"S/he's just so social"--homeschooling a gregarious child

[Rosy]

I've heard many people wrestle with the idea of sending a child to school based on how much they need/desire social interaction. Maybe we could start an idea thread for how we've successfully dealt with that at home?

 

My youngest is like that--she loves being around other kids and makes friends easily. How much she likes an activity depends on whether she knows anyone there or not. I actually did wrestle with putting her in school, but it occurred to me one day that I just need to work harder at meeting those needs myself by spending more time with her. So now we talk through her schoolwork, and she is always sitting with someone while she works--either me or one of her sisters. Not only is she happier when I'm not making her work alone, but her retention is noticeably better. She's taken a huge step forward in math since I stopped making her work silently at the table.

[5LittleMonkeys]

I have one of those right now too, possibly two...the other one is only 3 now, but I have a feeling she will be the same. I just make a huge effort to arrange opportunities for her to be with other kids and foster friendships. I chose to homeschool her so I feel it is up to me to make sure that this lifestyle is one in which she is happy and thriving.

 

Here are some avenues I've taken in order to fulfill her need for interactions with others ( that aren't her siblings...because in her mind they are not "friend" material ):

 

*Girl scouts (not currently doing this because she got tired of the drama in her particular group...however, for several prior years this was a great activity)

*Seasonal Soccer (I have to make an effort to arrange get-togethers/playdates outside of practice and games)

*Co-op (again, making an effort to do things outside of the co-op setting)

*Pen pals

*I'm in the process of fleshing out a plan for a twice monthly "Poetry and Tea" group that I will advertise for participants for through a local homeschool group.

 

She always does her independent work within veiwing distance of me, but I have had to teach her to work quietly out of respect for others that are trying to work.

 

She also has a close friend that lives across the street that I try to allow playtime and sleepovers with as often as I can ( or as often as my nerves can handle it...the girl is a giggler and very loud.:tongue_smilie: )

[FairProspects]

Thanks for starting this thread! My younger is just like this, and I am struggling right now with how to start meeting his need. I understand since I am an uber extrovert too, but I'm not sure how to get him plugged into extrovert boy world. I think Cub Scouts might be our first step. He doesn't have any strong likes - just that he wants to be with people no matter what!

[WTMCassandra]

Well, we have one of those. I've always told her that it's BECAUSE it's she's so social that it's good to separate schoolwork from socializing.

 

We get as involved with people/events as we can without collapsing. We try to get involved in things where the whole family can benefit, not just my socialite.

 

We do more than we would prefer, but less than she would prefer. I have told her often that she might elect to handle things differently in her family, and that she will be welcome to do that ; ). We balance things the best we can.

[Gentlemommy]

My oldest dd (7) is a social butterfly...just like her daddy. I am not. ;)I used to kill myself trying to provide an opportunity for friends everyday. I realized that socializing every single day was actually creating more trouble for her. She was behaving unkindly to her little sister, having a hard time cooperating with our family, ect. Last year, we moved to an amazing neighborhood. There are FIVE playgrounds within biking distance, nature trails, a pool, and tons of beautiful spaces to play in. We started staying home more, because there was just a ton to do around here. We would bike to a playground or the lake daily, but it was just us. Basically, she was forced to play with her sister if she wanted a play mate. I noticed dd was WAY more cooperative, much more willing to play with her little sister, more patient, ect. So, I've reevaluated what we are doing...I understand her need/want to be with friends, but TOO much time with friends was affecting her and in turn the rest of the family. Currently, we-

-go to coop at the park once a week

-have a play date with a neighborhood friend in the neighborhood park once a week

-have a play date with another hs family at a park once a week

-go to Sunday school

-go to the barn 2x a week, most of the time we are working, but there are other kids there that she hangs out with

 

I feel that's plenty. She doesn't ask daily for friends, she is happy playing with her sister, of course they still fight at times, but most of the time they get along wonderfully.

[Down_the_Rabbit_Hole]

I've heard many people wrestle with the idea of sending a child to school based on how much they need/desire social interaction. Maybe we could start an idea thread for how we've successfully dealt with that at home?

