Forget-Me-Not Posted May 9, 2013 Share Posted May 9, 2013 As for finding out who this person is, i do think that she is who she says she is as weird as it seems. Supposedly there have been a coulple of video chats (unbeknownst to me at the time) and live chatting that Dd has said shes sseen the younger sister there and heard both sisters laughing. I plan to take Ds and my computer to my friend who works for the police here and see what they find.... She has lied and manipulated about so many things, I absolutely would not take her word that the person she has been video chatting with is a girl. I'm glad you're taking the devices to the police to see what you can find out. I remember your earlier posts about this problem and the sleep issues. I'm stunned to learn that they are connected. I'm terribly sorry. I think what you're doing sounds like the right thing. Hang in there! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Catwoman Posted May 10, 2013 Share Posted May 10, 2013 She has lied and manipulated about so many things, I absolutely would not take her word that the person she has been video chatting with is a girl. I'm glad you're taking the devices to the police to see what you can find out. I remember your earlier posts about this problem and the sleep issues. I'm stunned to learn that they are connected. I'm terribly sorry. I think what you're doing sounds like the right thing. Hang in there! :iagree: Please let us know if you're able to find out anything about the "friend." I hope it really is just some other kid, but I have very serious doubts about it. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Jean in Newcastle Posted May 10, 2013 Share Posted May 10, 2013 :iagree: Please let us know if you're able to find out anything about the "friend." I hope it really is just some other kid, but I have very serious doubts about it. Unfortunately there have been a number of reports of actual kids doing this sort of thing but for the purpose of getting someone else to do or say things that they will then later embarrass them publicly for doing. So it could be a cyber bully in action. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jhschool Posted May 12, 2013 Share Posted May 12, 2013 I would get rid of the internet completely. Also get counseling. And find out from the police if you can get an "online restraining order?" (I don't know if that exists?) from this person who has your personal information. Someone mentioned they probably have your address. I think it's great that you are getting art lessons for her. The cat caricatures sounds like a great idea. How about a long family "vacation?" Like going to a nice country house with no internet for the summer? All there will be to do is art, swimming, walks? Also, I think you are a great mom for working so hard to help your daughter! I bet in a few years it will get better. And finally: :grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Slipper Posted May 12, 2013 Share Posted May 12, 2013 Many sheriff departments have an ICAC (Internet Crimes Against Children) dept. They may be able to provide some guidance. They could also verify that she's chatting with another child (instead of an adult pretending to be a child). All the best - it sounds as if you're doing everything that can possibly be done. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
hm2009 Posted May 12, 2013 Share Posted May 12, 2013 You are doing all the right stuff and all the previous comments are very right, but I would really really ask you to put her in a self defense karate, tae Kwon do or some other martial arts class. This will give not only give her a very valuable and important life skill- God forbid the need never arise, but these activities are very physical, they tire you out and help in good sleep. Participating in rigorous sports- training for running, boxing, swimming on a team etc. will give her a new direction. Rather than saying no to all the wrong stuff, fill her day with right stuff that she does not have time to think about anything else. The more you say NO the more they want to do it- that's the age of rebellion. Give her things to look forward to. Plan a family outing to beach, museum, hiking. Get something done from these trips- a project, reports...etc. if she likes drawing, let her paint murals on her room or even the garage. Plan for a garage exhibition of her works, let her do the planning and work required. call family and friends, let her feel appreciated for her work. BUT - monitor her always, no online for as much as possible. You can overcome it. Be strong! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Live2Ride Posted May 12, 2013 Author Share Posted May 12, 2013 Thanks y'all. Her days are quite full. She's finding other things to do and today had a little bit of an epiphany. We came home from church and she said that she was handed this quote to read in class: 'Benjamin Franklin once said, "He that is good for making excuses is seldom good for anything else". Happy people don't make excuses or blame others for their own failures in life. Instead, they own up to their mistakes and, by doing so, they proactively try to change for the better'. She knows that she makes tons of excuses for just about anything (extremely exhausting to listen to...), but she said it spoke to her. And then she remarked on how our first speaker this morning spoke on something that she's been struggling with. She felt that church today was just for her :) She has been mostly pleasant all day too. It's been very nice. She was starting to be a bear this morning when I went to wake her up, but I kissed her and said, "You have two choices, get up and be miserable and angry or get up and be happy....you decide" and then I left to shower. :) We are taking quite a few vacations this year. She will also be attending some things that I hope helps her. We are looking into a counselor and we are taking our computers and her DS to the station. Our friend is a cop and he'll get it to the right people :) She and I went to the library and got some more painting books. She was quite excited about them. We are going to try our hand at some acrylics. She has been working on a little beach/ocean scene for her grandmothers house and I'm excited to see what she ends up with. Thanks again everyone.... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 12, 2013 Share Posted May 12, 2013 I'm really sorry, and I feel for you. We had similar problems with one, who no matter what we did, would flout our rules and go around us to do whatever stupid thing hit this child's fancy (not really internet, but the intent to flout us was there). I found a site (there are many) where page after page of long-married, stable parents detailed the horrible things they were going through with one child (much worse than ours), while the others seemed well-adjusted. Some were Christian, homeschooling, private schooling, public schooling, married, no divorces....it didn't seem to make any difference. One woman had 3 sons. The first died in Viet Nam. The second was killed in a car accident. Then the third abandoned the family and disappeared for 10 years because he was upset that his parents didn't support his values. Wow. I can't imagine being her. It had a happy ending but it took like 20 years. It's humbling. I just wanted to tell you that I really feel for you. I wish I'd found the answer early. There are a lot of parents whose kid turns around in their 20's and feels bad for putting their parents through hell. May we be in that group! As a Christian, I actually found a list of scriptures that apply to children that I repeat every night. It helps me to keep the big picture in mind. But it's hard. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
