an experiment

[ktgrok]

I have agreed to a one week experiment with how we do school. My son normally gets a weekly list of everything to do, broken out by day. (printed from homeschool tracker). Then I nag him during the day to get his work done. He has been saying for a while now that he "prefers to just do it how he wants, as long as it is finished at the end of the week". I've explained that if he can't manage his time to finish a day of work he isn't inspiring me to think he can manage a full week on his own. But, in order for him to feel empowered, and to let him know I hear him, I've let him try it this week. I have a feeling that he is WAY behind...there has been a lot of minecraft going on this week. Plus he has been reading a new book for pleasure, outside of the reading assigned. Plus he spend a good part of yesterday practicing ax throwing and then raking leaves and cleaning up the back yard. (yes, in florida this is leaf raking season, go figure). I didn't tell him to rake, he offered to do it to earn some money. I've gently reminded him a few times about schoolwork, but that's all. I think things are going to get a bit ugly today and tomorrow.

 

I really wish this son was capable of learning some way other than the hard way.

[*Lulu*]

(((Hugs)))

 

Some kids are just like that; ask me how I know. :p

 

Just remind yourself that it is better to let him feel a few bumps when the stakes are relatively small, (like getting behind a week in school and having to do a week or two of double time to catch up), than to protect him from himself until he is grown and the stakes are much higher.

[Night Elf]

Yikes, if he doesn't have a sense of self-management, he's set up to fail that experiment. I can understand allowing him to try though. He may do a poor job on any work he does try to complete because he's left it all for today and/or tomorrow. You might be back to the normal schedule next week. I'd also try to throw in that if he wants to get to the point of trying again, he needs to show self initiative in getting his daily work done using his weekly schedule. If he can't manage a day, a week is really too much and hopefully he'll understand that now.

[Bambam]

My 9th grade dd also wanted more freedom to do her school during the week than a daily schedule allowed. However, she is completely and totally unaware of the passage of time, so I wouldn't agree to just a weekly schedule. Her current schedule has two parts - one is a daily schedule with just a few items that MUST be done daily (math, anyone) along with any outside scheduled class or activity. The second part of the schedule is the list of things that must be done on a weekly schedule. We started off in the fall with this, but it became apparent that she did all her weekly stuff on Monday and therefore didn't have time to get to the daily stuff for that day. So she shifted to only doing the daily stuff Monday-Thursday and tried to get everything else done on Friday - which led to school being done on Saturday and Sunday sometimes. So, the rule was made that everything needs to be done by 5 pm on Friday. And you *have* to do at least 3 weekly things each day. This worked for some time, but recently she has went back to do all your weekly stuff on Monday - which means there is no time to do the daily stuff for Monday.

So, our new balance (which is working right now) is you can do three things off your weekly list and then you must complete your daily stuff before you can do any more of the weekly assignments.

 

It isn't perfect, but she is slowly getting the idea of balancing her workload.

[ktgrok]

I have a feeling yes, we will be back to the old way next week. He knows that any work he doesn't get done will mean working over the weekend, with no games/etc until it is done. This will not be fun for anyone.

[Sasharowan]

Mine work on the same schedule from Homeschool Tracker. My rule is it doesn't matter which day it is scheduled on, as long as it is done by Friday. They must work at least 10-2 every day. What actually happens is ds17 works almost all day M-W, then half days on Th-F. and gets it all done. DD13 works hard M-W, then instead of taking a half day Th-F, she works ahead where she can. Ds12 works steadily, usually just following the list by day and Ds7 just does whatever mom says is next. If your son really wants to make this work, it sounds like he needs a time frame of school work daily, even if he can pick from the list of what he does next. A few weekends of doing school in place of fun can make a huge difference in attitude too.

 

PS My kids also have a no electronics unless directly related to school before 3pm on school days.

[*Lulu*]

I have a feeling yes, we will be back to the old way next week. He knows that any work he doesn't get done will mean working over the weekend, with no games/etc until it is done. This will not be fun for anyone.

 

The best parenting advice/wisdom my mom ever shared with me was that good parenting was rarely convenient for the parents.

 

I once complained about a consequence I was enforcing for Punk and she laughed. Then she told me that the truth of, "this will hurt me more than it does you" is a wrongly applied parenting truth; spanking a kid definitely hurts them more, but sticking to your guns over a consequence is more painful to the parent almost every time. She also reminded me that, while my kids might think I was mean or unreasonable for a time, they would know I was there, paying attention and willing to go to great lengths for them.

 

It doesn't make the enforcing any more pleasant, but it helps me keep perspective when I am thinking about just moving to Timbuktu and changing my name from Mom to Aunt or Perfect-Stranger-With-No-Legos-On-The-Floor!

[Live2Ride]

The best parenting advice/wisdom my mom ever shared with me was that good parenting was rarely convenient for the parents.

 

I once complained about a consequence I was enforcing for Punk and she laughed. Then she told me that the truth of, "this will hurt me more than it does you" is a wrongly applied parenting truth; spanking a kid definitely hurts them more, but sticking to your guns over a consequence is more painful to the parent almost every time. She also reminded me that, while my kids might think I was mean or unreasonable for a time, they would know I was there, paying attention and willing to go to great lengths for them.

 

It doesn't make the enforcing any more pleasant, but it helps me keep perspective when I am thinking about just moving to Timbuktu and changing my name from Mom to Aunt or Perfect-Stranger-With-No-Legos-On-The-Floor!

