The older you are when you have children...

[happypamama]

It does seem unfair to me; my daughter will have nearly a decade more with me than my third son will, and I'm more likely to have more time with her children than with his. Such is life, though. My one grandmother died when I was twelve; my sister was three. I have real memories of her; my sister probably doesn't (not many, anyway). It's just the way it is.

[Deb in NZ]

My grandmother had her first dc at 25, as did my mother & I. My grandmother lived to only 55 & died with 4 grandchildren (age 1,3,4,& 5) Only I have even one real memory of her. My mother died at age 68. Three of her grandchildren will never remember her as they were less than 3 years old. I hope to out live both my mother & grandmother, but there's no guarrantee.

 

Dh, on the other hand, was 42 when dd was born & 48 when ds#2 was born. If they wait as long as he did to have dc, then he most likely won't have long, if any time to play grandpa. But grandchildren were not the reason we had children. But I will admit that we made a decision of no more children after ds#2 as dh wanted our dc to be of age before he reached retirement age. As it is dh will be elgible for retirement 6 months before ds#2 turns 18.

[SKL]

Good morning.

 

I don't want to give out too much info on the how and why so you'll all just have to trust me that it was said in a condescending fashion... Although I feel like deep down, this person is jealous.

 

And yes, what she said is probably true but it didn't need to be said. And yes it made me a little sad to think about it but then I read all of your responses ... And then I cuddled with my princess this morning and I decided...

 

She can get bent. I wouldn't change this for the world.

 

When at age 39 I realized that I was supposed to adopt, this wasn't a matter of me making a sensible plan for my child's life and mine. It was a powerful realization like I was moved by God. I can still remember getting the chills and feeling my heart swell. I was sure then and I'm sure now that this was the right thing for my particular kids.

 

Besides, all the rational thinking and planning in the world can't determine the path of a child's life. That kind of thinking just sets parents up for a fall.

[Joker]

My grandmother died at 99 my dad only lived to 72.

 

I remember when my sister was bragging about being 3 years older. I said that just means shell die 3 years before I would. She tried to tell be that it didn't work that way, but I didn't believe her.

 

You can not IMAGINE how enraged I was at the unfairness when I found out she was actually correct.

 

 

My baby brother and I had one of those conversations once. He told me how God wasn't going to leave him here without those he really loved. At the time he couldn't fathom loving anyone (even a wife and kids more than his sibs and parents). I had no idea he would be so right. He died when he was only 20 and well before the rest of us. Fortunately, we all smile when retelling that story now. None of us really know.

[Starr]

I try not to think about it. I'm actually a little jealous that my friend's 18 year old just had a baby. And then their was the day when I was 50 and ds was 10. He asked if I would be alive when he was my age. :svengo:

[Catwoman]

 

 

My baby brother and I had one of those conversations once. He told me how God wasn't going to leave him here without those he really loved. At the time he couldn't fathom loving anyone (even a wife and kids more than his sibs and parents). I had no idea he would be so right. He died when he was only 20 and well before the rest of us. Fortunately, we all smile when retelling that story now. None of us really know.

 

:grouphug:

 

I'm so sorry about your brother. :(

[MrsJewelsRae]

I was a young mom (22) and I think it's rude and ignorant- perhaps depending on the tone and the situation. When said to an older mom (meaning one her had her kids at an "older" age) it comes off as judgemental. Sure some women close to our off having kids until later- for reasons that are entirely their business. But there are a lot of women who didn't meet and marry "Mr Right" Å‚until much later than she hoped, maybe she went through years of heartbreak trying to get pregnant before finally being able to have children, mayber she or her husband had a life threatening illness (cancer?!) that forced them to push back their plans for having a family. There are a lot of reasons, and to say something along those lines could be pouring salt in the wound.

[Clarkd]

I'm 43 and my partner is 48. Our kids are 6,5,4,3. We are often mistaken for grandparents. It is disheartening when people make thoughtless comments or make assumptions. I'm sure young moms get a different set of similarly upsetting statements. The other set of comments is about family size. Sometimes people are rude and mean. Unhappy with their own life. Most frequently though, people are kind but don't think through the impact of what they say. It can be hard to let the comments go, insecurities creep in. I just hug my family a little tighter, give thanks, and keep moving on.

[duckens]

There are no guarantees.

 

My maternal grandmother died suddenly at age 52 or 53. (I was ~3.5yo). The rest of the grandparents, including the stepgrandmother my grandfather remarried, all lived until I was in my early 30s, except for Grandma Duck, who is 92 and will outlive us all.

 

My first daughter was born when I was 36. 2nd (and last) at 42. I don't want them to hurry to marry or have kids.

