AimeeM Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 I posted in another thread about my daughter's ipad. My go-to with her and new found preteen eye rolling and snippy attitude has been to confiscate her beloved ipad. It's what my parents did with us when we misbehaved (well, back then it was beepers or television, lol). My daughter brought up a decent point the other day and while I'm not inclined to change my method on a whim, and taking her ipad does work for the time, I want to lend her thoughts some validity and at least acknowledge them. SHE purchased the ipad. It was half of her own money (gift money) and half a late birthday present. She doesn't feel it's fair (but is anything fair at this age, lol) that we take something she feels wasn't given to her, by us - unlike the television in her room or computer (which were given to her, for her use, by us), she paid for the ipad. Is this something I should consider? The ramifications of acknowledging this would be that then I would feel less able to lay down ground rules about use as well (as in time limits for usage during the day) - I mean, if I say "okay, you're right - you paid for it and I shouldn't be able to take it as punishment", aren't I also (by default) forfeiting all claim to its general "management"? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 Who pays for the Wifi? Guessing its not her! No, I wouldn't take that into consideration at 11. She's a minor under your responsibility. She may have purchased the iPad, but that doesn't mean she's ready to regulate her usage of it or have free reign on the internet. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
*Michelle* Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 The only reason she was able to use gift money to buy an iPad is because you provide for all of her needs. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 Ha. I'm mom. If I feel anything is detrimental to their health or character development, I have zero qualms about removing that impediment from their lives, either for a time or forever. For me, I wouodnt use that punishment bc it seem unrelated unless it is related to IPad use in some way. I find it more effective to use a more direct issue. I reserve removing of such things like that better suited to school work related issues or whatever. (Playing electronics all evening when they knew they needed to pass an exam for example.) Rolling their eyes at me or having a snippy attitude would likely result in me doing something equally annoying or embarrassing to them. Or more likely just me telling them to knock it off. *shrug* picking battles and all that. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Parrothead Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 Well, who pays for her food? Clothes? Outside activities? Vacations? Internet connection? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Forget-Me-Not Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 Wait, I just re-read the OP. You said: SHE purchased the ipad. It was half of her own money (gift money) and half a late birthday present. Then she DIDN'T purchase the iPad in its entirety. IMO, this makes her argument hold even less water. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted May 5, 2013 Author Share Posted May 5, 2013 Ha. I'm mom. If I feel anything is detrimental to their health or character development, I have zero qualms about removing that impediment from their lives, either for a time or forever. For me, I wouodnt use that punishment bc it seem unrelated unless it is related to IPad use in some way. I find it more effective to use a more direct issue. I reserve removing of such things like that better suited to school work related issues or whatever. (Playing electronics all evening when they knew they needed to pass an exam for example.) Rolling their eyes at me or having a snippy attitude would likely result in me doing something equally annoying or embarrassing to them. Or more likely just me telling them to knock it off. *shrug* picking battles and all that. The ipad is the fall back right now because she appears to be snippy because someone interrupts her (reading) on her ipad. Frankly, after writing this and the other post, I think I'm the one who needs an attitude adjustment. She's been cooped up for months with health issues, she's finally reading (albeit on her ipad) voluntarily, she's bored, not able to take part in her normal acitivities, AND the normal preteen hormones. I think *Mom* needs a timeout. I feel ashamed right about now. Blah. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
AimeeM Posted May 5, 2013 Author Share Posted May 5, 2013 No, that would not be a factor. My dad bought my son his laptop. I still take it away when he misbehaves even though I didn't pay for it. If you need to split hairs on the issue tell her she can use it, but no wifi because you pay for it. She can't use it in the house because you pay for the house. And she can't wear the clothes you paid for while using it. So if she is willing to stand outside naked somewhere and use it, feel free. LOL LOL!!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 Nope, it doesn't matter who purchased what around here. *I* haven't purchased any of the kids' electronic items (gifts from Grandma and Grandpa), but I still make the rules re: usage and general rules around the house that must be followed to earn the privilege of using said electronic items. There are always more chores that can be done if behavior isn't up to par with lazing about and relaxing in front of a screen. :) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Joanne Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 Didn't read the others...... No, I would not. Unless the misbehavior is related to the item. I don't believe in arbitrary, unrelated consequnces or the "find their currancy" approach. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
happymomofboys Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 No, that would not be a factor. My dad bought my son his laptop. I still take it away when he misbehaves even though I didn't pay for it. If you need to split hairs on the issue tell her she can use it, but no wifi because you pay for it. She can't use it in the house because you pay for the house. And she can't wear the clothes you paid for while using it. So if she is willing to stand outside naked somewhere and use it, feel free. LOL LOL! Parenting: you're doing it right. :D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
goldberry Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 Oddly enough, I think you should not, unless the item itself is the cause of the misbehavior. Kids/teens already feel so little control over their own lives. If they buy something with their own money, then they should be able to feel at least a sense of ownership and control over that item, unless it is a most drastic situation. So, not saying I would never do it, but I wouldn't have that be my go-to. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Murphy101 Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 The ipad is the fall back right now because she appears to be snippy because someone interrupts her (reading) on her ipad. Frankly, after writing this and the other post, I think I'm the one who needs an attitude adjustment. She's been cooped up for months with health issues, she's finally reading (albeit on her ipad) voluntarily, she's bored, not able to take part in her normal acitivities, AND the normal preteen hormones. I think *Mom* needs a timeout. I feel ashamed right about now. Blah. I agree. I get pretty darn snippy when I'm trying to read something and get interrupted too! If she is reading, I get it. Gaming tho ticked me. They made a pause button for a reason. ;) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
fraidycat Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 Didn't read the others...... No, I would not. Unless the misbehavior is related to the item. I don't believe in arbitrary, unrelated consequnces or the "find their currancy" approach. Interesting. Although, I find that if my kids behavior and attitudes seems to be backsliding it IS DIRECTLY related to too much screen time about 98% of the time. The other 2% would be tiredness and illness. This I've learned from studying and watching them and their behaviors in their "natural habitat", a la Dian Fossey. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest submarines Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 I wouldn't confiscate my children's possessions as punishment. If it is an electronic device that generally affects my child's behavior, I'd talk about establishing new rules and trying them out for a while. We discuss the effects of the devices, talk about alternatives, establish new rules.My kids are very receptive to those kind of arrangements. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jenn- Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 My kids live with the "it's in my house therefore it is mine" rules. If that is her currency, then that is what is taken. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Crimson Wife Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 DD won her iPad as a spelling bee prize, but the use of it is a privilege. Loss of screen time, including her iPad, is our standard punishment. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
mysticmomma Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 I wouldn't physically take it away, but I would lay ground rules regarding its use (x mins a day) and note that it is a privilege to use it and privileges are lost when we act like dingle berries. With my 9 yo, I tend to allow her to choose her consequence ie. no electronic, extra chore, etc as long as the punishment fits the crime. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dakarimom5 Posted May 5, 2013 Share Posted May 5, 2013 I don't care who bought it, children don't "own" anything in my house. That being said, I rarely punish in my house. We talk about making better choices and about possible outcomes of different behaviors. And sometimes, if my crew are being truly ridiculous, I put things in " toy jail". Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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