 

 

I keep reminding myself of the mean thoughts I had of my 'mean step-mom' when I was a kid. Oh, how I love my mother when I got more mature :) She was the one that fought with my dad to allow us to even get to do some of the things that we wanted. He was a marine through and through. She helped soften his edges, but he left her to do much of the talking to us good or bad, so many times it seemed like she was the 'bad guy'. We didn't really know and she always came to us with 'your dad and I decided......' . Anyways. I'm a firm believer of letting them fail when they are younger and we can help them through the process of making it better/right. I surely don't have all the answers as to how to fix it all, but the fact that I am trying to help them navigate to better choices and smarter decision making, I hope sticks with them :)

[Tita Gidge]

I was this kid. Actually, it's funny but just yesterday I was talking with my mom and she is STILL saying, "I wish you didn't have to learn everything the hard way." Which isn't funny, but at least now I agree with her. Only took, oh ... well, several decades LOL.

 

I tried a similar setup with one of my sons. Knowing he'd fail. Knowing he needed to fail for us to move beyond the irritation and forward to addressing the real issue. The hardest part for me was biting my tongue and holding back the "I told you so" -- I had to pretend I didn't know all along he'd fail, and to calmly ask him: "So this didn't work, we need a more concrete plan of action. One that respects your desires as a student but also meets my expectations as a teacher."

 

My biggest problem with the setup, aside from him saving it all for Saturday morning and freaking out all weekend about it like he didn't know it was coming, is that it wastes my time grading. I don't want a deluge of work to grade over my weekend, you know? Just like he didn't want a ton of work to do over that same weekend all in one sitting. Explaining that helped somewhat, but he's still who he is. I had to remove myself from the equation and do a weekly computerized checklist. If he asks if he's done, I tell him to consult his checklist. Way less emotional for both of us. Though I'm still biting my tongue most days ;)

 

Good luck to you both. I now know why my parents laugh and say payback is a *itch. This kid has taught me more than I'll ever be able to teach him. Darn him. Darn them. Darn it all!

[Hwin]

I have agreed to a one week experiment with how we do school. My son normally gets a weekly list of everything to do, broken out by day. (printed from homeschool tracker). Then I nag him during the day to get his work done. He has been saying for a while now that he "prefers to just do it how he wants, as long as it is finished at the end of the week". I've explained that if he can't manage his time to finish a day of work he isn't inspiring me to think he can manage a full week on his own. But, in order for him to feel empowered, and to let him know I hear him, I've let him try it this week. I have a feeling that he is WAY behind...there has been a lot of minecraft going on this week. Plus he has been reading a new book for pleasure, outside of the reading assigned. Plus he spend a good part of yesterday practicing ax throwing and then raking leaves and cleaning up the back yard. (yes, in florida this is leaf raking season, go figure). I didn't tell him to rake, he offered to do it to earn some money. I've gently reminded him a few times about schoolwork, but that's all. I think things are going to get a bit ugly today and tomorrow.

 

I really wish this son was capable of learning some way other than the hard way.

 

 

 

I like how you add a little disclaimer for the raking but not the ax throwing.

 

I'm sure the experiment will be a good lesson, even if it gets ugly. :/

[EKS]

Welcome to my world, right down to the minecraft fest. I've decided the my son doesn't learn the easy way *or* the hard way.

[DragonFaerie]

No advice, but I'm right here with you. It's going towards 3:00 here. DS has been working since 9 am, and he has only completed three subjects. THREE! He still has math, cursive, spelling, and reading to do. ARGH! And it's not that there's too much work or he's playing games or whatever. It's that he's staring out the window or playing with a piece of string that he found or looking to see what the cat is doing or investigating the noise on the back porch or, or, or.... Very frustrating. I'll be following to see how your experiment goes. Always looking for solutions here.

[Alenee]

Well, how did it go???

[Jenny in Florida]

Okay, it's not like I can say I have this whole thing figured out. However, in case it sparks any ideas for you going forward, I'll tell you what's been more or less working for us.

 

My son sits down on Monday morning and goes over the pace charts for each of his online classes, seeing what is due that week. He figures out what he wants to do each day and plugs the info into a table I made for him a couple of years ago. (It's just a document made in Microsoft Word.) He e-mails me a copy of the planner.

 

I go over it and compare what he has typed to the pace charts and any agreements we have in place regarding how much work he's supposed to do in any given class. I have until Wednesday to point out any problems I see so he can fix them. If I should happen to notice on Thursday that I missed something, he gets a pass on it until the following week.

 

After that, he's responsible for getting the work done. I don't necessarily check his progress every day. However, if I do check and he's not on pace by the end of the day on which I choose to check -- or if he's on pace but his grades are not where we've told him they must be -- he loses electronics priveleges for the remainder of that day. If that happens on a Friday, he's grounded from everything except certain non-negotiable activities (dance competitions, rehearsals, things for which other people are counting on him) and from all electronics for the weekend.

 

He is free to do the work in whatever order he wishes. He is free to make adjustments to his plan during the week, as long as he lets me know he's doing it and gets me an updated copy of the planning document.

 

He is not allowed to turn on the TV or muck about in the backyard or do any non-school activities until that day's schoolwork is done, except that he is allowed to read whatever he wants over breakfast and lunch and to take an occasional 15-20 minute break to stretch his legs as long as he lets me know he's going.

 

Some of the stuff you mentioned -- raking leaves to earn money, practicing ax throwing, playing Minecraft or other computer games, etc. -- would be considered discretionary activities around here that would be allowed only after the day's schoolwork was done.

 

We had an adjustment period when we began this routine, and not every week is perfect or even good. And I still nag more than I would really like. But it mostly works for him. He is on or ahead of pace in all but one class (and that one is an elective). His grades are good-to-very-good. The rules are clear enough that when he does blow it, he mostly accepts his fate with pretty good grace.