Dawdling

[fiberdrunk]

My son is 11 and he's a chronic dawdler, particularly with subjects he more or less does on his own (such as Saxon Math and Writing with Skill). It's gotten so bad lately. I know it's the end of the school year and we're both burned out. I've tried everything from rewards, to removal of privleges, to having him make a progress chart (his idea), to having him get pep talks from / check-ins with the grandparents when he gets done at a reasonable time. I've tried more exercise and less processed foods. Nothing has worked consistently. He's often still doing his math late into the night. He's a smart kid and the problem isn't that he doesn't understand the material. He's just bored and doesn't want to do it. He'd rather play with a piece of crud he's found on the ground or doodle on his papers (and miss out on more fun stuff like computer time later) than just buckle down and do the work. This goes on for hours. I'm always telling him "Dawdling is a fun killer." But it doesn't matter to him. Does anyone have any other suggestions? I just can't get this kid to do what he needs to. We're so close to the end of the school year-- it's maddening! Help!

[AK_Mom4]

Does he get it done better if you sit right there with him? We have some of that here when DD11 is bored and it helps if I sit right there next to her and read a book on my iPad while she works.

 

For us here, if DD was wasting away the day and i didnt want her staying up late at night to finish, I would tell her she has to start getting up earlier in the morning to work on school work. Her brother has to be out the door for a 6:30am class and she really prizes her sleep in and free time before we start school at nine. But if she was going to waste my time during the day, I would have no bad feelings at all about rousting her up to work several hours earlier.

[fiberdrunk]

Yes, he often does do better with me sitting with him while doing math and Writing with Skill, but not always. He'll still dawdle even with me right there. I've tried getting him up early, too, but he's cranky and just not a morning person. It's even harder to get him to do things in the morning. I have "eased" us into the day by doing music (piano) first thing rather than anything academic and this often helps the mood thing in the morning.

[AK_Mom4]

In that case, I would set a timer for whatever you feel is the appropriate time working. When the timer goes off, he puts that subject away and gets it as "homework" to do after all the rest of other school work is finished. "Homework" isn't the exact term, but hopefully you know what I mean. Then, he has to finished the leftover work later before he gets to go off and play.

 

Of course, with my DD, she just kept falling farther and farther behind and discovered to her dismay that she had a bunch of math to finish before she could play with her friends on the weekend. We only had to go thru that one once before she caught on.

[fiberdrunk]

I have used the timer before, but maybe I can use it in a more constructive way as you suggest and have a set time for an assignment. It's true we don't live by the clock very much around here. Maybe he needs a little more structure that way. DS is behind on math and we're to the point that it's going to cut into his summer break. He doesn't think about the future, only what he wants or doesn't want to do in the present moment.

[Anne in CA]

This has been a real problem for both of my girls. The only thing that has worked is sitting with them and pounding through it. This does seem to get worse this time of year. Also, small bites have worked better for me too. I'll sit with them for 15 minutes and then we will have a snack, go to the bathroom, read a little.

[WTMCassandra]

I use a combination of four things, depending on the situation. At the moment, I'm having to do all of them together w/ my 14yo dawdler, sigh.

 

(1) A timer

(2) A goal--stated ahead of time

(3) Checks a few times during the time set for that subject to check on progress toward the goal

(4) Having child work on the floor near my feet (where I can see his paper clearly) rather than across the room at the table

[PeterPan]

You know for years I did something else in May (called it May Term) and then started up our new school year in June/July. You might just stop WWS, etc. and do something really different for a while, since you're burnt out. If it's chronic, like you're saying, sometimes there's a problem you're not fully catching (attention, processing speed, whatever). But yeah what Cassandra said, sitting right there with him, short sessions, clear start and end, lots of structure, no assumptions about things being clear. This is the time of year to wind down though, not up.