 

My youngest is like that--she loves being around other kids and makes friends easily. How much she likes an activity depends on whether she knows anyone there or not. I actually did wrestle with putting her in school, but it occurred to me one day that I just need to work harder at meeting those needs myself by spending more time with her. So now we talk through her schoolwork, and she is always sitting with someone while she works--either me or one of her sisters. Not only is she happier when I'm not making her work alone, but her retention is noticeably better. She's taken a huge step forward in math since I stopped making her work silently at the table.

This. My dd is the social butterfly.

I found being in the same room while she works helps. She chats away while working, usually it is just carrying on a one sided conversation but I am there is she wants interaction.

For social outlets we visit the playground often where she can always get a group together to play, homeschool activities, girl scouts, and a weekly nature hike with a friend. There are kids in the neighborhood too she sometimes plays with. But it is the availability to interact with the family that is the biggest thing. It was hard at first for me because I like to work silently. Now I will knit or cook while listening and chatting with dd.

 

It is amazing how these social creatures can talk and talk, from waking up to bedtime. Sometimes after she goes to sleep my ears actually feel numb from all the chatter.

[Firefly]

My DD (13) is like this. Actually both of mine are like that, but she is definitely more so. If DD goes more than a couple of days without seeing one of her friends, you'd think it was the end of the world! LOL I'm a complete introvert, so I really don't get it-- they both take after DH.

 

But seeing friends everyday is not going to happen. So, over the years she's been involved in homeschool classes, karate, book clubs etc and as a result has acquired a nice group of both "regular" school and homeschool friends to socialize with. Sometimes it's almost too much, and would be if I didn't curtail the get togethers. But she sees them at classes and usually has one get together on the weekend and that works well; I know if it were up to her though, she'd be hanging out with friends every day. :)

Edited November 13, 2012 by Firefly

[Ellie]

We dealt with it by *not* being out of the house every day spending time with other children. :)

Younger dd was my social butterfly, but I believed that it was important for her to spend most of her time with her family, and for her outside activities to be as age-integrated as possible, smaller groups when possible, with lots of adult interaction. Sunday school and Missionettes until she was 9; dance (Scottish highland dance beginning when she was 5, ballet beginning when she was 11 or 12), Camp Fire (very small club, with me as the leader), 4-H (one evening a month with the whole group, project meetings as necessary), Pioneer Club for a short time, AWANA ditto. No play dates (a term no one used when my dc were little, and later, only by parents of preschoolers); we might visit with other homeschooling families, but generally our family went to visit their family. Monthly park day. There were some neighborhood children, as well.

[BlsdMama]

We have one incredibly social child.

 

People have told us she should be in school.

 

We actually think the opposite. Because she is SO social, we feel it is better that she is homeschooled simply because we really want her to grow fully into her own person, not just a socialite. ;) We think homeschooling encourages a much more fully formed WHOLE person.

[Karis]

I have one of those.

 

She attends a structured, academic co-op 1 day a week where she is very engaged.

 

Her social days are the 1 full day at co-op and two 2 hour activities on two other days. (1 activity each day but for 2 hours each)

 

I teach her to occupy her time wihout the need for others to feel fulfilled. She can flow in any setting and is not peer dependent. Her focus is on doing stuff - not the social network/ emotional ties to other people.

 

She socially active but not to the point of exhaustion (hers or mine) because I don't encourage it.

[Karis]

We have one incredibly social child.

 

People have told us she should be in school.

 

We actually think the opposite. Because she is SO social, we feel it is better that she is homeschooled simply because we really want her to grow fully into her own person, not just a socialite. ;) We think homeschooling encourages a much more fully formed WHOLE person.

 

 

:iagree:

[Shelsi]

My ds is happiest in a crowd of people. When he was a baby and was fussy the answer was always to take him out to the mall or a crowded restaurant.

 

So we sent him to public school thinking he could never be HS'd. He did not flourish. Instead he floundered because he did not get enough social interaction. It was kindergarten, full day, but they only had 1 recess. They never did group work. They were not allowed to talk during lunch. Recess was often cancelled due to weather and they were all put in a dark room to watch a movie (some of which terrified my ds and gave him nightmares for months). After several months my ds could only tell me the names of the kids who sat right next to him. He's a super friendly kid who makes friends with everyone - it was crazy to us that he didn't even know the names of the other kids!

