it is not worth the fight. We finish a subject then do something educational that expends a lot of energy.

[duckens]

 

Vanchy says:

I am stressed because I think he does not work / learn enough. School is not hard for him, but it takes forever to finish it. All things could be done in about two hours, and we need five hours if we have a good day.

This is my life, too.  But we DO get through things.  And looking back over our past year (K/1ish), dd6 HAS learned a ton. 

 

Part of it is that we have a toddler in the house that needs attention and nursing, too; part of it is that I am VERY thorough in what I want dd6 to know, how I teach it, what I require, and even the curriculum choices I make.  But this is MY CHOICE.

 

 

Ellie says:

I don't try to motivate them to do school. I require them to do school, even if I require it *gently.* :-)

 

:iagree: Any complaining falls on deaf ears.  Although, if she really is that tired or not feeling well, she is better off going for a rest.

 

Vanchy says:

All he wants is to play video games and watch TV.

This is GREAT!!! You now know how to motivate him!!!

 

Cut screen time, and link it to work done.

 

In our household:

1) dd6 gets a half hour of free tv every day.  (Video games haven't been an issue for us yet, because nearly all of the games in the house are educational; so I care less if dd6 maxes out on those).

 

2) If dd6 wants more tv time, she has to do schoolwork.  I have a list of "10 Lessons" that I expect her to do each day.  A Lesson may be

--just a page in a book (like Explode the Code)

--a completed lesson, like doing a whole state in our U.S. state study

--20-30 minutes with a timer of working further in Spanish

--Math is worth 3 lessons for us because

a) the curriculum we have is time intensive

b ) we are doing double lessons

(We do Saxon, so the Meeting counts as a Lesson for us, then each set of 3 workbook pages/lesson counts as a Lesson)

 

MOM determines what a Lesson is for each subject.

 

If she completes 4 lessons, she gets 30 minutes of tv time.

Then, if she completes 3 more lessons, she gets 30 more minutes.

Then, if she completes 2 more lessons, she gets 30 more minutes.

Then if she completes 1 more lesson, she gets 30 minutes.

 

By the time she has completed 7 lessons for the day, we encourage her to just finish up because the benefits for the ratio of work are just too great.  Especially considering that we start are day with the hard intensive stuff and finish with fluff.

 

Caveats:

1) If dd6 screws around too much, she has to save her tv time for later.

 

2) If she wants to use her tv time during the day, she must watch educational tv.  If she saves it for "when Daddy comes home" or "after supper," she can watch whatever she wants (Scooby Doo, Pokemon, Spongebob :001_rolleyes: ).  This teaches delayed gratification.

 

3) If dd6 complains she does not get enough tv,then I ask her what she needs to do about that.  *I* am nearly always willing to work on stuff with her.

 

4) Things done incorrectly must be fixed.

 

5) If you can afford it, get a Tivo.  We've had a "factory-renewed" Tivo for 4 years.  It has outlived its warranty, and still works great!  YOU DO NOT need cable or satellite tv for a Tivo.Current sale cost of the tivo we have is $75 + $15/month.  For our household, this is worth.every.penny. 

--I save all of the kids' favorite PBS shows.  The kids have a lot of choice at any time of day or night.  There is no complaining of missing a favorite show because it is always waiting for them.

--We can start and stop the shows on our schedule.  The tivo remembers where you were at.  So I can interrupt dd6 if I need her for something.

--Tivo turns itself off at the end of the show, so I am not the bad guy.  Plus, it easily breaks tv time into discrete 30 minutes chunks.

 

-----------------------------------------------------------

 

We pay our daughter $$ for schoolwork. 

 

Disclaimer: PAYING CHILDREN FOR SCHOOLWORK IS NOT THE RIGHT CHOICE FOR EVERY HOUSEHOLD.

 

This system:

1) Reinforces that school is dd's job.  She needs to do it every day.

2) Her work is of value.

3) It is worth ~$1/day to have fewer arguments over working hard at school.

 

For K work, dd6 gets paid 5c/page or lesson.  (This varies by subject).