[Tracy]

Please do not fall into the trap of thinking that since he is bright, he should be able to do it. Take a look at the book Smart but Scattered. It really opened my eyes to what may be going on with my dd8. She is so smart, but it is so hard for her to get things done. I realized that when a child suggests something, like a chart or reward, to help them to get things done, and they still don't do it, then it is more likely because they can't. I very much suspect that my dd8 is 2e, and we will be pursuing testing this summer to find out what exactly is going on.

[Mama Anna]

I like the bite-sized chunk idea. When dd9 starts taking over an hour on her 20 problems of math, I'll often send her outside to run around the cul-de-sac (let the fresh air flush out the brain-crud), and then start her doing 1 or 2 of her remaining problems at a time. In between, we shift modes and do other things; half her grammar, dictation, snack, another run, whatever. Of course, this might work partially because she's also stressed out about how much time it's taking her and really wants to try something that will help stuff move faster. She's very bright but complains of difficulty focusing. I let her go off by herself and ask her where she is in her work every 15 minutes or so in order to keep her accountable. I encourage her to read a problem aloud softly to herself to refocus herself. Sometimes it works for me to read the problem to her - somehow hearing it focuses things better. It's when all of these things fail or she's becoming emotionally overwrought that I start the small-bites-at-a-time technique.

 

HTH!

Mama Anna

[fiberdrunk]

I very much suspect that my dd8 is 2e, and we will be pursuing testing this summer to find out what exactly is going on.

 

 

What is 2e? I'll look into the book you recommended. Thanks!

[fairfarmhand]

This is what I did with my dawdler in the 1st grade. It may still work for a big kid to.

 

He gets on m and m or skittle for every math problem that is completed. Stand right there with the bag in hand and as he completes the problem, you check it and give the candy if it is right.

[Mommy22alyns]

What does he do after school work is done? Any extracurriculars? Rebecca has had to take work in the car to finish it sometimes. She's never had to completely miss gymnastics, but I would do it if necessary. She also does better if I'm right there, even though she bristles at that sometimes. I also read Smart But Scattered and that helped me see that some of it is developmental. Doesn't make it less frustrating though!

[Tracy]

 

 

What is 2e? I'll look into the book you recommended. Thanks!

 

2e stands for twice exceptional--gifted with a learning disability. Giftedness can compensate for a learning disability, and a learning disability can mask giftedness. I was so frustrated with my dd's inability to get things done (everything from a worksheet to cleaning her room). Having a 5yo around that can do those things has made it even harder.

 

I attended a seminar called "The Distracted Child." It was about ADD (which I don't think is necessarily that problem with my dd), but it opened my eyes to the possibility of executive function deficits (time management, focus, processing speed, working memory, etc.). I could see dd was trying, but she couldn't make it happen (even though she is accellerated in almost every academic area). She was not rebellious or stubborn. Learning about executive function deficits and implementing some of the strategies that I learned from Smart but Scattered and the seminar I attended have made it so much easier to be patient with her and provide the guidance she needs rather than just insisting that she do her work, because that is her job.

[fiberdrunk]

What does he do after school work is done? Any extracurriculars? Rebecca has had to take work in the car to finish it sometimes. She's never had to completely miss gymnastics, but I would do it if necessary. She also does better if I'm right there, even though she bristles at that sometimes. I also read Smart But Scattered and that helped me see that some of it is developmental. Doesn't make it less frustrating though!

 

 

 

He has scouts and (soon) swim lessons.