TranquilMind Posted May 12, 2013 Share Posted May 12, 2013 She's doing online s*xual role-playing with someone she believes is another girl her age? :confused: I would want to know exactly who that other person is, and if the conversations are s*xual or even suggestive, I think it might be worth asking your local police if they think there is a predator at work here. It almost seems as though your dd has been groomed and brainwashed by this other person, as her behavior seems quite unusual and obsessive. She seems incredibly desperate to communicate with this "friend," and quite honestly, I would be very worried that this other "teenage girl" is actually some perverted man in his 50's, looking for a victim. I think you should do everything you can to find out the identity of the other person. I agree with this. But then again, the way things are overly sexualized today with kids, this could indeed be another girl. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tokyomarie Posted May 12, 2013 Share Posted May 12, 2013 I have found Gordon Neufeld's work helpful for dealing with very challenging children. His book is Hold Onto Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers. Neufeld's website is here. I've also found Howard Glasser's work with the Nurtured Heart Approach helpful when it comes to working with challenging teens. I've read the books by both authors and applied some of their ideas in our home, but based on some of the comments, Neufeld's work came to mind first. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Live2Ride Posted May 13, 2013 Author Share Posted May 13, 2013 I have found Gordon Neufeld's work helpful for dealing with very challenging children. His book is Hold Onto Your Kids: Why Parents Need to Matter More Than Peers. Neufeld's website is here. I've also found Howard Glasser's work with the Nurtured Heart Approachhelpful when it comes to working with challenging teens. I've read the books by both authors and applied some of their ideas in our home, but based on some of the comments, Neufeld's work came to mind first. Thanks! I'll look into those. Most of today went well as far as her attitude about things. We had a few good short discussions about various things. Then this evening she went downhill because I wanted her to come read with her brother and I and 'she didn't want to do that'....it turned into a 20 min session of her mouth running about whatever spewed forth from her lack of thinking and of course it involved excuses and laying blame on me for keeping her up later than she needed because I was "arguing with her instead of just hurrying up and reading"...I simply stated that I wasn't arguing, that I was only waiting for her to open her ears and close her mouth so that I could get on with what I intended to do this evening. That it would get done and it was up to her how long it would take to do so....she quit a few minutes later with "attitudinal flare" lol and then proceeded to enjoy the read aloud that we were supposed to be working on. She was actually caught smiling! LOL. She's a mess, but she's my mess. We did get it done, a half hour later than I had planned, but what could I do...the choice was all hers. She's somethin' else... And if I have to hear, "that's why I can't wait to move out", or "I'm gonna talk to daddy", or "I'll be glad I'm moving out as soon as possible", or "Daddy wouldn't do that"...I'm going to have to leave the room and have a muffled pillow scream in her daddys closet! Of course, Dh and I talk daily and often about this lovely dd of ours. She knows this and we are a united front on all things that are discussed with her or handed down as punishment...she just likes to try and push buttons. Little stinker ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LibraryLover Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 She sounds like a tough one, and I am really sorry. :( Given all the other issues, maybe reading with her 13 year old brother is a battle to take on later? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Live2Ride Posted May 13, 2013 Author Share Posted May 13, 2013 duplicate... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Live2Ride Posted May 13, 2013 Author Share Posted May 13, 2013 She sounds like a tough one, and I am really sorry. :( Given all the other issues, maybe reading with her 13 year old brother is a battle to take on later? We do read alouds all the time....she just wanted to be in her room reading the book she wanted to read instead, but had been doing that all day. She knew that we'd be reading later that evening so it wasn't a surprise.... It didn't really have anything to do with actually wanting to go to bed or read with her brother. She just does this when she doesn't want to do something. She hopes it will wear me down and let her go ;) She loves her brother, he is very good to her, but even he said, "if you had stopped talking a long time ago, we could be done by now.." She just looked at him and he stared back at her...she pretty much started to tone it down. In this case I refuse to give in to brattiness and whining. I will be happy to discuss things with her and listen to her when she is calm and rational, but not when she acts like a 6 yr old throwing a temper tantrum. She knows this.... She's been most pleasant this morning. Even woke up in a good mood :) That's always a plus! I just love her fire (well sometimes I don't, lol)...if I could just temper it into a goal, she would be a force to be reckoned with. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
unsinkable Posted May 13, 2013 Share Posted May 13, 2013 I just love her fire (well sometimes I don't, lol)...if I could just temper it into a goal, she would be a force to be reckoned with. :) I love my guy's fire and sense of humor, too. Yesterday he made me laugh so hard and I told him he's lucky he makes me laugh, otherwise he'd be living in the garage. :lol: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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