For 1st work, 6c/page or lesson.

for 2nd work, 7c/page or lesson.

 

If 10 Lessons are completed in a day, there is a 25c bonus.  If you completed all of your work on time, shouldn't your boss give you a bonus?

 

This teaches  life lessons of:

--Harder work pays better. 

--If you jump through these hoops now, the rewards will be better later.

--If I want something material, I must work for it.

--We want to do the hard work first (Math, Phonics) because it pays the best!

--It is good to finish things. You don't get paid for unfinished work.

 

You'd never guess I was a Lefty Liberal, and not and Ayn Rand Conservative!  :laugh:

 

ETA: If anyone has questions about our system, recording, etc, please feel free to PM me.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

If this system sounds more complicated than what you want to do for pay, would you be willing to pay $100 over the next 12 months to get your child to read better?

 

One of the best studies done recently on money and schoolwork for kids paid first graders 25c/book they read aloud.  The advantages (of becoming a better reader) lasted through the next 2-3 years the kids were tracked, even though no financial reward was given in 2nd or 3rd grade for reading.

 

At 25c/book, your child would read 400 books by the end of the year for $100. 

 

I don't know what level reading your son is at, but this is what we did with Bob books (Look for posting #10, scroll down to Bob books.)

 

If he is at a higher reading level, use the same system for easy readers (Green Eggs and Ham, Go Dog Go) or pay him 25c for each chapter he reads to you if he is doing easy chapter books (Magic Treehouse, Buddy Files, etc).

 

 

 

 

[Ellie]

... or he just doesn't care for school. I know it isn't a popular opinion, but simply put - not all children enjoy school. Some do sincerely hate it. Does that mean they shouldn't be required to do it? Nope - it's still necessary... but I'm not sure I would say it's either a discipline problem or methods/materials.

I do, however, think he's much too young to say he hates school, so I get what you're saying, lol.

 

Of course not all children like school. :-)  I didn't know that wasn't a popular opinion, though. :-)

 

With such young homeschooled children who say they "hate school," I'd be seriously looking at my methods and materials and whatnot to see if I could make changes. I want children to learn, not necessarily to "love school." Learning is more than just school.

[Mommy22alyns]

No electronics until school is done.  That pretty much does it.  They also know that school comes first, so any activities won't happen until school is done.  Rebecca would rather jump off a bridge than miss gymnastics.

[Walking-Iris]

I don't usually agree with rewards for what is non optional. My oldest ds is on the spectrum, so his interest in computer and television and games is intense and can be a big problem at times. We did go screen free for about 8 months recently. It was very nice. But I missed the educational docs. 

 

I'm allowing more tv than usual this summer break. But for school months it's off during the week unless I turn it on for an educational doc I want them to watch. I will allow it on weekends, and family movie in the evenings. 

 

I also deal with the dislike of school blahs. Mainly I think that my ds sees it as an interruption to what he wants to do. If I keep to a schedule and have a list available of exactly what I expect each day, then it usually goes over well. I will take away something he likes for a bad attitude. I can't make him like it, but he has to do it cheerfully.

 

My basic belief is that I would not be happy if my kid gave a teacher or another adult in a teaching role a bad attitude and so why should I put up with it.

 

He may not like history or math etc, and that's fine, but it's not negotiable. I care about my child and want him to be a successful and happy adult and I tell him that. He is free to not like it, but he is not free to be rude or to grumble or have a bad attitude. Those behaviors will be dealt with. 

 

I try to make it as fun and interesting as possible, but at the end of the day there are fun things and then there are just those things you have to do. 

 

One thing that recently helped my ds reduce his grumbling is reading state laws online with me. Once he realized that legally a child is required to do some form of school, he stopped grumbling (as bad.) I legally have to school him---he does have a choice, homeschool or go to school. NOT doing anything is not an option. 

 

 

 

[sagira]

Thanks for this thread! I know some of these ideas will be useful to our situation.

