Dads or Fathers who homeschool full-time

[tchm4jc]

Hello,

 

I am curious to see how many other dads are out there homeschooling full-time. I would appreciate comments from moms and dads alike in this board about your experience and challenges in working out hsing with your spouse. Thank you

[HS Mom in NC]

My husband doesn't homeschool full time, but he teaches all the High School math and science for our kids once they become teenagers. We adapt to his work schedule with his teaching happening mostly in the evenings several times a week and sometimes weekends.

 

Early on we spent a lot of time working out how we wanted to homeschool the kids and why. (I'm now developing what I hope will be large scale workshops instead of the small scale in home ones I've been doing for new homeschoolers and those considering a change. It's based on all our research and discussions we had narrowing down our choices.) That keeps us mostly on the same page with very similar goals. When it comes to the nitty gritty details, whoever is doing the teaching does the deciding. We talk about what matters to us in general terms, but whoever is in the lead in each subject makes the final call. Then the other one stays out of it unless there's some major issue that needs addressing and the lead appears to not notice it. They're 17, 15, and 7 and that hasn't happened yet.

[Lanny]

OT since DD is a Distance Learning student and is in 6th grade. There is a LOT of enthusiasm in our house, for Distance Learning. DD is pretty much on her own, unless she has a question about something. If it involves U.S. English or History or Geography, I am the one DD will come to. If it involves Math or Science, she will probably go to my wife for assistance. No problems with territory here. :-) We are all home every day (I am retired), so DD always has someone here to help her, if she needs it. And, she could always send a message to her teachers for help, if there is something we can't help her with. GL

[Mom22ns]

My dh teaches computer classes and will probably teach some upper level math. I love having him take the occasional class, but he doesn't have time to teach more than that.

 

I have known two men locally that homeschool full time. The one I knew better became extremely discouraged and eventually put his daughter in private school. He just felt vey left out of the homeschooling community due to not being a mom. I think it is harder for men to find support.

[Shmead]

My husband quit work when our son was born, and the plan is that he will homeschool, though we very much think of it as a mutual project. There were a lot of reasons why this made sense for us: I love my job: he just went to work. He speaks a second language, and if our son is going to be bilingual, he needs more exposure to not-English. He's also got a better personality for it: he's more patient and much less prone to frustration than I am. I am too much of a control freak: at work, I can spread it around. If I were to direct all that desire to be In Charge on one little person, it really wouldn't be fair.

[Susan in TN]

Not personally, but we have friends in that situation. The mom has a good job outside the home, and the dad homeschools their 3 kids. His career is a flexible one that can be mostly done from home, on his own time. The kids participate in a co-op and other community activities, and as far as I can tell it works pretty much the same as any "normal" homeschooling family. :001_smile:

[Murphy101]

I know two full time stay home home schooling dads. It's rough for them to find support I think.

[mumto2]

Actually I know several. Two of the dads are in charge of day to day activities and education because their wives have careers. In one case he is completely in charge and it the other the mom is still planning everything.

 

I know some people that due to self employment share duties. With dad doing specific things one or two days a week. We never quite know which parent to expect on our outings.

 

In the last case due to the death of the mother the father is stepping into the role of full time home ed dad. It is a recent role because my friend has only been gone a little over a month but he has been doing the bulk for about six months. My friend did much of the planning and ordered all the curriculum before she died. We (her friends) are trying our best to support him in any way needed. Our dh's are also making an effort to show up on more of our outings to give him male companionship! It is going well partly because we were a pretty constant presence in his home for the last few months--sort of a group of bossy sisters. He is very used to us so feels comfortable I think. But this is a pretty extreme situation where everyone involved really cares. I really miss my friend and want to stay a part of her family's lives.