 

We pulled him at xmas break and he didn't care. That's when we knew we made the right decision because typically my ds FREAKS out if we have to take him away from a group of people.

 

He has had so much more social interaction since being HS'd (he's in 3rd grade now and says he never wants to go back to public school). We do our school work in the morning and then we've got time for the park and other activities. We just moved, like just last week, so we don't have any activities right now but in the past we've always had things like: baseball, bowling league, scouts, dance classes, basketball, etc.

[J-rap]

We actually think the opposite. Because she is SO social, we feel it is better that she is homeschooled simply because we really want her to grow fully into her own person, not just a socialite. ;) We think homeschooling encourages a much more fully formed WHOLE person.

 

Agree. I believe that this attitude helped our daughter be a little more discerning about her social life. Also, it encouraged her to focus on her interests more thoroughly, and set up some good life habits. She'll always be a people person though! :)

[goldberry]

 

If she had been in ps, she never would have done ANY schoolwork!

 

 

We actually think the opposite. Because she is SO social, we feel it is better that she is homeschooled simply because we really want her to grow fully into her own person, not just a socialite. ;) We think homeschooling encourages a much more fully formed WHOLE person.

 

 

:iagree::iagree: DD was in PS until 4th grade. It was just one social drama after another. Anytime anything was going on with her school friends, her school work took a dive. She was impossible to live with because the least little friend trouble totally ABSORBED her from morning till night. And this was THIRD AND FOURTH GRADE! Imagine what middle school would have been like!?!

 

Also because of her peer-focus, we were concerned about how easily she would be influenced by her peers, and wanted her to have plenty of time to grow into her own person, and stand on her own feet.

 

We live rural, so I really have to make extra effort to keep her social. We drive once a week to a co-op type thing, 1 hour each way. But it was necessary to keep her happy homeschooling. We have friends over on the weekends fairly often, but not every weekend. Not just her friends, but families.

 

I have had to overcome my personal need for QUIET and put on at least somewhat of a happy face while she chatters non-stop about the least little thing in her head. She "thinks out loud". Every thought, no matter how trivial, comes straight out of her mouth. I love her, but boy is it draining! On the flip side, she is the most loving and open child, the first one to welcome new people at church, the one to always talk to the old folks, to the outsiders. When she is draining me, I try to focus on those things!

[LittleIzumi]

Dd would be okay with a couple of outside activities. When she went to a preschool for two hours three days a week she was happy as a clam. Now we can't afford anything and she is going stark raving mad. :glare: And are looking at a charter school for next year. So I'm :lurk5: because while she's doing better than before, she's still going nutters.

[Mommy22alyns]

This. My dd is the social butterfly.

I found being in the same room while she works helps. She chats away while working, usually it is just carrying on a one sided conversation but I am there is she wants interaction.

For social outlets we visit the playground often where she can always get a group together to play, homeschool activities, girl scouts, and a weekly nature hike with a friend. There are kids in the neighborhood too she sometimes plays with. But it is the availability to interact with the family that is the biggest thing. It was hard at first for me because I like to work silently. Now I will knit or cook while listening and chatting with dd.

 

It is amazing how these social creatures can talk and talk, from waking up to bedtime. Sometimes after she goes to sleep my ears actually feel numb from all the chatter.

 

:lol: Do you have my daughter at your house?

 

Rebecca's my chatterbox social butterfly. She's done very well homeschooling, but we've always had her in some kind of activity. She also loves being around someone, anyone, all the time. So we watch TV shows or do crafts and talk (sometimes TOO much!). I try to keep the talking to productive levels during school, but she refuses to work alone. She's not in a number of activities right now, just AHG and gymnastics, but the gym is over 12 hours a week, so she's always around a group of people, either doing gymnastics - which she adores - or talking. We also take her to playgrounds when we can, but that's not as easy now with her heavy gym schedule.