[MusicMama]

As a child, I was exactly as you are describing your son. Even today, I have to use extreme focus at times to just accomplish what seems like an ordinarily simple task, ie cleaning the living room. If it is unusually messy, I find it very difficult to focus and form a plan to get the job done. I force myself to pick up one object, then put it away, going back one thing at a time until it's done. I was like that with Saxon. The page would swim, the job seemed impossible, I felt overwhelmed, nothing worked. I craved, craved order and boundaries. But I was smart. Really, really smart and it baffled my mom that I was having these issues. If he has asked for a schedule or chart, trust his instincts, but don't trust his ability to follow through on them. Use a timer, chart, system etc, and hold him to it. For at least a month, be the enforcer. He may whine and moan about it, but it the end it is such a relief. I seriously believe I have some form of ADD. If I go grocery shopping with all five kids, I get through the store and generally have everything on my list. But if my DH keeps the kids and I go alone, it's a wash. I'll walk out with only half the list and a bunch of junk. I can't focus! The extreme chaos that accompanies me when the kids are there FORCES me to use super human focusing skills to get through, when that enforcement is gone, I just...wander. I don't know what brings it out more than other times. I'm sure there is a trigger but I have yet to find it. Good luck. I know how tough it is to be on the other end. No fun. :(

 

ETA: I am not like this all the time. I can go months without an "attack". But if I am tired, or having to attend to an unpleasant task, those traits are always lurking in the background. I think that ADD is a misleading title. I have focus, loads of it and can hyper focus on a beloved project, book, or the tv to the point of totally shutting out the world around me. It should be called AMDD. Attention Mis-Directed Disorder. :tongue_smilie:

[Oakblossoms]

My oldest three are boys. They are all completely different in personality and learning. One thing they all have in common is dawdling in schoolwork. Mix things up during the day. Make sure you are taking a break between tasks to jump around or fidget with some Lego. Give a cookie and milk for a treat. If he sits and tries to learn, the work can't sink into his brain. He really will be wasting everyone's time. Don't take a summer break. Just continue to do a smaller amout of work through the summer.

 

He just needs practice learning to get work finished. Since, you are the mom you get to help. Setting a timer for say 15 minutes and get him to work in 15 increments for each subject for a week. Then add 5 minutes each week till you are up to 45- 1 hour for the subject.

 

SWB has a great talk out now titled Homeschooling the Real Child. It is on the PHP store as a download. I keep it on my phone and listen to it when I think I must be crazy and there is something wrong with all my children :p

[weederberries]

Those of you using a timer, does it not encourage the "worker" to just sit and wait for the timer to go off so he can be "done" and move on, only to dawdle and resist at the make-up time too? I have one child who would do that.

 

Another of my children would collapse into a crying fit if she wasn't finished at the bell. We'd lose another 20 minutes to regain our composure. She doesn't do well with time pressure.

[Tracy]

Those of you using a timer, does it not encourage the "worker" to just sit and wait for the timer to go off so he can be "done" and move on, only to dawdle and resist at the make-up time too? I have one child who would do that.

 

Another of my children would collapse into a crying fit if she wasn't finished at the bell. We'd lose another 20 minutes to regain our composure. She doesn't do well with time pressure.

 

 

Timers work well if your kid has a problem that leads to dawdling. My dd8 does not mean to dawdle. In fact, she hates to dawdle because it highlights her weaknesses in focusing and keeping track of her time (the real problems). So for her, using a timer is a coping mechanism. Just this morning, I asked her to spend 5 minutes cleaning her room. She got the timer out and started it. She had to leave her room to put something away, and then she got distracted and forgot to go back to what she was doing. When she heard the timer go off, she went back to her room and reset the timer. I didn't have to tell her. She knew she hadn't put in the time.

 

We also play "beat the timer" games. Dd8 knows that whatever math she doesn't finish during the school year, she will have to do during the summer. (Since her dad is a teacher, this means time she misses out with him.) So I will set the timer for 15-20 minutes and say, "Let's see how much you can get done!"

 

We also use the timers for competition between family members. "Let's see who can get the most done before the timer goes off!"