[Vanchy]

Speaking of dessert, I wanted to address the low self esteem and video games. For a little guy with dyslexia who knows that he isn't performing as well in his schoolwork as he knows he can or that schoolwork is more frustrating than he feels it should be, escaping into a world where he is capable and can achieve is a real confidence boost. It makes him feel proud that he can reach the next level, earn the new weapon, and save the world.

 

I sense that you are frustrated that he is wanting to play more and more, but realize that this place is currently where he is feeling successful. If you are going to take it away, you need to find something else where he can receive positive feedback for his efforts. This isn't some bratty kid who just wants to play with one toy. This is a child with low self esteem who has found a place where he can succeed. If this is taken away and not replaced, he may be very depressed indeed.

 

HTH-

Mandy

I have never thought about video games this way. Thanks for posting this!! As I said he can watch TV or play games on Friday, Saturday and/or Sunday. Mon.-Thur. are no TV days, but he is asking for it all the time.

Lady who works with my son is a therapist specialized to teach children with dyslexia. We use Seeing stars program, and all other materials and methods are adapted to fit his needs.

I do not think that we have a discipline problem. He obeys and behaves very well. The only thing that bothers me is that everything takes so much time, and he seems so indifferent. I learned a lot about dyslexia since he was diagnosed, and I know that I have to be patient. I do not want to leave him behind just because he is dyslexic. His speech improved 200% since we started to work with this lady, and I can see huge progress in reading too.

Thank you all for your posts. You gave me many ideas to think about.

[OutdoorMom]

How much seat work is he doing? I have a 7 year old boy. I actually suspect he is gifted and he does not have much seat work at all - probably about an hour and that is all me teaching him.

 

Any chance you can share a "typical" amount of school work he is doing in a day?

 

Just curious.  :001_smile:

[Pen]

We have one laptop type computer--no high speed connection from home, no TV.  Only computer games allowed are Duolingo, Sumdog, Math Detective and Typing Instructor.  Lately we have gotten into too many movies maybe, but that is only in evenings, and at least some are educational.

 

For my ds with dyslexia we had to take a lot of time to get him into reading.  Once he could read series books that interested him, he started enjoying that, and his self esteem went up.

 

Beyond that, I have set times for subjects and use a timer (or he does now that he is older) when time is up that is done.  There are move around breaks given very frequently.  At 7 he needed me to do everything with him, pretty much, especially before he was able to read well he needed that.  

 

What are the programs your son does not like?  And how much time spent on each subject?

 

 

[gratitude]

I don't know if it will help but I only allow 15 minutes of screen time per day per kid. They can combine to watch a video and be within the pedestrian hand out each year to not allow more than one hour per day.

 

There is an addictive quality to visual stimulus that some children will be more drawn to than others. My second son is highly visual and imaginative and is definitely more drawn to it.

 

I am wondering if spreading out his time out over 7 days might not help; instead of all or nothing. Maybe 15 or 30 minute day reward.

 

I will also say when I cancel all screens for a month in summer I like what it does for my kids: mom too.

 

7 is young for boys. I found it became easier to motivate both boys when they turned 8. Before 8 it was much more about constant physical movement. We aren't legally required to do school before 8 so 8 is when I start in earnest with boys. I found my dd was interested at 3 or 4. Different wiring for sure. At 8 it really did start to come together both times. Motivation increased as they started to realize it meant more play time. Before 8 it was really slow for getting actual work done.

[Guest Content~At~Home]

We've been tv free in the past, and it was wonderful. It slipped back in, and we've gone through spells of watching more tv and then less at times. Lately we're watching almost none, because our cable box keeps goofing up. I'm purposely not calling to have it fixed, because the less tv has been such a good thing. I forgot how good it was. We've all been much more productive, and I'm seeing my younger ones playing quieter, getting more done, and everythings just smoother in general.

[GPMommy]

 

My only "rule" is school comes before anything else on school days.

This is what I've always done as well. School gets done first thing after breakfast, getting ready, cleaning up, etc in the morning no playing or games until school is done. Not an option, it's just a routine now, and sure some days are much harder than others, but most of the time they know the rules and what needs to happen before they can relax and do what they want to do playing wise.