 

For our family the older the dc's get the more dh helps out. He has skills and interests that I don't and is able to make subjects come alive that I can only supervise the curriculum. He also was a university professor for several years so more comfortable teaching now the basics are donen

[m0mmaBuck]

My husband owns his own business and I work outside of the home 2 days/wk so he homeschools on Tues and Thurs while I do Mon-Weds-Fri. I do all of the lesson planning and choose the curriculum. He covers all of the core as well as history and geography. I cover all of the core as well as science, art, and music. While it's not ideal, it is what works for us.

[Lori D.]

I was the primary "teacher" in our homeschooling. I also did all the planning and curriculum research; DH was happy to listen and add input, but was also fine with me handling it all.

 

On the Wednesdays DH was off (24-hour, rotating shift on the fire dept.), he did the homeschooling of our DSs. I left a schedule and all the materials, and they did it in their own way. It was VERY helpful for me to get another pair of eyes on how (if) DSs were progressing, as sometimes doing it every day you get too close to see for yourself, and helpful for DSs to have a different overseer and do things differently every so often.

 

In the high school years, DH taught one subject a year with DSs, and we scheduled it on DH's days off. One year it was Logic. One year it was Church History. The benefit there was getting a break from having to oversee/mentor everything yourself.

 

In addition to getting local support with homeschooling dads, and online chat support, I would suggest that those three areas (above) I received support in would all be helpful things the non-fulltime teacher-spouse can do to support the fulltime teacher-spouse.

 

BEST of luck in your homeschooling journey! Warmest regards, Lori D.

[Guest Officeronin]

So far, I am the first male primary educator to respond? Talk about pressure!

 

I am the one doing most of the HSing, though I also work full time -- my job allows me to telecommute most days, with a fairly flexible schedule, and my wife works full time. Additionally, I review curriculum as part of my profession. I do the planning and most of the teaching, while my wife is doing one subject to keep her hand in the game. I am just a beginner at HSing, though, so while I might qualify as a fellow sojourner, I do not qualify as a mentor!

 

Here are a few things I have noticed from the male HS teacher perspective -- I'll start with the negative:

 

1. Our society expects fathers to be the breadwinners -- and does not regard HSing as a profession. It's sexist, but there it is. I get the "Oh, so you're out-of-work" look even at meetings of other HSers (all moms).

 

2. The literature is from a female perspective -- I get a kick out of the "Dads should help out, too" chapters... The one book I read said I should make sure to take the time to care for myself, like putting my makeup on to look good when my spouse comes home. Not that there is anything wrong with that, but the foundation just doesn't lay flat with all the razor stubble! :)

 

3. There is also a heavy emphasis that Mom's "should" be the HS teachers. There may even be some biology behind this, from an evolutionary psychology perspective. My own experience is that my wife wants to feel like an equal partner in the HSing, which is difficult to do when the Dad (me) is doing all the planning and 90% of the "teaching". (I recognize her contributions from work as participation, but she does not.) I was very worried that, with her desire to feel like an equal partner, but not having the time to do it, I would spend more time putting together a curriculum that would please her than a curriculum that would teach the kids. So, my only word of wisdom is to have a long chat with your spouse about these sorts of issues, so everyone is on the same page about whose duties are whose. In our case, we agreed that we would discuss planning and curriculum and teaching styles to gather the other's input, but that, ultimately, the decisions are the responsibility of the one teaching. So, my wife makes the decisions on the topic she is teaching, and I am on the rest. That is our current solution, though there may be others more appropriate to your situation. In any case, we believe that the benefits to HSing are huge, but do not outweigh the benefits of a stable family life!

 

4. I am loathe to post this one, since I think it will be controversial. HSing, like childcare, cooking and cleaning, are not traditional roles for men. They may be appreciated, but they are not likely to have you appreciated as a man. Of the three men I know who HS their kids (myself and two others), one is divorced, and the other two picked up very masculine hobbies in attempts to restore the physical aspects of our marriages. That's a small sample size, but I do not know of any other data.

