Jump to content

Menu

Parenting win or parenting fail?


Recommended Posts

The offspring and I were discussing politics (in general). Despite my best attempts, my kids mimic my political views. I decided to test them, like a good homeschool mom;). I asked them what democrats/republicans stood for. I received canned, inaccurate responses. So I gave them this advice. If you don't know what you're talking about, just shut up. Honestly, if they learn nothing else other than this advice, I will consider myself a somewhat successful parent;).

 

What sayeth the Hive?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Do you mean something like:

 

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. Abraham Lincoln

Maybe a bit more eloquently stated.

 

ETA: Some people talk to think. Some people think and then talk. Neither is right or wrong, but I have found that sometimes people who think and then talk want the people who talk to think to shut up.

 

So you ask them a question and when they didn't answer it correctly your advice was to 'shut up' unless they are sure they know the correct answer? Just not to blather on and on. I would worry that they would throw it back at you. "Gee mom, last time you asked us something you told us we should shut up, so I don't think I'll answer this time." (probably just me).

 

ETA additional: I would not tolerate a child asking and arguing with adults about who they were going to vote for. I would tell them it is rude.

Edited by OrganicAnn
Link to comment
Share on other sites

Hi Wendi,

Not politics, lol. Not even adults can sanely discuss them.

 

I see the ages. Whatever they say, smile, and say "that's nice."

 

Actually, that would work for all ages.:D

 

:lol: I know, I know! I'm trying to be purposefully vague and non-partisan. We've had an issue with our rather intelligent 9yo pestering people who vote differently. I kinda got fed up with him being disrespectful to adults about politics, specifically. I have absolutely no interest in arguing over which party is better. I was just wondering if I handled the situation somewhat properly.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I think it was great advice. For any age!

 

:iagree:

 

Sounds similar to things I say to my kids. I often tell them the saying "Better to keep your mouth shut and be thought a fool, than to open it and be proven one"

 

ETA: I see someone put the proper one above, obviously I never learned it as a proper quote lol

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Exactly!!! Of course, I was driving to the 3rd event of the day, it was late, and I was super tired. Eloquence was beyond me at that point:tongue_smilie::lol:.

 

Don't worry about it. Sage words of advice passed from me to my kids include (but are not limited to)

 

If you don't have anything nice to say, shut up.

 

Zip it and think about your words before you open your mouth again(I say this when they have just stuck their foot in it, OR when dd13 gets to talking, she often forgets her train of thought)

 

Also tell dd13 often to get to the point already. She will spin a 10 sec sound bite into a 30 minute story.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Don't worry about it. Sage words of advice passed from me to my kids include (but are not limited to)

 

If you don't have anything nice to say, shut up.

 

Zip it and think about your words before you open your mouth again(I say this when they have just stuck their foot in it, OR when dd13 gets to talking, she often forgets her train of thought)

 

Also tell dd13 often to get to the point already. She will spin a 10 sec sound bite into a 30 minute story.

 

This is why I like you;).

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Do you mean something like:

 

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool than to speak out and remove all doubt. Abraham Lincoln

Maybe a bit more eloquently stated.

 

ETA: Some people talk to think. Some people think and then talk. Neither is right or wrong, but I have found that sometimes people who think and then talk want the people who talk to think to shut up.

 

So you ask them a question and when they didn't answer it correctly your advice was to 'shut up' unless they are sure they know the correct answer? Just not to blather on and on. I would worry that they would throw it back at you. "Gee mom, last time you asked us something you told us we should shut up, so I don't think I'll answer this time." (probably just me).

 

ETA additional: I would not tolerate a child asking and arguing with adults about who they were going to vote for. I would tell them it is rude.

 

I see your point in your edited post. Of course I do not want them to just shut up if they are talking out their thoughts! I encourage logical discussions. I felt like a bit of a failure in that I did not teach them, in a bipartisan way, what each party stood for and the benefits of each way of thinking. I completely own that failure and am currently taking steps to rectify that situation. In this specific situation, they (the oldest 2) gave short, one sentence answers that were robbed from campaign ads (which I watch with them and try to point out logical fallacies). I want to have valid discussions about important issues. I just refuse to accept canned responses.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Good to challenge them to think independently when there is so much of others telling us what to think these days. Especially since a lot of the rhetoric comes packaged in "you'd have to be stupid to think otherwise."

 

That said, I do know (smart) people who have to think out loud. I am the opposite, so it took some getting used to. They will come to "discuss" something and just blab blab blab until they know what they think. If they ask my opinion, they still don't listen to it. Once my boss came and talked at me for about 10 minutes, then thanked me for helping him understand something. I had not said a single word.

 

Folks like that do need to hush when they are in a mixed group, though. For that matter, we should all do so. Political discussions never bring out the best in anyone. ;)

 

I agree with informing young kids that it's rude to discuss other people's politics in most situations.

 

But I'm also one of those people who will rarely say anything for fear of looking a fool. I don't know why that is. I remember in elementary school being afraid to raise my hand even though I was sure I knew better than most of the class. I must have been scarred from being wrong once. ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites

This will tip my political affiliations but...

 

The other day a friend of mine was complaining on Facebook about an unnamed baseball team *coughGIANTScough* not using the traditional "Take Me Out To The Ballpark" song. He then referred to himself as a "Commie Pinko" for having the view of liking tradition. Well, he didn't get the whole title correct so I added "fascist". He and I went back and forth in a playful manner. My DD saw it over my shoulder and asked what a "Commie Pinko Fascist" was.