[2_girls_mommy]

The way the timer worked for my dawdler was this:

 

I made a timed schedule. We used the timer, or even just the clock to tell us when to start and finish a subject. When the time was up, the subject was put away, and we started the next subject. If there was any left to do, it became her homework. If I let her sit and dawdle for hours, she will be either staring into space all day then cramming at night trying to get it all done, or just not be able to get it all done. She will lose focus and not be able to snap out of it. But if she is losing focus and dawdling and then we switch to another subject then it can kind of break the spell. Then later, after school, after extracurriculars or some outside time to play, there is a set homework time. Usually the brain is a bit fresher again, and she wants to finish up quickly to have more free time for T.V. or computer which isn't allowed if school isn't done. This is for the type of child like above PP that said it was more like hyper focus. She just daydreams and loses track of time.

 

For my other just plain hyper child, it helps her to work in short bursts and then she can go play for 5 min. on the trampoline to get moving again and then come back and work in short bursts. She doesn't dawdle so much as it kills her to sit still for long. If I try to get her to sit and work too long, she just gets in trouble. She will start doing cartwheels in the house or taking blocks from the preschooler because it is so tempting, etc.

[shanezomom]

I'm in the same boat with an 11 yr ds who gets distracted and overwhelmed. If I mention three things that he needs to get done in succession, he gets upset and says he can't remember all that at one time. To me it's simple. We do lists and then he'll get distracted and tell me later that he forgot to look at the list. I always attribute it to lack of desire to remember. So according to this thread, maybe he it's lack of executive function and he really needs help organizing his thoughts. But I feel overwhelmed myself with all that I need to get done and I can drift off in several different directions with a lack of focus. That means it's especially important to me to not have to remind ds multiple times to complete his tasks.

[mama27]

My 10 yo ds is like this and really, the only thing that makes ME not want to lose my mind is I just do what I have to do and if he takes forever, it's his problem, not mine. For instance, we do science and history together, well, if he is on math problem 3 and he's been there for 45 minutes, he can just go back to it when I am done with him. What has also worked for me, is only doing the stuff we do together Tues and Thurs. Then M, W, and F, the kidsa do their independent work: math, writing, reading, state coloring book, president workbook. I do NOT sit with him because I don't have time, he's one kid of 5 that I ams till homeschooling and my parents wlive with me and I just do not have time to sit with him and tell him to focus all day. So if it takes him an hour to do something that his 9 yo brother who is dyslexic can finish in 10 minutes, then that is his problem, not mine. Some day, he will learn. Or not. lol

[Erin]

My son is 11 and he's a chronic dawdler

Or might have ADD... My DS13 has ADD (no hyperactivity, just a space cadet). Part of why we pulled him out of school, actually. He would cry from frustration. "How does everyone else get this stuff done, Mom??"

So you might do some exploration on tips, tricks and options for kids with ADD. We don't medicate, but we do use coffee liberally when needed. ;)

 

Our latest trick is using a timer on the computer that goes off every 15 minutes and asks "Buck, what are you doing?" He flips open his planner to his task tracker and colors in the bubble for whatever he's actually working on and goes back to whatever he was doing.

Some days the "Goofing off" bubbles get maxed out (4 hours worth). I don't make any judgements on how he's using his time, but when the complaint comes up that he has too much work today, we look at his tracker to see how much time he has truly devoted to work and how much to nothing-ness. It also serves as a reminder, every 15 minutes, that can snap him out of a daydream. And the responsibility is all his. I don't have to keep pestering him.

[Tracy]

 

Our latest trick is using a timer on the computer that goes off every 15 minutes and asks "Buck, what are you doing?" He flips open his planner to his task tracker and colors in the bubble for whatever he's actually working on and goes back to whatever he was doing.

Some days the "Goofing off" bubbles get maxed out (4 hours worth). I don't make any judgements on how he's using his time, but when the complaint comes up that he has too much work today, we look at his tracker to see how much time he has truly devoted to work and how much to nothing-ness. It also serves as a reminder, every 15 minutes, that can snap him out of a daydream. And the responsibility is all his. I don't have to keep pestering him.

 

 

Where do I get this timer?

[Erin]

I just used a free download from Apimac. Mac only, I think...

I'm sure there are others though! Just search cNet and see what's out there.