 

Now for the positive:

 

1. My own father worked 90 and 100 hour weeks. One day, he finished a project and came home mid-afternoon. My sister, who was 3, looked at him, and ran off yelling "Mommy, Mommy! There's a strange man in the house!" I will never have that experience. I have a great relationship with my kids, and no small amount of pride at their achievements!

 

2. There are lots of good female role-models in popular culture (with even more terrible ones, admittedly), but very few good male role-models. This way, you can provide your DS with a role-model and your DD with an idea of what a good future husband/dad ought to be.

[gracesteacher]

My husband is the main teacher. I do the research and getting the supplies and laying everything out. I write the newsletter for our homeschool group but he is the one that goes to the meetings. Mostly he is the only guy but the group gives him good support. He goes on the field trips with him and is included. His bestfriend is also the primary homeschool teach but him and his wife switch off doing lesson plans.

[idnib]

Some friends of mine have the mom and dad both homeschooling full-time. They are landlords and work together on that about 15 hours/week. Their kids will help with the business when they're older.

 

Other than those few hours they both work with the kids. They have a large and active family so they keep busy even with two adults.

[bobbeym]

My DH is the day-to-day teacher, administrator, parental oversight since he's home and I work full time. I do all of the curriculum choosing, lesson planning, and record keeping. I do teach English, because that's not one of DH's strenghts, but he gets responsiblity for the rest.

 

Like Officeronin had mentioned, we ran into the equal partners dilemma over curriculum at the beginning of this school year. Even though we had already decided that all selecting and planning was up to me, DH decided he wanted to use a particular curriculum that he liked, even though I knew it didn't match DS14's learning style and would be nothing but problematic. We started it anyway and gave it a 6-week good faith effort, at which point I told DH it wasn't going to work and showed him what we'd be using instead.

 

Now he'll just tell me if he'd like DS to take a particular course or two about something, and let me do the research on it. I just tell him what I'm ordering, how much it costs, and the purchase deadline. I'm also having to learn how to meet his organizational needs in support of his level of partnership, instead of just foistering my own preferences onto him. We start back on Monday, so we'll see if what we've just set up works.

[Hwin]

My husband does the teaching. I would love to get him on TWTM to speak for himself, but I doubt that will happen :) He has had some disappointing experiences trying to connect with other homeschoolers, since they are all moms. Even carrying an infant along. Usually babies are such great conversation starters.

[Hannah]

I really miss my friend and want to stay a part of her family's lives.

:grouphug: :grouphug: :grouphug:

[WVNA]

I'm also a husband who does a lot of the teaching with our kids. I plan out curriculum, handle daily/weekly lesson planning, do all science teaching, and a majority of the language arts and about half of the math education. I also am the one who handles the homeschool co-op activities that my kids attend and ensures that we complete end of the year requirements specified by our state law.

 

I agree with a lot of what Officeronin wrote above. I think he did an excellent job of summarizing listing out the problems and rewards that homeschooling dads face.

 

As he mentioned, probably the most difficult part, and biggest barrier, to dads who want to even help with the homeschooling is that it is often considered the "women's" job to do(both within and outside of the homeschooling community). The result is that you sometimes do feel a bit isolated because of gender differences.

[acablue]

Welcome to the forum, Officeronin!

 

I thought there were a couple more dads around, but they seem to have disappeared. Anyway, I'm in my 3rd year of homeschooling my three. I handle it all: researching (more now that I've found this forum), planning (not much) and teaching. My partner is always willing to help out and lately the kids have wanted to "save" science experiments to do together in the evenings, but I don't expect him to actually teach anything. Apart from being interested in different sciences, we have similar strengths and weaknesses.

 

While I haven't had too much trouble finding support, I can see how it would be harder for men. We don't belong to any homeschool groups, but we have managed to find a few homeschooling families to get together with for field trips or a spontaneous Thursday morning playdate. Two of these moms have become good friends of mine. That's enough for me.

 

So far, I haven't gotten too many negative comments about homeschooling or being a stay-at-home father. Usually, I get more praise than I deserve, with a few confused looks thrown in.