 

Well, then,

 

So we started with Fascism, moved over to Communism and very briefly touched on three forms of it, moved on to Socialism and then talked about the Cold War. I covered how being a member of any three parties was/is viewed in America post WW2. We then moved on to the sixties which is when the term started to be used in an ironic way.

 

Her eyes rolled up in the back of her head when I started comparing and contrasting Fascism with Nazism. She perked back up when I said "ironic" and went happily to bed : D

 

This is my very long an round about way of saying that kids will hear political education and at some point be able to talk about it intelligently, but that may be far off in the future.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why is this a bad thing? My political beliefs reflect my values. I *want* my kids to reflect my values.

 

Tara

 

It's not necessarily a bad thing. Growing up, my parents instilled in me a hatred of all things "other" party. I was not allowed or encouraged to have an opposing view or I was going straight to hell. Yes, my political views reflect my values. Yes, I want to pass on my values to my children. However, I want those values/political views to be THEIR values and political views. I want them to work it out on their own. I don't want little clones (because sometimes I'm really annoying:tongue_smilie:). I want them to read and learn for themselves. I won't ever tell them it's my political party or eternal d@mnation. That's where I was coming from when I made that statement.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why is this a bad thing? My political beliefs reflect my values. I *want* my kids to reflect my values.

 

Tara

 

:iagree: This is where we will start (because our politics reflect our values), and we'll go from there. My 10yo is just starting to clue into politics, and really, politics cover so many issues that she just can't truly wrap her head around yet. For example, she knows that some people are hungry in the world, but she can't really get it since she hasn't experienced it or seen it herself. She certainly can't understand the long-reaching issues stemming from poverty. I don't even understand all of it. How would I expect a kid to?

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Why is this a bad thing? My political beliefs reflect my values. I *want* my kids to reflect my values.

 

Tara

 

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

Maybe there was a time when the personal and the political weren't all mashed up but that time isn't now. And it feels that way for all sides of the political spectrum.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

:iagree: This is where we will start (because our politics reflect our values), and we'll go from there. My 10yo is just starting to clue into politics, and really, politics cover so many issues that she just can't truly wrap her head around yet. For example, she knows that some people are hungry in the world, but she can't really get it since she hasn't experienced it or seen it herself. She certainly can't understand the long-reaching issues stemming from poverty. I don't even understand all of it. How would I expect a kid to?

 

:iagree::iagree:

 

Maybe there was a time when the personal and the political weren't all mashed up but that time isn't now. And it feels that way for all sides of the political spectrum.

 

I explained why I made that specific statement here:

 

It's not necessarily a bad thing. Growing up, my parents instilled in me a hatred of all things "other" party. I was not allowed or encouraged to have an opposing view or I was going straight to hell. Yes, my political views reflect my values. Yes, I want to pass on my values to my children. However, I want those values/political views to be THEIR values and political views. I want them to work it out on their own. I don't want little clones (because sometimes I'm really annoying:tongue_smilie:). I want them to read and learn for themselves. I won't ever tell them it's my political party or eternal d@mnation. That's where I was coming from when I made that statement.

 

Yes, I want to pass my values along to my kids. And I agree with Jennifer that the personal and the political just cannot be separated at this point in time. I just don't want them to mindlessly follow everything I say, unless I tell them to wash the dishes or do schoolwork without complaining;).

 

I prefer to teach my kids how to think and then allow them to come to their own conclusions.

 

OP: Maybe you could guide him in an in-depth study of the parties and the complexities of the issues they are faced with?

 

Obviously I want my kids to think. I deal with too many people IRL who just regurgitate what they are told without any sort of understanding. I was talking abut that specific thing.

 

And we are studying the various parties, though finding unbiased information about political parties is darn near impossible. We are covering the whole election process. I'm trying my best to fix the problem.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I wasn't suggesting that you don't. I was responding to other posters who want their kids to regurgitate their political views.

 

Ahhhh. I see. Sorry I misunderstood.

 

I don't want my kids to regurgitate my political beliefs. I want them to process what I stand for, take it to heart, then Formulate their OWN beliefs. Hopefully they will be somewhat similar to my beliefs, but if they're not, I will respect their beliefs as long as they arrived at that place through logic, reason, and education.

Link to comment
Share on other sites

 

I don't want my kids to regurgitate my political beliefs. I want them to process what I stand for, take it to heart, then Formulate their OWN beliefs. Hopefully they will be somewhat similar to my beliefs, but if they're not, I will respect their beliefs as long as they arrived at that place through logic, reason, and education.

 

:iagree: Me too!

Link to comment
Share on other sites

I explained why I made that specific statement here:

 

 

 

Yes, I want to pass my values along to my kids. And I agree with Jennifer that the personal and the political just cannot be separated at this point in time. I just don't want them to mindlessly follow everything I say, unless I tell them to wash the dishes or do schoolwork without complaining;).

 

 

 

Obviously I want my kids to think. I deal with too many people IRL who just regurgitate what they are told without any sort of understanding. I was talking abut that specific thing.

 

And we are studying the various parties, though finding unbiased information about political parties is darn near impossible. We are covering the whole election process. I'm trying my best to fix the problem.

 

 

I love that you are thinking about this! I think you can share your political thoughts with your kids AND encourage them to question you and/or the media. I wish more people did that! I love it when my kids ask me the whys of politics.

 

And for a more objective viewpoint in, I have found that going to sites like the BBC and looking back in on America have been helpful.

 

DD asked me about magick underwear a few months ago after a phone conversation with my mother who is a staunch Republican. I've been looking stuff up with and for the kids like crazy this election cycle. :D

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

 Share

×
×
  • Create New...