 

I also think that there are other ways to leave a legacy. Grandma Duck has set aside some college money for each of the great-grandkids to use for education (as long as my dad doesn't lose any more of it through bad investments). My girls are so young, and we rarely visit Grandma Duck because of the distance. They will not have the memories of spending the night at Grandma's house, making apple pie, and walking beans in the fields. But she has made their lives better in a way that will not even begin until she has most likely passed.

[cathmom]

I haven't had any of my grandparents since I was 18! It boggles my mind that so many of you still have your grandparents! Go hug them or call them up or send them a letter and realize how blessed you are.

[Kirch]

Psh. It never even occurred to me to think about grandkids when we were talking about trying/trying to have kids. It seriously would never cross my mind as a reason to have or not to have a child. Besides, say you have all your kids by your late 20s. What if they don't choose to have kids? What if, God forbid, they die before having kids? What if they join some strange cult in the middle of nowhere and never let you see your grandkids? It seems foolish to contemplate planning your life around so many "what-ifs."

[justamouse]

She's right, but who cares?

 

I'd rather have them late than not at all. Better to be a grandparent late than not at all.

 

Or, you could have been a grandmother at 40 like my mom was, and then not see the grandkid much...

 

So, who cares?

[TranquilMind]

... The less time you will have with your grandchildren.

 

That's what someone said to me. I am not kidding.

 

And I was angry. But then I thought , wow, I will be 58 when my youngest graduates from high school. If I am lucky, she gives me a grandchild by the time I am in my mid-60s. If the average lifespan for an American is 78 then I get around 10 years or less with any children my daughter has (of course I will have more time with any grandchildren my oldest child gives me so that's something).

 

My grandmothers both died when I was an adult, 1 when I was 24, the other when I was 40. So they were a part of my life for a long time. Not only that, but my daughter will still be very young when I die. Maybe not even 40 years old. Using the average, I will be around 60 when my mom goes.

 

At any rate, I thought it was sort of a rude thing to say to me but it also made me sad. I had never thought of it that way before.

 

No question here. Just thinking...

 

Well, what a ray of sunshine! Lol.

 

You and I are "of an age", it appears. I just tell my kids, "Hey, be glad you got her at all!"

 

I never had living grandparents in my memory; they were gone before I was five, and my entire family of origin is also dead now, except for 1 brother. It does make you think.

 

I've tried to tell my kids how you have your family for just a moment, and then your entire childhood life is gone, but they just don't get it now.

[somo_chickenlady]

"Thank you, Captain Obvious!"

 

Rude. It would be one thing if you were a newlywed and she were giving you life advice/pointing out the pros/cons of different choices, but to try to diminish your enjoyment of what you already have is obnoxious. It's not like it's something you can change now anyway (if you even wanted to), for crying out loud!

 

My great-grandma lived a hard farm life, but lived to 97. She got to enjoy her great-great-grandchildren. And other women die tragically young and don't even get to raise their children. Life is unpredictable that way!

 

My great grandfather lived to be two months shy of 100 years old, and he had a great-great-great grandchild, and NUMEROUS grand, great-grand, and great-great-grandchildren! My son knew him for 8 years. His daughter, my grandmother, is still alive and kicking at 83. On the other hand, my husband's PARENTS were in a motorcycle accident and died when he was 3. You just never know.

[beaners]

I haven't had any of my grandparents since I was 18! It boggles my mind that so many of you still have your grandparents! Go hug them or call them up or send them a letter and realize how blessed you are.

 

I was about to post about how incredibly blessed I am to still have a great-grandmother. And sharp as a tack, she is! We just saw her over Thanksgiving.

 

My great grandfather lived to be two months shy of 100 years old, and he had a great-great-great grandchild, and NUMEROUS grand, great-grand, and great-great-grandchildren! My son knew him for 8 years. His daughter, my grandmother, is still alive and kicking at 83. On the other hand, my husband's PARENTS were in a motorcycle accident and died when he was 3. You just never know.

 

Then I saw this. Great-great-great grandchild? My children know their great-great grandmother. Everyone in that "line" has gotten married and had children at a fairly young age. I'm having trouble wrapping my head around my children's children knowing my great grandmother, but I'll have to ask my mom how old the oldest great-great grandchild is right now. That is simply amazing.

[Cinder]

And then I cuddled with my princess this morning and I decided...

 

She can get bent. I wouldn't change this for the world.

 

:iagree: I had dd weeks before I turned 40. I really don't focus on potential time spent with potential grandkids. I just concern myself with the time I have with the people I have in my life now.

[thescrappyhomeschooler]

Dh was 44 and I was almost 34 when our first son was born. In the past, I worried sometimes about being old grandparents, especially if our kids wait as long as we did to have their own kids. Now, I just want to live until my kids are both 18. Anything after that will be icing on the cake for me.